At what age can you...

[lotsofpumpkins]

...reasonably expect to say "Go clean the playroom" and they will actually go and clean it? My oldest is 8. She did not make the mess in the playroom, so I don't expect her to clean it up. That leaves the 3 boys, ages 6, 5, and 3, plus a 16-month-old girl who is only responsible for a tiny part of the mess. Each type of toy has a box that it belongs in. Yet they act like they don't know how to put things away. The problem is, despite being told that only one type of toy should be out on the floor at a time, there are usually several types out. They look at the mess and get overwhelmed and don't know where to start. I've tried "toy time out"; several things are still boxed up, but somehow they manage to make just as big a mess even with fewer toys! That room is also our schoolroom so it needs to be fairly clean. The problem with all the toys being everywhere is that it also makes it hard for me to give them special school-time-only toys so that I can work with the oldest 2 children. I also feel badly about the "one type of toy out at a time" rule, because I know that they don't all want to play with the same thing all the time. So, then there's a minimum of 3 types of toys out (and yet somehow they still manage to fight with each other...)

 

Anyway, I'm wondering how to approach this... box up even more of the toys and keep them in "time out" for a long time? What kinds of consequences should I use when they just refuse to clean up? My 6 year old keeps telling me he doesn't like to clean, and he's hiding to keep from going in there. I thought about saying "no dessert", but we just ran out of milk so I can't make the pudding I was planning on. (Food-related consequences don't really work when it's time to go shopping and there's no "fun food" left in the house!) So, I need some other ideas. Please. :) I am frequently tempted to load up half their stuff and take it to the Goodwill...

[Tam101]

My 20-year old still has problems with cleaning up after herself. She claims she manages fine at her house (she has 3 roommates at college), but when she is home it's a different story. She even freely admits this. Says it's painful for to do dishes here, but it's something she just takes care of at school. *sigh*

[Kate in Arabia]

We do group clean-ups. If it's warranted, we'll take 15-20 minutes at the end of the day. Otherwise, one weekend day we all band together and work on the whole house. My kids, 12, 8 and 4, don't do well for me to simply send them off and clean. Well, the oldest would be ok, if he was alone, lol. But I want to make it more a habit than a chore, so we all pitch in. It is rare that the entirety of the mess is created by only one child, generally they all have had a hand in it; and if not, I go by the 3 Musketeers rule (All for one, and one for all).

 

If I send them off alone to clean a room, inevitably there is bickering and distraction. If I take my iPod and speakers in there and we tackle it together, it gets cleaned up lickety-split. We chat and laugh and talk while doing it. Maybe it's the "Spoonful of Sugar" technique. :)

[Mrs Mungo]

I don't think you can.

 

As adults, we break these things down in our minds automatically. I think "I'm going to clean the bathroom" but I'm actually thinking "I'm going to clean the counter" then I think "now I'm scrub the sinks" and so forth. Kids aren't capable of this until they are pretty old.

 

The example of the college student is a great example of this-she probably takes care of it easier because she only has a small area and she knows what order she likes to do things in. When she's cleaning in your home, it's different, you have different expectations for her, there are more dishes, there is more stuff to clean.

 

So, I try never to say "go clean the play room." I try (I don't always succeed at this) to say "pick up the lego" and then "straighten your bookshelf" and so on.

[MelanieM]

Eh. I'm 36, and I can't always clean up after myself.

 

A friend of mine used to make it into a game, with great success. She would yell out "the Queen is coming!!" and then her and her son would whip around the room as fast as they could go to get everything picked up. Great fun!

 

I think sometimes it takes more time to argue and fuss with the kids about tidying up than if I just set the example and started, allowing them to join in. Certainly, if I think about it, I'd rather pick up a few toys -- together or alone -- than deal with the struggles that nagging and threatening creates. (Must remind myself of this the next time I ask the kidlets to do a tidy and they give me grief!!)

 

Also, a big yes to the step-by-step directions! My kids spin in a circle like little fools if I say "clean that up", but if I call out "now pick up those blocks please" followed by "now grab the dinos!" then they do quite well.

Edited January 28, 2010 by MelanieM

[athena1277]

I agree with asking them to clean up one type of toy at a time. My kids love to get out lots of different things too. To get my 2 yo to help clean up, I ask him to clean up one thing. I will tell him "bring me all the books to put on the shelf" or " Put all the Little People in their basket." It has helped him a lot to learn to clean up.

[myfunnybunch]

At 6, 5 and 3, I'd clean with them. They're still a bit young, especially as a group, to pick up on their own. At these ages, I'd still be thinking more in terms of teaching than consequences: How does one break this huge task into smaller parts? What does a clean room look like? It seems obvious to us, so sometimes we forget that it's not just as obvious for them. (Once long ago, my now-16 y.o. "cleaned" her room by heaping everything she owned into a HUGE pile in the center of the room. She was SO proud because she'd even cleaned out from under her bed and cleaned her closet! LOL)

 

My kids responded best to "Let's all clean together." It wasn't optional, but when I helped I could prompt: "Next pick up all the Legos you can find!" and "Look around you, what do you think you might pick up next?" It helps them learn to break down the big task, cleaning, into smaller bits: Pick up Legos, pick up cars, pick up trains and so on.

 

My 9 and 7 y.o.'s can clean independently now, and my 5 y.o. helps them, all without my help. Most of the time. I still help if I want it spotless because I see things that they miss.

 

If the sheer number of toys is overwhelming and you've got the storage space, you might consider putting some toys in storage and rotating toys from time to time. You get the benefit of the excitement of "new" toys added to the mix. And they may still need more learning time, as their attention and ability to remember directions matures, to truly consistently remember to pick up one activity before they play with another. I'm talking months and even a couple years for the littlest, not days or number of times they've been asked. :)

 

Cat

[joannqn]

I don't think you can.

 

As adults, we break these things down in our minds automatically. I think "I'm going to clean the bathroom" but I'm actually thinking "I'm going to clean the counter" then I think "now I'm scrub the sinks" and so forth. Kids aren't capable of this until they are pretty old.

 

So, I try never to say "go clean the play room." I try (I don't always succeed at this) to say "pick up the lego" and then "straighten your bookshelf" and so on.

:iagree:

 

You have to break it down for them, and ask them to do one thing at a time. My 10 and 8 year olds have been trained to pick up for several years now but they still miss things. I tell them to pick up the floor and tables. When they are done, I start pointing and naming things they missed.

 

For your age kids, I'd break it down further. Pick up the Lego pieces and put them in their box. Look, you missed a bunch of them right here. Ok, now pick up the dolls and their clothes.

 

With the three year old, break it down even further. Pick up that book. Ok, now put it right here on the shelf.

 

You can start training the 16 month old now. Come here, honey. Pick up that toy (get close to it and point to it). Ok put it in this box (get close to it and point to it). We started my 2, almost 3 year old this way when he was 12 months old and pulling a dozen DVDs off the shelves into a pile. He HATED being forced to put away the DVDs one at a time, but he eventually learned not to take them all off the shelf. Now he can be told to pick up the toys and put them in the basket.

[FO4UR]

I agree with assigning small doable tasks instead of telling them to clean up. If I really want help, I tell ds6 to pick up all legos, dd4 to pick up all dolls/animals, and ds3 to pick up all cars/tracks. Then, I have to go and say "I see a car!" (and on and on)

 

The kids love it when Daddy plays "I spy" for a clean up game. He's not always home when I need him, and I just run a little short on patience by the time cleaning up the toys needs to happen.

[Rosy]

Mine are 9, 7, 6 and 4, and the 9 year old is the only one who can/will do that. I will sometimes make her clean up messes she didn't make. It's just part of being a family. I don't make her do everything, but she does do quite a bit more than the other kids.

[lovemywhirlygirls]

I love doing the item by item game. I'll tell the girls that it's time to clean the room up and then I'll send them up one by one. "dd12, run upstairs and pick up all of the Barbie DOLLS." Then she'll run and do it as quickly as possible. Then she "tags" her sister. "dd9, run upstairs and put away all of the barbie clothes/accessories." She does it and tags her sister. "dd6, run upstairs and put away all of the books."

 

We continue on through everything I can think of. It helps if I DON'T see the room in advance. That way, I can't be accused of making one child ALWAYS "clean the hardest thing". Then when it gets down to the truly random things, I send them up together to finish.

 

If I send them all together, there can be bickering and they bump each other trying to go quickly and the situation deteriorates quickly. This way is more fun.

 

HTH.

[WeeBeaks]

My 7yo DS does the family room (toy area) by himself, and my 4yo does their combined room by himself. Each though only does it after literally months of training them HOW to do it with a parent sitting with them saying things like "now pick up all the Legos and put them in the bin" and so forth. My 7yo is pretty consistent now and pretty fast. He occasionally skips stuff shoved under the coffee table and so forth, but I'm pleased with his work overall. My 4yo has the easier task because their room has less toys of different types. He does ok by himself now 75% of the time as long as it is done diligently daily. If it has been a day or two and the room is particularly messy, he needs the assistance of a parent or his older brother.

 

Again though, I really had to spend quite a bit of time teaching them and working together with them before they made it to the independent stage. And we do it right before dinner (meaning while I am cooking dinner). They have to complete it before they eat. Sometimes my younger one is a few minutes late if he is procrastinating, but the smell of dinner usually leads to a sudden bit of energy for the cleanup. He always has a huge smile too when he is done, so proud of himself, and we are always free with the praise. :)

[lotsofpumpkins]

Yeah, it does always seem to go faster/easier when I'm sitting in there telling them exactly what to pick up. Tonight I was trying to make supper and do some dishes when they were supposed to be cleaning. After we ate I went in there with them, and the 6 year old was the only one who was really able to pick things up without specific instructions. The 3 year old was throwing things. I really need to go in there tonight or tomorrow night when they are asleep and reorganize some things. It doesn't help that they broke quite a few of our bins (we had the cheap Sterilite containers) by standing on them, so now most of the toys are stored in random cardboard boxes. I wish we could have a nicer setup, but that's not going to happen right now! I am going to sneak out quite a few of the toys to become special schooltime-only toys. Apparently I'm going to have to be more organized in general when it comes to keeping everyone occupied each day! And I need to make cleanup a more regular part of our routine. Thanks for the suggestions everyone!

[Whereneverever]

I expect my kids to clean the toy room- they are almost 6 and almost 3. I don't expect them to do it without any supervision, though. They seem to do much better if I spend time in there giving suggestions as to where to start and what to do next.

[2squared]

We are successful with toy pickups when they are consistent and done as a group. I peg toy pickups to transitions: we pick up before dh comes home (always), before leaving the house (often), and if things have gotten out of control fairly early in the day (infrequent). My 7yo can pick up by herself, but the others are definitely in the training stage. I have tried to direct pickups from the kitchen, but it's not effective. Those times usually result in yelling and frustration by everyone. If I want toys to be picked up, my routine needs to have time set aside for me to actively supervise.

 

If we don't pickup at least once/day, it gets overwhelming for everyone.

[WiseOwlKnits]

I'm the odd one out, but I don't see any reason that you can't expect them to pick up their toys. My kids are 5.5 and just-turned-3 and they clean up their toys on their own. I guess I'm mean, but I got tired of telling them to pick up so one day I took away every toy that they didn't pick up and made them earn it back a toy a day. If they put their toys away *in the right spot,* they got back a new toy. If not, I took away another toy. I did this about 6 months ago and they clean up without any help from me now....and I haven't had to take a toy away in MONTHS.

[nono]

I have been telling my kids for a long time to "clean up this room." The results were always interesting! They always did something, but not very much. I'd tease them after they were "done" about how we have different ideas about clean. Anyway, it has been a running joke around here for at least a year. I'd wait until they wanted me to play something, and then say, "I'd love to...but since the room wasn't really cleaned up, let me do that first." I'd narrate what I was doing. "Oh, I want to put this toy in the back, because it is tall and the kids will still be able to see it to know it is here." Just trying to get the ideas of how to straighten in their heads, gently.

 

We also routinely swap out toys by having the kids decide which toys need a rest. Then we all go to the attic and decide which toys need some "downstairs time" and figure out how many can come downstairs and still keep the house neat.

 

Two days ago, I asked the kids to "Pick up every toy in this room on the floor and put them in the bin" and went away to do something else. About a half hour later, I got back downstairs and almost fell over. The room was done perfectly. I made such a fuss over the two of them, and they just about burst with pride, as did I. I quickly vacuumed and then made sure I had plenty of time to play with them. :) It's been a journey to get here, but my answer to your question is now is 6 & 3 after a year of working at it.

 

P.S. Hill Country, I don't think you are mean. I had to tread lightly in this area because I'm not always the neatest person...:001_unsure:

[Mom-ninja.]

I can't even figure out how to get DH to clean up after himself and he's darn near 40.

 

His mother told me she just gave up when he was a kid.

 

For my kids if they don't clean up then they don't get to do the fun things they'd like to do. I've also been known to confiscate toys if they are not put away.

[Mommyfaithe]

My 20-year old still has problems with cleaning up after herself. She claims she manages fine at her house (she has 3 roommates at college), but when she is home it's a different story. She even freely admits this. Says it's painful for to do dishes here, but it's something she just takes care of at school. *sigh*

 

:iagree:

 

Mine too...for some reason they can handle a mess in their own space (Dorm) but not in our family space (home.) I don't get it, but it is so.

 

~~Faithe

[MelanieM]

I don't think you can.

 

As adults, we break these things down in our minds automatically. I think "I'm going to clean the bathroom" but I'm actually thinking "I'm going to clean the counter" then I think "now I'm scrub the sinks" and so forth. Kids aren't capable of this until they are pretty old.

 

The example of the college student is a great example of this-she probably takes care of it easier because she only has a small area and she knows what order she likes to do things in. When she's cleaning in your home, it's different, you have different expectations for her, there are more dishes, there is more stuff to clean.

 

So, I try never to say "go clean the play room." I try (I don't always succeed at this) to say "pick up the lego" and then "straighten your bookshelf" and so on.

 

Mrs Mungo, I had to come back to thank you for this post. I have experienced this first hand with my own kids, but reading your words here set the knowledge off like a lightbulb over my head! Thinking about it like this yesterday allowed me to release any frustration and resistance around the issue of the kids tidying up (or not).

 

Now here's the amazing result of that release of resistance... After I took the baby upstairs for bed last night my 7 and 4 yr old folded and put away the load of laundry on the couch (!!!) and cleaned up all of the toys still lingering in the living room, without me asking at all. Ha! This morning they were proudly talking to me their clean-up routine, little sweethearts! (I just asked my husband about it, and he said he didn't ask them to do it either!)