Help!!! ...need baby-sleeping tips...

[sahm99]

I feel so ridiculous even asking this - after four kids I should have it figured out:001_huh:...

I had our little ds a bit over 6 weeks ago. He was premature, so he is just one week past his Edd now.

He is exclusively bf and gaining weight rapidly (he was tiny at birth...).

I obviously don't at all expect him to sleep through the night!

...but I still have some trouble dealing with our nights...

He falls asleep readily in the evening (about 9) and then sleeps for 3-4 hours. But then, impossible to get him back to sleep! It can take hours!!! He is wide awake, bf from time to time, and looking around. Whenever I lie down (with him) he fusses and drinks in a way, that is absolutely incompatible with sleep:tongue_smilie:.

The same scenario can then happen again in the very early morning hours...

I am so exhausted!!!

Btw, he does not really sleep a lot during the day and I keep

him awake in the late afternoon/early evening, hence the good sleep at 9...

 

Please, share your secrets with me! Getting a baby to sleep suddenly feels like an overwhelming task!!!

[Amber in AUS]

Best advice i was given when DD1 was a baby was follow a feed, play sleep routine from 6am to 6pm. After 6pm feed then sleep, no awake time. Swaddle your baby for sleep times make sure they are burped well and put them down awake to settle themselves to sleep. Sush pat a fussy baby. Never keep them awake for extended periods.

 

HTH it helped me at the time :)

[Cera]

I would just keep it quiet and boring when he wakes up in the night. No lights (except a low wattage night light if you need one to see), no talking or playing with him, etc. Just sit quietly in a chair or lay in bed and feed him then hold him or lay him down to sleep (picking him up if he cries of course).

 

He might also just be in that 6 week growth spurt where they are up all the time in which case it will get better in a week or two.

[shadowcat]

My dd was a colicky baby, and I found a few things that helped: swaddling, rocking, having her tummy pressed against something like my chest or arm, and white noise were all useful, but ultimately she simply had to grow out of it. When she was a littel older on nights when I just couldn't stand it any more I'd buckle her into her swing and sit her in front of an infomercial. She'd watch them talk about mineral makeup or whatever in utter fascination while I napped next to her.

[LaxMom]

I feel so ridiculous even asking this - after four kids I should have it figured out:001_huh:...

 

:smilielol5:

 

That's just funny. The only thing I've "figured out" after four kids is that once you "figure out" how they work, the next one comes along with a completely different playbook.

 

I agree that it's probably a phase. We did all the things - swaddling, quiet, the swing - at different phases, depending on what was going on and how profound our sleep deprivation was at the time. We co-slept, so I didn't have to physically get up, but, man! sometimes that swing saved our sanity.

[creekmom]

I think the trick might be to get him to take some good naps during the day. I know it sounds like more sleep during the day would make him more awake during the night, but I've found that well rested babies are actually better sleepers at night. Sometimes, if they don't sleep well during the day, they're so tired they don't sleep well at all. So, my tips would be:

 

1. Establish a routine in the day that resembles the following- feed him, keep him awake then put him down for a nap. If he's eating every 3 hours, you would want him to eat for 30 min., wake/play for 1 hour, sleep for an hour to an hour and a half before his next feeding. I know when they are little, it's almost impossible to keep them awake after they eat, but trust me, this pattern works really well when it does get established. I used to try whatever I could to keep them awake for even a little while after they ate- sometimes a bath would keep them up for awhile.

 

2. Always do the exact same thing when you put them to sleep- I used to do the following: change diaper, swaddle, sing a lullaby, put in a dark room with some white noise etc. This "routine" becomes a signal that it's time to go to sleep.

 

Good luck!! I know you're exhausted, but I would give just about anything to be up all night with a newborn baby again. I really miss those sweet little babies! :)

[smrtmama]

I know it's frustrating and exhausting, but a baby that age is hungry for more than just milk. He craves physical contact with you. It's especially important for a preemie to feed frequently and have extended periods of physical touching with his mother. Keep things calm and quiet, but be patient with him and give him the love he needs for his health and development. Don't put him down alone or let him fuss anywhere but your arms. This period won't last forever!

[SonshineLearner]

http://www.kanoe.us/

 

http://www.ambybaby.com/

 

My husband's ex has the kanoe. If I had the chance, I'd use it. I almost want one just to put my stuffed animals in:-)

 

I will purchase it for my children, when they have babies if they want one.

 

My husband's ex is a sleep with your baby person.. and yet, for hours her baby has slept contently. You hang the hook from the ceiling, so during the day, her baby is downstairs.... and then at night... she's up with them.

 

Carrie:-)

[sahm99]

Thanks for your replies!

 

...you are probably all right..."just" an inevitable phase:D. We actually do co-sleep, most of the time, but ds is so fussy when he is awake (moving, making loud sounds, bf, stopping...starting again, etc.), that actually sleeping next to him is impossible - so, we end up doing "co" without the "sleep":lol:.

I will try the different tips you gave me - I am desperate for anything that could work...

 

Btw, I have something similar to the kanoe (the European version) and it is great! I had never tried to put ds into it during the night, but you are right, I will try it today.

[SonshineLearner]

Thanks for your replies!

 

 

 

Btw, I have something similar to the kanoe (the European version) and it is great! I had never tried to put ds into it during the night, but you are right, I will try it today.

 

I always like to know what's out there:-) What do you have??

 

Carrie:-)

[kmacnchs]

Best advice i was given when DD1 was a baby was follow a feed, play sleep routine from 6am to 6pm. After 6pm feed then sleep, no awake time. Swaddle your baby for sleep times make sure they are burped well and put them down awake to settle themselves to sleep. Sush pat a fussy baby. Never keep them awake for extended periods.

 

HTH it helped me at the time :)

 

ditto except I did the no awake time after 8 or 9pm (not as early as PP)

ditto especially on the swaddling!

Does your baby *have* to sleep with you? Some babies are light sleepers and actually do better in their own bassinet...just a thought

[thowell]

:confused:

ditto except I did the no awake time after 8 or 9pm (not as early as PP)

ditto especially on the swaddling!

Does your baby *have* to sleep with you? Some babies are light sleepers and actually do better in their own bassinet...just a thought

 

Just what we did. What is the name of that book? The Baby Whisperer? I am off to look. It changed my life.

[thowell]

Yep, The Secrets Of The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg! A must for any new mother!!

[Impish]

I'm agreeing with the only thing having previous children does is set you up for failure when the next comes along with a totally different playbook!

 

Princess was that baby. All my others were great sleepers, the longest any woke at night was three months. She was six! :glare: I discovered, completely by accident that a) she needed to fuss for a few minutes before going to sleep, and b) talks in her sleep. :lol:

 

I couldn't figure out why she wouldn't sleep, or for more than 20 minutes a shot...then there came a day when I heard her fussing, and couldn't drop and run to go get her...probably less than 10 minutes later I went to her, and she was sound asleep...and slept for several hours!

 

Also, once she was in a crib in Diva's room, rather than right beside me in a bassinet, she went from being up several times a night (at 6 mths) to sleeping right through! When I wasn't right there to respond to every little noise, she slept soundly. I was more than likely waking her up every time I picked her up from the bassinet!

 

Best of luck on the sleep front. I miss having a wee one in the house...even with the sleepless nights. :grouphug:

[kmacnchs]

:confused:

 

Just what we did. What is the name of that book? The Baby Whisperer? I am off to look. It changed my life.

 

I know this is going to put up a big ol' stink but I got my info from Babywise/Growing Kids God's Way...don't start another thread, that's just where I learned that eat, wake, sleep cycle and the feeding them and then putting them down right away (no awake time) at night to help them transition into sleeping through the night...

[Garga]

During the day, don't let baby fall asleep during a feeding. Feed baby when she first wakes up from naps: keep falling asleep separate from nursing.

 

Use a swing during the day to help her fall asleep.

 

See if letting her fuss or cry a little will help her to fall asleep.

 

You might have to stop co-sleeping. I know, I know. My most precious memories are of sleeping with my babies; but if it's not working, then it's just not working. My son needed to be alone to sleep. If we were with him, he couldn't sleep.

[thowell]

I know this is going to put up a big ol' stink but I got my info from Babywise/Growing Kids God's Way...don't start another thread, that's just where I learned that eat, wake, sleep cycle and the feeding them and then putting them down right away (no awake time) at night to help them transition into sleeping through the night...

 

Not sure i get that? Why would it cause a stink?

[kmacnchs]

Not sure i get that? Why would it cause a stink?

 

oh, just search a thread on GKGW or babywise...you'll find out soon enough:D

[Slartibartfast]

I certainly wouldn't babywise a six week old infant that was a preemie. Well actually I wouldn't babywise my dog (I don't actually have a dog :() but I sure wouldn't babywise a preemie.

[Mrs Mungo]

Here is the thing-babies go through growth spurts. They wake up to feed more frequently because they are more hungry. The stimulation increases your milk production and baby has more to eat. I have seen moms not be able to keep up their milk supply, babies get jaundiced, babies who aren't gaining enough when they are put on too strict a schedule. I would recommend against scheduling a 6 week old preemie. eta: this is not to say some of the other ideas to help him sleep during the day, swaddling/rocking at night when you've just fed, etc are not good ideas.

[Reya]

Best advice i was given when DD1 was a baby was follow a feed, play sleep routine from 6am to 6pm. After 6pm feed then sleep, no awake time. Swaddle your baby for sleep times make sure they are burped well and put them down awake to settle themselves to sleep. Sush pat a fussy baby. Never keep them awake for extended periods.

 

HTH it helped me at the time :)

 

OR you could end up with a kind who is diagnosed with failure to thrive and adopt an antagonistic approch to your child that can intefere with bonding for years to come!

 

Please don't Ezzoize your baby. As they claimed themselves, the proof is in the pudding.

 

Lights off helps. So does being boring. What works best of all for my DD was tiring her little backside out in the two hours before bed and encourage her to stay awake all the way over the tipping point into complete exhaustion. Co-sleeping helps because there's no transition from crib to breast to wake them up.

 

Good luck!!!!

[Reya]

Yep, The Secrets Of The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg! A must for any new mother!!

 

Please google this first. It, too, has caused serious health problems with developmentally unsuitable suggestions. They are REALLY, REALLY, REALLY bad for premies, who must be fed more often and need more body contact and have a higher SIDS risk.

[Slartibartfast]

OR you could end up with a kind who is diagnosed with failure to thrive and adopt an antagonistic approch to your child that can intefere with bonding for years to come!

 

Please don't Ezzoize your baby. As they claimed themselves, the proof is in the pudding.

 

Lights off helps. So does being boring. What works best of all for my DD was tiring her little backside out in the two hours before bed and encourage her to stay awake all the way over the tipping point into complete exhaustion. Co-sleeping helps because there's no transition from crib to breast to wake them up.

 

Good luck!!!!

 

Please google this first. It, too, has caused serious health problems with developmentally unsuitable suggestions. They are REALLY, REALLY, REALLY bad for premies, who must be fed more often and need more body contact and have a higher SIDS risk.

 

I agree.

 

The Baby Whisperer advice is just flat out BAD for breastfeeding moms and scheduling feedings are BAD for any baby.

 

Ezzo is not a Dr. His parenting advice is just flat out BAD and dangerous. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends AGAINST using his methods.

 

http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm

 

One such book, On Becoming Babywise, has raised concern among pediatricians because it outlines an infant feeding program that has been associated with failure to thrive (FTT), poor weight gain, dehydration, breast milk supply failure, and involuntary early weaning. A Forsyth Medical Hospital Review Committee, in Winston-Salem N.C., has listed 11 areas in which the program is inadequately supported by conventional medical practice.The Child Abuse Prevention Council of Orange County, Calif., stated its concern after physicians called them with reports of dehydration, slow growth and development, and FTT associated with the program. And on Feb. 8, AAP District IV passed a resolution asking the Academy to investigate "Babywise," determine the extent of its effects on infant health and alert its members, other organizations and parents of its findings.

 

http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aapsummary.pdf

Edited October 21, 2009 by Sis

[yslek]

http://www.kanoe.us/

 

 

Aaaah!!! WHY did you have to link to this??! I sooo totally want one for the new baby now. :D

 

OK, back to the topic at hand...;) It sounds like the OP's problem isn't so much that the baby is waking up to nurse at night, but that he stays awake after eating & keeps her awake, too. I think that would be much harder to deal with than just the night nursings.

 

(As an aside, L was a preemie, and was on a strict feed every 3 hours around the clock schedule in the NICU. It took him a while to get back up to his birthweight, and when he came home, I nursed him whenever he wanted to eat, which was more like every 2 hours around the clock. :tongue_smilie: He gained more weight over the weekend than he had in his 2 weeks in the NICU. Ha!)

 

I do remember B having long wide-awake periods in the middle of the night where he'd keep me up, too. It was exhausting. I think he finally outgrew it, because I never did figure out how to deal with it. :glare: Maybe once you've made sure the baby has had his fill & really just wants to be up, you could try the hammock thing? Maybe he'll be relaxed enough there that you can go back to sleep for a few hours. :grouphug: (Btw, if you try this, and it works, please let me know...more reasons to get one myself. :D)

[Amber in AUS]

OR you could end up with a kind who is diagnosed with failure to thrive and adopt an antagonistic approch to your child that can intefere with bonding for years to come!

 

Please don't Ezzoize your baby. As they claimed themselves, the proof is in the pudding.

 

Lights off helps. So does being boring. What works best of all for my DD was tiring her little backside out in the two hours before bed and encourage her to stay awake all the way over the tipping point into complete exhaustion. Co-sleeping helps because there's no transition from crib to breast to wake them up.

 

Good luck!!!!

 

Reya, i kind of take offense to this. This advice was given to me by a dear old friend of my family who has never heard of Ezzo! I fed my baby everytime she woke, after 40min, or after 3 hours. This is not Ezzoize! They have a very strict schedule to work with and i can see that it isn't a good way for your baby. Just because you feed, play, sleep doesn't mean that you don't demand feed your baby. I have fed on demand all 3 of my kids. It just gave me a plan to work with. I would feed, change and sleep my bub, not have them up so they were seriously overtired, cranky and needed to be fed again to sleep then got more wind from feeding to sleep etc. I have awesome bonds with all my kids who have all co-slept from time to time. I really take offense to your comments! Make sure someone is actually practicing a method before you write them off.

[angelmorris]

My 6th was exactly like that and I hate to say it but now even at 18 months she still has nights like that :( Nothing I ever tried helped and I tried it all. Good luck I hope you get it figured out.

[Elizabeth Conley]

Most babies will go to sleep if you lay them skin to skin on your chest and lay down on your back with them on top. Your breathing and warmth sooths them, and off they go.

 

This is a particularly helpful tactic with frail infants, or those with respiratory difficulties. The movement of your breathing seems to help them regulate their own.

[thowell]

Please google this first. It, too, has caused serious health problems with developmentally unsuitable suggestions. They are REALLY, REALLY, REALLY bad for premies, who must be fed more often and need more body contact and have a higher SIDS risk.

 

Dont need to google it this is what i did with my youngest. All I can say is it worked miracles for us. I'm not sure what you are referring to as a strict schedule. Have you read the book? Her whole method is "EASY" which stands for Eat, Activity, Sleep and You (time). Her whole thing is to allow the child to go to sleep naturally and on there own. I did not say this would work for every mother or every baby just offering my advice.

[Reya]

Dont need to google it this is what i did with my youngest. All I can say is it worked miracles for us. I'm not sure what you are referring to as a strict schedule. Have you read the book? Her whole method is "EASY" which stands for Eat, Activity, Sleep and You (time). Her whole thing is to allow the child to go to sleep naturally and on there own. I did not say this would work for every mother or every baby just offering my advice.

 

She has sleeping-through-the-night advice that isn't good.

 

As far as EASY goes, that's doesn't fit the needs of all kids. Mine needed EAEAES--and NOT Y for DS, since as a premie, he needed body contact even in sleep. They both would have been starving on an EASY schedule.

[Reya]

Reya, i kind of take offense to this. This advice was given to me by a dear old friend of my family who has never heard of Ezzo! I fed my baby everytime she woke, after 40min, or after 3 hours. This is not Ezzoize! They have a very strict schedule to work with and i can see that it isn't a good way for your baby. Just because you feed, play, sleep doesn't mean that you don't demand feed your baby. I have fed on demand all 3 of my kids. It just gave me a plan to work with. I would feed, change and sleep my bub, not have them up so they were seriously overtired, cranky and needed to be fed again to sleep then got more wind from feeding to sleep etc. I have awesome bonds with all my kids who have all co-slept from time to time. I really take offense to your comments! Make sure someone is actually practicing a method before you write them off.

 

People have been scheduling babies before Ezzo and will after.

 

If you were feeding on demand, how were you using a plan to work with? You "slept" your babies? And this was on demand?

 

Plans aren't demand, and demand aren't plans. Change when wet. Sleep when tired. Be boring at night and try to get them to whatever max level of stimulation they can handle to make them extra tired before bed.

 

What you're describing isn't demand but a routine with no fixed time limits for each activity, which is better than the alternative but still not ideal. During an active time, you could have Eat Play Eat Play Eat Sleep Play Play Eat, etc., and during a growth spurt, more like E S E S E P E S S S E P E S.

 

If you're doing the same thing on rotation, it's not on demand.

 

Babies do grow into routines, but those routines change over time. I was getting a nap from 2-3:30 with my DD, with an occasional second nap at about 5 pm for maybe 20 minutes. Now, she'll bump that second nap to 9 PM and then be up to 1 AM, so I have to try to get her to delay her main nap until 3 or so so she'll go to bed between 10:30 and midnight, instead.

[Reya]

During the day, don't let baby fall asleep during a feeding. Feed baby when she first wakes up from naps: keep falling asleep separate from nursing.

 

Use a swing during the day to help her fall asleep.

 

See if letting her fuss or cry a little will help her to fall asleep.

 

You might have to stop co-sleeping. I know, I know. My most precious memories are of sleeping with my babies; but if it's not working, then it's just not working. My son needed to be alone to sleep. If we were with him, he couldn't sleep.

 

I think the baby will let you know when/if she can't sleep with you. DD had to sleep alone starting at 8 months. (I moved her into her own crib for the start of the night at 4 months, but after 8 months, when she had to eat at night, I could not just leave her in the bed anymore.) She'd thrash and fuss and then sink blissfully into her crib when I returned her. Apparently, even an unconscious mommy is too exciting. But if your kid's screaming in the crib, too, that's prolly not the problem!

 

And not all kids like the swing. My DS LOOOOOOOVED it. DD? Hated it. Made her scream her head off.

[Reya]

For the first couple of weeks, DD greeted any slight arousal with a hyenas-are-eating-the-baby scream. First time she did it, you had to peel my mom off the ceiling.

[Reya]

Most babies will go to sleep if you lay them skin to skin on your chest and lay down on your back with them on top. Your breathing and warmth sooths them, and off they go.

 

This is a particularly helpful tactic with frail infants, or those with respiratory difficulties. The movement of your breathing seems to help them regulate their own.

 

Worked for DS. DD just got better traction with her toe/fingernails in my skin. :-)

 

Hey, after a while you get sdo tired you can sleep through ANYTHING!

[Amber in AUS]

Demand feeding doesn't mean you feed the baby everytime they fuss. Part of a cycle of things to go through without time limits is recognising what the baby really wants, watching their cues. Most often they are tired, they are not wanting another feed. You can demand feed and cycle through feed, play sleep. Our leading maternity hospitals advocate feed, play, sleep and a feeding on demand plan, they can work well together.

 

I believe both Ezzo & The Baby Whisperer are into re-settling and trying to make babies sleep for longer stretches etc. That certainly isn't something i ever did, or would recommend. When they wake up they are generally hungry and most little babies will let you know that regardless of how long they have slept.

[thowell]

I am suprised at such a debate over this. This forum is for adults to simply state an opinion not to be trashed by others. I would think some of you would know that first hand. What works for one baby and mother may not work for another. But I think there is something really wrong with people trying to make other mothers out to be bad simply because something worked for their baby. My youngest is 6 and very healthy. After using the EASY she has always been a wonderful sleeper who had not needed any coaxing. That may not work for every child some mothers may not be able to adapt to schedules. That is fine. I just wish people could state an opinion without having someone else come in and trash them.

[kmacnchs]

I am suprised at such a debate over this. This forum is for adults to simply state an opinion not to be trashed by others. I would think some of you would know that first hand. What works for one baby and mother may not work for another. But I think there is something really wrong with people trying to make other mothers out to be bad simply because something worked for their baby. My youngest is 6 and very healthy. After using the EASY she has always been a wonderful sleeper who had not needed any coaxing. That may not work for every child some mothers may not be able to adapt to schedules. That is fine. I just wish people could state an opinion without having someone else come in and trash them.

 

yeah, unfortuantely, people get very "I know more about what your baby needs than you do" when you mention something that goes against the grain...I was just giving some suggestions...not trying to start a rant-a-thon...sorry OP:tongue_smilie:

 

Just ps though: What I took from the Ezzo book is "finding the why behind the cry" - the book really encouraged this...babies don't always cry b/c they are hungry - sometimes they are hurt, overly tired, were startled by a noise or by hitting themselves (which is why I swaddle :)), etc. It talked about not feeding at every whimper but instead figuring out the real reason for the cry (making an informed decision). I think it is interesting what someone posted about what happens when you do babywise b/c all 3 of my children were the opposite - I nursed them until I got pg again (9-12 mo), they slept well (and still do), and they were FAT (95+%)...so for anyone out there that does not have their pitchfork out when they hear babywise, don't count it out...read it and take from it what you think will work for you :) and pm me if you have any questions...it seems there are few who are "for" it

[SonshineLearner]

R I have awesome bonds with all my kids who have all co-slept from time to time. I really take offense to your comments!

 

Amber,

 

You sound like a love. I'm sure none of us were concerned that you were not attentive to your babies. I've seen what you write... you are a baby pampering type mama and sound great. Everyone wants good ideas for having baby happily sleep!!

 

I would have loved for something to work when I was nursing! I felt like I was an iv for my son.... 10lbs 3 oz when born... ate ... I swear... like every 2 hrs around the clock:-)

 

Anyway, aren't you the cloth nappy person??? You sound great to me!

 

Carrie:-)

[SonshineLearner]

y

 

Just ps though: What I took from the Ezzo book is "finding the why behind the cry" - the book really encouraged this...babies don't always cry b/c they are hungry - sometimes they are hurt, overly tired, were startled by a noise or by hitting themselves (which is why I swaddle :)), etc. It talked about not feeding at every whimper but instead figuring out the real reason for the cry (making an informed decision).

 

I think WHY it works for some and not for others, is because you took what you wanted and left the rest. There are serious medical problems with babies whose parents follow it... and have children who don't thrive. It's not all happy like "those alert happy babies in the church nursery".

 

And yes, I've read the book:-) But you... read the book and got positive love things from it, from what you've written:-) Good for you!!

 

The problem is... not many go into hospitals because their babies have been fed TOO much br**st milk... and Ezzo... while popular... was having some real problems with mamas having underweight... failure to thrive babies.... I believe they have modified their first book.

 

Carrie:-)

(whose children nursed forever... and all the time... and had pacies, too. And still talked by 1.5 yrs:-))

[The Governess]

How much sleep is he getting in a 24 hour period, including his daytime sleep? Is there a chance he isn't getting enough sleep overall? I wonder if trying to keep him up in the afternoons is backfiring, causing him to be overtired and overstimulated and unable to settle back down after waking at night? Dd5 still wakes up in the middle of the night if she has gone to bed too late, she has always been one of those kids who has a harder time sleeping when she is overtired. Just an idea....

 

Whatever it is I hope you are able to get some more sleep soon! :grouphug:

[FlockOfSillies]

Obviously, preemies are special-needs babies who aren't going to fit the standard mold for LOTS of things. But I still think Tracy Hogg's advice is helpful for many moms, especially those who have the common sense to adapt techniques to fit their unique situations. Kind of like homeschooling curricula. :-)

[thowell]

Obviously, preemies are special-needs babies who aren't going to fit the standard mold for LOTS of things. But I still think Tracy Hogg's advice is helpful for many moms, especially those who have the common sense to adapt techniques to fit their unique situations. Kind of like homeschooling curricula. :-)

:iagree::iagree::iagree: This is exactly what I did. The best thing for me was discovering how to tell her cries apart and not feeding or picking her up instantly everytime she cried. I was lucky that dd6 feel into a natural feeding schedule from the start. She fed about every 3 hours up until around 7 p.m. then she would cluster feed and go to bed around 9. She slept until around 5 a.m. almost every night this was from the time she was 2 weeks old. Again I know I was lucky!