Nakia Posted January 9, 2010 Author Share Posted January 9, 2010 I am starting counseling next week. He won't go. He thinks counseling is for losers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Nakia - :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Let me know if there is anything I can do or if you need anything IRL. I'll meet you somewhere if you want to talk. Know that I'll be praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deana FL Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version) 11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This mountain is not too big for God...with Him all things are possible. Praying for you and Patrick... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiegirl Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Nakia, :grouphug::grouphug: I have BTDT with all of it. Please know that I am hugging you in my heart and will be lifting you up in prayer in a mighty way for the next few weeks. Yay for you for doing the counselling thing on your own, that takes courage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 I am starting counseling next week. He won't go. He thinks counseling is for losers. I heard that, too.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 9, 2010 Author Share Posted January 9, 2010 The prayers are working. We just had a long talk and he opened up to me more in the last hour than he has in years. Thank you and keep them coming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 I would make an appointment with a counselor even if you were the only one going. It can make so much of a difference! You need someone IRL to speak to and it needs to be someone objective and trustworthy - and preferably not a family member. :iagree: You really do need to have someone IRL. If it's an impartial person like a counselor, that's even better. They don't have anything personally invested in your or your spouse and can be more objective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wbtx Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Hang in there. Will continue thinking and praying for you. I have been married 19 years and I know how hard it is when things aren't right.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 I am starting counseling next week. He won't go. He thinks counseling is for losers. No. Giving up is for losers. Counseling is for people who are still trying to win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 I would make an appointment with a counselor even if you were the only one going. It can make so much of a difference! You need someone IRL to speak to and it needs to be someone objective and trustworthy - and preferably not a family member. :iagree: Counceling immediately if you haven't already. So sorry for your situation. I pray you both find healing quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemyboys Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Ditto on the advice to TRY to talk to someone- even if you're the only one going. Many large churches have counseling ministries that charge on a sliding scale. Focus on the Family is a great place to call for references for Christian counselors - BTDT. I will be praying that you will be encouraged and that hope can be restored. Second the advice to find Christian counselors. A dear friend of mine and her dh went to a couple of counselors, but the Christian counselor was the one that saved their marriage by helping them to face the problems honestly, work on the issues, work on forgiveness, and heal -- all from the perspective of keeping the marriage together. The first couple counselors they tried were more from the view of healing the individual than maintaining the family. Of course, not every marriage can be saved, but you'd rather be working with someone who hopes for that for you, I would imagine. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Second the advice to find Christian counselors. A dear friend of mine and her dh went to a couple of counselors, but the Christian counselor was the one that saved their marriage by helping them to face the problems honestly, work on the issues, work on forgiveness, and heal -- all from the perspective of keeping the marriage together. The first couple counselors they tried were more from the view of healing the individual than maintaining the family. Of course, not every marriage can be saved, but you'd rather be working with someone who hopes for that for you, I would imagine. :grouphug: You have to be careful, though. We did not find our Christian counselor helpful, and moved on to someone else. Sometimes the M.O. of the Christian counselor is to help the couple "return to" or "get back" the fire that they had early in the marriage. We never had that early in the marriage. We needed to start where we were and move forward, and that involved a lot of personal healing of each individual. In my experience, you cannot heal a family if the individuals cannot bring whole, intact selves to the marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 :grouphug: I was there where you are this summer. I can honestly say that my marriage is in a better place than its ever been, and praying the same for you :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wbtx Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 I haven't even picked it up to see what is about, but I did wonder what would the person you love think if they saw that book by your bed? I know I would do a double take. BTW I am not suggesting you buy the book- just thought it was funny.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 10, 2010 Author Share Posted January 10, 2010 Well, he came clean and said the reason he didn't want to go to a counselor is because he is scared that they will tell us we don't need to be together. That touched my heart. He really is scared for us. We are going to make it. We have to. I have loved this man since I was 15 years old. He is my world. Again, thank you all and keep praying. This is going to be a long road. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Nakia, I'm very glad to hear that things are improving. You sound so much more hopeful.:) I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Well, he came clean and said the reason he didn't want to go to a counselor is because he is scared that they will tell us we don't need to be together. That touched my heart. He really is scared for us. We are going to make it. We have to. I have loved this man since I was 15 years old. He is my world. Again, thank you all and keep praying. This is going to be a long road. That is a good sign. You should tell your counselor up-front that you want to do what is needed to stay together, and then if they do still tell you that, then it would be time for another counselor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My3Boys Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 Well, he came clean and said the reason he didn't want to go to a counselor is because he is scared that they will tell us we don't need to be together. That touched my heart. He really is scared for us. We are going to make it. We have to. I have loved this man since I was 15 years old. He is my world. Again, thank you all and keep praying. This is going to be a long road. That is why I agree you need to see a Christian counselor. They will come at it from the perspective of preserving the marriage, that divorce is not an option (except perhaps in the case of unrepentant, serial cheating). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 from the other side of the desk... anyone who is councelling you would be remiss if they didn't agree with your husband's fear, because its right... you don't need to be together... no healthy adult "needs" another adult... but you want to be together... and that is a beautiful place to start. :grouphug: i am so glad you are talking. one thing i say to each couple is that whether or not they feel like it, they need to kiss one another goodbye when one leaves, and hello when one gets home.... every time.... (there is something about the way our brain is wired that if we pretend the emotion, the emotion often follows. completely unfair, but true...) praying, praying, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 11, 2010 Author Share Posted January 11, 2010 I continue to be very thankful for the thoughts, prayers, and advice. We talked more this weekend than we have in years! I am waiting on a counselor to call us back for an appointment. We have a long way to go, but I am still very hopeful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 Well, he came clean and said the reason he didn't want to go to a counselor is because he is scared that they will tell us we don't need to be together. That touched my heart. He really is scared for us. We are going to make it. We have to. I have loved this man since I was 15 years old. He is my world. Again, thank you all and keep praying. This is going to be a long road. Aawww!!! That is good though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonshine Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 From someone who had btdt, you might want to consider visiting several counselors yourself, before going with your husband. Even if you think you like the first one. You will be more sure which one is best for you two if you visit several. Someone can seem like a big help and it takes a few visits to figure out if they wil be on the same page as you and your husband. Also, women tend to have much more patince with this type of thing. If the first counselor isn't much help, you may not be able to get your husband to another one. He may have used up all his emotional energy going to the first one, and may generalize that if that counselor wasn't helpful no counselor will be. Whiel you are checkin gout counselors pray about what God would have you do to keep his hopes up in the meantime. I thnk there was a thread on here once about what to look for in a counselor - that would be helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muffinmom Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 feeling hope for you! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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