BikeBookBread Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Okay, WWYD? A few weeks ago after church, an acquaintance/friend (I'll call her "Hermione") introduced me to someone who lives about 2 miles from me. I'll call her "Lulabell". She was visiting our church, and Hermione knew that I had bemoaned the fact that I knew so very few people who lived in my brand new development (it's BIG -- 800 or so homes). After Hermione "dropped off" newly introduced Lulabell with me, Lulabell went on to give me a rundown of her recent tragic life (I'm NOT being mean or making light of her situation when I say this -- she really really, really, does have some very big needs right now, emotionally and physically I'm sure). I rarely go onto Facebook anymore, but when I went on for the first time in a month, there was Lulabell asking to be my friend. So far, I have ignored her request. (For some reason, e-mail is blocking Facebook -- not necessarily a bad thing!) I specifically remember telling Lulabell during our very brief conversation that I DON'T do Facebook really, even though I used to use it a lot. WWYD? Continue to ignore? Accept as a friend and just explain that I never go onto Facebook and leave it at that? This is what I can't stand about FB -- it has created this unreal social structure with its own set of rules in the virtual world. It stresses me out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamasteff Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I think it would be acceptable to ignore her on FB. After all, you already told her you really don't do it anymore... so there is no reason for her to expect you to add her as a friend right away. I have ignored several acquaintances and one cousin with whom it was better to have lost touch. It's almost like you're expected to ask anyone you know to friend you, even if you aren't friends IRL. They are not notified that you are ignoring or blocking them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 They are not notified that you are ignoring or blocking them. I had wondered about that. Thanks for explaining! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I agree about the unreal world of "knowing" everyone. One time a close friend of mine was frequenting a really nice restaurant and she and her husband requested the same waiter each time. No introductions were made except the waiter who introduced himself as "Hi, I'm Steve, I'll be taking care of you". But he was good so they sat at his table maybe 3 times over 2 months. Lo and behold, there he was requesting her to be his friend on FB?!?!? So weird! I was recently contacted by a guy I had a few dates with the summer before going off to college. I haven't thought about him since, and here he shows up requesting a friendship on FB. I've ignored him. On the other hand, I accepted a friend request from someone I used to work with. The very sight of her face and name every day reminds me of the very painful way I left that company and how hard it was for me to heal for so long after that. I have regretted it ever since and have wondered about deleting her. She won't know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeetime Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 No, she won't know if you "unfriend" her. I totally agree about FB, that's why I only accept requests from people I interact with in RL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Why wouldn't you friend her? I mean, you're never on there, so it's not like she's going to be bugging the pants off you and if you start going back and she posts too much, just hide her posts. It seems like an easy way to make someone else happy, why not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Why wouldn't you friend her? I mean, you're never on there, so it's not like she's going to be bugging the pants off you and if you start going back and she posts too much, just hide her posts. It seems like an easy way to make someone else happy, why not? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 No, she won't know if you "unfriend" her. I totally agree about FB, that's why I only accept requests from people I interact with in RL. Won't she know if she tries to access your site? Or looks at your friends list and sees that she's not there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 FRIENDSHIP SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD! This is why I HATE Facebook! I am STRESSED over this. Aaaack!!! :willy_nilly: It doesn't help that I've got major PMS right now... I KNOW as a Christian that I am to be kind, loving and neighborly. It's just that the cyberworld has greatly expanded personal space to the point where there is NO private life anymore, and she just lives so close by. I guess I'm just trying to place a boundary. Maybe I'm wrong... Go ahead and continue to post if you'd like but I'm just going to pray about it and chill for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skaterbabs Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 God never told us we had to say YES to everyone, everytime, over everything. If you truly feel that she's a drain on you that you cannot allow, say no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 You can set up different profiles too - so you can have a limited one that can't see anything - or various levels of "stuff". Don't ask em HOW i got it set up though.... i don't remember! LOL!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brooketopia Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Just a heads up though...once you "friend" someone and then later decide to delete them...you'll start showing up in that feed for "Do you want to be friends with this person?" based on the friendships you have in common. My SiL deleted me as one of her friends and now it continually asks me if I want to be friends with her through "People You May Know." It cracks me up that she's internet-ignoring me, but to someone else it might be rather painful to figure out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jejily Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Won't she know if she tries to access your site? Or looks at your friends list and sees that she's not there? Actually, if you go one step further and BLOCK the person you don't want to interact with, then you become invisible to them, and they to you. Even if you have mutual friends, they will not see your name on anyone's friend list, they will not see the comments you post to anyone's wall or status, and they will not find you if they "search" for you, no matter how much detail they enter (i.e., if they have your exact name, network, email address, etc., it won't matter, you will NOT come up on their search). Your invisibility is so complete, they would think you simply deactivated your account and were no longer participating on FB. By the same token, once you block someone, you will no longer see THEIR name on anyone's friend list, nor will you see any comments they make to anyone's wall, nor will you "find" them if you search for them. The only way a blocked person might know you are still on FB is if someone addresses you by name in a comment. For example, you and the blocked person are both friends with "George." If you post a comment on George's wall, and someone posts AFTER you and writes, "You, that was hilarious!" (that is, uses your name in their comment), then the blocked person might realize you've blocked them, because they wouldn't see YOUR comment (or even see you on George's friend list), but they would see your name in someone else's comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 The only way a blocked person might know you are still on FB is if someone addresses you by name in a comment. They will also see you if they google you (unless you block yourself from that, which you can do). If I google my sister when I'm NOT logged into FB, she'll come up in the google search that she's on FB. When I click on that, I can see her. But if I'm logged into FB, then it will tell me that she doesn't exist. Of course, this is because she's blocked me. (Eyes rolling.) Apparently, she's not interested in mixing certain friends and family and who knows what.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowWhite Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Won't she know if she tries to access your site? Or looks at your friends list and sees that she's not there? Sure, she'll know, because you won't be on her friends list. But you can also make your own friends list private so other people don't see who IS on there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 I hated facebook and deactivated my account. I actually felt further from my friends because of it. I'd write a sentence and they'd write a sentence and we were supposed to have "connected" for the day. While I had fb, I didn't actually call or see any of my friends IRL. Once I got rid of fb, I started calling and being w/ my friends. Anyhoo...what would I do? That's a tough one. You can accept the friendship and then just ignore her most of the time. Isn't that what lots of us do? I remember seeing all sorts of comments and things from people and just skipping over them. No biggie. You could ignore her. She'd eventually figure out that you're ignoring her. She'll probably feel rebuffed. So, you'd need to be prepared for that. So, I guess you either accept and then ignore the posts, or you ignore and deal with the awkwardness of her hurt feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 My SiL deleted me as one of her friends . :eek: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 But if I'm logged into FB, then it will tell me that she doesn't exist. Of course, this is because she's blocked me. (Eyes rolling.). Your own sibling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosy Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 If you have a "friend" whose responses you don't want to see, you can hide their responses. You just mouse over the space on the right hand side of their comments, and a little "hide" box will show up. I've hidden comments from a few people that I wanted to stay connected to but who frequently post overly obnoxious or personal material. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Won't she know if she tries to access your site? Or looks at your friends list and sees that she's not there? If you unfriend then block or ignore then block someone, they won't be able to find you on facebook. It will just look (to her) like you disabled your account. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Just a heads up though...once you "friend" someone and then later decide to delete them...you'll start showing up in that feed for "Do you want to be friends with this person?" based on the friendships you have in common. My SiL deleted me as one of her friends and now it continually asks me if I want to be friends with her through "People You May Know." It cracks me up that she's internet-ignoring me, but to someone else it might be rather painful to figure out. You can click the little x next to someone on the "People You May Know" tool, and it will stop notifying both parties. And if you ignore someone, it won't put him/her in your suggested friends--apparently your sil deleted you as a friend, but didn't ignore you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 I hated facebook and deactivated my account. I actually felt further from my friends because of it. I'd write a sentence and they'd write a sentence and we were supposed to have "connected" for the day. While I had fb, I didn't actually call or see any of my friends IRL. Once I got rid of fb, I started calling and being w/ my friends. Anyhoo...what would I do? That's a tough one. You can accept the friendship and then just ignore her most of the time. Isn't that what lots of us do? I remember seeing all sorts of comments and things from people and just skipping over them. No biggie. You could ignore her. She'd eventually figure out that you're ignoring her. She'll probably feel rebuffed. So, you'd need to be prepared for that. So, I guess you either accept and then ignore the posts, or you ignore and deal with the awkwardness of her hurt feelings. Deep breath taken....PMS is rotten, huh? Anyway Garga, you have put into words what I have tried to say. This is the exact problem with this unnatural construct... The last thing I want to do is disappoint and hurt this dear lady who has reached out to me, but Facebook certainly is not the place to build true, kind and helpful relationships. I think my next move is to decide whether or not to unplug from Facebook period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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