I am SERIOUSLY gonna lose it with my 10yo ds

[blessedx5]

It takes him FOREVER to get any school work done:glare: He dawdles, walks around, piddles etc.......and when I call him back to it he gets ANGRY:glare: because I say anything.

 

We go through this almost DAILY. He has many days he works into the evening to get it done....which he doesn't like BUT it seems to not make a difference.

 

NOTHING I do makes a difference. I am so beyond FRUSTRATED with him. He can literally take 2 hours on a math assingment that should ONLY take him 45 minutes at MOST. It is NOT too difficult either.

 

He BALKS at anything that takes too much effort:confused:

 

Thanks for letting me VENT...now anyone have any words of wisdom?????????

 

Debbie

[Leanna Tomlinson]

My 10yo is the same way!

 

I did find a solution by using some supplements with my ds as recommended in Dianne Craft's CD's The Biology of Behaviour. She discusses several supplements that can help your child function better in school. She has designed a program of 10 supplements over 12 weeks to help with various learning problems. We only tried the first three and stopped because we saw the improvement we were looking for. She asserts that many children, especially boys, are deficient in Essential Fatty Acids which, among other functions, aid in mental concentration. We have seen a lot of improvement since my son started taking these. I have been able to test the effectiveness of the EFA's twice as we have run out of the supplement and my ds has reverted to his prior lack of concentration. We also gave him acidophilus for several weeks as he had many of the symptoms of yeast overgrowth including lack of concentration. I won't say that my 10yo never has problems concentrating, but he is so much better when he is taking his supplements regularly.

 

I am a former RN and am often skeptical when I learn of alternative approaches. Dianne Craft's CD's were just what I needed. She does not try to sell anything. She is not adamant that her program will work for everyone. She is just sharing her experience of working with children and families for 2 decades.

 

HTH,

Leanna

[Pamela H in Texas]

Give him homework. If you allow X amount of time for work, go on to the next thing when you are supposed to. He can finish what he didn't get done later, on his own time.

 

But it is important that you stay cool, at least on the outside. You also want to give him positive attention when he does something in a timely manner. The intense reaction must be on the positive, not the negative.

 

One thing...we found, opposite of Tbog, was that waking up SUPER early cut the work time SIGNIFICANTLY. When my kids started at 9am, they dragged on for what seemed like all day. But when we were in a situation that required them getting up super early, they started getting their work done early, not just because of the time difference but because they worked faster also! 6 hours of work was now only 3 hours! It was amazing!

 

Anyway, so you might try going either direction. But "before the sun" worked best for us.

 

HTHs a little,

[Pamela H in Texas]

another double post....

Edited May 26, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[dcjlkplus3]

I have been having the same issue with my dd7.

 

Since we only have 30 days left in our "official" year, I resorted to bribery.

She has a chart with the 30 spaces. For everyday she gets school done before lunchtime (our goal - we start at 8-9), she gets a sticker. If she gets all 30 stickers (she is not allowed to miss even 1 day), she will get a prize (either a skateboard, which she really wants, or a movie out with Mommy). We are in our second week of this and so far it is working well.

[Wendy in ME]

No help but I could have written this about my 10yo ds. We are going on hr #2 of math this morning. I could just scream. He understands everything that he is doing but he is just not producing any work.

[Stacy in NJ]

I agree with using a timer and assigning homework if needed. I'd also limit any screen time, play time or outside activites until work is completed in a timely manner. If he's used to playing outside, enjoying some screen time or fun activites, limit these until he's completing his work within the proscribed time.

[eternalknot]

I have one that can be easily prone to distraction. His mind wanders, and his body often follows! I'll find him in the backyard, having completely forgotten that he was mid-page on his math exercises ... sigh LOL ...

 

Is the work too easy, or otherwise redundant? If he can prove to you that he understands a math concept, would you compromise and lessen the number of problems he is assigned? You can add the undone problems for review on an 'extra' assignment at the end of a week/month/term, or add a line of problems to the next day's assignment if you feel that repetition is imporant for review and retention.

 

Or you can break the math assignment into more manageable chunks - maybe the first two lines while he waits for breakfast, the second two lines while he waits for lunch, the third two lines while you check his Language Arts work, et cetera. Like little math blitzes rather than one overwhelming page or more of problem after problem.

 

But honestly, some days my son will spend the entire day doing schoolwork. And I've become okay with that. In our house, school is considered 'work' so it comes before all extracurriculars. I won't nag my son to get his schoolwork done before sports or chess club, but he doesn't get to go until (unless) his schoolwork is done. This spirals into a responsibility issue - not only to himself, but to his teammates and friends. If the family decides to go to the park, he brings his work with him. If the family decides to eat out, he brings his work with him. We don't let his inefficiency spoil our plans, but we don't punish it either (per se). It's all on him.

 

Some days he works hard and fast; other days he takes his time. I'm not so different; I have days where I'm uber-motivated and days where I drag my feet :). I know it helps to feel relative freedom over one's situation and lot; after some adjustment (the first week my son saved most of his schoolwork for evening, but learned ON HIS OWN that this was neither smart nor planned well) he's figured out a pretty decent schedule that works for all of us. The less frustrated I got by letting go (and it is easier said than done!), the more self-disciplined he became about his schoolwork.

 

I know this approach won't work or feel comfortable for everyone, but it did wonders for us. I hope you find some success, too, however you decide to handle the situation.

[Robin Hood]

Does he like to be the one to make the decision to work? Is he really smart but immature? Could he be a late bloomer? Does he think outside the box and want to do everything different than how you're suppose to. Is he feeling restricted and confined inside the curriculum you're using?

 

I was that way and I see it in my 10dd. I used to be strong on first time obedience and doing school work is an obedience issue with her. There was so much tension in our home and I would cry myself to sleep at times. Then I tried backing off and requiring only minimum work for her just so she doesn't have to repeat what she already knows because of forgetfulness and taking into account that although she is very intelligent, she is immature. I also started reading all I could about late starters and right brained thinkers. I began to let go of a lot of requirements just so she could feel some success. She is finally starting to do it on her own and amazingly, she is smarter than I ever realized. It's all in there (her head), but some maturity has to bloom in its own time.

 

Also trying to meet her on her own level instead of my way, which was rules and restrictions due to her resistance, has helped tremendously. Looking back, she was born that way. If I have learned anything, ya can't change how they were made.

 

I am an older mom of young kids so I have lots of friends whose children are already in college and even some have married and started their families. I ask a lot of questions to their moms on what kind of students they were and how they ended up where they were, and I ask the kids the same question about themselves. It gave me great insight into development and my biggest lesson is to at times let the kids win. They think they are smarter than me anyway, so if they get to teach me a thing or two, they dive into the books to prove things to me.

 

My other dd is a good student and compliant so I know our frustration is due to the other dd. There are control issues that we still have to get through but I am learning patience and trying to ease up. Seeing her so intense is something I'd rather her get a handle on than high grades.

 

One more thing, if you enjoy reading, pay attention to parent child relations in all the children's books and how things are said and done. Try to indentify yourself and your kids in any book and evaluate how and why that author wrote the way he did about it. I have learned a lot that way.

 

 

Oh, here is what I did recently with math. Taught the lesson. When it came time to do the work page, I told her to do just one row now. We'd move on to other stuff. Then an hour later I had her do another row. All day I'd work in a row here and there. Then one day she said, " I think I'll just get it all done right now." She goes back and forth now with that while all I've said to her is, "What ever suits your fancy." and the mean, nasty looks are getting fewer. But notice, it's her decision to get it done.

 

If I could do it over again with this one, I would've waited until she was older to start teaching her more formal school. The other one was ready early.

[Impish]

Diva has had days where math would literally be a day long activity. Made me mental. We'd butt heads like you wouldn't believe...or maybe you would :lol:

 

It was consistency on my part, holding to the, "Nothing else until this is done." that seemed to work. Now she zips through her one unit in 15 minutes or so :glare: and gets on to the 'fun stuff'. Kinda makes me want to beat her even more, thinking about the hours she dragged it out for, actually. :lol:

[laurad1125]

We've definitely experienced this issue at our house. I think part of it is just maturity.

 

What has also helped here is giving him as much choice as possible in his schoolwork. I've explained that these things have to be done. My job is to make them as pleasant as possible for him. His job is then to suck it up and do it. I think he understood, after we we had multiple discussions about what he did and didn't like, that I was really not trying to make it unpleasant, that we really were a team on this.

 

Let him participate in choosing curriculum. Let him help decided what will be done when. Does he prefer 1/2 a math lesson in the morning and 1/2 in the afternoon? Would he rather leave the whole thing for last or get it out of the way? Sit down with him and plan out what will happen, when.

 

Mine gets 1 hour's worth of work and 1 1/2 hours to do it in. If you get it done, you get to play. If not, keep working. We definitely have different preferences regarding work. He likes to start with reading - his favorite. I prefer to get the unpleasant out of the way first.

 

Oh, he also can't stand big books of work. I tear all his workbooks apart (we don't use textbooks for this reason) and give him just the pages for the day. He loves Horizons math (workbook) while he would cry everyday over Saxon (textbook) He was just overwhelmed.

 

We also make sure to snack frequently - we eat at 10, 1, 4, 6:30 and 9:30. We also schedule a solid hour of physical activity in the middle of the day. It really helps both boys concentrate better after lunch.

[pereztribe]

Pam H! You are so wise. You helped me out on my thread also!

[skaterbabs]

We take breaks of fifteen-twenty minutes between assignments. For Yacko, it's really the only solution, otherwise nothing gets done. Dot can sit and do twenty or thirty minutes worth of work on three subjects before she needs a break, but their personalities are very different.

[LizzyBee]

Have you had his processing speed tested? If he has a slow processing speed, it's just going to take longer and nothing you say or do can change that. And if he works extra hard one day and manages to get his work done faster, no, that doesn't mean he could do it every day if he just tried harder. My kid with slow processing speed has an above avg IQ, but she can't put out the volume or quality of work that would be expected from a kid of her intelligence, because it takes her a lot of repetition to get things into long term memory and extra time to retrieve information from long term memory. At 13, she is finally beginning to speed up, but she'll never be a speed demon with things like spelling or math computation.

[Mama Bear]

Seconding supplements. Amino acids can often be thrown off just a little, but enough to make a brain really struggle with tracking.

 

Do you see him having no trouble focusing on certain things, but dragging out others?

[Peela]

My ds13 can be the same. Mine is also highly manipulative.

Things I have found helped:

 

Assessing for learning difficulties. When I discovered he was dyslexic, I felt bad for the times I had been impatient. Doesn't excuse his terrible behaviour- but helps me look harder for ways to help him feel successful.

 

Water. Water is important for brain functions. Many kids don't drink enough water.

 

Sleep. I keep his bedtime fairly early so he can rise early and finish his work by early afternoon. Structure is important here- regular times for subjects, regular routines, regular bedtimes and rising times and meal times, not too much chaos. An ordered environment and lifestyle (not rigid, just not chaotic).

 

I would never make my child work all day on, eg, maths. I would either sit with him if he couldn't focus, re-evualate the program...and keep maths lessons, and all lessons, short. If he still couldnt focus and finish one, I would make him move on and perhaps assign it as homework in his own time. I think the whole keep-going-until-you-finish-even-if-it-takes-all-day doesnt take into account the nature of children. I would take their work away and move on so that their brain can have a break- and come back to it later.

 

Eliminate ALL screen time, until behaviour improves. The re-introduce it on a conditional basis. This doesn't have to be done as ""punishment"- although he will see it as such, most likely. Just explain that you have read something recently and you think its hurting his brain and his behaviour and you are his parent- you want the best for him- and so you are eliminating the things which might be contributing to his difficult behaviour.

 

Make sure his diet is good- good breakfast in particular. Again, plenty of water. Limit sugar and junk food to nil for a while. And try a multi vitamin and/or fish oils and see if they help.

 

Lots of attention. Positive attention, lots of hugs and telling him I love him. Sitting with him and taking an interest in his work- not just to mark and criticise- lots of praise.

 

I have written here many times over the years at my wits end over my son. I feel he would not do well in school at all, otherwise I would probably have packed him off there by now. But we have bad times and good times. When the time is bad, I look at what I can do to change MY behaviour. At the moment...this week...its a good time.