Guilt over grouping together... am I being weird?

[LisaKinVA]

I lump my K and 1st grader together for history, Bible, Science and Art. I do this for my sanity.

 

But, I am struggling with a bit of guild for essentially "holding my daughter back" when she could be doing work that's "up a level" from where she is (especially in science).

 

It's silly, but I still feel like I'm somehow shortchanging my daughter, while accommodating my younger son (and me).

 

Those of you who have BTDT... please reassure me that when my daughter is older she won't "hate me" or that she'll accelerate herself if that is what she wants.

 

I don't have them grouped together in math or LA... on those, they are each on their own individual levels.

 

But, I'm only one person, and there is only so much "individualizing" I can do.

 

I guess I'm feeling this more keenly, because she is my girl, and I didn't like being "held back" when I was in school. I don't want to short-change her.

 

I know, I'm borrowing trouble, when there is none at the moment. <sigh>

[NancyNellen]

I have always done this with my oldest 2. If you feel the oldest could do more, there are plenty of things you could do to beef it up a bit for her: assign more books for reading on her level, have her write narrations, give her a lapbook-type project to complete.

 

All-in-all, my 2 oldest have thrived in their studies, and no, my daughter doesn't "hate me" :-) I hope that gives you some peace :-)

[forty-two]

I have no btdt advice, but I've also struggled conceptually with the whole "shortchanging by combining" thing, and have (finally) resolved it in a way I can philosophically live with, so maybe my thoughts on the matter can help you a bit.

 

Combining kids was always my conceptual sticking point with Sonlight - no matter how many times they said a wide range of ages could genuinely benefit from a given core, it always seemed like you were shortchanging the older one. Then, when I was re-reading Sense and Sensibility, I realized that I was getting so much more out of the book at 27 than I did at 17. That made me think of the other side of the coin, that the older you are, the more you can get out of a given book, and think that maybe combining actually was shortchanging the younger one :glare:.

 

Then, as I was getting paralyzed at the whole idea of trying to find the perfect age to read, well *everything* - neither too young nor too old, so each kid was most perfectly served - I realized that each kid will always have an inherently different experience, no matter what I do. R will never have the experience of having an older sibling, and A will never have the experience of *being* the oldest. And that's ok! So as long both kids are within their zone of understanding - the oldest isn't bored to tears and the youngest is not over her head (or vice versa, for that matter) - it doesn't matter they aren't getting an equal experience. It wouldn't have happened anyway.

 

HTH

 

(I hear ya about borrowing trouble. I expended all this brain-sweat over the ethics of combining - but look at the ages of my kids!)

[HeatherInWI]

Mine (21 months apart) have been schooled together since the younger was 3. At first, they had separate reading and math lessons, but the very determined "little one" soon caught up with the "big one", and they've been happily schooling together ever since.

 

I'd suggest that you do the "together" subjects at the level for the older child, though. There isn't that much difference, or that much content, in the primary grades, and then you can feel smug that your younger one is getting a better education than he would otherwise and your older one is on grade level.

[joannqn]

I think you can combine subjects like history and science without it being a problem for either kid, unless you are combining kids that are far apart in age and ability. I truly feel that the older child will understand more and the younger child will understand at their level, even if you don't alter it for their individual levels by assigning different library reading.

 

I see a reverse example of this in my own family. We use the same curriculum for both kids, but it is my younger son who goes out of his way to beef up his own learning. My older one is fine with what the curriculum covers and my younger one wants more, and looks for it.

 

It's in the more sequential subjects like language arts and math that you'd be holding back an older child. Those must be done on the child's individual level.

[Lucy the Valiant]

I have twins going into first grade and a brother 23 months younger . . . I just paced their K-5 stuff at what THEY were comfortable doing, and let him "tag along."

 

Things may change when he gets older, but this worked REALLY well for us this past year . . . he gained a LOT, but would bow out / play with his own toys / do his own thing whenever he got bored (i.e., we were too far above him).

 

That's my same plan for this up-coming year, too.

 

And . . . I will tell you this, as a certified and experienced classroom teacher, your "gap" at home is probably comparable or BETTER than a classroom experience would be able to provide. Even in my "tracked" classes, there was always a WIDE gap between my different students, and . . . it's MUCH easier to accommodate on a 2-3-4-kid scale than a 25-27-30-kid scale. Just a little $.02. :D

[amsunshine]

We are just starting out, but my dds are rising first and second graders. I combine them on science, history, music appreciation, poetry memorization and art. I don't think I am shortchanging the elder. I simply expect a little more from her narrations in history and science. I may also have her do one or two extra independent reading books in each subject.

 

The elder seems to understand and retain some of the information better, although the younger is nipping at her heels. I think they are both benefitting as much as they could for their respective ages and stages of development.

 

Further, after having pulled them out of ps this year, I can tell you they are both learning a whole lot more than if they were still in ps -- so no mommy guilt necessary!

[HiddenJewel]

Teach to the older and adjust for the younger.

[babysparkler]

Further, after having pulled them out of ps this year, I can tell you they are both learning a whole lot more than if they were still in ps -- so no mommy guilt necessary!

 

Teach to the older and adjust for the younger.

 

:iagree:with both :)

[JenneinCA]

Don't feel too guilty.

 

I am going to put my K and 4th graders together. I would put my 6th grader in there too, but she has her heart set on studying Ancients this year and will work independently. So I am going to set her up to do her work separately.

 

I will do Math and Language Arts separately for the boys, but I will combine Social Studies, Art, Science and Cooking/Food. And it will be alright.

[lionfamily1999]

I was thinking of combining my dss, once the younger starts "real" school, in history and science. Since there's a four year cycle, my thought was, start younger ds a year earlier on those and then the boys can do the ancients and biology together and so on. I agree with the pp, they will get different things from it, I expect my older ds to do more with the work than his little bro.

 

Of course, our age differences are VERY different, but if it makes you feel better, I've known people to hold a child back a grade in ps so their kids could go together.

 

:grouphug:

[LisaKinVA]

Thanks... I knew I was being a bit over the top... but at times I can't help but worry.

 

I don't want to short change any of the kiddos... but there is only so much I can do individually with all of them, and my oldest takes so much out of me to-boot.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

Teach to the older and adjust for the younger.

 

My oldest two are 18 months apart and this is what I plan to do. DS is a sharp little guy and I think he'll do well, especially if I adjust as needed.

[AuntPol]

Mine are 13 months apart. My dd is rising 5th grade and my ds is risng 4th grade. We actually do the opposite I am doing Ambleside Year 4 this year (i personally don't feel that there any grade levels on literature and histort are arbitrary)and DS had Singapore 5A/5B while the older child will be doing 4B/5A while she does additional work in another area that is her strength.

[ChristineMM]

Hi Lisa, Don't be so hard on yourself. Just go along and do the work. Maybe it will turn out that your K grade child will wind up doing fine with the older one's level. They are so close in age anyway!

 

I did it the other way around. I focused the group learning on the older child's level (3 grades up) and had the younger one listen in on read aloud's for the older child. Younger one did develop a longer attention span and an ability to listen to read aloud's longer than my older one did. I think this is due to the listening to read aloud's set to the older one's level.

 

You will all be fine!

[Beth in Central TX]

My 2 older sons are only 16 months apart in age, but they each have different strengths. My oldest excels in math & science while my middle son excels in language arts. Therefore, it was difficult to combine them in many subjects; I was always tweaking things, and like you, I felt that I was short-changing each child in different ways.

 

When they were in the Grammar stage, and I was reading everything aloud, I did combine them in history, science, Latin, & Greek. Once they reached the Logic stage & worked more independently, I started separating these subjects. Next year they will be in 7th & 8th grade, and the only subject they do together is Greek.

 

This situation is definitely more work for me, but it's a better fit for our homeschool. Of course, I only have 3 to homeschool, so separating their work isn't overwhelming to me, but I might think twice if I had more kids in the mix (but given my personality, I'd probably do it anyway).

 

Combining kids is generally easier, but not required. Determining what works best for you is one of the advantages of homeschooling.

 

HTH!

[Desert Rat]

I also teach to the older and adjust for the younger but mine are a bit more spaced.

Tom joins us for history, science and read alouds. He listens to the history stories and has recently started answering some content questions but isn't required to do anything further (at this point).

With science, Huck does all the writing for the experiment and Tom helps with the actual procedure.

Right now I've feel I've hit a good balance, but ya know, that scale is always tipping on me!

HTH

[Donna]

:iagree: I also teach to the older and adjust for the younger. For history and science I teach all my kids together. I teach to the oldest child and require more output from him, adjust things slightly for his brother who is 2 years younger, and adjust the output a bit more for his much younger sister.

 

No one is shortchanged and those are wonderful together times as a family plus everyone benefits from the discussions where everyone can be involved.

 

I think of it as working like the old one-room schoolhouse.

[Blessedfamily]

A bit off topic, but I always wonder how they managed this in the days of the one-room school house (like Little House on the Prairie). There had to be much combining then.

 

Of course, we homeschool to give kids an individualized education, but some subjects are more pliable than others, as has already been mentioned. I'm sure parents combine sucessfully all the time.

Edited June 20, 2009 by Blessedfamily

[Desert Rat]

When I was in 6th grade I went to a small Lutheran school with 2 teachers for 6, 7, and 8 grades. Although it's not as dramatic as a one room school house, we rotated between two teachers and study hall type times. It worked very well. When I moved on to 7th grade, in a different city and a public school I was almost 2 years ahead. I was bored during study hall and just listened to the older classes stuff! :o

[Melinda]

My two oldest are 14 months apart. I teach everything together except language arts and math.