The children. My DH is from Russia and our son is adopted from Russia. DH grew up there and lived there until he was 18. He said that they point is, the Russian government doesn't understand Americans. They think that our people will be so outraged that they will put pressure on our government to repeal the Magnitsky Act. What they don't understand is that human rights are so important to Americans, that they're not going to put pressure on our government to repeal it, even if it means adoptions are banned. Russia is shooting themselves in the foot. They have no real desire to take care of those orphans, or they would have done so already. We're talking about a country where ambulances wait at stop lights and if you call the ambulance and you're old, you have to lie about your age and health conditions or they may decide it's not worth the bother to pick you up if you're too old. Seriously. They don't care about people. There is a huge stigma against adopting orphans in Russia. When we adopted DS in 2004, his St. Petersburg orphanage was pretty nice. It had recently undergone renovations and there were more in the works. Why? Because so many foreigners were adopting that money was finally being funneled into the adoption system. Lots of money also greases palms in different document offices. When were at one office to get a birth certificate or something, DH laughed because in Russian the sign said something like, "Certificates will take a minimum of 2 weeks to issue." Our facilitators greased some palms and we were out of there in 20 minutes flat. I know it sounds awful, but the system largely works on bribery there. It's very common. Our money paid to those workers in the document offices ends up back in the Russian economy because people use it to buy goods. Russian orphans who age out of the system only have about a 20% chance of living any sort of "normal" (meaning functional) life. Most are sold into prostitution rings, lead a life of crime, become drug addicts, or commit suicide (I think I read 10% commit suicide). If the Russians aren't adopting them (and I agree it's best if they can, but they aren't and there are SO many orphaned and abandoned children) then it's morally wrong to deny them a chance at a good life. It is tragic that 19 adopted Russian children have died in the US in the last 20 years. Any death is horrible and I'm not trying to minimize that, but we're talking 19 out of 60,000. How many children adopted within Russia or left in orphanages have died in the last 20 years? They won't release those statistics, but I would bet every material possession I own that the statistics are much, much higher. The Russian government has the right to send representative to check up on the welfare of my child at any time. We had to sign papers stating so. You know how many times they've contacted us in the nearly 9 years we've been History Kid's mom and dad? Zero. Do you know how many times they've contacted other families we know with kids adopted from Russia? Zero. The Russian government doesn't care -- it's all political posturing. Our end of the system isn't perfect. In fact, I think it's very flawed. Much more education and post-adoption support need to be made available. They need to weed out the people who are adopting to, "save a child" or feel it's their "mission" to do so (not knocking God here -- there is a big difference between feeling like God is leading you to do something and you have the love in your heart to do so, and feeling like it's just something you're supposed to do). Those are the people who are ill-equipped and end up abusing the child or end up so totally overwhelmed that they don't know what to do. Anyone who follows the Pearls shouldn't be allowed to adopt. Those are the families that abuse their kids to death. That may be an unpopular view, but I'm sticking to it. Flame me if you want. I really don't care. Many people have this whacked-out, idealized vision that they're "rescuing" these children and the children will love, appreciate, and respect them for what they've done. That is SO far from reality and it's a burden to put on the child. It sets up an unfair power-struggle where we impose gratitude on a child who is dealing with their own real and complex issues of loss. Adoption only happens through loss of a parent. Even in cases where the parent is still out there somewhere living, it's the loss of that natural parent-child bond. It's real, it needs to recognized, and no Little Orphan Annie happy-crappy song and dance is going to gloss over that reality. We chose to adopt History Kid because we wanted a child and were having trouble conceiving. If he is thankful we did so, that's a bonus, but we never expected thanks -- we never expected anything in return. We hoped for love and were lucky enough to get that (not all parents do). We were very well-educated about adoption, but we were mostly SELF educated, and that's the problem with the system. We read and watched everything we could get our hands on. We talked to other adoptive couples. We had to attend some state-mandated training, but it sucked. Really, it glossed over a lot of true issues and the small bits of pertinent information they gave us were things anyone who had actually looked into adoption for more than 5 minutes already knew. Training and education available sucks. Post adoption support sucks. It's nearly non-existent. Also, I think more post-adoption visits need to be made. We had only 2, I think? I'm trying to remember when they were. One happened sometime within the first 6 months, and I think another was a year later, and then we were done with it. Issues cropped up for History Kid AFTER that time. It would have been nice to have some support and to be guided to different services then instead of needing to do all the research on our own (and finding pathetically little in terms of supports). I'm sorry for rambling. This is obviously an issue very close to my heart. My son would have been lost in an orphanage. If you see the pictures of him we received before we adopted him and compare them to the pictures even days after, you'd see a different kid. My mom says she hates to look at the 2 pictures we initially received because his, "eyes look dead -- there's no light in them." Kids need and deserve families.

I'm sorry. That's really awful! I bet it was teens or kids out for a joy-ride. Will the towing company take a small deposit or be willing to hold onto some other goods (TV/computer) until you can come up with the money? If you don't have it and your husband needs a car to get to work to make the money to pay the towing company, it seems like a catch-22. I understand they need to make money, but can't they work with you a little bit?

Thank you :) Everyone IRL who knows him has remarked on how much he's changed. The best thing is the changes he sees in himself. Everything is clicking for him and he's realizing his true potential. It's beautiful and gratifying to witness it.

Could there be something flukey with your connection? We're using level 2 and we've hit several of the artists in tracks A-C, and have rarely had a problem with the online portion of the lessons. No advice on what else to use as my kids also want the art history piece of it.

I'm with you! I know many people think it's too easy, but it is the only thing that has worked for my son. He doesn't love math, but he doesn't hate it anymore. It used to be a daily fight with lots of meltdowns and tears to get through math, and now he just does it and he's doing pretty well. I'm curious to see the results of his testing this year.

I could have written large portions of your post. My son wasn't diagnosed pdd-nos, but he fit much of the criteria. He also fits the criteria for NVLD, though because it isn't in the DSM, so it's not considered a valid diagnosis. We had him evaluated at Children's Hospital in Boston almost a year ago, and he was officially diagnosed with ADHD (combination type -- he sounds VERY much like your son -- fidgety and impulsive), developmental coordination disorder, and learning disorder-nos (which I truly think would be classified as NVLD if it was recognized as a separate disorder). I have always struggled with the idea of medication. I felt that medication wasn't necessary in most cases and should only ever be used as a last resort. We tried everything else. We tried fish oil supplements. We tried various behavior modification therapies. We did pretty much everything except dietary changes because he's so incredibly picky that if we started cutting things out he wouldn't eat anything at all, and he's already so thin. I always maintained that medicating him would be my absolute last option. Well, we got there. We started medicating him this summer. His pediatrician is wonderful, and we share the same views about medication and ADHD. He started him on the lowest dosage of Concerta possible, and he did constant rechecks. Where DS's weight is already an issue, he checked him more frequently than is typical. After 6 weeks on the first dose and no behavior changes, he upped him. He was on that for another 6 weeks with no changes, and then he upped him again. We saw a difference within a couple of days. You know when you have a rare, really good day with your son and you see this focused kid with all this potential? One of those days when all of his good attributes shine through? It was like that, only instead of it being a rare day, it's all the time. I was so scared medication would change him and turn him into a zombie-shell of his former self. I was afraid of losing the light in his eyes and his sense of humor. It's all there. All the good parts of him are still there, but the negative behaviors are dialed way, way back. I'm glad he was 9 when we found the right dose because he was able to tell me how it made him feel. He told me before there was a lot of noise in his head and so many thought whirling around at once that he would jump from one thought to another and couldn't concentrate. Now he can focus on one thing at a time. Given the choice, he says he would stay on the medication. He says, "I like that I don't get in trouble all the time." He's doing better in school. He's doing better socially. He's not nearly as impulsive and he's able to focus so much better on everything. It is amazing to see him in the morning before he takes his meds vs. after. Before he takes them we'll tell him to get dressed and make his bed. 10 minutes later we'll call up and ask if he's dressed yet. Nope -- he was going to get dressed, but had to do this or that, and that reminded him he needed to do this other thing, and then a bird flew by his window and he stopped to look at that, etc. After he's taken it and it kicks in, the distraction-factor is more in line with that of my neuro-typical daughter's. He still fidgets, but not as much. He still talks excessively, but when I tell him he needs to wait or hold onto his thought for a minute he is physically able to do that now. His focus is ....well, he CAN focus now. Before he couldn't at all, and now his focus is what I'd consider normal for a 9 year-old boy. He's not nearly as impulsive as he used to be. Instead of lashing out and hitting his sister, he balls up his fists and says, "I really want to hit you right now!" He's able to hold back and stop himself from doing things where before he would just do them without thinking, and would honestly say, "I don't know why I did that," when we'd ask him why. He did drop weight, to the point where I was alarmed (5 lbs in the span of 4 weeks is a ton for a kid who is already scrawny) but at his last meds check-up his weight had gone up. The pediatrician said that is to be expected once he stabilizes and his body is used to the medication. I'm not into a one-size-fits-all approach, so please take my story for what it is -- my personal experience with this. Your experience may be different. We tried so many other things and this was the only thing that gave us good results. My kid is finally happy and the white noise inside his head is mostly gone. For him and for our family, medicating him was the best decision we could have made.

I took my kids (8 and 9) but they've grown up listening to the music and they've had me tell them the story. Both also know about s*x (ds took it well when he asked and I told him, dd was horrified and wished she had never asked) so they understood those scenes. DS voluntarily closed his eyes and whispered, "This is inappropriate. Tell me when it's over!" Lol! I thought it was very well done, although I was deeply disappointed in Russel Crowe's performance. It may not bother those unfamiliar with the musical, but I've seen both the 10th and 25th anniversary specials, I've owned the symphonic version of the cd since I was 17, I've seen the live musical, and I listen to the music all the time. I had a lot of other Javerts to compare to Russel Crowe, and he doesn't measure up. I wasn't expecting much from him vocally (I heard some clips prior to watching the movie) but his acting was flat as well. Javert is one of the most complex characters in the play. Russel Crowe was dull. Anne Hathaway was as good as Russel Crowe was bad. She was by far the best Fantine I've ever seen. She moved me to tears several times. If she doesn't win an award for this role, there is something very wrong in Hollywood! Hugh Jackman held his own. I've seen better, but I've seen worse. His acting was excellent and his singing was good. Samantha Barks was convincing as Eponine, though they killed her off more quickly in the movie than they do in the stage version, which was disappointing to me (she's my favorite character). Marius had one of the better voices in the cast, though he went a bit high and girly at times, unlike other actors I've seen in the past. At least he did better than whatever horrific Jonas brother they cast in the 25th anniversary concert. Amanda Seyfried was lovely as Cosette. She got panned in some reviews, but I thought she was perfect. If you go, bring tissues! It's a tear-jerker.

If I was going to pay for it, it would need to be more than 2 hours. I consider camp a time for them to learn something from someone else and for me to have some blissful kid-free time. 2 hours with the driving wouldn't be worth it for me. I would rather it be 5-6 hours once/week for 6 weeks. I'd pay for that. They did an art camp at a local pottery place. I think it was about $200/kid. It was 5 hours/day for 5 days. If you're doing a paid class, you might want to consider sibling discounts as well. Any place I take both kids for classes/camps offers sibling discounts.

If it wouldn't stress your other cat, I'd say go for it. Since it will, perhaps you should wait awhile.

Not acceptable AT ALL! Discuss this with your husband and have him handle it with his dad & step-mom. I know you said he'll be mad, but it's his family, his mess. All I can say is thank goodness your daughter knew enough to come to you and didn't take step-grandma's advice to read that book to your other dd.

The kids' rag quilts were done this summer, but mostly because I had to plan it that way to get them done when they weren't home for a chunk of time. I did them when they were visiting my IL's and when they were visiting my mom. The doll dresses? Well, if I had known I was going to make them, I probably would have started this summer. Since DD asked me at the very end of October, I had to rush making them. Ideally, I like to have things done by early autumn.

I don't think I'd be offended, but I'd be irritated and annoyed. There are so many names out there so why steal the name I chose? I love the names Adam and Luke, but didn't name my son either name because I have cousins with those names.

If it's only occasionally, I don't toddler proof. Someday when I have grandchildren or if my brother ever has a kid, I will somewhat. I never expected anyone to toddler proof their homes for my kids (although the huge, open, totally-not-to-code staircases at my IL's added lots of stress to my life and made me not want to visit).

Very cool! What kind of doll is that? She's very pretty.

That's awful! I'm glad you were able to treat it with Benadryl and it wasn't a more serious reaction.

You just said everything I was going to say. Let me add a :ack2:

It depends on whether or not you're a "keep busy" person or a "crumple up and cry" person (and it's okay to be both!). This will probably be hard on your kids. My dad left us the day after Christmas when I was 16. It was extremely difficult and my view of the holidays has been tainted by this. That being said, don't be fake about Christmas. I think that's what got me most about that last Christmas -- looking back at it and knowing it was all fake. I felt such a sense of family that year and to be slammed the next day that all of it was a front so Christmas wouldn't be ruined for my brother and me ended up completely ruining my memory of Christmas. Love on your kids, but if they're older, don't hide all your pain either. Acknowledge their pain. Divorce is hard even if your kids are adults or close to it. Don't bash their dad -- that's the worst thing you can do (my dad is now deceased and my mom STILL hates him and won't let her hatred for him go, which in some ways has negatively impacted my relationship with her). Be real. Make whatever effort you can. Where tradition is completely broken this year anyway, maybe do something out of the ordinary. If you don't normally go anywhere Christmas evening, go to a movie or see if there is a bowling alley open and take the kids if they're up for it -- they may not be. Do what you need to do. If you need to sit in a bathtub and crumple up and cry for awhile to get through it, do it. If you need to keep busy and have frustration and nervous energy to burn, start cleaning. Set a timer or pick a small job and tackle it. When that is done take a break or do another. If your life is chaotic, the clutter and mess may add to that. If you can clean a bit and see the results of your work, that might make your mind feel a bit more organized. You may also want to find a counselor for you or for you and your children. This is a lot to process and you will all be doing it differently. :grouphug: I'm so sorry you are going through this. Take care of yourself. Eat. Exercise, even if it's a short walk by yourself every day. You need to do what you can to counteract the stress this will have on your body and mind.

I'm not against video games or TV in moderation. If we're not doing school or not at an activity and it's not too close to bedtime or right before school, I usually don't limit the games or TV too much. We are generally doing school or at activities, or he chooses to do other things, like build Legos. Unless he has a new game, he usually only plays a couple hours/week. He got a Skylanders game for Hanukkah, and another one today for Christmas, so he's been glued to his games every spare minute (which until vacation, wasn't much except for the weekends). Once he beats it, it won't be as much of a priority for him. I've noticed that video games have improved his hand-eye coordination, which for him is huge as he was diagnosed with a developmental coordination disorder. I think there are good and bad things about video games. We would never let him play anything horribly violent. He mostly sticks to the Lego video games and now Skylanders, which has a pretty cool story.

We have stayed home the last several years. We have a huge breakfast/brunch of all their favorite things and spend the day watching movies (they always get new ones in their stockings), playing games, and we usually make a gingerbread house from one of those all-inclusive kits.

I can understand them not catering to you being vegan because I'm assuming it's a personal choice (not allergy-related) but it's wrong of them to try to "trick" you into eating certain foods. Why not just say, "This is the menu we're serving," and let you decide whether or not you want to bring your own food? I also think it's crappy to make fun of homemade gifts. Some of my favorite gifts ever were homemade gifts. It sounds like it would be hard for you to get out of this trip at this point so :grouphug: . From what you posted, it sounds more like this is your two siblings telling you things the other is saying about you behind your back? I'd tell your parents what is going on and give them a heads-up you will not be able to make it next year since you were made to feel unwelcome and uncomfortable this year. If they would like to visit you before or after Christmas, you'd be happy to have them.

Very cute idea :)

My son has read the entire series and can't wait for the next one to come out. I haven't read them, but he enjoys them quite a bit.

They can't DO anything to you. Even in the unlikely event they reported you to CPS or something for neglect, you can verify that you have an appointment with the specialist.

I've seen some fugly looking little babies. Not all babies are cute. I'm with you on that one!

I swear all the time. I could make a pirate blush. I swear in front of my children and sometimes even at my children. They are horrified by my language and don't swear. My house is a mess way more often than it's clean. I really don't like having people over. It stresses me out. I didn't mind it pre-kids when it was easier to keep the house clean & I didn't have so much going on in my life, but now I hate it with a passion. I'm not at all politically correct, and I'm often downright offensive IRL (though I try to play nice on the internets) I spend too much time vegging out in front of the TV and on the computer than I should because I don't have to think, and then I complain that I don't have time to do anything I want to do. My psycho college roommate swore she was going to move out after she screamed at someone on our floor in the middle of the day for playing her music while she was trying to sleep. Everyone on our floor proceeded to crank their stereos. I found out about it when my boyfriends roommate came in and said, "Hey, Julie. Why is your roommate standing outside in the rain screaming up at your building?" After that, someone wrote, "B*&%$" on our white board. She got my hopes all up that she was leaving and then decided to stay. I didn't think it was fair of her to toy with my emotions like that. It was time for her to go! I started writing things on the white board, making her think it was other people on our floor. Each day she would get all worked up, swear she was moving out, and then she'd cool down by the end of the day. I played the part of the sympathetic roomie saying things like, "I'd hate to see you go, but maybe it is for the best. You deserve to live in peace, and these people aren't going to give it to you." After days of this, I broke down and wrote the "nasty c-word" in permanent marker on the white board. She moved out. We had a big floor meeting about it. I didn't feel sorry. The best money I ever spent was on that new white board. I once "accidentally" tripped a little girl at dance who was always mean to my daughter. She fell down and cried. Inside, I laughed. I gave my then-7-year-old dd advice to "knock her on her a$$," if the above little girl pushed her in class again. I also told her if she wasn't comfortable doing that, she could fake falling down, start crying, and yell, "K**** pushed me!" so the teacher couldn't pretend not to see it. "K" was one of the teacher's favorites, so she often chose not to see what that little brat would do to other kids. My grandparents are 2nd cousins. They met at a funeral of a mutual relative. My family tree is all messed up.