Sue G in PA Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Okay guys...here it is. My 14yo niece is on my FB. Her parents are as well and they are on hers. So, it's not like they aren't clued in to what is going on. Today, I get on and some of her friends are cursing up a storm in response to what what a completely innocent status of hers. She told the friend who was cursing to stop. Good for her. So, I look at her new profile picture and to me (now i am a bit conservative), she is showing a bit too much cleavage. She is leaning over in the photo, thus making it all the more revealing. WWYD? We are fairly close as far as relatives go. I could say something to her but I wouldn't want to step on her parents toes. We are more conservative than they are about these issues. It just worries me for her b/c at 14yo I don't think she's ready to handle the attention a photo like that might attract, KWIM? Am i making too big a deal out of this or should I say something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 If her parents can see the photo, I would leave it alone. If she gets unwanted attention, then I would see that as a very natural consequence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 That happened with my very sweet niece who was 19 at the time. I thought the dress was way too low cut and she was leaning over and was standing in a kind of Marilyn Monroe (in the white dress) kind of pose. Her mom is not on FB so I mentioned it to my mil. The picture was changed shortly after that. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyJudyJudy Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 If her parents can see the photo, I would leave it alone. If she gets unwanted attention, then I would see that as a very natural consequence. I agree with the part in bold. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Okay guys...here it is. My 14yo niece is on my FB. Her parents are as well and they are on hers. So, it's not like they aren't clued in to what is going on. Today, I get on and some of her friends are cursing up a storm in response to what what a completely innocent status of hers. She told the friend who was cursing to stop. Good for her. So, I look at her new profile picture and to me (now i am a bit conservative), she is showing a bit too much cleavage. She is leaning over in the photo, thus making it all the more revealing. WWYD? We are fairly close as far as relatives go. I could say something to her but I wouldn't want to step on her parents toes. We are more conservative than they are about these issues. It just worries me for her b/c at 14yo I don't think she's ready to handle the attention a photo like that might attract, KWIM? Am i making too big a deal out of this or should I say something? Leave it completely and totally alone. The parents are involved, aware and part of her cyber life. You don't have a right to impose your standards. If we (the collective we) want respect and lack of unsolicated advice for our parenting approach, we also need to grant it. Imagine, for example, what if a relative were posting on an internet board about talking to you about homeschool, socialization dangers, academic dangers, and sheltering? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mari Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Hmm. I wonder how often her parents get on FB. I would tell the parents in a general concerned sort of way, prefacing it by saying you don't want to be judgemental but weren't sure if they had yet seen the photo and comments. I don't think anything is wrong with that and I would certainly welcome the concern if she were my daughter. It would actually open the door to discuss these sensitive and important issues with her. How often are you offering unsolicited advice? If you are constantly in their chili about their parenting choices it could come across in a negative way. If not, they may really appreciate your concern. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingM Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 If her parents are on FB, I would leave it alone and let them deal with it. I have a similarish situation. My 16 y.o. niece is a FB friend and my sister is not on FB. My niece is always making comments about how she wishes she were older and there's an older guy who she always flirts with on FB who is 23 that she met while they were in a community play together. Now she's listed her relationship status as being the girlfriend of this guy. If she were 18 I wouldn't worry about it, but 16? And what's this guy thinking? So I'm trying to work out how to bring it up to my sister without alienating my niece. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 (edited) I agree with Joanne, but I understand your concern. I hid one of my nieces from my FB news feed because I was tired of reading about her dramas and her love life and thinking, Why can't you find some shorts that are longer than your top? Her mother knows she dresses this way, and it is in no way my place to comment. Edited August 1, 2009 by WordGirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 I'd only let someone know about that type of thing if they were totally unaware, and it sounds like they know of and see her fb account. I'm realizing that different people have different limits about what is and is not appropriate. They may not bat an eye at the photo. I've got some stiffer boundaries with my dc than some people do. But I'm realizing that there are others who won't allow their dc to do half what we allow. I'd just let it go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susu Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 If was close to them, I'd try to gently mention it to the mom or dad(whoever you are closer to)...since I see that at a potential danger to the daughter. I would try to keep the "values" question out of it though, and just mention the potential for cyberstalkers out there that might try to take advantage of her... I would only do this to family I was close to, though. Normally I would leave it alone if the mom and dad were on FB with her... Susu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Yep, if the parents are on FB, then leave it alone. Eventually the parents will see the picture and then deal with it as they see fit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 I think you leave it alone also, for the most part. If y'all are chatting one day and modesty can come up, then you might discuss it with her as how some people may see it. Sometimes opportunities like that happen, but otherwise, she has parents who have a way to be aware of what is going on. It's their responsibility to raise their kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Hmm. I wonder how often her parents get on FB. I would tell the parents in a general concerned sort of way, prefacing it by saying you don't want to be judgemental but weren't sure if they had yet seen the photo and comments. I don't think anything is wrong with that and I would certainly welcome the concern if she were my daughter. It would actually open the door to discuss these sensitive and important issues with her. How often are you offering unsolicited advice? If you are constantly in their chili about their parenting choices it could come across in a negative way. If not, they may really appreciate your concern. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Okay guys...here it is. My 14yo niece is on my FB. Her parents are as well and they are on hers. So, it's not like they aren't clued in to what is going on. Today, I get on and some of her friends are cursing up a storm in response to what what a completely innocent status of hers. She told the friend who was cursing to stop. Good for her. So, I look at her new profile picture and to me (now i am a bit conservative), she is showing a bit too much cleavage. She is leaning over in the photo, thus making it all the more revealing. WWYD? We are fairly close as far as relatives go. I could say something to her but I wouldn't want to step on her parents toes. We are more conservative than they are about these issues. It just worries me for her b/c at 14yo I don't think she's ready to handle the attention a photo like that might attract, KWIM? Am i making too big a deal out of this or should I say something? Hmm. Her folks are on her friends list, you said - but who knows if they actually *use* FB ... I know a fair few people who registered but rarely ever actually login. I have a young relative who posted a similar sounding photo - what I did in that situation was send her a private message that was joking in tone, hoping to get her thinking "on her own";) ... It was a very low cut dress and a pose that left very little to the imagination - what I sent was basically "Hey you. You're gonna fall out of that dress and scare off ____" with a :-o smiley face. (Blank space was where I put the name of a guy I knew she kinda liked) .....she wrote back "ROFL that wud b bad!" and changed the pic. Mission accomplished. :D (Note: this girl and I have a very good relationship, so there was no way she'd take offense to my message and I knew that. YMMV, just a suggestion.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 If that picture is on your account however, I'd have it removed. What she does with her account is her business if her parents know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyg Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My dh has actually had to "unfriend" a close young-adult relative because of her continuous inappropriate pictures! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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