MIch elle Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 in her old room at home. When we stay at my sister's home, we stay in this dd's room and it's not very comfortable because all her stuff is all over the place like she still lives there but hasn't for the last 10 years. My sister refuses to clean her dc's rooms because she might or probably will get yelled at for touching her dc's stuff (3 dc - 31, 29, 27 yo) which none of them live at home (they live in small apts). I find this strange! But then again that's my sister - she's always let her dc walk all over her. I've learned to keep my mouth shut over the years. What do you think? Strange or normal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingM Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Strange, definitely. But, it's her house, so if that gives her a feeling of connection to her kids it seems like maybe a harmless eccentricity. I'm 38 and my Mom still has some of the stuff from my brother and I in our old bedroom: plaques, trophies, Boy Scout pictures, etc., although it's not a shrine by any stretch. Still, it's weird to go visit, sleep in my old bedroom and feel like I didn't actually move out of the house 20 years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I think I was in my early 30s before my mom finally took my room apart and made it a sewing room. She needed the bed in there for guests and with working a full time job the room was just not a priority. I had to be married and have a child for her to seriously want to change the room though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I think this is normal. My two sisters and I all have things stored at mom's house, in our old rooms. Over time we slowly reclaim things as we have a need for them or space to store them. It's not like my mom has sudden need for this space, it will be empty once we take our stuff out, she doesn't have new things to put there. Her thoughts are we will take it when we are ready for it or it will be there when she dies and we still get to take care of it. Her opinion, is it's our stuff and it's our problem. I suppose if she actually wanted to use the space for something else then it would be an issue but even that isn't a likely scenario. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted July 11, 2009 Author Share Posted July 11, 2009 I think this is normal. My two sisters and I all have things stored at mom's house, in our old rooms. Pictures, books, TV, stereo, drawings, books, clothes, etc. on dresser tops, in drawers, closets and on the floor - like she never left - all over the place even paper waste in the basket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I think it's weird. I think she should have her daughter claim it or dump it. It's easy for me to say since we moved several times when I was young and things did not stay around. But, my husband's closet from his parents home is still full of all the stuff he left there 20 years ago. My kids love it. They come home with loads of junk. I do not want or need it in our house. If something can sit for 20 years it needs to go into the garbage. Plus, it's caked with 20 years of grime! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Seems odd to me. My room got taken over when I left for college. Then my parents moved to a different house. I can't imagine keeping my childrens' rooms the same after they leave. I would definitely pack their belongings into boxes and covert the room to another purpose (guest room, room for a younger child, etc.). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 It is odd. My room was quickly claimed when I left LOL.......dh's old room was a sewing room within a week of him leaving for college:lol: My mom still has stuff from when I was a kid, but it's certainly not where I left it. I wouldn't say anything though. I would think that stuff is attatched to some deep-seated emotional issues.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnandtinagilbert Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I can see a few things, but the entire room in tact...odd. When my kids go...they're stuff will be gone lickety split! I'll have a craft room and an exercise room :) Of course, my oldest says he's never moving out and when he marries, we'll live in the same house and he'll take care of us (Momma's boy :) ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 (edited) To me it seems annoying but harmless. When I was 12 I went to visit my dad and his new wife for a couple weeks, and when I came "home" my mother had sold all my furniture, toys and books. I had a few clothes left in the closet, but my room was bare. That, my friends, is weird and sick. Keeping things, not so much. ETA: I feel I should clarify that my feeling is that holding on to our children is a natural instinct -- one that can go wrong, perhaps, but that it's within the range of "normal". And yes, your sister probably has some unfinished business that she could take care of, but it's her business. Letting go of our children very early, that is not normal or healthy. Edited July 11, 2009 by Nicole M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted July 11, 2009 Author Share Posted July 11, 2009 It is odd. I wouldn't say anything though. I would think that stuff is attatched to some deep-seated emotional issues.... .. that she should clean all the flies in the windowsill. It was FILLED with dead flies! The next time we visited the flies were gone. Other than that I say NOTHING! It gets me nowhere. When I visit, I move the stuff off the dresser & put it back after I leave. When someone comes to visit me I CLEAN the place they are going to say in to make them comfortable. The last time this sister visited I cleaned out my boys bedroom where she stayed - everything off tops of dressers, desk, shelves & night stand and even made room in the closet for them to hang clothes. We don't have 3 un-used bedrooms like my sister does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loupelou Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I think it's strange but, it is her house. I guess if she is willing to indulge her adult children in that manner it's her choice. It makes me think of the Barone house on "Everybody Loves Raymond", how the bedroom looked like a shrine to the kids' childhood. Time to move on- enjoy your house, and enjoy your guests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutmeg Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I think it's odd. Then again, my parents moved just before my senior year ( & my sister's last year) of college. When we came 'home' to visit we found one tiny guest room to share. That actually might have made the transition somewhat easier for everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Strange, BUT that's because I had been out of the house less than 12 hours before my mm had anything I left behind in the trash and was repainting the room for my brother. I had just turned 18. She even made me take my babybook etc. It seemed like she wanted to purge her home of me. FTR she did not do the same thing when my siblings moved out. She only redid those rooms when they got engaged/married, incase they ever needed to move back. So yeah I see it as strange but harmless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy in MD Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 It is odd. .......dh's old room was a sewing room within a week of him leaving for college:lol: ..... Now that would be weird in my family. I was still a member of the family and still needed my room on weekedends, breaks and summer.........and after I graduated.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Totally strange in my opinion. Thru college I'd leave the kid's room intact, but once they have a job and their own apartment, I'd box everything up and give it to them or put it in storage. ( Already did this with one kid.)It's just wierd to have a room in tact after 10 years and then expect guests to stay in it without cleaning up if you ask me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Strange, BUT that's because I had been out of the house less than 12 hours before my mm had anything I left behind in the trash and was repainting the room for my brother. I had just turned 18. She even made me take my babybook etc. It seemed like she wanted to purge her home of me. FTR she did not do the same thing when my siblings moved out. She only redid those rooms when they got engaged/married, incase they ever needed to move back. So yeah I see it as strange but harmless. My mom did the same thing, except it took her two days to dismantle my bed and move my "best friend" in there... I hadn't moved out, I was staying at a friend's house for a three day weekend... Or, I guess I HAD moved out and just didn't know it :glare: Oh, and when my older two sibs moved out, my brother's room was a shrine and my sister's half of our room was still off limits to me (both for an excess of two years). Because of that, I plan on leaving the dcs rooms as is, for them to use and then their dcs to use. I would clean them up, dust, vaccuum, change bedding, etc, if we were going to let company use them, but I remember feeling as though my mother had "purged" me (good choice of words btw) and I do not want my kids feeling this, ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I think it's odd. Why don't people pack their own stuff when they move out? I can't imagine vacating and leaving a wastepaper basket behind. I actually had ask my mother if I could take my cupboard with me when I moved out. Apparently I had just been borrowing it from her for the last 20 years. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I think it's odd. Why don't people pack their own stuff when they move out? I can't imagine vacating and leaving a wastepaper basket behind. I actually had ask my mother if I could take my cupboard with me when I moved out. Apparently I had just been borrowing it from her for the last 20 years. Rosie You know, I think this is common in the US. I don't know the numbers, but it sure seems like a lot of young adults tend to move home again after college. Maybe now there is starting to be a kind of cultural expectation that the space is always available? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 wow Nicole, what did you do? I m guessing she had issues and had convinced herself you weren't coming back? I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor for a while, pretending it was an adventure, then moved in with my dad. Yes, she has issues. I am pretty sure she has some kind of personality disorder, perhaps borderline. My grandmother drank heavily during her pregnancy with my mother. When I learned that, I had some light bulb moments, to be sure. Like lionfamily said, I don't want my children to feel purged, but on the other hand, I know there will come a time when appropriate separation occurs and it will be time for my home to be my home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Strange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OHGrandma Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 How is your sister with cleaning the rest of the house? Does she have a good relationship with her kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 (edited) How is your sister with cleaning the rest of the house? Does she have a good relationship with her kids? She has a good relationship with her dc. They visit often and live about one hour from each other (all her dc). Edited July 12, 2009 by MIch elle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 If it works for her, then it's ok. Such a thing is not harming a soul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cricket Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 (edited) Seems odd to me. My room got taken over when I left for college. Then my parents moved to a different house. I can't imagine keeping my childrens' rooms the same after they leave. I would definitely pack their belongings into boxes and covert the room to another purpose (guest room, room for a younger child, etc.). I can't imagine this either. My parents have moved at least 4 times since I left home. It actually bothered me at first that I couldn't go back and stay in my old room. But I got used to it! ETA: My mil kept her dd's room the same for years. We always called it "the B____ shrine" and it felt like we were stepping back in time to the early 80s every time we visited. A few years ago she redid the room. It might have been when my sil turned 40 so your sister could have a few years to go. :-) Edited July 12, 2009 by Cricket Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 While most folks in the US move frequently, a lot of folks do stay put. If you don't need the room, why bother going to the trouble of clearing it out? I'd not bother. If my kids wanted his/her stuff, let that person come and get it. Why should I? If I die and I haven't cleaned out the rooms, let them do it. :lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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