Guest Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Does anyone else find it difficult to keep your expectations of your gifted child realistic for all areas? I struggle thinking he should be as advanced in all areas of his personality as he is academically. How have you combated this? The one of mine I am thinking of is 10 yrs old and a boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 It's not at all unusual for academically gifted dc to not be accellerated in all areas of their personality. No one is good at everything, even those who are academically gifted, artistically gifted, socially gifted and atheletically gifted...you get the idea. Most people, even gifted ones, tend to be strong in more than one area, but no one is gifted in everything. If they were, they'd have to be perfect. Once I really understood that, I stopped worrying about whether or not my dc were advanced in all areas of their personalities. Plus, I realized that it's okay if they're not ready for college by 12 or 1414 (none of them are pg and none would be ready by 9 like a few pg dc I've read about.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I do, all the time! It is a real struggle to realize that Becca is SIX. I also have a hard time because math doesn't come as easily to her as everything else. So I feel like she's behind there when she's not - she may actually be a little advanced in it, but next to where she is in everything else, math looks a little pale. So yes - it's just one of those extra struggles and I completely relate. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 That's one thing I'm *really* aware of. As bright as Diva is, her maturity is very much that of a 10 yo. She's so not ready socially for where her intellect could take her ie high school, college. So she'll work at home. It is sometimes hard, because she can talk like an adult...but definitely not the maturity of one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnitaMcC Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Does anyone else find it difficult to keep your expectations of your gifted child realistic for all areas? I struggle thinking he should be as advanced in all areas of his personality as he is academically. How have you combated this? The one of mine I am thinking of is 10 yrs old and a boy. Very much yes!!!! I have to remind myself often that although Ds is very gifted intellectually (especially so in math/science) but he is very much still a child and is still developing in other areas of his personality. Right now I am being reminded of his immaturity in the other areas of his development-LOL. Currently his intellectual level is very high, but social, organizational and physical levels are much lower. For my son he has intellectual level of an adult, physical maturity of a 14yr old, emotional/social level of about 10yr old, and organizational maturity of a 6 yr old-LOL. He wants to take college science but he hasn't even completed the practice placement tests to prepare for the COMPASS test to see if he can take the sciences at local Jr College. So I am looking into other possiblilities for him to get the intellectual level of education he is ready for but still allow the rest of his maturity levels grow as he is ready. I think he is going to be disappointed if he can't take science at CC but if he isn't ready then he isn't ready. Of course I have to deal with his disappointment and frustrations... I am thinking online distance college courses would be a better option. This way I can help him with the immature areas that he needs to work in and he can still get the intellectual stimulation and challenge he needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherInWI Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 It can be difficult, especially if the other GT dc you know are emotionally as well as intellectually mature. I have found myself expecting too much emotional maturity at times. Most of the time, I try to just take it as it comes. Both of my children are GT, but one is also more emotionally mature than most and the other is less -- but they're both blessings!:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 It is really weird. I have three at home. I can't even say that there emotion level is the same in each area. For example, my 15 yo is much more mature in many areas than most others her age. By these areas, I mean planning her future, getting along with adults, having viewpoints about life and responsibility and purposefulness much more common in adults. However, in terms of boy/girl issues she is certainly not as advanced. A good part of that is that she is very serious and then also I have found that most gifted children tend to be later in those issues. Now she is an introvert but even her younger sister who is an extrovert is not there with the boy/girl issues that many others her age are already having. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Oh my yes. My ds5 is so smart and mature in some ways, and so 5 in others. I often have to remind myself that I can't expect him to know common sense things automatically, or to always remember them the way he does his schoolwork. For example, he can remember minute details about hundreds of animals, but not to pick up his clothes off the bathroom floor :glare:. I do the best I can, and so does he. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 I have trouble controlling my expectations. I am constantly reminding myself that DS is 12 and that certain aspects of his behavior are normal for a 12 yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova147 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Oh my yes. My ds5 is so smart and mature in some ways, and so 5 in others. I often have to remind myself that I can't expect him to know common sense things automatically, or to always remember them the way he does his schoolwork. For example, he can remember minute details about hundreds of animals, but not to pick up his clothes off the bathroom floor :glare:. I do the best I can, and so does he. I am SO with you! DS4 reads at a 3rd grade level and understands fractions, but the kid can't remember what foot to put his shoes on! And, of course, his emotional control is very 4 -- which is frustrating because it's easy to forget how little he is based on the things he talks about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicianmom Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 It is difficult. Thankfully my mom went through the same thing with me, so I have her to provide the "been there, done that" perspective and to remind me that intellectual precocity does not equal emotional maturity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 If it makes you feel any better, I put toggles on my 13yo's shoes right before I put him on a plane by himself to go walk around Japan for three months. He could tie shoes, but not well enough to stay tied while walking 15 miles a day. I just submitted to the school system dated work samples from my youngest (14yo) from a college introductory chemistry book with almost no punctuation and one spot where he spells "which" three different ways in three consectutive sentences. He can read books in French but can't conjugate "etre" (to be). He's doing algebra 2 but along with that, I had to teach him the long division algorithm. At 8 he was reading things Pyle's Robin Hood, but when I began expecting him to look up things in the dicitonary at 10 or 12, I discovered that he didn't know the alphabet. You can imagine his reaction when I tried to teach him the alphabet song LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanM Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Does anyone else find it difficult to keep your expectations of your gifted child realistic for all areas? I struggle thinking he should be as advanced in all areas of his personality as he is academically. How have you combated this? The one of mine I am thinking of is 10 yrs old and a boy. I do struggle sometimes with keeping my expectations for my sons' behavior in line with their age, but the real problem comes from relatives, friends, and even total strangers. My oldest (10 yo) is very tall and large for his age, as well as being academically advanced. He has a large vocabulary and likes to talk with adults. My younger son (7 yo almost 8) and my two nephew (both 9 yo) are all about the same size - MUCH smaller than my older ds. All the relatives tend to have unrealistic expectations for the oldest - since he is older and taller than the others. He is not a bad kid, but he behaves like a slightly immature 10 yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 (edited) @Nova147 - :lol: LOL We have finally conquered the issue of right and left, and how that applies to shoes. Now we're working on tying shoes, and turning clothes right side out.:tongue_smilie: Edited June 22, 2009 by Truscifi directed to one poster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 You might have to give up on the clothes right side out part. I discovered one of mine was doing it deliberately so he could chew on the tags (after I forbade him to chew on the shirt itself), and another did it to avoid the seams. They both outgrew it fairly quickly, but one of the problems with brightish children is that often their "wrong" way is really a child-doable solution to a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 We had the same problem for the opposite reason. Mine were very tiny. When you combined that with a large vocabulary, people concluded that they were very brilliant instead of just sort of brightish and had huge expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennC Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 You might have to give up on the clothes right side out part. I discovered one of mine was doing it deliberately so he could chew on the tags (after I forbade him to chew on the shirt itself), and another did it to avoid the seams. They both outgrew it fairly quickly, but one of the problems with brightish children is that often their "wrong" way is really a child-doable solution to a problem. I am actually thinking of suggesting this to my ds8. do all children chew on their shirts. I feel better now knowing that yours does. Along the lines of OP. Yes. My ds8 was accelerated by the ps we were attending because he is significantly advanced both physically and academically. He skipped right into first grade at 5 yo. His biggest problems in school - leaving his shoes and socks on, tipping his desk over, hurting himself with his pencil absentmindedly. He is still somewhat of a "walking windmill" and oftentimes per day I say to him "Daniel, windmill." I had to bring him home from school because he was so far ahead of his class academically and so far behind in ? presentation ? Does that make sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skaterbabs Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 We made that mistake with Yacko. By his second birthday he was counting to 30 and recognized the entire alphabet written and by ASL sign in any order, but he was still TWO. He was speaking in 3-5 word SENTENCES before his first birthday. Add in his size (95th percentile +) we often made the mistake of unrealistic expectations. I believe that many of the issues we have with him today is a result of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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