Some Advice on Husbands who are unsure about HS

[sarawatsonim]

Some advice is definitely needed please. My husband doesn't know if he is thinks homeschooling is the best idea. He says he will give me this year and then we will see. My daughter will be 5 at the end of Nov so this is her first intro to schooling. My problem is that my husband hasn't even bothered to try to read any information or facts that I have provided him so his opinion isn't based on knowledge or facts. It's based on the "look at all the stuff she is going to miss out on" belief. For example, last night we were watching Sixteen Candles and the dance scene was on. My husband sighed and said "it makes me sad she won't be able to experience stuff like that". I just rolled my eyes and sayed that he was jumping the gun a bit since that was 10 years away. It frustrating.

 

Do you think if I asked him to read TWTM he would get the same positive feelings I got from it? Or has anyone experienced this and and have other ideas? He is acting as though our daughter is trapped in the house with no social outings, but she goes to the kidwatch (they watch kids while parents workout) on mondays when he is at the gym, Swimming lessons once a week, an 1.5 hour art class at the art school with kids her age on thursdays, Activity time at the library Saturday mornings for an hour and she wants to take piano (not enrolled yet). She has more of a social life than I do and I did at her age.

 

Thanks,

Sara

[rafiki]

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[PeterPan]

Sara, I think you're setting yourself up for failure if you let the standard become that your now *4* yo has to do K5 work or else no further homeschooling. Call her K4 and do K4 stuff. Anything she advances beyond that and blows him away with is bonus.

 

The social stuff is REAL. My dd was an only until just this past year (dc are 9 1/2 years apart!), and it is a very legitimate issue. Also, you're not saying you're going to homeschool her forever. Many people homeschool elementary and send their kids away for high school. You're not going to know how you feel about that or what suits your dc (or what they want) till you get there. So I suggest you leave high school decisions to high school and just decide what is best for NOW. You'll have no trouble transferring if the time comes she should go to school.

 

If you decide to test each year (as a way to keep him comfortable), you might start with a straightforward test like the CAT. But like I said, PLEASE don't call a 4 yo a K5er and expect them to perform or else. Reading and basic K5 skills happen when they happen. They can be earlier for some kids, later for others. Call it preschool, call it K4. Let her be an advanced K4er, not a young K5er. Many, many kids on this board perform ahead of grade level, but calling them on grade level gives you a little bit of flex. Or rather, the grade level question is a social one, while you homeschool them and teach them at the level that fits them in each subject. At least that's how I handle it. Sometimes that doesn't work, sometimes you call them ahead. But for your purpose, I would downplay expectations and set yourself up for success. :)

[FriedClams]

No, I doubt having him read WTM will help. It might, but it doesn't seem like he's intersted.

 

 

If I were you I would :

 

1. Set specific, AGE APPROPRAITE, written goals for the year and then make a game plan for each month, then each week. SIMPLE stuff: complete FIAR books 1 and 2, complete Saxon K math book, go on a nature walk each week, etc... Most men like quantitative data and it's a lot easier to show that you did each thing than say in a year "but she's grown so much!". I use a calendar to show what I need to do and what other events are scheudled and it doubles as a great teacher record.

 

2. I'd also start a portfolio and have he show it every Friday to Daddy. Keep a list of books read (highlight the 1000 Great Books list or Honey for a Child's Heart or something to track), photos of projects, and samples of work from each subject. I keep math/LA tests, some handwriting stuff, some copywork, etc. Take pictures of classes, projects, special event stuff and stick those in the binder under the appropraite month. Keep a record of your progress!

 

3. Let Daddy see the benfit of homeschooling. If math is fractions - bake HIS favorite cookies and let DD serve him. Art - gear it toward dad and frame it for his office. Make time for Daddy and keep him a priority.

 

4. Make sure you meet him where he has reservations & make his priorities a priority. If he hates HSing because the house is a pit - then make an effort to clean it up before he comes home. If he wants social stuff - then schedule some. Sports a priority - then try one out for a season. It'll be worth it to keep homeschooling for the long run.

 

To me HSingis a team decision. I want DH to love it - and the reasons he loves it are different than the reasons I love it. For me it's totally worth it to see what he has reservations about and try to address those concerns. If you have this year - use it. No nagging or preaching. Show him and track what you're doing. And pray. A lot! :) HTH!!

[Ellie]

Some advice is definitely needed please. My husband doesn't know if he is thinks homeschooling is the best idea. He says he will give me this year and then we will see. My daughter will be 5 at the end of Nov so this is her first intro to schooling. My problem is that my husband hasn't even bothered to try to read any information or facts that I have provided him so his opinion isn't based on knowledge or facts. It's based on the "look at all the stuff she is going to miss out on" belief. For example, last night we were watching Sixteen Candles and the dance scene was on. My husband sighed and said "it makes me sad she won't be able to experience stuff like that". I just rolled my eyes and sayed that he was jumping the gun a bit since that was 10 years away. It frustrating.

In most states, your dd would not even be kindergarten age until next year, so this isn't really a fair "test," KWIM?

 

If he refuses to read *anything* about hsing, you can always go back to the "I'm the mother and please trust me on this" argument.

 

Do you think if I asked him to read TWTM he would get the same positive feelings I got from it?

Maybe.

Or has anyone experienced this and and have other ideas? He is acting as though our daughter is trapped in the house with no social outings, but she goes to the kidwatch (they watch kids while parents workout) on mondays when he is at the gym, Swimming lessons once a week, an 1.5 hour art class at the art school with kids her age on thursdays, Activity time at the library Saturday mornings for an hour and she wants to take piano (not enrolled yet). She has more of a social life than I do and I did at her age.

Many women have gone through this. I did not, as my dh trusted me to do what was best for our dc. There are many good books about hsing; you might be able to get him to read those (TWTM might be too big for him to slog through, KWIM?) Mary Pride, Gregg Harris, Michael Farris, and Raymond Moore all wrote excellent books on homeschooling which don't focus on particular educational styles. Perhaps he would be willing to read those.

[MeaganS]

I asked a similar question earlier, specifically regarding materials for him to read. Here's the thread. Good luck!

[sarawatsonim]

Thanks for the replies!

I guess my thoughts about my husband reading the WTM were because when I read it it was almost like a revelation. I guess more like a light bulb moment, where the everything seemed to click and I felt that "Aha, this is the type of education I want to be able to provide for my child". I asked my H if he thought I was not capable of teaching dd, but he stated that wasn't the case. He didn't doubt my abilities he just wants her to have a "normal childhood". My feeling is what exactly is normal? Her having to see where she falls in the hierarchy of the school yard? That being the classification that sticks with her to adulthood.

We aren't Christian so we don't have church groups as options, and our neighborhood has a lot of pre-teen, teenage kids not any around her age, but I am trying. I constantly looking for things to do and groups or classes to join. I wish we lived in a larger city where we could join a co-op or something (we don't have one here). If I am trying to find solutions to my husbands worries, then he should at least try to provide me with a more open mind. Sorry about the rant, but he ticked me off last night.

 

Sara

[coralloyd]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. :grouphug:

 

A very easy introduction to hsing is this book by Lisa Welchel (actress from The Facts of Life): http://www.amazon.com/So-Youre-Thinking-About-Homeschooling/dp/1590520858

 

It is a very easy read, and may get your dh excited about hsing. Later you can throw in the more meaty things.

 

Also I was hsed, and I loved it. I was invited to a prom, even though I didn't go to the school. However, I just couldn't make it (more important things to do ;)).Yet if those things are important to your dh, there are hs groups who hold proms, and the like. I think I turned out pretty "normal". I will pray for you, if that's alright?

[HSmom25andRN]

First, I would simply agree with your husband that there are things that your daughter would miss if whe were homeschooled. Next I would focus on the negative things she would miss by being homeschooled (the meanness, the peer dependency, the rigidity it puts on a family as far as family time (kids have to go to bed early, be gone all day), vacations (have to be taken when kids are out of school), the wasted time traveling back and forth, the social issues that you may not agree with, the % of High schoolers that are already infected with STD's . Take him to the mall on a Friday night and ask him if that is what he wants his daughter to become in 8 years. If possible, introduce him to some older home educated children. I would just ask him to be open minded and consider the options and not make any steadfast decisions untill next summer. Luckily, you have a year. Angela ps. I went through the same thing when my oldest was entering K. She is in 8th now and my husband is loving home schooling!

[Sunshine State Sue]

First, I would simply agree with your husband that there are things that your daughter would miss if whe were homeschooled. Next I would focus on the negative things she would miss by being homeschooled (the meanness, the peer dependency, the rigidity it puts on a family as far as family time (kids have to go to bed early, be gone all day), vacations (have to be taken when kids are out of school), the wasted time traveling back and forth, the social issues that you may not agree with, the % of High schoolers that are already infected with STD's . Take him to the mall on a Friday night and ask him if that is what he wants his daughter to become in 8 years. If possible, introduce him to some older home educated children. I would just ask him to be open minded and consider the options and not make any steadfast decisions untill next summer. Luckily, you have a year.

:iagree:

 

If you haven't read A Sense of Self by Susannah Sheffer, I highly recommend it. It was written in response to Raising Ophelia, which talked about how girl's self esteem diminished through the adolescent years. A Sense of Self demonstrated that no such thing happens to hs'ed girls.

 

When ds was K age, the TX schools were very proud of their full-day K program. My ds spent <30min 2x a week on reading, <30min 2x a week on math, (with 20/20 hindsight should have added handwriting), and 2hrs a week at a science museum class. We did park days, children's theatre, roller skating, bowling, and field trips with our hs group. He played soccer in a city league. He would have been miserable in full-day K.

[phathui5]

Work on finding some other homeschooling dads for him to hang out with. My dh is very open about how much he likes our kids being homeschooled, and talking to another guy could help.

[Rosie_0801]

How will he judge if the year trial has been a success or failure? It doesn't seem fair to grant a trial without laying out his expectations, and informed expectations at that. Between WTM and What your Preschooler Needs to Know you should both be able to work something out, he hasn't already.

 

Rosie

[Haiku]

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about what your husband thinks. My dh was not entirely on board with homeschooling, but I made it clear even before we ever had kids that IF we had kids I would homeschool them. He took a rather wait-and-see approach, and he's now very glad that we homeschool the kids.

 

I would, however, tell him to put an end to the wistful sighings about what she'll miss in high school. Tell him that if he trusts you to homeschool this year, then he is undermining that trust every time he plays that "But oh! what she'll miss!" game.

 

Tara

[karly1]

We're sort of in the same boat. DH has always known that I wanted to hs, and was behind it, but he got more and more apprehensive the closer ds got to school age. He has no problem with it from an academic standpoint, but is worried about sports, social issues, etc. My ds just turned 5 last month and we are about to move. Since the compulsory age in my state is 6, we're using this as a trial year. I have always said I'll take hs year by year, and that makes dh more comfortable. As DH has seen the materials we're using and what I'm planning to do, he has gotten more excited about it. He has never been interested in reading a bunch of books on why to hs ( he hears it from me all the time :) ), but he is very interested in what we're doing, what ds is learning, etc. So, I am making effort to seek out social activities, sports activities, and I keep dh filled in on what we're doing. So far, it's working! There have been some great replies to this and I am going to take some of the advice that's been given as well. Hopefully, we'll both still be doing hs with dh's who are fully on board next year!

[ElizabethB]

Here's a good thread for you.

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=125454

[InHisGrip]

Mine pretty much gave me a "O.K., you can do this year and we'll see how it goes" response, too. Over time, he became more and more comfortable with it as it seemed suddenly there were others everywhere we went (baseball field, people down the street, etc.) that homeschooled their kids. Of course, they were there all along, but all of the sudden, we were noticing how many people were homeschooling. This, I think, really helped him to feel comfortable with it. And (don't bash me if you're not a Republican - LOL), watching Bill O'Reilly and starting to see all of these really negative things taking place all over the country in our public schools on a consistent basis might have helped him, too. I dunno. I could be wrong about that, but I have a feeling it might be a factor (no pun intended) in helping him get over the idea that his children are missing anything by going to public schools these days.

 

Also, my man loves his vacations and is cheap, so the flexibility of homeschooling and being allowed to vacation during non-peak times is another major thing with him. He also likes to sleep in when his schedule allows and homeschooling means he doesn't have to get up at 6:30 a.m. some mornings to help get kids out the door and driven to school. LOL Of course, mine had the benefit already of having had to do that and being able to compare between the two. Who knows? Yours might let you h/school her one year, insist you put her in the next year and then beg you to h/school her again when he realizes how good it was before. Just hang in there.....