Ohhh, I know! Have you read the Mapp and Lucia books? Highly recommended. https://www.amazon.com/Queen-Lucia-Miss-Mapp-Novels/dp/1101912103/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=mapp+and+lucia+books&qid=1559737856&s=gateway&sprefix=mapp+an&sr=8-1

I hear that you are satisfied with how you're handling your boys' needs. You want to be seen and recognized and have relationships with people outside your immediate family. Is this right? I think we're trying to help you chart a path from where you are now to a place and time where you have those relationships. We're also simply worried about you. You sound depressed and exhausted. We're distant, but we do see you here. You are welcome and valued here. But we'd like to help you find the local folks who can understand what you're going through and invite you to that barbeque, because that's something you (we all) genuinely need: to be seen, welcomed and appreciated.

It's been many years since I read Please Don't Eat the Daisies as a teen, but the reviews on Amazon suggest it's held up well. Very funny stories about kids, the dog and suburbia, as I recall, and 1950s vintage cleanliness. I remember giggling aloud until my mother came over to see what I was reading and smiled in agreement. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0449240991/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8

Thanks, everyone. I'm looking into Motos, since lots of people have been happy with them.

I hope today's going well, Teaching3bears. Thinking of you.

Teaching3bears, I wish I could come help in person. I feel like these threads keep including advice that makes you very uncomfortable or seems unworkable to you. I do think self care is essential for you, and long term planning is essential for your boys. But I worry about how hard it must be to hear these things over and over when life already seems so hard. *But*: Are you trying to teach your boys whenever they are awake? I am just so worried about your health. This sort of (lack of) sleep schedule is detrimental to teens, but I find that broken sleep and insomnia just destroy me these days, and it sounds like you're not far from my age. Seriously, this alone makes everything much worse. Emotions are worse, endurance is worse, coping skills are worse. You just desperately need more support. Where is your husband in all this? Is there any extended family? Huge hugs. And, you've probably got this covered, but how much physical activity do your boys get? Regular exercise might help them sleep, which might help everything else. I am picturing you as a physically small woman trying to manage two energetic, uncontrolled teen boys, and thinking you need help to get them activity. Are there special needs teams or activities near you, so other trained people are there to help them? Here we have buddy ball and therapeutic horseback riding. I know the riding program at least is fantastic. They would pull in the folks they need to help your sons.

Thinking out loud... OP, I have no idea what sort of region you are in. But unless it's profoundly rural and isolated, there might be other moms of kids with special needs within, say, an hour's drive who might be having similar difficulties. They may already have a support group for moms. Or maybe you could be the nucleus of a new community. If you could contact those moms (or dads), is there a safe place where you could meet with your kids? A park, a library with a meeting room, a community rec center with a room for parties? Those other moms will be able to relate to your life. A bunch of us here can, at least to some degree, but we aren't as geographically available. Those moms in your area will have kids with their own issues, so they'll be able to deal with your boys grabbing food or whatever. They may have ideas which might help. They may be just as desperate as you for community and companionship. If there's a group already, they may have care available for kids at their meetings. If not, maybe you just get together to take your kids for a walk in the park together, or have an activity they can do while you chat. To get a group together, if none exists now, talk to school special ed teachers, put up notices in the library, at doctor's offices, on local websites, anywhere people gather or read. Set a time and place to meet, or just exchange contact information at first. Chat a bit, see what happens. You might be a resource for someone else, as well as finding companionship yourself.

So, how long is it reasonable to expect a phone to last? Two or three years seems like a modest usable life, even given planned obsolescence.

Five years ago I finally plunked down money and got a smartphone; nevertheless, I was a cheapskate and bought the iPhone 4s, pretty much the least expensive I could get at the time. Within the first few months of using it, I got an update which couldn't load properly. The guy at the Verizon store said that the phone was so out of date that it wouldn't be able to handle updates, so I should avoid trying to load any new ones. They had *just* sold me the thing. Still, the phone mostly functioned fine for several years. Today, though, it is undeniably senile. It handles phone calls and texts just fine, but will not load most websites in any functional way. I need a new phone. I am still a cheapskate. Dh needs a smartphone, too. He is even cheaper than me about phones. Can anyone recommend a relatively inexpensive smartphone which will not be obsolete the moment I buy it? I like my iPhone, but would be willing to go with another brand. It does need to be reliably functional for things like eBay business, news websites, map apps, this website, etc. Verizon is offering the iPhone 6s free with a contract, and the 6s plus for only $5/month. I'm afraid those must essentially be obsolete already. What about the iPhone 7 or 8? Which version should we go with in order to expect the things to stay fully functional for a couple/few years? This time I want to be able to get updates.

She is adorable! It does sound like the rescue group recognizes that you'd give her a great home-- I mean, how could they not? It's helpful that they're willing to hold her for you. I hope it works out for you and Blue.

Don't know if you have a sunny sheltered spot, but hardy lantana blooms beautifully until frost for us, and the deer never touch it. Or even just get some tender lantana and let it be an annual. Otherwise, maybe boneset or other Eupatoriums? Kind of tall and weedy, but works well in a natural, meadowy sort of garden. Pollinators love them, deer don't, at least here. I love joe pye, but it blooms earlier. http://www.missouribotanicalgarden.org/PlantFinder/PlantFinderDetails.aspx?kempercode=c730#AllImages Eta that there seem to be lots of Eupatoriums called boneset, which figures, given common names, but-- !!-- Just remembered Eupatorium coelestinum, what my mother used to call hardy ageratum. Perennial, gorgeous periwinkle blue end-of-summer flowers, not as tall and gangly as boneset, but still not eaten by deer here. http://www.missouribotanicalgarden.org/PlantFinder/PlantFinderDetails.aspx?kempercode=j870

I'm sorry, Dawn. No advice, but I get it.

Rosemary in general is marginally hardy here, but Arp is supposed to be hardy, so that's the cultivar I planted. Yes, the soil is heavily amended to be well drained. So did you fertilize to get the growth in that picture? If I remember correctly, you'd grown those plants from cuttings, and that is just more growth than I'm used to seeing in a year. Maybe that's the difference between California and the mid-Atlantic.

This is interesting, Bill, so I'm glad you mentioned it. Iceberg is not ubiquitous in my area, but I got a couple of the climbing form from Aldi's this spring on spec. You're making me glad that I gave in to temptation. Do you find that the initial growth is very slender and delicate? This spring I got eight new roses, all bare root, from different suppliers, and the Icebergs are by far the least vigorous in appearance so far. They are healthy and growing, though not rapidly. I hope they'll end up doing as well as yours have. Also-- any particular advice on growing rosemary well? I remember the pictures you posted a while back.

You may or may not like it now, but I prefer Red Rose. It seems stronger than most typical U.S. brands to me, but then I also leave the bag in absurdly long.

We deal with similar stuff. I wish I had good answers. You're right that it impacts the therapy you can do.

Your feelings make perfect sense. What makes me ill is the lack of good alternatives in our society. Regardless of love and commitment, parents can't always keep up the level of care their kids need. We should be able to provide support that genuinely works.

I asked a couple of our doctors about neurofeedback for dd and got this answer. If the dc is not motivated to change things, it isn't going to happen just by virtue of the technology.

Thank you, hjffkj! That is very helpful. Taking some time to build a business is fine. I just find myself casting about for a productive way to use my time as kids become more independent, and I'd like to bring in some income. Sounds like I need to learn about websites next, along with insurance.

If you don't mind mind, could you tell me why you don't like Rover? I have no experience with them, good or bad.

I need a part-time job, and pet sitting seems like it might be a good fit. I have decades of experience with dogs, cats, and assorted small pets. I'd be fine spending occasional nights in someone else's home, but would not want to bring their dogs or cats into our home. Checking on animals several times daily and taking them for walks would be no problem. Ideally, I'd want to earn around $2000/month to make my efforts worthwhile. I can probably put in as many hours as a full time job, but until both kids are a bit older and driving themselves places, I need flexibility in my schedule. What do I need to know? Have you used Rover.com, or set up a business independently? When I look on Rover for our area, there are a ton of young people with a few reviews, and a few people with more (30+). There are also already several independent pet sitting businesses. So, maybe the market is saturated. But we're in an area with a fair number of people who can afford services, so maybe not, especially if there's a way to distinguish myself from all the folks on Rover (maturity and experience?). Any thoughts? Adding: if you have used or might use a pet sitter or dog walker, what would be important to you? What would you want to know about your sitter?

This is a small point in the overall scenario, but I suggested discussing Father's Day as a basis of comparison that he might understand, not to say that you needed to indulge him then. Just-- look, hon, how differently we experience these days. Adding, I do think talking about how expectations and workloads are for each of you might be helpful. The biggest goal I'd have for the discussion would be to clear the air of resentment and establish a shared understanding of what you'd each like on MD and FD.

I think I'd be tempted to walk him through the day, from your perspective, like you did in this post-- not right now, but once you can do it without being upset. I'd try to make the conversation about communicating, not complaining. It sounds crystal clear to me why you were upset, but evidently he didn't get how the whole day felt to you. Just as a basis for communication and understanding, I think he needs to know how much effort and stress went into the things you had to do all day, and how you'd envision an ideal day. You could also ask about Father's Day, since it's on the horizon now. How would be like that to go? What has been his hope vs. expectation vs. reality?

Good luck! An open house might get lots of people, including just the ones you need.

I'm so very sorry.