Minds in the gutter

[Jean in Newcastle]

I was raised in a way that left me pretty naive. When I went to college and then even when I started to work full-time afterwards, I was forever saying innocent things that were setting people off with rude laughter and winks. I was always asking "what did I say?" And even when they told me which words set them off (ex. Asking "does anyone want my cherry?" at the ice cream parlor), I needed an explanation as to what it "meant" to those with minds in the gutter.

 

My children have been raised (so far) in a way that is fairly naive. They do know more about the human body and s*x than I did but not all the street language describing it and it's functions. But yesterday, dd7 asked "Does anyone want my cherry?" at the restaurant. We were with family so no one even raised an eyebrow but it got me thinking. How do we prepare our children to not constantly trip the mine-fields without making their mind a gutter too?

[Orthodox6]

When one of our dc, at an age too young to know what s/he is saying, utters one of these double entendres, I point out that the word or phrase also has a vulgar (or filthy) meaning, used by people who do not talk as we consider fit to speak. Warning, then, to refrain from using the word or phrase when away from home. I provide no "translation", and the child always has accepted that none is needed at his/her current age.

[BigMamaBird]

I don't think you can teach them to not be naive. And I don't think it's wrong to be so innocent. But you can teach them how to gracefully and maturely handle themselves in the aftermath.

[Peek a Boo]

yeah.... my oldest ds was commenting on his little sister when she was about 2 and a half. She was drinking my coke through a straw for several gulps and y brother said - wow, she really likes that coke, huh. Oldest says "yeah, she's a real coke sucker." but the long /O/ sound wasn't....very.....evident.....

[lauracolumbus]

My dd9 recently recited a poem that she had written for her Sunday school class that included a line about her being gay (happy). A mother of another child told me about it and how the whole class snickered. DD9 didn't mention it, so I didn't either. I only hope she was oblivious to the snickering.

 

BTW, she still believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy and gets lots of grief for that.

 

Laura

[Mommyof4ks]

I was certainly not naive as a kid, and honestly I hope to keep my kids away from the 'gutter' for a whole lot longer. It is hard though now that they hang out with kids who are not so naive. We now attend several activities with kids who are not hsed, and my kids have already learned more than I would like. :glare:

[Sherri in MI]

I can relate. I was very naive. When I was 19 and my co-workers swore I would blush. Unfortunately, I wasn't a Christian then and chose to learn to swear, so as to be taken more seriously at work. A decision I later regretted.

 

I wish my son was more naive. He's only 10.5 and knows all about sex and even gets innuendo. It doesn't help that our next door neighbor who is the same age talks about how he is going to have sex before he is married. My son is so outraged, which is good, but still, I'm sad.

 

Anyway, I like the mom's suggestion about telling your kids to avoid the phrase without telling them what it means. Wouldn't work with my son (he would persist in asking what it meant) but it would with many kids.

[AndyJoy]

As teens my sister and I were largely unaware of s*xual innuendos. This was more of a problem for her than me, however, for one simple reason--I didn't have/keep friends who talked that way, but she did. I remember when she was 16, one of her friends joked about dressing as a transvestite for Halloween. When she asked what that was, they all mocked her for weeks. They looked for opportunities to shock her with things she didn't know. Great friends, huh? She continued to hang out with these kids, and tried harder to learn what they were saying without directly asking them. She laughed along with their dirty jokes even if she didn't get them so she wouldn't be an outsider.

 

On the other hand, when I was mocked at softball practice for saying something that the other girls twisted into something dirty, I rolled my eyes, shrugged it off, and found someone else to hang out with. I didn't waste my time caring what they thought and didn't appreciate their version of "broadening my horizons." I cared more about what God, my parents, nice people, etc. thought of me than these sleazy girls.

 

I don't know how much can be chalked up to personality (my sister is a pleaser, I'm rarely swayed by peer pressure), but I think you can be "ignorant" of filthy ideas without being naive or feeling diminished in some way.

 

My sister has told my parents that they were wrong to "shelter" her from cussing, dirty jokes, etc. because she was unaware about all that was out there in the world. I have THANKED my parents for the very same thing.

Edited August 19, 2009 by AndyJoy

[Pamela H in Texas]

Jean,

 

really? I don't worry about it! Actually, a situation happened last night. We were at a friend's house helping build a bed for her 6yo. She also has a 15yo. My whole family was there. Anyway, there was a situation JUST like what you're describing. I caught it (and I tend to be a little slow myself). My friend and hubby and my friend's 15yo were all looking around and laughing. My kids and the 6yo were clueless.

 

Sometimes I think about it, but mostly, I think it's nice my kids can be innocent.

 

Another situation happened tonight. 16yo said something and hubby and I held back. Sometimes stuff happens.

 

Most of my children's friends are equally as innocent though. The other kids their ages in the congregation were also homeschooled, they all hang out with one another, they choose more innocent forms of entertainment.

 

You know, I finally started catching more stuff and more quickly, mostly with hubby's help. Why NOT be innocent til teasing with hubby/wife?

[Jean in Newcastle]

As teens my sister and I were largely unaware of s*xual innuendos. This was more of a problem for her than me, however, for one simple reason--I didn't have/keep friends who talked that way, but she did. I remember when she was 16, one of her friends joked about dressing as a transvestite for Halloween. When she asked what that was, they all mocked her for weeks. They looked for opportunities to shock her with things she didn't know. Great friends, huh? She continued to hang out with these kids, and tried harder to learn what they were saying without directly asking them. She laughed along with their dirty jokes even if she didn't get them so she wouldn't be an outsider.

 

On the other hand, when I was mocked at softball practice for saying something that the other girls twisted into something dirty, I rolled my eyes, shrugged it off, and found someone else to hang out with. I didn't waste my time caring what they thought and didn't appreciate their version of "broadening my horizons." I cared more about what God, my parents, nice people, etc. thought of me than these sleazy girls.

 

I don't know how much can be chalked up to personality (my sister is a pleaser, I'm rarely swayed by peer pressure), but I think you can be "ignorant" of filthy ideas without being naive or feeling diminished in some way.

 

My sister has told my parents that they were wrong to "shelter" her from cussing, dirty jokes, etc. because she was unaware about all that was out there in the world. I have THANKED my parents for the very same thing.

 

This was very helpful, thank you. In my case, once I was working, it wasn't friends as such but co-workers. But then I worked in a mostly male work-force (engineering) and I think the environment was more conducive to that sort of thing.

[Jumping In Puddles]

My daughter asked if she could sleep with her brother. Made me cringe a little :lol:

[OrganicAnn]

Just my opinion. I think the kindest thing is to tell kids that specific words have another meaning. Because you know unless they live a very sheltered life, they will be faced with this and be embarrassed. I would not do this to kids that are very young, but I guess somewhere in Middle School is a good age.

 

We lived in Europe when I was young for a year. In my school they called erasers "rubbers". I guess they were technically rubber erasers and in America we use eraser. Anyway, my parents told us when we returned to the US, not to use the word rubber because it had a different meaning and told us a briefly and dispassionately what the mean was. Personally I'm glad. Imagine asking a classmate or worse a teacher to borrow a rubber?

[Melissa in Australia]

.

 

We lived in Europe when I was young for a year. In my school they called erasers "rubbers". I guess they were technically rubber erasers and in America we use eraser. ?

 

when I was in school they were called rubbers.

[Melissa in Australia]

I had something happen to my ds 11 the other day . I heard about it about 3 days after it happened.

He was waiting for his basketball game to start. he was sitting by himself in the bleachers, because I am down on the court learning how to referee the game just before his. there were a few boys from another team waiting up there near him. they decided to try to intimidate him by talking absolute filth to him. he just sat there. a older teen who was sitting there was so shocked by what they were saying that she stepped in and told them to shut up. she was the one that told me about it. when I asked my son about what happened, he said he didn't know what they were talking about. he wasn't even sure if they were speaking English.:lol: he wasn't intimidated at all because he thought they must have been talking to someone else, and had no idea what they were on about. he does know all about the facts of life etc. just not all the filth. and to tell you the truth, I would probably have only a hazy idea what they were on about.

[KidsHappen]

This very thing came up at dinner tonight. We were playing telephone (at dinner, yeah, I know, we are weird!) and by the time it got halfway around the table, one of the words had been transformed into douche. About halfway around the table, my teenage (16) dd said, "I am not saying that!" and then again when is got to my dh, same thing. The rest of us bugged them until they finally spilled and then the two youngers didn't even know the word. I was surprised the 16 yr. old knew it. Come to find out she had seen it on a old advert. in a Boco' Di Bepo's resturaunt. Anyhow, I had to tell the youngers that I would explain the word at a later time. I am sure that it will be a completely foreign concept to them. :001_huh: Not such a bad thing. ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Melissa, I had something like this happen when I first came to the U.S. for college. I was downtown and a "gang banger" came up to me and started to talk to me in street talk. I could understand the individual words but I really had no idea what they meant put together! He finally got really disgusted at my blank looks and left. A grandmotherly woman who was waiting for the bus with me, leaned over and said, "He was trying to pick you up, dear." (In this case, I don't think what he was saying was filth or anything but I thought of it because of your story and the "language" problem.)

[Laurie4b]

Just my opinion. I think the kindest thing is to tell kids that specific words have another meaning. Because you know unless they live a very sheltered life, they will be faced with this and be embarrassed. I would not do this to kids that are very young, but I guess somewhere in Middle School is a good age.

 

 

 

:iagree: though we start with this in mid to late elementary school.

[AndyJoy]

This was very helpful, thank you. In my case, once I was working, it wasn't friends as such but co-workers. But then I worked in a mostly male work-force (engineering) and I think the environment was more conducive to that sort of thing.

 

I wasn't trying to imply that you were hanging out with the wrong people to have been exposed to that. I'm sorry if I came off that way. I understand the co-worker thing! I spend a summer working at an amusement park & living in dorms with 18-30 year olds. I still did the eye-roll thing. It usually put a damper on the joking if I didn't act embarassed or confused & just walked away to find something else useful to do.

[AndyJoy]

Just my opinion. I think the kindest thing is to tell kids that specific words have another meaning. Because you know unless they live a very sheltered life, they will be faced with this and be embarrassed. I would not do this to kids that are very young, but I guess somewhere in Middle School is a good age.

 

We lived in Europe when I was young for a year. In my school they called erasers "rubbers". I guess they were technically rubber erasers and in America we use eraser. Anyway, my parents told us when we returned to the US, not to use the word rubber because it had a different meaning and told us a briefly and dispassionately what the mean was. Personally I'm glad. Imagine asking a classmate or worse a teacher to borrow a rubber?

 

That's bad!

 

When I was in college, I taught a small group Bible study of 6th grade girls. At one point, I was telling a story about a friend, and mentioned that we ran off with her thongs and hung them in the dorm lounge. The girls' eyes widened and mouths dropped open. It was then that I realized that what I called thongs (from having lived in Japan as a child) are commonly called flip-flops! Yeah, that was a bit embarrassing. We had a good laugh after I explained what I meant.