I assume that he is enrolled in brick and mortar school? There is not a simple answer to your question. First, schools have some latitude for implementing 504 plans. Sometimes they (or the parents) will want the student to undergo the full evaluation process, to determine if there are other learning issues at play. Then they will determine whether the student qualifies for an IEP or a 504. However, a school can write a 504 plan without the full evaluation process, if there is documentation of the issue and if teachers agree that the ADHD affects the ability to perform to his ability in the classroom. So, first of all, the family needs to be working with the school, if they are not already. That teacher input is essential. They won't automatically write a 504 just because there is an ADHD diagnosis. There must be evidence that the student needs accommodations. They should start by bringing it up with the teacher, but they will also need to write a letter to officially request consideration for a 504. They can ask the school whom they should direct that letter to. The school will have a kind of standard idea of accommodations that they can offer, but parents also need to know what to ask for. And it totally depends on what is happening in the classroom (though parents can discuss what homework time is like, as well). They will only put into the 504 the accommodations that that specific student would need. Your family members can google "ADHD 504 accommodations" or a similar term and see many options on the internet. They can then consider which of them would apply to their son, and then make a case to the school for the things that they think he needs. When I say "the school," I mean not only the classroom teacher, but also a case manager from the intervention department will be involved, along with anyone else who may know your son and have input to offer. This group, together with the parents, will write the 504 plan, if it is determined that he needs one. Common accommodations include taking tests in a quiet room, having extra time for tests, having extended due dates for projects, sitting in a preferred section of the classroom, having teachers redirect the student's attention as needed, frequent checks for understanding (if there is a history of missing information). But these are just some examples. The school has to figure out what is actually needed for that particular student.

Loved Black Panther! We were going to avoid seeing it over the weekend, because our local theaters were selling out. But then we decided to go to the first showing on Monday morning, since the kids were out of school. I especially loved Letitia Wright as T'Challa's sister, Shuri. Tonight I went to see Game Night. It was a really fun, plot-twisty story. Although there were a few bullet wounds and fight scenes, the comic tone makes the violence seem not so serious. I think the R rating was more for the language. There are a couple of sexual references, but no nudity or sex scenes. I didn't love the swearing, but I expected it, due to the rating. If you removed the language, I don't think it would require a ton of editing to get it to a PG-13. I wouldn't let my kids watch it as is, but I wish I could, because they would like it. There were a lot of guffaws in the the theater.

Liv on Liv and Maddie.

I used DB for a time with DD12, who is dyslexic. It was not sufficient for her. It does not teach how to sound out and remember the phonograms directly (though there are some flashcards, if I am remembering correctly). What it does do is force the child to slow down and sound out each phonogram or syllable. DD was a word guesser, and it did help with this habit, but it did not do anything to remediate her dyslexia. So we dropped it. Others may have a better review to offer. I just found that it helped with habit training to reduce guessing and encourage sounding out. Otherwise, it was not much help. When DD had her NP testing later, he said that he would classify her phonological disability as severe. DB may work better for someone with a mild disability. What worked for her (and is still in progress) was an OG based approach. I had worked with her so much on phonics that I had become certain that she would not be able to ever remember the phonograms. I used DB because it did not take a phonetic approach (it is morpheme based). But in the end, it was a phonetic approach that worked for DD after all, but it needed to be multisensory and intense, which is what OG offered.

Just to clarify, I don't have hurt feelings. Arctic Mama said that about me, but it isn't true. I have not been posting out of "hurt," but out of a need to present my point of view as a adoptive parent. I've been posting, because there have been over 2,500 views of this thread (so far), and I did not want generalized statements to stand without addressing them. I've been posting so that people who have not adopted are not the only ones making statements about adoption in this thread (since I posted, some other adoptive parents have contributed, as well). As I mentioned before, I have no problem discussing adoption issues with those who have adopted or who have an interest in learning more. I haven't said it shouldn't be discussed. I definitely take issue with adoption being raised as a family situation that "almost never works out well" (according to the thread title) and with generalized statements made to support that point of view.

I'm sorry you took my response that way. I was attempting to be sympathetic and helpful.

Yes, you can buy table pads custom made for your table. There are kinds that strap on. I have not done this, but MIL did. She covers hers with a tablecloth, but if you don't mind how they look, you wouldn't have to. Hers are a kind of neutral tan color and just look like large wipeable cushions.

You may be able to put a protective coating on the wood. I can't advise you about what type, because our tables came with that already applied (Amish custom built). We used plastic place mats for years. We still use them when writing at the table and never write on a paper without something protective underneath, because pens and pencils can impress the words into the tabletop, even if they aren't scratching. We wipe the place mats after each meal as well as the table top. We store the place mats in a box, not on the table, so that we won't put a wet mat back on the wooden table. Now that my kids are older, I'm moving away from the place mats and have started having them use coasters under drink cups. I don't let them set things on the table that might scratch. Do they still do it? Yes, but we are firm and make them take them off right away. I do have a child who is defiant, and he will sometimes run his fingernails across the table on purpose, in order to annoy me. :cursing: I mention this, so that you don't think I have magically compliant and non-destructive kids. Fortunately, the coating has prevented actual scratches from happening. If he really wanted to, he could find a way to scratch it, of course, with an implement, but he has not. I have never let my kids climb on the table, so that is not an issue here. Honestly, I think that is a habit that you can and should break, even though I'm sure it will seem insurmountably hard and require constant vigilance and may take a long time. Sometimes if we desire change, we have to do hard things to make it happen. ( :grouphug: because I know that it seems easy for me to say that and hard for you to hear). If you don't mind them climbing on the table, however, you will either need to be resigned to having scratches, or you will need to keep something over it to protect it. Maybe a wipeable tablecloth?

Templeton, if you are still reading this thread, I hope you've found some things that are helpful. I, for one, would be happy to engage with you further, if you want to ask more questions, and I'm sure others are, as well.

Do you mean that they did not recommend medications at all, or that medications don't help with processing? It would surprise me if doctors said that ADHD meds would not help someone with hyperactivity. I respect that some people dislike the idea of using ADHD meds. I was like that!! I was really resistant to the idea. Each family needs to make their own decisions, of course. But I will say that the meds help DS accomplish schoolwork that he was unable to before, because he couldn't stay on task. And he is much less defiant when his meds are in effect. But they don't addresses his low processing speed and aren't meant to. We accommodate that in other ways.

Not really replying to your comment, but using them as a jumping off point. One of my children has a tic disorder. I agree that trying to make the person stop doing it won't help. However, there are actually some options for addressing them, so it's worth discussing with the doctor. Tics do wax and wane, but for some people, they can be severe, and they can persist throughout life. Our neurologist said that in 1/3 of people, the level of tics remains the same; in 1/3, tics decrease over time; and in 1/3, they get worse. But there are some medications that can be tried. And there is a technique called Habit Reversal that people can use to help control their tics. It doesn't work for all people, but it is an option to look into, if it is determined that a tic disorder is present.

I'm not reading into what you said. I'm responding to your actual words.

Arctic Mama, truthfully, I did not expect you to understand what I am saying. But I had to say it anyway.

I wanted to let the adoption comments go by and not read this thread any more, but I woke up today with it on my mind, and I want to try to explain why they are so hurtful. Change the topic to something that some of you can relate to: "Those homeschool families really try hard to educate and love their children, but I can see from outside the situation that it's really not working." "That family with the special needs kid...I know they work at it, but it's obvious they don't love that child as much as their other children." "Those homeschoolers are going to have socialization problems." "My friend who adopted faced some issues that I haven't faced as a parent, so all adoptive families must be that way." "Those (fill in any ethnicity) people start out with so much baggage that I don't want to try to help, because I'll just mess them up more. I'll keep my distance but still consider them damaged from afar." These are all hurtful generalizations. In adoptive families, feelings can be complicated. In typical families, feelings can be complicated. In adoptive families, people may have to work at connecting and understanding each other. The same for any family. Some birth mothers find it takes time to bond with their infant, just as it may take time to bond with a new child who has been adopted. Some birth parents face rebellion and turmoil with their bio kids, just as some adoptive families deal with that. And some DON'T. And I don't find it harder to love and bond with my children, because they are not white like me. And it is condescending for anyone to say to me that having my children was something "worth doing" as if I take care of my children out of some kind sense of duty. Can there be issues related to parenting that are specific to adoption? Yes!! Sure, just as there are issues related to parenting kids who are homeschooled or kids who have special needs or kids who have rebellious personalities. Just as there are issues that come up WHEN RAISING ANY CHILD, because every child is unique. If this had been a thread about challenges when adopting, discussing the adoption related issues would have been very different. But let's keep in mind that the topic of the thread is "It almost never works out well" and that the subject of adoption was almost immediately introduced. Adoption has worked out well for my family and all of the other adoptive families that I know. Sometimes things are messy, because life is messy. It was just offensive to introduce adoption into a thread with that title and then make generalizations. "

I don't know about OCD, but for tics, our pediatrician referred us to a neurologist at the children's hospital. I assume she has a pediatrician to consult, so I would start there.

I have those same feelings, having sorted through my mom's things when she entered the nursing home. I have a long way to go with decluttering my own home, but I really want to keep at it. And then keep at it continually, so that my children don't have so much to go through when the time comes. Sometimes as I drive, I see open garage doors and get a peek at all of the stuff people have. And then I think about how many people there are in the world, and how many things each person has that are not even being used. So much stuff!!

I'm sorry, but this just makes it worse. Adoptive families and non-adoptive families both have difficulties, because all families do. No one who is not inside the family can discern what is going on, and to say to yourself that they are having adoption related issues -- it's just judgmental. And it is the same for those who are judging blended families. Every family is different. Three of my four grandparents were raised in unusual family situations a century ago. One was born out of wedlock and raised by grandparents. One was born out of wedlock and raised by a step-father. One grandmother's father died when she was one, and first she had a single mom, then was part of a blended family with step- and half-siblings. In my generation, my children were adopted, and my siblings' children are step-children. The world changes, and yet it stays the same. Families are made by people who love each other, whether they are biologically related or not. And life is messy, and people work it out. ETA: And there isn't anything about my adoptive family that I would describe as "worth doing." As one would say that cleaning out a closet is "worth doing."

Ugh. This statement bothers me so much, as an adoptive mom hearing it from a mom who has not adopted.

What works for one type of hair won't be sufficient for another. DD16 has extremely thick hair, so her bun would never hold without an elastic on the ponytail. Or without a ton of hair pins. We have use the spin pins in the past (she doesn't use them now that she does her own hair), but they were always in addition to the bobby pins. If the bun is falling out, you are not using enough bobby pins, and perhaps you are not placing them correctly. Do not just spear them into the bun. Make sure you take a small bit of the hair on the head that is not in the bun, then slide the bobby pin underneath the bun until it is hidden. Do this all the way around the bun. Even for my other daugher's fine hair and tiny bun, I used a lot of pins. Once the bun is secured around the base, you can twist the spin pin into the body of the bun or put a few bobby pins through it. Use spray gel as needed. And pin the wispies that fly out around the ears or on the top of the head and then gel. We always put the net on last and pin it as well. But DD16's bun is huge, due to all of her hair. We pin the bun as we wind it up.

I did do a grade adjustment for my oldest, but it was because I started her on K when she was four. She was ready to learn to read, so I thought, why not? A couple of years later, we decided to do 18 months of "first grade" and 18 months of "2nd grade" to re-position her. It was a good decision for her. For a variety of reasons, I didn't call my other kids kindergarteners until they were six. It was a good decision for them. So I'm not against grade adjusting, and I'm not against having a child who is old for their grade. With that said, it seems to me that the real root of his delays is that your son struggles due to a possible undiagnosed learning disability. And the way to address that is not to change the grade, but to use materials and teaching methods that are meant for remediation and to get some evaluations, so that you can know better how to help. With dyslexia, early remediation is more effective than waiting until older, and an Orton-Gillingham method (or one of a couple of other similar programs) of instruction is highly recommended. DD12 has dyslexia, and DS13 has other learning disabilities. Both of them are "old" for their grades. Both of them still struggle in their disability areas. Although they receive very good intervention, things are just harder. In other words, for a student with learning challenges, lowering their grade level does not then make them able to learn at the same pace as their younger peers. So my advice is to not change the grade level at this point. But consider changing teaching methods and using different curricula and working toward some evaluations. We used Dancing Bears with DD (as well as several other programs, as I tried to find something that would work for her), and although it is recommended by some as a program for those with dyslexia, we found it insufficient. It does provide practice breaking down words and sounding them out, but it does not have as its purpose remediating the phonological impairment of dyslexia, as an OG approach does. I would also caution you about looking too far ahead with regard to what curricula he may use in a few years. WWS would not be the program I would use with DD12 with dyslexia (I did do some of it with DD16 when she was in sixth, so I am familiar with it). You may need to consider other writing programs if you are dealing with dyslexia. I hope that is helpful.

This is just anecdotal, but I'll share, in case it helps. DS13 has prescriptions for both extended release Focalin (related to Ritalin) and short acting. Normally, he will take the ER version, but it prevents him from wanting to eat lunch. On school days, he just finishes his packed lunch after school. But there are days when we want him to be able to eat lunch at lunchtime-- weekends, summer days, and days when he wants to buy lunch at school. On those days, he takes the short acting version. Sometimes he takes an afternoon dose, and sometimes he doesn't, depending on what is going on that day. On the days when he does not take the additional dose, his behavior is much worse in the evenings than on the days when he takes the ER dose. Note that the ER wears off for him around 3 pm, so he is unmedicated in the evenings either way. So, when he takes ER and it has worn off around 3 pm, he can be spunky in the evenings. When he takes short acting and it wears off around lunchtime, and he does not receive another dose in the afternoon, his behavior in the evenings is measurably more difficult. There is a noticeable difference, even though in both cases, the meds have worn off. Finding the right med at the right dosage can be tricky. Sometimes it takes quite awhile to sort it out. And sometimes small changes, like the time of administration, can make a big difference. We recently changed the time that we give DS his morning dose, and it has had a big (positive) impact, even though the dose and type of med remained the same.

In the US, the nurses do not stay in the rooms with the patients. There is a central desk area, with the rooms arranged in the halls around it. The nurses visit each room to administer meds and check on the patients and do whatever is needed, but then they move on to the next room or return to the desk to update the records and do the other administrative work. So there can be long periods of time where patients are left alone, although they do have call buttons to summon a nurse when they need them.

Interesting! I'm a strong contender in the category of procrastinating-on-housework-by-doing-other-things. If it were some kind of bi-athalon, we could make a good team.

MIL was just in the hospital in another state for almost two weeks. DH flew down there, and he and FIL took turns staying overnight in MIL's room. However, she was in quite a bit of pain, was disoriented, not sleeping well, and was confused. They didn't want to leave her alone. (DH's sister was there for a couple of days before DH arrived, and DH's brother took over when DH had to fly back home). So they never left her alone in the hospital for those two weeks. My dad has had a couple of shorter hospital stays after surgeries. No one stayed overnight with him, and he wouldn't have wanted us to. But he is independent, could communicate his own needs, and was resting comfortably before we left. Family did remain at the hospital throughout his procedures and recovery time. It's so hard to not be able to be there all the time. But sometimes it's not possible. And sometimes the individual doesn't need or want constant attention. I would make every effort to be there all the time with anyone who is not able to self-advocate or understand what is going on.

I can't tell from your original post... how old is he, and does he have a documented diagnosis, or do you think he has ADHD from the symptoms you see? (Note, I refer to it as ADHD, since that is the common name now. A diagnosis would be ADHD- inattentive type. There is also an impulsive type, which can go along with inattentive but is different than hyperactive). I'm not sure what you mean by "biological benefit." Are you asking whether the meds actually make long-term changes in the brain? Or are you asking how they work? To address one of your questions, you say that he has trouble focusing on things on the computer, so I would question whether a computer based school approach would really suit him. But there are many models of online instruction nowadays, so the real answer is... it depends. There are others on the WTM boards who have used online classes who can provide opinions about specific choices. I was resistant to medicating for my child's ADHD, because at the time we were homeschooling, and I thought I could work with him and accommodate. But after years of effort, it became obvious he needed more, and once we started meds, it did make a big difference in his ability to focus on his schoolwork and on his interactions with family members. I do believe meds are a best option for many. (I also have children with inattention and ADHD who are not medicated, so I also believe it's not automatically the best choice for everyone). There are other things you can try. Diet, as mentioned above. Mindfulness training. Therapy with a psychologist. They can be effective. However, some people find they need meds, even with those other interventions.