Why I worry about Facebook

[Pip]

Yesterday, while taking a stress break, I was on the computer and, just for kicks, typed in my ex-fiancee's name, and, lo and behold, he popped up on facebook. Now, I haven't seen this guy in almost 20 years, but he was there, with his wife and 2 cute young kids.

 

Now, it was easy to find him. I know there was no address, no phone number, but if I was psycho ex-girlfriend, I could find what I needed. I could download the picture of his kids and post them. I may be able to get in touch with his wife and ask if he got rid of that porn habit. I know too many people who have had their facebook accts. hacked.

 

DH has always told me to be so careful about avatars, nicknames, etc. Now I am getting the picture as to why.

 

Maybe I'm just too private. I mean, in the dinosaur age I never put my phone number on my checks because it was just TMI.

[melhouse]

I never put my maiden name on anything just for this reason. I don't want my ex-fiance to find me.

[LisaNY]

Yesterday, while taking a stress break, I was on the computer and, just for kicks, typed in my ex-fiancee's name, and, lo and behold, he popped up on facebook. Now, I haven't seen this guy in almost 20 years, but he was there, with his wife and 2 cute young kids.

 

Now, it was easy to find him. I know there was no address, no phone number, but if I was psycho ex-girlfriend, I could find what I needed. I could download the picture of his kids and post them. I may be able to get in touch with his wife and ask if he got rid of that porn habit. I know too many people who have had their facebook accts. hacked.

 

DH has always told me to be so careful about avatars, nicknames, etc. Now I am getting the picture as to why.

 

Maybe I'm just too private. I mean, in the dinosaur age I never put my phone number on my checks because it was just TMI.

 

Is that a pic of your dog? He/she is gorgeous! Is that a Keeshond?

[Crissy]

I worried about my son having an account and the ease with which his biological father might find him.

We found that we could set an account with strict privacy settings so that someone might be able to look up his name, but nothing (not even a picture) is available for viewing.

[Daisy]

This is almost exactly what happened to me only it was my sister's wacked x-fiance. He signed up to FB under MY sister's name. So I thought she had finally decided to go online. I became her friend and almost immediately he started phishing for information about my sister. He followed me to my blog from FB and started hunting for every single picture or reference I had to my sister. Within 15 minutes I had talked to my sister on the phone & blocked him as a friend but the damage was done. I notified FB. It is because of this freak that my sister won't even get online. She had a restraining order against him for years but no longer & she doesn't want him finding her or her now 16yo daughter.

 

At least on my blog I don't use our real name so he didn't find out where she was. I had to go and delete every picture of her that I had though because I didn't want him getting some weird thrill off it. Freak.

[Ibbygirl]

This is almost exactly what happened to me only it was my sister's wacked x-fiance. He signed up to FB under MY sister's name. So I thought she had finally decided to go online. I became her friend and almost immediately he started phishing for information about my sister. He followed me to my blog from FB and started hunting for every single picture or reference I had to my sister. Within 15 minutes I had talked to my sister on the phone & blocked him as a friend but the damage was done. I notified FB. It is because of this freak that my sister won't even get online. She had a restraining order against him for years but no longer & she doesn't want him finding her or her now 16yo daughter.

 

At least on my blog I don't use our real name so he didn't find out where she was. I had to go and delete every picture of her that I had though because I didn't want him getting some weird thrill off it. Freak.

 

That is so creepy!! And scary! YIKES!!

[Aggie]

This is almost exactly what happened to me only it was my sister's wacked x-fiance. He signed up to FB under MY sister's name. So I thought she had finally decided to go online. I became her friend and almost immediately he started phishing for information about my sister. He followed me to my blog from FB and started hunting for every single picture or reference I had to my sister. Within 15 minutes I had talked to my sister on the phone & blocked him as a friend but the damage was done. I notified FB. It is because of this freak that my sister won't even get online. She had a restraining order against him for years but no longer & she doesn't want him finding her or her now 16yo daughter.

 

At least on my blog I don't use our real name so he didn't find out where she was. I had to go and delete every picture of her that I had though because I didn't want him getting some weird thrill off it. Freak.

 

Yikes. This is scary. It's hard to imagine people are like this, ya know? Because of the way I ended it, I think my ex-fiance could be stalker-like, but it never occurred to me that FB could be used like this. ugh

[Daisy]

It was creepy. I basically kept a really low profile for a few months. I'm amazed that someone can still be obsessing that many years later.

 

If they have enough of a person's information they can sign up as anyone. He used her personal information to pose as my sister. FB shut down his account but it doesn't take long for them to start befriending all your old school chums & family looking for you. I'm very selective now about what information I make available on FB.

[HRAAB]

This is one reason I've shied away from Facebook. It seems everyone uses their real names, first and last. Just too much information out there.

 

Janet

[Ibbygirl]

It was creepy. I basically kept a really low profile for a few months. I'm amazed that someone can still be obsessing that many years later.

 

If they have enough of a person's information they can sign up as anyone. He used her personal information to pose as my sister. FB shut down his account but it doesn't take long for them to start befriending all your old school chums & family looking for you. I'm very selective now about what information I make available on FB.

 

I just went and edited my FB page now because of this thread and took off all pics of my family. I also signed in under my dd's user to make sure that she hadn't added anything personal. She was still good. :) Thank you OP for starting this thread and for the head's up.

[BikeBookBread]

I have to post it at least once a Facebook thread. I hate Facebook! This is just another reason that I unplugged myself from it. The benefits don't outweigh the risks in our mind. DH never signed up, and earnestly asked me to get off...besides, the people I was in touch with on FB were the same people I was in touch with on e-mail and IRL. It was also a big waste of time...a fun one, but a giant black hole for me.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I looked up my daughter's biological father. His wife has a ton of information about their family, a billion pictures, videos, etc. I actually did contact him through FB (his page) because of my daughter's health issue, just in case for any of his children (8 so far). And I thought how much Kimberly looks like the oldest boy and a preschool half-sister.

 

And sure, I thought about being ugly. But I really am not that way. And what would be the point? But yes, being a freak in that way crossed my mind.

[outtamyshell]

I was on a conference call with my boss the other day and he mentioned that he saw a great picture of me with my daughter. Yikes. We're not even friends on facebook, but his email software automatically pulled my FB profile picture. My FB profile with my full name references my work email. I use it to keep in distant touch with old friends from work, etc.

 

My parents think it's all creepy that we're 'online'. They don't want any pictures of them posted anywhere. I can understand that, but it's not a policy my dd can follow. Life is going to be different for her generation. Even if she weren't on FB, her friends would still post pictures of her. In some ways it's good to know that nothing you do is private. The moral of the story used to be 'don't post online what you don't want your future employers to see'... but now the moral of the story is 'don't ever DO anything you don't want your future employers to see.'

[Wendi]

There are privacy settings on Facebook that are not obvious to access, but they are available. I have mine set so no one can search for me. When I post photos or anything else, I set it so only Friends can see them.

 

The only people who "find" me, then, are friends of Friends. They still can't see my profile until I accept their friend request.

 

Wendi

[Cindyg]

I love Facebook!

 

I've reconnected with friends I haven't heard from in decades. My husband uses it extensively in his work to keep in touch with business contacts. My high school class has a group for our IRL class reunion - which is in two weeks. My church has a group. My childhood church has a group. A place I worked for a summer 28 years ago has a group. We actually had an IRL reunion this summer! It was wonderful! I never thought I'd see those people again.

 

When my dad died, many FB friends who knew him shared special memories with me -- small, nice things that he did that somebody remembered and shot me in a quick note. It meant so much to me.

 

I found the children of my best childhood friend who died nearly 20 years ago when her children were just babies. I made an album on FB and posted all my childhood photos of her -- photos which they, of course, had never seen.

 

And, yes, my old boyfriend. It was wonderful to visit with him briefly.

 

I only wish we had had FB (or even e-mail) decades ago, so I wouldn't have lost touch with all these people in the first place.

Edited October 8, 2009 by Cindyg

[ThatCyndiGirl]

There are privacy settings on Facebook that are not obvious to access, but they are available. I have mine set so no one can search for me. When I post photos or anything else, I set it so only Friends can see them.

 

The only people who "find" me, then, are friends of Friends. They still can't see my profile until I accept their friend request.

 

Wendi

 

 

I do the same thing. Earlier tonight I looked for someone who is in our co-op b/c she mentioned FB the other day, but there were so many people with her name that I couldn't figure out which one she is.

 

Perhaps she has HER privacy setting set as high as I do? :lol:

 

I think that it's like most things: can be GREAT, can be abused.

 

I talk to family many times a week on FB (chatting), including a cousin that I am (in age) close to, but not 'emotionally' close to.....as well as his sister, who I am close to emotionally, but not in age.

 

Also, our high school reunion members stay in touch on FB. :001_smile:

[mommaduck]

You not only put your security settings on practical lockdown (where someone can't even search your name), but you don't even have to sign up under your name ;) You can change your name at anytime to initials or whatnot.

[asta]

I really don't think people internalize the enormity of what is "out there" personally, about them on line. And, for the most part, they do it to themselves.

 

I was trained as a researcher, and I'm quite good at it. It involves a certain mindset of pattern matching and "thinking outside the box" to make connections between disparate bits of information. Many people are capable of doing this, professionally or not. It is how companies figure out what their competition is doing, and how governments make threat assessments.

 

It is also how people find other people and/or do them harm via information garnered via the internet.

 

Several months ago, appalled at the amount of information I saw someone giving up on these boards, I looked at their profile, and then at their blog (it was listed prominently in all of this person's posts). From the information given, I could identify all of the family members by name and sight (including the grandparents), exactly where and when the children did their extra-curricular activities, what the make and model of the car was (color too!), where they lived (within a mile radius - and it wouldn't have been too difficult for a weirdo to simply follow them home from an activity), what the father's job was, and when he was going to be gone for an extended period of time.

 

Oh. Joy.

 

It took me less than 5 minutes. And I'm a housewife with no motivation.

 

When I wrote to the poster about my concern for their safety, it was not well received.

 

People simply don't believe anything bad could ever happen to them. It's sad; the internet is NOT a private place, and the "world" is not a safe place.

 

 

a

[Pip]

My dh works for a defense contractor and is very aware of security. He is constantly having security briefings and is told what to do to keep things safe. Much of this stuff applies to us here in the outside world, not in a secure military facility. So I think if they, with all their high security measures, are concerned about internet security breaches, how easy is it for us to fall victim to them.

 

My family set up a private Ning website for initees only. It is not supposed to show up on searches. We have had people we don't know ask to join.

 

He does not allow us to put our last name in our email addresses. He does not want our last name on our answering machine. No pictures of the kids online (Shutterfly and sites like that) unless they are in emails Sure, you can find whatever you want, but why make it easier for someone who does?

 

I was discussing this last night with him and he said most people aren't as aware/weird as we are about security.

 

On a slightly different note, my parents had some back account numbers stolen. When they went to the bank, the first question was do you do online banking. Not as secure as you think. We do SOME payments online, but it was food for thought.

 

Is that a pic of your dog? He/she is gorgeous! Is that a Keeshond?

 

No, that is not my dog. Our dog is a keeshond but he never looks that good. Best dog we have ever had and I highly recommend the breed.

[Supertechmom]

I really don't think people internalize the enormity of what is "out there" personally, about them on line. And, for the most part, they do it to themselves.

 

I was trained as a researcher, and I'm quite good at it. It involves a certain mindset of pattern matching and "thinking outside the box" to make connections between disparate bits of information. Many people are capable of doing this, professionally or not. It is how companies figure out what their competition is doing, and how governments make threat assessments.

 

It is also how people find other people and/or do them harm via information garnered via the internet.

 

Several months ago, appalled at the amount of information I saw someone giving up on these boards, I looked at their profile, and then at their blog (it was listed prominently in all of this person's posts). From the information given, I could identify all of the family members by name and sight (including the grandparents), exactly where and when the children did their extra-curricular activities, what the make and model of the car was (color too!), where they lived (within a mile radius - and it wouldn't have been too difficult for a weirdo to simply follow them home from an activity), what the father's job was, and when he was going to be gone for an extended period of time.

 

Oh. Joy.

 

It took me less than 5 minutes. And I'm a housewife with no motivation.

 

When I wrote to the poster about my concern for their safety, it was not well received.

 

People simply don't believe anything bad could ever happen to them. It's sad; the internet is NOT a private place, and the "world" is not a safe place.

 

 

a

 

I do the same thing. It is so easy!! Especially if htat person runs a blog with all the pictures of their cutie pies on there, their SCHEDULE of the day, what they do where and with who.... the list goes on. I usually do this to people in our group because they all have blogs and when I show them just how easy it was to link all the info, put names to faces, and activities and events and get their address, they are shocked!!

 

Internet safety rules say to never list any identifying pictures anywhere and to never list your name.

 

Moms also don't realize that when they post details on their sites about grandma dying or getting a new dog or the new baby or what Charlie did today that they are giving fodder to stalkers. Kids don't expect some stranger they have never seen before to show up and say "hey I am so sorry to hear about grandma passing" To a kid, who else but their family and mom's real life friends would know about that? OR for some stranger to say "hey Your mom can't get you right now to take you to ballet at 4;00 because of the new baby. So she asked me to drive you there. What?? You want to check with mom. Now you know mom is busy with the baby. They are probably sleeping and you don't want to wake up her or the baby, now come on , we are going to be late."

 

JUST TOO EASY!!!! I try to spread the word IRL just how easy a child, even mine who are highly trained in the ways of how stalkers can grab you, can so easily go along with a bad guy. Especially when mom has posted their details all across the net for the world to know. Your kids don't know that virtually everyone on the planet knows that too. And tax records are public domain, so the address is just a matter of typing in a name.

 

I make people take down any pictures they post of my kids. Manners should dictate you ask permission before you upload pictures. it's just too easy to figure out who that kid is and where they are.

[WTMCassandra]

My husband is a computer security guy, and we do not do FB. At. All. The security risks are enormous, as people have already stated.

[BizyPenguin]

There's no such thing as "private" when it comes to the internet, IMO. I don't FB either. I guess I'm just too paranoid...And extremely cautious.

[kat19]

There are privacy settings on Facebook that are not obvious to access, but they are available. I have mine set so no one can search for me. When I post photos or anything else, I set it so only Friends can see them.

 

The only people who "find" me, then, are friends of Friends. They still can't see my profile until I accept their friend request.

 

Wendi

 

I do the exact same thing.

Not sure if anyone see my post in the other thread about Facebook but here's a link to some great info about privacy.

[Margo out of lurking]

Many people are capable of doing this, professionally or not.

 

***

 

It took me less than 5 minutes. And I'm a housewife with no motivation.

 

a

 

A few months ago, I looked up an old boyfriend at http://www.veromi.net. I used the FREE information, just by plugging in his name and dob. Under his "possible relatives," I found his ex-wife--including her "new" married name (she's been remarried for 20 years). The website also listed her age, so I plugged in her name and age and found what city she lives in. (Remember all of this is FREE.)

 

I went to her county's tax assessor website and found her address. I went to Google maps street view and "took a walk" down her street.

 

I'm not a stalker, just curious. It took about 5 minutes.

 

But I'd be a good stalker. :eek:

[BikeBookBread]

I've explained this on a couple of other FB threads (they seem to pop up weekly!) I found out the hard way about security settings on FB -- I thought I had set everything to the highest security, but missed one little thing. (I've since unplugged from FB.) I had set up one of the FB applications to import my blog posts into FB as "notes". However, I had not set my privacy settings for that "notes" application. Because of that "note", my wall was visible to a non-friend (it was a friend's friend), and this person was able to view and post on my wall, as well. I don't know what else this person was able to see. The setting for that application was pretty deep -- it's been months now so I can't remember all of the step by step details, but I know it was several layers down, and took me a while to figure out how in the world this person got onto my wall.

 

I really do believe that there is more to Facebook that meets the eye. I am not being paranoid -- I think it's just one big giant data gathering machine for marketing purposes. All of those games, applications, every entity that you fan, are tracked to learn your preferences, and you are marketed to based upon those choices. It's a money-making venture pure and simple. They have to pay for it all somehow.

[NavyWifeandMommy]

I have FB and use my married name. Hubby's and mine emails have our names in it, if not family members wouldn't open the emails. I don't use my kids names on my blog or facebook. I have different nicknames and they don't even know their blog or facebook nicknames since they are different from IRL nicknames. Being military it has help keep in contact with other military family friends that have moved on. It's a lazy way to keep in touch, adding little tibits of the day and they can just click on your name and see whats been going on. We are moving to amore computer/internet world. I was just at a sit down where they serve you dinner and on the door was a sign that said WiFi. Okay I see that at rest stops and some fast foods but at a decent sit down place? That's a whole new post there.

Now my daughter isn't going to have FB and by the time she is old enough for somethink like that I am sure there will be somethign different for her to use.

[Pip]

There's no such thing as "private" when it comes to the internet,

 

Dh says this all the time.