License to slack

[Tidbits of Learning]

I live in a pretty lax state as far as homeschooling regulations are concerned. I just started homeschooling this year and joined a co-op which did not work out due to the fact that I couldn't complete our work on time for "our" homeschool and was falling behind in my goals for the children.

On my last day of co-op, I had people coming out of the woodwork telling me that my first grader couldn't be behind and that I needed to relax and I didn't even have to school until 7 yrs old. It is this whole mentality that if they have a little difficulty with reading or writing or whatever that we should just stop and let them play longer.

It isn't just the co-op. It is several forums that I belong to where a new homeschooler will come on and ask for curriculum advise for a kindergartener or first grader and it turns into a thread about how they shouldn't even be schooling but playing yet.

It is as if homeschoolers have been given a license to slack. Ok, it is difficult to read, lets put it off until 5th grade after all we are homeschoolers. Or my 9th grader is using a 2nd grade handwriting book and he is alright. Where does this mentality come from and why is it so widespread?

What if these kids had to for any reason go back to public school and couldn't read or write in the 2nd grade? I feel like an outcast at homeschool groups b/c we do expect the kids to meet their grade standards. It seems that almost all of the homeschoolers I have met have really went into the mentality that it is ok to slack. I don't mean waiting a season for a child to mature. I mean waiting until they are almost middle school to even start schooling properly.

I kept getting told this is why you homeschool. No, that isn't why I homeschool. I didn't homeschool to be given a license to slack off or not pursue other options if my child is struggling. I am not going to just stop teaching them each time it gets tough or I need to pull out of an activity or group to focus on them. They come first. They need an education equal to or better than what they would have gotten at public school.

Have we given ourselves a license to slack b/c there is no one to answer to but ourselves?

[WTMCassandra]

Have we given ourselves a license to slack b/c there is no one to answer to but ourselves?

 

I don't know, but I know the phenomenon of which you speak. I am considered very hard-core academic IRL, and I am not even close to being the most rigorous person on this board!

 

I for one feel the responsibility for my children's education very heavily. I try to do the best I can for them. I am a Christian, so I feel like I will have to answer to God about my children's education, not just myself.

 

For years I avoided co-ops because I couldn't figure out how to accomplish our family's goals for our children. This year I broke my own rule because we had the opportunity to take serious Biblical Greek class, and it worked out to be right before our piano lessons, so I was going to have to go out that day anyhow. The jury is still out on how this will work long-term. It's really tough to fit everything in. However, we have wanted to learn Greek for several years, and I am grateful for the opportunity.

[Daisy]

I imagine this is true for just about everything.

 

Some folks take a relaxed approach to life.

Some are driven.

 

Some are thinkers.

Some are doers.

 

Some start early.

Some start later.

 

Some follow another group's standards.

Some follow their own.

 

I don't imagine all homeschoolers would fit into any one of those categories any more than any other group of people would.

 

I personally don't worry about what other people are doing or how they are choosing to raise their kids. I figure if they are determined enough to buck the system and homeschool their children, they are capable of determining just how they want to accomplish that.

 

Now if they ASK my opinion, they are going to get an honest answer but they'll be getting my opinion and not my judgment as to how all homeschoolers should be doing things. Most folks who ask my opinion already know I'm a driven, type A, hard-nosed academic, or they wouldn't bother asking me.

 

Oh, and I'm the complete opposite of my dear friend who is a late reader, let them play, chill-out type mom who has children who are doing wonderfully in college. I'm not going to knock her technique even if I don't follow it because frankly, the proof is in the puddin'.

Edited October 27, 2009 by Daisy

[Avila]

Just so you know, this topic comes up pretty regularly around here.

 

Just because your child isn't working on grade level doesn't mean you are slacking. Kids do develop at different rates, and it really isn't uncommon to have kids working above, on-target, and below in different subjects all in the same year. I try not to get defensive about this because I have one who is accelerated, one who is on-target and ramping up, and one who has been behind and is just now finally "caught up" in everything except spelling. I either look Draconian or a simpleton, depending on which child, which subject and which grade level you are assessing. Probably neither is really a fair assessment.

 

OTOH, I agree with you that whenever this comes up, for the most part, I hear people respond with solutions of taking time off, dropping subjects, delaying academics, and generally telling the OP that just by homeschooling, their kids will turn out fine. I think part of that is not really knowing the whole situation and assuming the best from the OP, and part of it is not wanting to be the bad guy and get flamed for being honest.

 

I just try to live by the "judge not, lest ye be judged" philosophy of things. I don't want other people judging my homeschool, and so I try to stay out of theirs, even if they are asking for advice (at least IRL!). Most people really do care about their kids and the education they are getting, and just the fact that they are discussing the problem shows that they are aware of it (even if they don't seem to be). Eventually, they will either pick up the pace or put their kids back in school, and hopefully, either way, the damage will be minimal to everyone involved. Like with most things, you just have to do what, in your heart, you think is best and tune the rest out.

[Tidbits of Learning]

What I mean is the co-op interferred with me accomplishing my goals to have my almost 7 year old reading at least on a 1st grade level and writing at least where someone can decipher it.

I am not talking about being a little behind. I mean 3rd and 4th graders that can't read fluently yet. I made a decision to stop co-op to prioritize and meet our goals. I felt jumped upon by everyone telling me that as a new homeschooler I hadn't yet come to the realization that b/c I homeschool I can just wait and wait and wait.

It was said over and over by several of the ladies that they hear this from new homeschoolers all the time. I don't feel we are behind in what he is learning. We are actually behind in the lessons b/c we can never school on the co-op day.

I had this vision of homeschool as being really different than what it is to many people before I started. I feel like I was being pressured to adopt this philosophy that it is ok to just give up and wait and wait.

I honestly felt like I was being pushed to slack and like I was some kind of evil person for feeling the need to challenge my child to accomplish the goals we had set.

I felt like they were trying to give me a license to slack and talk me into it.

I didn't ask for any advise. I just told them that we had to leave co-op in order to focus on our school and prioritize where the kids needed me. I got told that there was no "behind" in homeschool. I got a headache trying to just nicely get out of the conversations of how baking was math and I should toss what I was doing and all my preconceived notions of school.

Edited October 27, 2009 by OpenMinded

[Samiam]

I don't think we have a license to slack, but I think alot of HS'ers want to work at a pace that is good for their child, and it might mean they are not using books that are labeled as the same grade level their child "should" be in.

 

It's kind of like potty-training. There are some that practice elimination communication from day one. Other's who insist their children were all trained by 18 months, some who toss the diapers on the 2nd birthday, and others who let the child lead, with gentle introductions by the parents, and assume it will "click" when the child is ready. Guarantee, all of these children, barring physical disabilities, will be potty-trained by the time they are school-age (ie 5).

 

Because your child was potty trained on the day they turned 2, and mine was not trained until he was 3.5, that does not mean I or my child are "slackers", but rather we have a different philosophy, and/or different abilities. Neither approaches are wrong. We all ended the race at the same point, whether we were the turtle or the hare.

 

So homeschooling is the same. American is only one of some countries that believe a child should be in school by age 5 for Kindergarten. Other countries delay formal schooling until age 6 or even 7. There is various research out there that promotes delaying formal schooling. Does that mean only American educational philosophies are the right ones??? Based on the outcome of the American education system today, I would say probably not.

 

As a homeschooling parent who also very driven academically, and has goals in mind for my children's education, I also realize there is a incline to climb to get there. My DS11 has a heavy academic load, but he didn't when he was 6. It's is something that increases as he ages. Having a DS6 currently as well, I fully appreciate the fact that you are only 6 once, there is only a certain time in your life when you can be as care-free as a six year old. We cover what he needs for the 3 R's and then some, but on the same note, although he would be considered a 1st grader, not all of his books are "1st grade"...but all of his curriculum does suit his abilities, and I would not consider him behind. Behind what???? Behind a public school 1st grader?? In my state? In your state? In my top-level school district? Or the neighboring impoverished school district? In this country? In Japan? In Sweden? Behind who? Guess it depends on what you want to compare him to. I compare him to where HE was this time last year, and I see that he has made HUGE strides. I too, would wonder about anyone who said their K or 1st grader were "behind"...or even 3rd-6th grader being behind. My goal is to let my child enjoy being a child, and we will climb his academic incline each year.

 

If you do not want to be judged for being academically driven, then it is best not to judge others, that you, I guess, consider to not be as driven.

 

I think alot of times families who are newer to HSIng have not realized the full potential of HSing. That is that you do not need to be on the same carousel as everyone else, but you are free to have your own carousel going at whatever speed you want, and that works for your child

 

As far as having to enter into school, and worry about being behind, I seriously doubt that every single child in a public school classroom is at the same exact place. So this child might not have the best handwriting, but they are years ahead in math, or whatever subjects you want to throw in there.

 

So not slacking, but completely enjoying the freedom of being a six year old.

 

K

[Daisy]

I've never been part of a co-op so I don't really know what it is like. Sounds like it was a negative experience for you though.

 

I much PREFER to just join a social group where we stick to field trips, park days, holiday parties, and the like. Then everyone can actually go home and teach their own children. :)

[hillfarm]

I have seen people on both extremes of the spectrum. We are somewhere in the middle. I do know that some of the well respected alternative educational models (Waldorf method, etc.) don't feel that children should even begin to work with 2-dimensional letters until age 8 or so. They feel it damages eyesight and depth perception. So it is hard to judge without knowing whether someone is differing from the American educational system because they are followers of another educational model, not just being lazy.

 

IMO, the American system is not the be-all, end-all model. As a former participant myself, and as someone who was a substitute teacher for a couple of years, I cannot say that I have found the results to be all that stellar across the board. So I don't think any particular state's "grade level" requirements are any sort of gold standard.

 

However, I think your point is regarding the way a number of homeschooling parents seem to excuse any difficulties as a student not yet ready for the particular material and opt for delay, rather than something that should be addressed and remedied in a more timely manner.

 

I can see both sides of the issue. Of course I believe our children should be well taught and pleasantly challenged by their school work. But in our case, dd had trouble with her handwriting. She is a bit younger than most kids at her grade level and so had less fine motor control than was assumed if one only considered her grade level and not her age. She also has a non-standard pencil grip that we are STILL working with (6th grade) due to her very long, slender fingers. She didn't achieve what I consider to be adequate handwriting until late 5th/early 6th grade. Am I a slacker because while I continued to work with her, I did not push better writing when she was not capable of such work? Is any one here going to judge me on the basis of that when dd was working 3 to 6 grades levels ahead in all other subjects, according to her IOWA test results? Please use extreme caution in judging other homeschoolers unless you know ALL the facts.

 

All that being said, I do fear that those who are truly slackers will ultimately be the ruination of homeschooling as we know it. Children who are not being taught will reach adulthood and when unable to function, will sue their non-performing parents for educational neglect. When such suits broaden and begin to include state DOE's in their scope, we will begin to see regulation and oversight the likes of which we never imagined. Unfortunately I have no idea how to even begin policing ourselves in a way that would preserve our freedoms.

 

I guess the best we can do is to NOT rush to salve the conscience of a parent who laments or confesses that they don't think they are doing enough. It is not a kindness to help set them or their children up for future failure. We need to put forth more effort and sincerely inquire as to why they think that, to refer them to resources that can help them determine whether they are working to potential, to encourage them (and lead by example) to do those things that might challenge both teacher and student. To help them discover what is "enough" and how to get there.

 

I also think it is important for the OP to separate the issue of educational goals and education. Is it really relevant that a child learn the causes of World War II by the fourth grade? IMO, goals are more of a timeline to help guide us to fit everything in to our time schedule. Not concrete barricades which we must pass through in specific sequence and timing.

 

Never rely on a co-op to set your priorities for you or to be the final determination of what is appropriate. Or you will soon find yourself catering to the most common common denominator, if not the lowest.

Edited October 27, 2009 by hillfarm

[WTMCassandra]

I'm sorry you felt pressured. Your homeschool is just that--YOURS. The homeschooling community is not a homogenous group where everyone shares the same values and goals. They may not understand you and yours, and you may not understand theirs. In the future, be vague. Say something like, "This isn't working for our family right now, so we need to regroup." And then pass the bean dip. It works in all KINDS of situations.

[Saille]

Most of the hs'ers I know around here adhere at least partially to WTM. That helps. We also have radical unschoolers. I don't receive that kind of pressure, but there are several people who were going to radically unschool and decided to do ps instead, and if they were still unschooling/my main hs support, I think I'd be in your shoes.

 

IMO it's no different from a radical unschooler being sat on by a bunch of people using a more rigorous philosophy, or a box curriculum they really like, or whatever. Probably there are unschoolers who get just as sick of explaining that they don't do "school at home" as WTMers get of explaining they aren't unschoolers.

 

The only thing that worries me is that, if test scores or studies ten years from now detect a dearth of academic skills in hs'ers, states will tighten up regs and it will be much more difficult for my kids to homeschool my grandkids, should they want to.

[Avila]

It sounds like the co-op wasn't going to be a good fit. At least you found that out early! :)

 

I understand what you are saying. I think maybe part of the problem is that there really is no generally accepted standard by which all homeschoolers have to live (and IMO there really shouldn't be). The people giving you this advice have probably been around long enough to run into the flip side of this -- the new homeschooler trying to teach calculus to her 5 year old and who thinks that if they aren't doing school for 8 hours a day, her child will never learn anything. Those people are probably more common than your situation, and those people probably do need to relax a little. That doesn't mean you have to, of course. But that may be what they have in mind when they are talking to you. Either way, I think it isn't personal. And all it probably means is that you haven't found the right support group or co-op.

Edited October 27, 2009 by Asenik

[myfunnybunch]

Have we given ourselves a license to slack b/c there is no one to answer to but ourselves?

 

There is a huge difference between "slacking" and philosophy differences. Many people thoughtfully choose to delay formal schooling. Many people planfully choose to follow their child's lead when it comes to academic readiness. Many people choose homeschooling because it allows them to tailor their child's education to their developmental needs and interests. Those different philosophies and goals don't necessarily=slacking off on a child's education any more than academic rigor and high standards=pressure and all work/no play.

 

I do agree with you that homeschooling with accountability only to ourselves does allow those families without rigorous academic standards to provide the kind of education that makes me wince, and I admit to feeling quite judgemental about that privately.

 

Families who hold more "relaxed" philosophies will offer advice from that perspective. I also agree with the poster who said that many people are assuming the best of those who post asking for advice, that they are asking for advice because they care about academics. I would add that often on message boards, posters asking advice on academics for early grades are posting because they are overwhelmed and in need of encouragement. Advice along the lines of "Man, you've really been lazy, haven't you? Now your kid won't get into a good college," usually isn't offered because it's neither kind nor helpful. (LOL. That was written jokingly...realized it could sound a little snarky and that's not my intention.)

 

I would be really frustrated by people who told me to wait-delay-let them play-that's why you homeschool when I explain that we cannot do xyz because it interferes with our schoolwork. Oh wait...I AM frustrated by those folks. But not because I don't think their approach is not valid, it's because they're implying that mine is not, and I haven't asked for their advice.

 

Cat

[LizzyBee]

I think many of our schools are demanding too much of very young children. The standard in the ps K my older kids attended was that by the end of K, students would be able to independently compose and write 3 sentences. This was no problem for my oldest, but it was a disaster for my 2nd child. She simply was not ready to write in K, but her teacher was determined to make her. So to some degree, the ability to tailor my kids' education to their development and ability is why I homeschool.

 

I went to school in a rural county that didn't offer a lot of extras, but did an excellent job in the basics, and I was very well-prepared for college. That county still has excellent schools that outscore the metropolitan schools in the same state. I set my standards by that school system, not the local schools my kids would attend. I expect less in the early years than modern schools, but I increase my expectations each year. By jr. high, I think my expectations (for quality, not quantity) exceed the public schools. It evens out; my oldest dd went back to school last year, and she's doing great - all A's except 1 B last year, and straight A's so far this year.

Edited October 27, 2009 by LizzyBee

[Stacy in NJ]

All I can say is that you're hanging around with the wrong crowd. I know quite a few homeschoolers, but no real slackers. Could it be that the co-op or groups your participating in are the more unschooling types? My advice is to look for more classical or traditional groups.

Edited October 27, 2009 by Stacy in NJ
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[Guest Katia]

All I can say is that you're hanging around with the wrong crowd. I know quite a few homeschoolers, but no real slackers. Could it be that the co-op or groups your participating in are the more unschooling types? My advice is to look for more classical or traditional groups.

 

:iagree: It's a good thing you decided to leave the group.

 

I also left a coop because what they offered was not educational and took so much time from our school day, plus it took time from *me* that I didn't have to give.

 

We still have friends from that group, 10 years later.......and while the dc that my dc played with back then are wonderful people (all high school seniors now) I can say without hesitation that ACT scores tell the story: most of these kids scored 16-18 on ACT and they all thought one kid was really, really smart because she scored a 20. OK.........I don't think my dd scored high at all and she got a 28. (BTW, she just re-took ACT last week trying to 'up' her score while these other dc are completely satisfied with their scores and glad they don't have to take the test again).

 

To me, *this* is why we schooled the way we did. I'm glad we are not a part of that group with that mind-set. They are happy; we are happy. Each to his own.....and our own was not their own, LOL.:D

[Laurie4b]

I live in a pretty lax state as far as homeschooling regulations are concerned. I just started homeschooling this year and joined a co-op which did not work out due to the fact that I couldn't complete our work on time for "our" homeschool and was falling behind in my goals for the children.

On my last day of co-op, I had people coming out of the woodwork telling me that my first grader couldn't be behind and that I needed to relax and I didn't even have to school until 7 yrs old. It is this whole mentality that if they have a little difficulty with reading or writing or whatever that we should just stop and let them play longer.

It isn't just the co-op. It is several forums that I belong to where a new homeschooler will come on and ask for curriculum advise for a kindergartener or first grader and it turns into a thread about how they shouldn't even be schooling but playing yet.

It is as if homeschoolers have been given a license to slack. Ok, it is difficult to read, lets put it off until 5th grade after all we are homeschoolers. Or my 9th grader is using a 2nd grade handwriting book and he is alright. Where does this mentality come from and why is it so widespread?

What if these kids had to for any reason go back to public school and couldn't read or write in the 2nd grade? I feel like an outcast at homeschool groups b/c we do expect the kids to meet their grade standards. It seems that almost all of the homeschoolers I have met have really went into the mentality that it is ok to slack. I don't mean waiting a season for a child to mature. I mean waiting until they are almost middle school to even start schooling properly.

I kept getting told this is why you homeschool. No, that isn't why I homeschool. I didn't homeschool to be given a license to slack off or not pursue other options if my child is struggling. I am not going to just stop teaching them each time it gets tough or I need to pull out of an activity or group to focus on them. They come first. They need an education equal to or better than what they would have gotten at public school.

Have we given ourselves a license to slack b/c there is no one to answer to but ourselves?

 

It's possible that you hit on a group of "slacker" homeschoolers, but it's also possible that they were giving you some advice that you might decide later on was actually wise. What you are calling "slack" may actually be slack, or it might be the voice of experience. I for one, was too gung-ho for my oldest, and worried about how long I let him play with his Playmobiles during school days. As it turns out, he is now an exceptional writer and a lot of his plots, dialog, etc. came out of that unstructured (by me) play time. If I had the ability to go back in time, I would have not now feel the slightest twinge about all the free play time he got during our school days. It turned out to be one of the best things we did. I did NOT slack, by any means. He was always above grade level in reading and math, but that didn't take me long each day to keep him on that level. We certainly had time for days of co-op type learning once a week. Those were valuable for other reasons.

 

If your child is having difficulty, I would suggest an evaluation. You can detect signs of dyslexia by first grade, and if it's present, the sooner you tailor the curriculum, the better.

[Colleen in NS]

Welcome to the movement where there are a trillion different opinions!!:lol:

 

It has come to my attention over the past couple of years that I am considered "ambitious" and "hard-core" in my area, among my homeschooling acquaintances. I started off homeschooling in a pretty relaxed way (taught him to read and let him play), until my oldest started grade 1. Then I started implementing some WTM ideas, and started to feel the Great Divide dividing...

 

It used to bother me, then it stopped bothering me, then it recently bothered me again. I try not to let others' opinions about what we do bother me, but when they do, I have a few posters here whom I correspond with...these are people I've identified over the years as people who do the whole home education thing in the way I want to. I admire them, and I esp. admire the joy that seems to permeate their homes, even in the face of the myriads of difficulties that come up.

 

If you are confident in your direction, then try to put those conversations behind you and move on. If some of them are your friends, find new topics to discuss. If you need help with a particular thing for your kids, ask here - there'll be lots of help and you can sift out whatever help *really* helps you. I find that writing out posts helps me to really identify what I am looking for, helpwise - I find it hard to do that in a group setting, because I need to think without opinions coming at me!:D Once I can clarify a problem on paper (in cyberspace), I can look for a solution. These forums have been a blessing to me.

 

You can't change how other people do things, but you can do what you feel convicted to do. And you are not alone.

[Tidbits of Learning]

It's possible that you hit on a group of "slacker" homeschoolers, but it's also possible that they were giving you some advice that you might decide later on was actually wise. What you are calling "slack" may actually be slack, or it might be the voice of experience. I for one, was too gung-ho for my oldest, and worried about how long I let him play with his Playmobiles during school days. As it turns out, he is now an exceptional writer and a lot of his plots, dialog, etc. came out of that unstructured (by me) play time. If I had the ability to go back in time, I would have not now feel the slightest twinge about all the free play time he got during our school days. It turned out to be one of the best things we did. I did NOT slack, by any means. He was always above grade level in reading and math, but that didn't take me long each day to keep him on that level. We certainly had time for days of co-op type learning once a week. Those were valuable for other reasons.

 

If your child is having difficulty, I would suggest an evaluation. You can detect signs of dyslexia by first grade, and if it's present, the sooner you tailor the curriculum, the better.

 

My child doesn't have difficulty. He is fine. He can read and write. He just doesn't care what it looks like and he needs someone to keep him focused on his work.

I have 4 kids and my kids were in the school system before now. I used him as an example b/c that was the child they focused on to tell me not to worry about being behind. When I say behind, I mean every day that we had co-op I could not finish all of our school work before having to prepare to teach the class for co-op (we were required to teach a class to participate), or buy snacks for co-op, eat lunch, try to get my 3 yr old to nap....

My first grader is on level with first grade and passed public school kindergarten. I don't want him to get behind any further with our lesson plans and goals for the year. I don't think having a goal of my child reading fluently on grade level and writing legibly insinuates that he needs an evaluation.

I was having to double up days and school weekends with all of my kids. You can't really get a short attention span little boy to double up on work.

It is the mentality that I shouldn't have a specific time frame for goals and that it is ridiculous to put expectations on the child to progress in a time frame that I am really worried about right now. I do feel that my son needs more of my time b/c he is still gettting down the fundementals of reading and writing.

[Tidbits of Learning]

Welcome to the movement where there are a trillion different opinions!!:lol:

 

It has come to my attention over the past couple of years that I am considered "ambitious" and "hard-core" in my area, among my homeschooling acquaintances. I started off homeschooling in a pretty relaxed way (taught him to read and let him play), until my oldest started grade 1. Then I started implementing some WTM ideas, and started to feel the Great Divide dividing...

 

It used to bother me, then it stopped bothering me, then it recently bothered me again. I try not to let others' opinions about what we do bother me, but when they do, I have a few posters here whom I correspond with...these are people I've identified over the years as people who do the whole home education thing in the way I want to. I admire them, and I esp. admire the joy that seems to permeate their homes, even in the face of the myriads of difficulties that come up.

 

If you are confident in your direction, then try to put those conversations behind you and move on. If some of them are your friends, find new topics to discuss. If you need help with a particular thing for your kids, ask here - there'll be lots of help and you can sift out whatever help *really* helps you. I find that writing out posts helps me to really identify what I am looking for, helpwise - I find it hard to do that in a group setting, because I need to think without opinions coming at me!:D Once I can clarify a problem on paper (in cyberspace), I can look for a solution. These forums have been a blessing to me.

 

You can't change how other people do things, but you can do what you feel convicted to do. And you are not alone.

 

I do have a few ladies that I call friend from the group. I want to remain their friends and I will avoid conversation about curriculum and philosophies.

I do enjoy this forum and it's wealth of knowledge. I have bought several things after reading threads.

I guess I never thought that wanting my child to read fluently by the end of 1st grade was ambitious. I never even told them what I was using just that I wanted to have him reading and writing better by the end of the year and didn't feel that I could accomplish that and the co-op as well.

I guess I will just have to not let it bother me.

[bunnytracks]

i think it might also be possible that they just didnt want you to quit?

 

I just stopped being apart of my groups co-op and heard that also. The thing is though that these parents are not slacking at all. They just wanted to encourage me to stay. I still left though because I didnt like how it broke up my day. Plus my kids loved the robotics class that we have weekly and doing both just made it really hard to get academics in without having to do school in the evenings.

[TxMama]

I don't want him to get behind any further with our lesson plans and goals for the year.

 

I was having to double up days and school weekends with all of my kids. .

:hurray: Kudos to you for doing what is best for your family!

 

There has been a mind-set change since I was hsing my olders. In the ol' days it was generally understood that everyone was hsing in the morning and AFTER we might get together for an activity or parkday. Once a month we might take a day off to go on a field trip.

 

Nowadays there are daily activities and weekly fieldtrips. I wonder how folks can homeschool if they are never home.:lol: And yes I have noticed the "slacker" advice......which is different then offering a different philosophy.

 

Hang in there, mama! Never apologize for making decisions that are best for you family and help you meet your goals!

[hillfarm]

I have learned that it is one thing to set educational goals to be achieved by certain times and quite another to fully achieve them. I teach for mastery, not grades or exposure. So if it takes us one week to get a handle on dictionary skills, or (as actually happened) we crash and burn the first time, have to delay for 4 months with that section, and finally cover it over a two week period because I wanted to go slowly and be absolutely sure she was getting it, then that's what it takes. I know my child, I know her attention span/frustration shut-down ratio, and I knew no one would be harmed if we delayed dictionary skills a little. The second time around she got it with no problem.

 

The fact is that in spite of our best plans, children learn with some degree of variability. And that is perfectly natural and to be expected. The crime is not in readjusting your sequence to achieve success more easily and effectively, the crime is in putting off indefinitely any subject that is hard for your child.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that flexibility is a very valuable commodity in homeschooling. While it is good to have goals and to work toward them within a specific framework, IMO it is also very important to remain flexible. With homeschooling we have the luxury of presenting our material in a sequence that is optimal for each student we teach. Due to human individuality, some children will be ready for some material at different times than others. There is nothing wrong with adapting your goals and schedule to accommodate that. As long as you do have a schedule and you will bring back the troublesome material at a decent interval and try again.

 

I agree that I have also crossed paths with new homeschoolers who, IMO, were so fixated on the ps system/sequence/goals that they missed out on this flexibility that is so special to homeschooling. Or who were determined to have the smartest kids in town. One mother I know, who prides herself on her rigorous reputation, came to an outing with only 4 of her 5 kids. The missing child had been a real problem, she related. He had dawdled over his two pages of math so long that it took over two hours to do the 30 problems and he was punished by not getting to come play with the rest of us and his siblings. He was 5 years old.

 

IMO, she was expecting this child to do more than is appropriate for the normal 5yo. I would never volunteer this opinion. However, if she had asked me, I would have certainly encouraged her to read some development/expectation books and learn just how much he should be doing, what the attention span is for normal 5yos, and perhaps to pick up more effective ways of teaching that would avoid the two hour impasse and all the resulting weeping and wailing.

 

One size, or one schedule, absolutely does not fit all. If it did, then this would be a lot easier!

Edited October 27, 2009 by hillfarm

[LaxMom]

We've had people leave our co-op this year for the reasons you stated. And we've all completely understood! We have encouraged them to please not see it as an "all or nothing" thing, stay in touch with the group for field trips and get-togethers (which they have) and all that. But, after five years (and being on the board for three) I completely get the time suck interfering with your goals.

 

Conversely, I was completely accosted by two different women - at two completely different places and times - about "ruining" my children by "pushing academics". As in I introduce them to the written word before they're 9 and teach them to read. :svengo: Waldorf purists. Even my Waldorfy friends' kids read. So do the radical unschooling ones.

 

So, yeah, I think there may be a trend (possibly backlash against hours of elementary school homework) to delaying academics. And, like most other things, if you are holding to higher standards than the group, they're going to want to get you to "loosen up" a bit. {sigh}

[justamouse]

My littlest guy (6) is a conundrum to me. I 'slack' with him because his fine motor skills are not so hot--he's very athletically gifted, though. But I slack with him because about a year ago when I was doing first grade with his sisters, and he was four, he was answering all the questions correctly and had memorized all of the letter sounds and blends.

 

Then we started MUS Alpha, and he was doing it a 'grade' early, but right along with them, albeit pretty sloppy.

 

Then we started singapore math 2a/b (and he's technically still in first grade) he went right along with, and is actually better at it than they are, but still is not so hot with the writing thing. So, technically I'm slacking with him. He does his spelling and penmanship and jumps in on his sister's math-he has better memorization skills than the others, so I kinda just let him be and have come to learn to trust that even when he is in the room 'playing' he is absorbing it all.

 

What I do know from my totally academically inclined and geeky older son is that when you kind of let them slip and slide where they need to be at first, they make it up in spades later. My little geek had THE HARDEST time reading. It was just a struggle for the dude so we went all the way back and brought out the flashcards, then I went to a more linear spelling program, and now, in fifth he is WHIZZING along in reading. I cannot believe the words he can read without a stumble! He reads National Geos, Discover mag, Time, Astronomy mag cover to cover. This from a kid who was crying his eyes out two years ago when I asked him to read.

 

So, sometimes slacking isn't really slacking.

[Colleen in NS]

just that I wanted to have him reading and writing better by the end of the year and didn't feel that I could accomplish that and the co-op as well.

 

Maybe they just had a hard time accepting the reasons for your "resignation." I guess that's just part of group dynamics.

 

Personally, I commend you for setting goals and working towards them. I like goals. I like working towards them. I can figure out how to tweak them as needed, but I need goals!!:D