s/o SWB article thread (CC) the ebb and flows of popular christianity

[johnandtinagilbert]

 

But at home school conferences in particular, I see/hear so much directed at women, telling them that attending to the domestic details is the measure of their effectiveness as mothers/wives. Those of you who've been to the same conferences I've attended know what I'm talking about. It's very powerful. Responding to those voices--which can be overwhelmingly judgmental--can be reassuring. (Parenting and home schooling are, by their nature, tasks which we never feel we do well enough. If you don't identify with that "we," you're lucky and unusual.) But it also can be enslaving. I'd like home school parents--and mothers in particular--to know that those voices don't represent the entire home school community.

 

 

SWB

 

I know just what you mean SWB, at least from what I've seen and heard at home school conventions.

 

I wonder if those voices are coming out of the Christian community?

 

I don't disagree with the importance of those issues, but I do often see the judgment and it causes concern for my sisters in Christ who will receive the it. I can blow it off (now) and take the principles without the judgment.

 

While I agree there is an example of both magnificent domestic living, and other ventures in Proverbs 31, my biggest problem doesn't lie in the "pressure" (at least not anymore), but more in the "flavor of the month" mentality that often accompanies it. Has anyone ever noticed the ebb and flow of popular christian culture? For example, I've witnessed, the rise and fall of natural medicine and bread making. Everyone in church did it for a time, then it falls....

 

Anybody else know what I mean and can relate it to the pressures to which SWB refers?

[TXMomof4]

I think it's just like any other fad. For my friends who send their kids to ps the pressure is on making sure your children are in activities that will make them superior athletes by the time they are 7 plus the academic activities that assure them a spot at Harvard by the time they are 12. For HS moms it seems the pressure is to live a totally wholesome life - grow your own organic garden, grind your wheat and bake your own bread, allow your children to grow and learn at their own pace as long as they are 2 grade levels above their ps peers. (unless they are parents who believe the rules don't truly apply and don't care if their 10 yo is reading).

 

The pressure to conform is everywhere, it just depends on what group you are part of. I feel very lucky - while there are lots of homeschoolers in Dallas, there are only about 4 families at our church that hs. Each of us has a different approach and most of the time are very confident in our decisions. The ps families seem to have the opinion that if you choose to hs you must have decided that public opinion doesn't really matter so they don't seem to try to hold us to a ps standard of success. My kids aren't in numerous activities. Our evenings are for family, not for running to 2 different soccer games every night. I'm sure there are many who would like to point out the error of my ways, but think I'm a lost cause already since I hs. KWIM? We don't have the bulk of other hs families around us judging our methods and lifestyle so it's left us very free.

[OnTheBrink]

Maybe I'm just super selective, but I've never once heard such info at a homeschool conference. Not saying it's not there; I just don't attend workshops that focus on that, nor do I spend time on keynote speakers who speak on such topics. I'm there for the academic workshops and normally, I shop during keynotes.

 

Except...I heard Todd Wilson speak this past spring and I loved his talks about lies homeschoolers buy into. Lies that everyone else but me has a clean house, happy husband, perfectly behaved children, gourmet meals on the table nightly and Big 10 schools wooing their kids. It's just not reality.

 

I do strive to improve in most all areas of my life, but it's motivated not by external voices pressuring me to make it better, but my own standards and wishes to have my life the way I want it to be.

 

Personally, I really don't care about others' housekeeping skills, dinner menus, or whether their kids are perfect. Well, I care in the sense that I care about my friends and their struggles/victories, but I've never considered it my business to worry about how others are doing in comparison to myself.

 

I guess I'm just a rebel and don't care what some homeschool conference speaker has to say about things I'm not there to hear about to begin with! One of my biggest frustrations with conferences is that there's too much fluff and not enough workshops on academics. [warning: rabbit trail] If I wanted to hear about churchy stuff, I'll go to church. If I wanted to hear about cooking/housekeeping issues, I'd seek help in that area. When I'm spending money to learn about and improve our home school, I want academics discussed. [/rabbit trail]

[FO4UR]

I see/feel that pressure ...we need to remind ourselves that all of these "works" do not make up a "good Christian." Mary & Martha - sigh!

[johnandtinagilbert]

I think it's just like any other fad. For my friends who send their kids to ps the pressure is on making sure your children are in activities that will make them superior athletes by the time they are 7 plus the academic activities that assure them a spot at Harvard by the time they are 12. For HS moms it seems the pressure is to live a totally wholesome life - grow your own organic garden, grind your wheat and bake your own bread, allow your children to grow and learn at their own pace as long as they are 2 grade levels above their ps peers. (unless they are parents who believe the rules don't truly apply and don't care if their 10 yo is reading).

 

The pressure to conform is everywhere, it just depends on what group you are part of. I feel very lucky - while there are lots of homeschoolers in Dallas, there are only about 4 families at our church that hs. Each of us has a different approach and most of the time are very confident in our decisions. The ps families seem to have the opinion that if you choose to hs you must have decided that public opinion doesn't really matter so they don't seem to try to hold us to a ps standard of success. My kids aren't in numerous activities. Our evenings are for family, not for running to 2 different soccer games every night. I'm sure there are many who would like to point out the error of my ways, but think I'm a lost cause already since I hs. KWIM? We don't have the bulk of other hs families around us judging our methods and lifestyle so it's left us very free.

 

At this point in our hs life (approaching year 10), I am pretty free too. I do remember, though listening to a zillion people and thinking I needed to do things a certain way to be a "good" wife, teacher, mother. Funny how, all I needed to do was ask my husband what he wanted and the wife part isn't as hard as I thought; be consistent in whatever I'm doing to be a good teacher (balanced with academic growth), and be patient and loving to be a better momma.

 

I guess it took me a while to get to the "who cares what they think" stage. It is hard, though at conventions when you see 5 million planners, cookbooks, programs, etc. on how to be successful. I was long ago guilty of trying so many plans, and never really consistently using them, then considering myself a failure, instead of just owning up to my personal laziness (an issue for me).

[OnTheBrink]

 

I guess it took me a while to get to the "who cares what they think" stage. It is hard, though at conventions when you see 5 million planners, cookbooks, programs, etc. on how to be successful. I was long ago guilty of trying so many plans, and never really consistently using them, then considering myself a failure, instead of just owning up to my personal laziness (an issue for me).

 

Isn't perception funny? I see those things and think, "Huh, looks like someone's trying to cash in on the fact the place is loaded with women!" I look at the inclusion of cookbooks, etc in the vendor halls as someone taking the opportunity to market to woman, not that these items are specifically for making our homeschools better, or that they're existence implies we're doing it wrong. LOL

 

My attitude may come from having spent so many years married to someone who measured everything I did by how his mother and grandmother did it. I'm ME and I do things MY way and that doesn't make me wrong. So there. :tongue_smilie:

[johnandtinagilbert]

Maybe I'm just super selective, but I've never once heard such info at a homeschool conference. Not saying it's not there; I just don't attend workshops that focus on that, nor do I spend time on keynote speakers who speak on such topics. I'm there for the academic workshops and normally, I shop during keynotes.

 

Except...I heard Todd Wilson speak this past spring and I loved his talks about lies homeschoolers buy into. Lies that everyone else but me has a clean house, happy husband, perfectly behaved children, gourmet meals on the table nightly and Big 10 schools wooing their kids. It's just not reality.

 

I do strive to improve in most all areas of my life, but it's motivated not by external voices pressuring me to make it better, but my own standards and wishes to have my life the way I want it to be.

 

Personally, I really don't care about others' housekeeping skills, dinner menus, or whether their kids are perfect. Well, I care in the sense that I care about my friends and their struggles/victories, but I've never considered it my business to worry about how others are doing in comparison to myself.

 

I guess I'm just a rebel and don't care what some homeschool conference speaker has to say about things I'm not there to hear about to begin with! One of my biggest frustrations with conferences is that there's too much fluff and not enough workshops on academics. [warning: rabbit trail] If I wanted to hear about churchy stuff, I'll go to church. If I wanted to hear about cooking/housekeeping issues, I'd seek help in that area. When I'm spending money to learn about and improve our home school, I want academics discussed. [/rabbit trail]

 

I need to look into that for some pleasurable reading. It's been mentioned here a time or two this past month. Seems like I would enjoy the content.

 

It's so true. I know someone who appears to do it all: creative, beautiful home, "sweet" kids, lots of school and field trips. I compared myself to her many times. When I got to know her better, I realized she rarely cooks a home cooked meal, just posts pics on her blog of the once per week when she does. She uses TOG, but "uses" it very, very lightly compared to the effort we put into it. I'm not judging, just recognizing what she means when she says, "I use TOG." is something very different then what I mean when I say, "I use TOG." Her children are sweet, but after time spent, I realize they have their issues too. Nobody can give 100% to home schooling, working part-time, cooking, scrapbooking, volunteering and house work...not all at once. There just aren't enough hours in the day. We can get really good at a couple of those things though!

 

What is most important, i.e. the top priority on your list? Speaking in terms of day to day...

 

I have a tie. For me, school excellence tops the list, but since dh has cleanliness and order on top, I have to make sure his top is fulfilled first. Then I can peacefully accomplish my excellence in school. This combo allows me to focus on character across the board at the same time.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I see/feel that pressure ...we need to remind ourselves that all of these "works" do not make up a "good Christian." Mary & Martha - sigh!

 

We all have our spots to work on, no? I do remember, though, how hard it used to be for me. Just when I got good at something, the tide changed and that bread making wasn't as important as the new garden. What a joy it was when I, encouraged by my husband, dropped all the "other" and got down to basics. I am so much more fulfilled taking care of the little things and appreciating the extras when I can. We have a garden, very small, but I can buy bread and still have some dignity ;) I must, however, avoid white bread! lol!

[johnandtinagilbert]

Isn't perception funny? I see those things and think, "Huh, looks like someone's trying to cash in on the fact the place is loaded with women!" I look at the inclusion of cookbooks, etc in the vendor halls as someone taking the opportunity to market to woman, not that these items are specifically for making our homeschools better, or that they're existence implies we're doing it wrong. LOL

 

 

just love marketing, huh!:tongue_smilie:

[dhudson]

I wonder sometimes if the "fads" in Christianity aren't a backlash against what is seen in popular culture. For a long time in the popular culture (think 70's and 80's) being a SAHM and putting a priority on family life was a demeaning and unpopular choice. I think of the song that went something like, "I bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan"... the point being that a Mom could work fulltime (and perhaps should) and maintain the home. The backlash in the Christian community (at least some of them ) went perhaps too far. I saw this in my home growing up. My parents went from "a girl should and could accomplish whatever she puts her mind to" to "a girl doesn't really need a college education" after hanging out in the homeschool community in the late 80's.

 

I see the pendulum swinging perhaps to a more centered view now but I think we need to watch that we don't swing too far.

 

As a Christian wife and mother, I can take care of my dh and kids to the extent that I feel is needed but I still have the freedom and want to better myself.

 

We continually need to go back to what the Bible says (and pray about it ) instead of listening and taking to heart everything we hear - even at a home school convention by a popular speaker.;)

 

My dh often has great insight as well. Yes, he likes dinner made every evening when he gets home and enjoys having clean underwear :lol: but he often tells me that I am too worried about how clean the house is. He loves that I am continually looking for ways to educate myself so that I can better educate our children.

 

I love these threads - thanks for starting them!

[CLHCO]

I dunno. I think there are some reasonable answers for why this happens. First, many women are coming out of a life that never showed them how to cook a chicken, let alone raise and pluck one. They want to "do everything right" as they learn all this weird stuff they hear women once did in days gone by. Fads pop up in response to this.

 

There's a bigger reason though. Let's face it, if you want to get hired on as a conference speaker, you better be a bit more radical with some new spin to offer than the person last year. I mean, not many are going to fly me in and hire me to say, "Hi! I'm Cheryl and today I'm going to show you how, when you hear your husband's car pull up, quickly jump off the computer, open a can of Chef Boyardee for dinner, then look frazzled as you come up with all the reasons why nothing got finished today!" ;)

 

Yeah, I'm totally over them now. I do love my grain grinder though. Glad to hit that fad.

[BikeBookBread]

I wonder sometimes if the "fads" in Christianity aren't a backlash against what is seen in popular culture. For a long time in the popular culture (think 70's and 80's) being a SAHM and putting a priority on family life was a demeaning and unpopular choice. I think of the song that went something like, "I bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan"... the point being that a Mom could work fulltime (and perhaps should) and maintain the home. The backlash in the Christian community (at least some of them ) went perhaps too far. I saw this in my home growing up. My parents went from "a girl should and could accomplish whatever she puts her mind to" to "a girl doesn't really need a college education" after hanging out in the homeschool community in the late 80's.

 

I see the pendulum swinging perhaps to a more centered view now but I think we need to watch that we don't swing too far.

 

As a Christian wife and mother, I can take care of my dh and kids to the extent that I feel is needed but I still have the freedom and want to better myself.

 

We continually need to go back to what the Bible says (and pray about it ) instead of listening and taking to heart everything we hear - even at a home school convention by a popular speaker.;)

 

My dh often has great insight as well. Yes, he likes dinner made every evening when he gets home and enjoys having clean underwear :lol: but he often tells me that I am too worried about how clean the house is. He loves that I am continually looking for ways to educate myself so that I can better educate our children.

 

I love these threads - thanks for starting them!

 

Very well put, especially this bit:

 

We continually need to go back to what the Bible says (and pray about it ) instead of listening and taking to heart everything we hear - even at a home school convention by a popular speaker.;)

 

Thanks!

 

PS The only thing my DH really asks for is clean underwear, too. Bless him!!!!

 

PPS I bake bread, usually not 100% whole wheat, and have done so for several years because it is my "thing". I love to do it! It's really my hobby. When I entered the HS realm, I got the distinct impression from some of my HSing friends that my homemade bread wasn't "wholesome" enough... :(

Edited August 7, 2009 by BikeBookBread

[kmacnchs]

For HS moms it seems the pressure is to live a totally wholesome life - grow your own organic garden, grind your wheat and bake your own bread, allow your children to grow and learn at their own pace as long as they are 2 grade levels above their ps peers.

 

:iagree:

I laughed out loud because I feel this way COMPLETELY! I have been wondering all summer if I could have a thumb transplant because mine is not green enough to keep up with the standard I have in my head :tongue_smilie:

And you know what...I get tired of baking bread sometimes!:ohmy:

[CLHCO]

:iagree:

I have been wondering all summer if I could have a thumb transplant because mine is not green enough to keep up with the standard I have in my head :tongue_smilie:

 

 

:lol:

I have had a good garden this summer. Natural as the wind and the rain, growing only because of the strangely wet summer and living happily among the weeds.

 

Despite learning to sew, grind and bake from scratch, and even some home canning, I have learned that I will forever be a failure at 2 things: gardening and a guest-ready home. I'm going to settle for a home we can walk through without injury and Costco. If society ever falls and we resort back to an agrarian society, I'm going to have to become a traveling minstrel to sing for my supper because otherwise we'd all starve.

 

Though, in truth, I had to hit a fad or two in order to find out I love sewing and baking, hate gardening.

[johnandtinagilbert]

:lol:

I have had a good garden this summer. Natural as the wind and the rain, growing only because of the strangely wet summer and living happily among the weeds.

 

Despite learning to sew, grind and bake from scratch, and even some home canning, I have learned that I will forever be a failure at 2 things: gardening and a guest-ready home. I'm going to settle for a home we can walk through without injury and Costco. If society ever falls and we resort back to an agrarian society, I'm going to have to become a traveling minstrel to sing for my supper because otherwise we'd all starve.

 

Though, in truth, I had to hit a fad or two in order to find out I love sewing and baking, hate gardening.

My family has been working on non-tech needed entertainment. We figure if the world plummets to older ways, we can sing, play instruments and perform magic tricks for a living. We'll travel and be fed :)

[Sophia]

... "Hi! I'm Cheryl and today I'm going to show you how, when you hear your husband's car pull up, quickly jump off the computer, open a can of Chef Boyardee for dinner, then look frazzled as you come up with all the reasons why nothing got finished today!" ;)

 

...

 

:lol::lol::lol:

Finally something I can talk about!

 

Maybe it's due to maturity, maybe it's due to just being clueless, but I'm not really sure what or whom SWB is referring to.

 

I do enjoy speakers who will challenge me, and to be completely honest, when I first began homeschooling keeping a clean house, cooking, managing a home etc. was challenging because I never thought in all my college days, that this is where I would be. So I did (still do!) gravitate to those speakers who urge me to raise the bar in homemaking because I didn't even know there was a bar! I thought my dc would be in daycare and the cleaning lady would clean the house while I enjoyed my fulfilling career :tongue_smilie:.

It was frustrating and discouraging to go from being competent and respected in my job to being overwhelmed by two little people and a house.

So...all this to say that I guess I'm one of the "lucky and unusual" ones who can hear those kind of talks and feel inspired rather than judged. :001_smile:

[angela in ohio]

My dh often has great insight as well. Yes, he likes dinner made every evening when he gets home and enjoys having clean underwear :lol: but he often tells me that I am too worried about how clean the house is. He loves that I am continually looking for ways to educate myself so that I can better educate our children.

 

As I shared in the original thread, this is our relationship, too. I believe that our husbands keep us on track. The time I've swung too far one way was when I quit listening to dh and started listening to other moms, books, and "experts" who said I must be a certain way to be a good wife.

 

If my dh would rather have me read, so that I can better educate our dc, than to bake our bread from scratch, then that is what I do without reservation (or guilt.) If someone else's dh doesn't have that same feeling, then she will have a different set of priorities.

 

So why is there a problem? Because those with their priorities focused more on an extremely high standard of homemaking seem to be a rather loud voice in the homeschool community. ;)

 

We have two homeschool conventions locally. One is just like SWB describes: soft mindss equal soft hearts, keep a perfect home, etc. Then another started with a different theological bent in another city. It is (mostly) all about education. (SWB was there this past year, as well as other "academic" speakers.) It is a breath of fresh air to some of us. There are still a few "homeschool long-time favorites" who talk against academics, but not as many as you find at the other convention.

[Carol in Cal.]

...that I have been very blessed to be Lutheran. In the conservative parts of the Lutheran church, the concept of adiophora is taken very seriously. Adiophora is something that is informed by but not directed specifically by Scripture. And on points of adiophora, we must respect a range of views among Christians.

 

So, for instance, although it is not that common for Lutherans to homeschool, there isn't the same kind of pressure toward one way of living within any church that I have attended. There are some homeschoolers, some Lutheran schoolers, some other Christian schoolers, and some public schoolers. All are assumed to have prayed about their families' best interests and made God-assisted choices about their children's educations. Certainly the idea of being responsible to 'train up a child' properly in the Lord is taught thoroughly and strongly, but the specifics of how to do that are not directed.

 

Sometimes this is frustrating. I looked for a long time for Lutheran moms who were conservative theologically and still AP oriented. I finally found ONE when DD was 6, and she didn't want to homeschool. That feeling you can get in some big non-denomination churches that everyone around you is pretty much living like you is virtually non-existent in conservative Lutheran circles--although we would certainly think that everyone around us is BELIEVING the same as us. Sometimes I would like more of a like-minded community around child-raising than I can get among my Lutheran friends.

 

But the mutually respectful community that I do have is very valuable to me, and I guess that I would feel very restrained and probably quite resentful if everyone around me marched in lockstep and used all Abeka all the time, for instance, and looked askance upon those who do differently.

[johnandtinagilbert]

...that I have been very blessed to be Lutheran. In the conservative parts of the Lutheran church, the concept of adiophora is taken very seriously. Adiophora is something that is informed by but not directed specifically by Scripture. And on points of adiophora, we must respect a range of views among Christians.

 

So, for instance, although it is not that common for Lutherans to homeschool, there isn't the same kind of pressure toward one way of living within any church that I have attended. There are some homeschoolers, some Lutheran schoolers, some other Christian schoolers, and some public schoolers. All are assumed to have prayed about their families' best interests and made God-assisted choices about their children's educations. Certainly the idea of being responsible to 'train up a child' properly in the Lord is taught thoroughly and strongly, but the specifics of how to do that are not directed.

 

Sometimes this is frustrating. I looked for a long time for Lutheran moms who were conservative theologically and still AP oriented. I finally found ONE when DD was 6, and she didn't want to homeschool. That feeling you can get in some big non-denomination churches that everyone around you is pretty much living like you is virtually non-existent in conservative Lutheran circles--although we would certainly think that everyone around us is BELIEVING the same as us. Sometimes I would like more of a like-minded community around child-raising than I can get among my Lutheran friends.

 

But the mutually respectful community that I do have is very valuable to me, and I guess that I would feel very restrained and probably quite resentful if everyone around me marched in lockstep and used all Abeka all the time, for instance, and looked askance upon those who do differently.

I have a close friend who is Lutheran and I get the same from her. She is the only hser in her church, where she has attended in her entire life and her church sticks to the teachings of her sect of Christianity, but don't really impress much on what we consider the "social" aspects of Christianity. Her church offers a diverse population, but she has a tough time finding like-minded, home schoolers in her church family.

 

I guess the plus side of that is "like-minded" has never worked out to be all it's stacked up to be, in my experience.

Thanks for the perspective. An interesting and thought provoking comment. I wonder what is in Lutheranism that projects this environment?

[Carol in Cal.]

I wonder what is in Lutheranism that projects this environment?

 

I think that it is the centrality of the salvific Gospel that is so focussed upon in conservative Lutheranism. This implies that it would be scandelous (sp) to put some non-mandated lifestyle constraint up as a stumbling block to someone's reception of saving faith.

 

The other issue is, I think, the tremendous respect for what the actual, original Bible says, and the desire not to overstep and create a law where the Bible does not. Delicately stating this as respectfully as possible, we are raised hearing about Roman Catholics having done so, and try hard not to do that ourselves. Having said that, I hasten to add, we have tremendous respect for the councils of the early Church, and for catholic (in the sense of universal Christian) practices that are not impedimentary to the Gospel. We hold to the Ecumenical Creeds and use much of the Roman Catholic/Orthodox liturgy. But we are less prescriptive than most churches, except in beliefs and Biblical principles and morals, and, to a lesser but still noticeable extent, worship practices (about which there is raging controversy in conservative Lutheran circles.)

[Leanna Tomlinson]

I do agree that some of those "voices" in the homeschooling community are loud and sometimes quite adamant about a particular point of view or lifestyle. However, I think they are not completely to blame for the feelings of pressure in some homeschooling circles. The biggest feelings of judgement and pressure come from within ourselves.

 

How many of us have met a mom who, when learning of our educational choices, has felt threatened by the fact that we homeschool. We are not trying to convince her to homeschool, we do not think less of her or her children, but somehow she still feels judged by the mere fact that we made a different choice from her. I know it has happened to me and I have read of similar circumstances on this board. Just as the mere choice of homeschooling can put some public school parents on the defensive, other conservative and/or radical choices can do the same thing....even if you have no desire to push your ideas on another person.

 

I have met some very accomplished women who did not push their lifestyle on anyone, but all it takes is her bringing extra tomotoes to church to give away, and someone feels "pressured" because they don't garden. I've known young women to choose bottlefeeding and then feel "pressured" everytime they see somone breastfeeding. I've seen a woman in all sincerity bring someone a meal, and because it happened to have homemade bread included, the recipient felt "pressured". Sometimes women just have a problem with other women doing something that they can't do or don't want to do.

 

I don't say this to negate the fact that the loud voices are there. They are. But our reaction is our own responsibility. An older lady at church always says, "Eat the chicken and leave the bones, and you'll come away well nourished." ;)

 

I enjoyed SWB's article and agree with it. I've loved the threads that have resulted.

 

~

Leanna

[ElizabethB]

There's a bigger reason though. Let's face it, if you want to get hired on as a conference speaker, you better be a bit more radical with some new spin to offer than the person last year. I mean, not many are going to fly me in and hire me to say, "Hi! I'm Cheryl and today I'm going to show you how, when you hear your husband's car pull up, quickly jump off the computer, open a can of Chef Boyardee for dinner, then look frazzled as you come up with all the reasons why nothing got finished today!" ;)

 

I would come, especially if you had a good list of reasons to hand out!

[Carol in Cal.]

I would come, especially if you had a good list of reasons to hand out!

 

 

...the conference Comedian, not conference Speaker category, LOL!

[TravelingChris]

:iagree:with Leanna's post. My hardest problem is that my dh has very high standards about things and he compares stuff. Like we have volunteered to do coffee service for our church once a month. This takes a few hours plus we need to buy milk and hopefully snacks. THe normal thing is to bring 400 cookies. Some volunteers bring other things like fresh fruit, banana bread, exotic desserts, etc. I do the very basic- I get 400+ assorted cookies from the store. I do not bake 400 cookies. I am not embarassed, put down, or anything else. If I didn't have three children, four pets, and live 10 miles away from church and in traffic jam land, I might have more time and energy to do more. I don't and can't.

 

I also didn't let anyone try to shame me about other of my choices. I didn't breastfeed my children. In case you really need to know, I had health issues where I needed medication that was incompatible with breastfeeding. I didn't do much crafts or reading aloud with my children either. I leave others alone and expect to be left to my choices too.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I think that it is the centrality of the salvific Gospel that is so focussed upon in conservative Lutheranism. This implies that it would be scandelous (sp) to put some non-mandated lifestyle constraint up as a stumbling block to someone's reception of saving faith.

 

The other issue is, I think, the tremendous respect for what the actual, original Bible says, and the desire not to overstep and create a law where the Bible does not. Delicately stating this as respectfully as possible, we are raised hearing about Roman Catholics having done so, and try hard not to do that ourselves. Having said that, I hasten to add, we have tremendous respect for the councils of the early Church, and for catholic (in the sense of universal Christian) practices that are not impedimentary to the Gospel. We hold to the Ecumenical Creeds and use much of the Roman Catholic/Orthodox liturgy. But we are less prescriptive than most churches, except in beliefs and Biblical principles and morals, and, to a lesser but still noticeable extent, worship practices (about which there is raging controversy in conservative Lutheran circles.)

Thank you. Excellent description. Worth printing and meditating on. I appreciate your perspective.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I do agree that some of those "voices" in the homeschooling community are loud and sometimes quite adamant about a particular point of view or lifestyle. However, I think they are not completely to blame for the feelings of pressure in some homeschooling circles. The biggest feelings of judgement and pressure come from within ourselves.

 

How many of us have met a mom who, when learning of our educational choices, has felt threatened by the fact that we homeschool. We are not trying to convince her to homeschool, we do not think less of her or her children, but somehow she still feels judged by the mere fact that we made a different choice from her. I know it has happened to me and I have read of similar circumstances on this board. Just as the mere choice of homeschooling can put some public school parents on the defensive, other conservative and/or radical choices can do the same thing....even if you have no desire to push your ideas on another person.

 

I have met some very accomplished women who did not push their lifestyle on anyone, but all it takes is her bringing extra tomotoes to church to give away, and someone feels "pressured" because they don't garden. I've known young women to choose bottlefeeding and then feel "pressured" everytime they see somone breastfeeding. I've seen a woman in all sincerity bring someone a meal, and because it happened to have homemade bread included, the recipient felt "pressured". Sometimes women just have a problem with other women doing something that they can't do or don't want to do.

 

I've loved the threads that have resulted.

 

~

Leanna

I couldn't agree more.