CalicoKat Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I'm not sure how to find her obituary for our children's life book. Even the case worker has been unable to locate it. Our kids are still very very young and I'm not sure what to say to them, if anything at all right now. How does one go about locating an obituary? Would one have already been written? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I would check online papers in the area. another source would be to google funeral homes in the area as well. Sometimes they have online pages. :grouphug: Hugs to your and your dc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I'm not sure how to find her obituary for our children's life book. Even the case worker has been unable to locate it. Our kids are still very very young and I'm not sure what to say to them, if anything at all right now. How does one go about locating an obituary? Would one have already been written? Your (her) local newspaper should have a website, and the obits are generally accessible for free. It sometimes takes a few days for them to show up. Just check back daily, or call and ask them if you don't see it within a week of her death. Did she have family? If not, it's possible no one wrote one. The newspaper should be able answer your questions about what would happen in this circumstance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I second checking local funeral homes. They usually have something, even if it is only a name, birth and death date. Some papers now charge exorbitant prices to run full obits, so many times it doesn't get put in the paper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 I second checking local funeral homes. They usually have something, even if it is only a name, birth and death date. Some papers now charge exorbitant prices to run full obits, so many times it doesn't get put in the paper. I'm not sure which state she was in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Does the caseworker know the place of death and date? Backtrack from that info for local papers in the area -- online is your best bet. If it doesn't work... wait 6-12 months for it to be on a database like Google. I found one relative's obit that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 (edited) How common are obituaries? Another idea: The Social Security Administration makes available information on deceased people. I am not sure how quickly this goes online, but you don't need to know the state. One can also request a copy of the application to get a SS number. More interesting for older people who actually filled it out; I got one for my grandma's father and aunt, for example. It's form SSA- 711 online (or you can print it to mail in). It lists interesting info like parents' names and birthplace. (If you search the death index and get the individual's SS#, you save $2 off the fee.) Some states will provide you with a copy of a dead person's death certificate. That also has information on it, if you would find that helpful. I am sure genealogy buffs will have more ideas. Edited January 13, 2010 by stripe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsing1 Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Another place to try is legacy.com. They post nationwide obituaries that you can search by name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I'm not sure how to find her obituary for our children's life book. Even the case worker has been unable to locate it. Our kids are still very very young and I'm not sure what to say to them, if anything at all right now. Google her exact name for the next few weeks. My brother's wasn't in the local paper, but the paper of his youth, and at the funeral home website. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christy B Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 As an adoptee, I just want to say that I am so touched that you are keeping such careful records. Your children are blessed to have an adoptive mom who has such respect for their biological heritage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nrg Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 I have found current obituaries by simply googling the deceased's name. As long as the obituary is still part of a newspaper's website, it will show up. Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knit247 Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 As an adoptee, I just want to say that I am so touched that you are keeping such careful records. Your children are blessed to have an adoptive mom who has such respect for their biological heritage. I, too, am adopted and agree with ChristyB. It's wonderful that you are doing this for your child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdeveson Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 Your (her) local newspaper should have a website, and the obits are generally accessible for free. It sometimes takes a few days for them to show up. Just check back daily, or call and ask them if you don't see it within a week of her death. Did she have family? If not, it's possible no one wrote one. The newspaper should be able answer your questions about what would happen in this circumstance. In our town, even if no one writes an obit, the funeral home publishes the name and dates. I think it's very thoughtful to try to find something to put in the dc's life book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 I doubt it's already been written. I'd wait a week from the date of her death and then start searching. Do you know what town she was in? You could search the local papers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 I would check with the Bureau of Vital Stats for the county she died in. That way you can get a copy of the death certificate and then you can go from there. You will most likely have to fill out some forms because of confidentiality but that is the route I would take. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 How common are obituaries? I know in Georgia the obits have to be published (by law) in the county's legal organ which is the newspaper. I'm not sure how to find out which newspaper is the legal organ in counties that have more than one paper. Now, I'm not familiar with the laws of the other 49 states. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 As an adoptee, I just want to say that I am so touched that you are keeping such careful records. Your children are blessed to have an adoptive mom who has such respect for their biological heritage. :iagree: I also think you're incredibly lucky to know WHO the birth parents are. My AD has so many issues surrounding her birthmom, and I don't know if she'll ever heal without getting any answers. She's from China, so there's no possibility that we'll ever know who she was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 Are your children asking where they came from yet or are they old enough to know? My mother told my 2 adopted brothers they were adopted when they started asking questions, gently and what she thought was age appropriate. Based on that I would suggest handling it when they ask where they came from. If they already know they're adopted, I'm not sure how you'd tell them, but unless you talk about their birth mothers regularly I'm not sure how you'd tell them without confusing them. Very young children don't always know or understand what death is. I think it's wonderful that you're keep this information in case your dc ask about it. I think there is a fine line of what to tell and when. Secrecy (not ever telling a dc that they are adopted) I disagree with. I'm also a bit uncomfortable with the idea of overtalking about a birth mother because you are your children's mother. Each child is different, of course, but some have little or no desire to know anything about their birth mothers, which is hard on the birth mother but can be a sign that they are happy and content not necessarily that they are afraid of rejection. I'm basing that on a number of adoptees I've known not on any survey or study, so that can be taken as anecdotal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted January 14, 2010 Author Share Posted January 14, 2010 Are your children asking where they came from yet or are they old enough to know? My mother told my 2 adopted brothers they were adopted when they started asking questions, gently and what she thought was age appropriate. Based on that I would suggest handling it when they ask where they came from. If they already know they're adopted, I'm not sure how you'd tell them, but unless you talk about their birth mothers regularly I'm not sure how you'd tell them without confusing them. Very young children don't always know or understand what death is. I think it's wonderful that you're keep this information in case your dc ask about it. I think there is a fine line of what to tell and when. Secrecy (not ever telling a dc that they are adopted) I disagree with. I'm also a bit uncomfortable with the idea of overtalking about a birth mother because you are your children's mother. Each child is different, of course, but some have little or no desire to know anything about their birth mothers, which is hard on the birth mother but can be a sign that they are happy and content not necessarily that they are afraid of rejection. I'm basing that on a number of adoptees I've known not on any survey or study, so that can be taken as anecdotal. All of our children are adopted and we talk about being often. We've never kept it secret. They know their birth mom's names. They know that she loved them very much. Each of their stories is different so each of them will tell you different reasons why she found a new family for them, "She was very young," "She was very sick," "We don't know the reason why but it was very important to her that I be with Mommy & Daddy." More details will come the older they get and they want to know more. I'll keep looking for her obit. Thanks for the extra help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 All of our children are adopted and we talk about being often. We've never kept it secret. They know their birth mom's names. They know that she loved them very much. Each of their stories is different so each of them will tell you different reasons why she found a new family for them, "She was very young," "She was very sick," "We don't know the reason why but it was very important to her that I be with Mommy & Daddy." More details will come the older they get and they want to know more. I'll keep looking for her obit. Thanks for the extra help. You sound like my mother that way. I think my mother did a brilliant job at handling this with my adopted brothers (who are as much my brothers to me as my birth siblings.) However, back when my brothers were adopted it was a bit different. One of them was a foster brother for a few years first, so he had leads to look up his birth family. The other was a sealed adoption, and even though my mother told that brother she wouldn't mind if he looked up his birth mother, by the time he was interested his birth mother had passed away (he was nearly 40.) It's sad, because all my mother knows is what she read in the letter, which is that the mother loved my db very much. My brother did let her write a letter to his birth mother when it was still allowed, to be sent to an agency in case she looked for him, telling him about how wonderful my db was (no names, of course), but apparently she didn't get it. All of us wanted him to look her up, but it wasn't our business to tell him (I did ask him once if he was curious, but he wasn't.) In your case, you're able to say more, and I'm sure you'll find a good time and way to talk about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnandtinagilbert Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 As an adoptee, I just want to say that I am so touched that you are keeping such careful records. Your children are blessed to have an adoptive mom who has such respect for their biological heritage. Lovely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.