Yes, I'm having trouble imagining her mainstreaming for everything. Maybe over a long time. I really want to keep her in high school until she's 21, to get as much support and eventually vocational training as possible, so maybe over time she could manage the regular requirements, but I'm doubting it at this point. She was initially diagnosed at level 2. Recently her dev ped has been putting level 1 on her paperwork, but I think 2 is more accurate.

Oh, I know she's worn out. I didn't mean to imply she's being bad per se. She is, just objectively, in a rotten mood where she snaps at everyone, even her dog. She just can't take any more noise, smells (dog, he was digging), anything. But I know it's because she's worn out and overstimulated. Can she verbalize how she feels? Not really, especially when she's tired. The testing is in 2 hours. She may be able to manage it, we'll see. The testing is spread out. We have more days scheduled, so if today doesn't happen, it's not the end of the world.

She had testing yesterday, was in a rotten mood afterwards, is supposed to have more testing today but is refusing to go. I've offered rewards, so maybe by the time we need to leave she'll cooperate (at least enough to get in the car and go). I'd like the psychologist to see her when she's fed up. Yesterday she was fresh and cooperative.

This I can and will do. I'll find this and take it to them, thanks!

I get the impression she essentially zones out after a while. We know from testing that her attention span is short. She can attend, but not for very long, very effectively. She also hates noise, confusion, disruptions. So if kids are noisy, she's more likely to shut down and stop listening. She does know that she's supposed to come out with assignments. Sometimes she thinks she understands, then realizes she doesn't. Sometimes she's so fed up by the end of class that she doesn't care. She does just shut down, too. We had a problem with a teacher trying to pat her on the shoulder to comfort her when she put her head down, and that just made things worse. There's so much of this stuff I need to write down for them. My teacher evaluation form I filled out was *so long*, but I keep thinking of more. Academic support -- complex assignments overwhelm her. It all needs to be in individual steps, given at different times. Group projects must have been invented to torture kids on the spectrum. Social needs, multiple people talking at once, arguments... Ugh. Nightmares. She does not do well with them. I'm certain there's more.

Frustration tolerance might just be the most important goal. I would really love to see social thinking instruction, but I'm not sure if they'll do anything where there isn't a direct link to academics. But kids who need life skills instruction can get that, and social thinking seems like a life skill to me. She has no friends. One neighborhood girl was a friend for years, but she and her mom finally lost patience with dd and the mom cut off contact. Dd has missed her a lot. She needs a lot of help and support with executive function stuff. Like-- she always comes out of her co-op classes unsure what the homework is. I know the teachers tell the class, but she never "gets" the information or understands it. So, in the book there are all sorts of supports for getting homework information. That's something she needs. But I'd also like to have her learning how to get that information in the same way the other students do, if that's possible. Computer time is certainly an incentive, yes. So, yes, that method of instruction would have that benefit. She is fiercely modest. Won't even let her female nurse practitioner examine her fully. Changing for gym seems like a big stretch, and this book cites examples of schools waiving or altering the PE requirements for that reason. I never even knew that might be related to autism.

I think dd really needs both teaching strategies and behavior support. She shuts down a lot. She just has no internal motivation for academic work. The work is hard for her. Stress shuts her down, and she says she just doesn't care about the work. We don't have much chance of moving to a better area. Actually we're probably in the best spot close enough to dh's work already. They do use a lot of computer options, such as taking classes online while sitting in the library. I'm not sure of the details, but that's something they've mentioned. It's not what I had been thinking of as ideal. It could be okay, or not, and I just don't know yet.

Thank you! The original Difficult Moments book is one I was looking at yesterday online. I remember reading it a few years back and thinking it was helpful, but didn't buy it, so I might get the new one. I'll check out the shorter teachers' book also.

Thanks for pointing this out! I'm putting it in my cart.

Finished that part. 😉 This sounds realistic, and a great pity. I hope they're already doing this stuff, then. Yes. This is correct. This is exactly what we need to iron out now. I'm hoping and cautiously assuming they'll agree she qualifies for an IEP, because they did before, and we have a lot of documentation. But I do want her to start with enough support in place that things go well. She already is extremely negative about going back to school. I'm anticipating significant resistance, and quite possibly school refusal. So I guess these supports just sounded like they could be very helpful.

There are about 60 pages that talk about a wide range of accommodations and supports. [Sorry about quote box, I messed that up and can't get rid of it] As I read them I was just blown away that schools were *doing* all those things, because it was so much more than we were offered when we went through this process before. That time we decided to keep homeschooling, because what they were offering didn't seem like enough. But, if we could get a lot of these supports, then life could maybe be different for dd. I could see these things making a big difference for her. I was thinking "ding ding ding" a lot, lol. I know not everyone is going to get every support. But there are things like a seven-page Transition Checklist for going into a new school. Seven pages. They say, "The planning process described here may seem extensive and time-consuming. It is! For adolescents with AS, it is necessary that each of the items on the Transition Checklist be considered before the student moves into a new school environment." I'm really just kind of thrilled to read a book that takes all this seriously, that seems to recognize how hard this can be and expects schools to provide support. So, even just sixty pages is a lot to copy and ask someone to read. The book is more like two hundred pages. I can make notes and suggest certain things, yes. And I can absolutely find out what they are used to doing. But this seems to give me grounds to ask for a lot. I don't want to be pushy, or on the other hand to neglect to push enough, kwim? I guess it will necessarily be a gradual process. We'll hopefully get some help at first, and then we'll see how things go, and make changes. But the book seems to emphasize the importance of starting with adequate supports. Anyway, I'll certainly ask if this is a book they already know. I'll see how receptive they seem. And I'll also ask what their established ways of handling things are. Thank you for helping me think this through.

We're in the middle of evaluations for dd14, in preparation for high school next fall. She's been homeschooled for a number of years. I've found a book with a great many very practical ideas for accommodations which are very pertinent. Would it ruffle feathers or seem presumptuous to give copies to the school counselors most involved with this process now, at the middle school, and in the fall, at dd's new high school? Or does anyone know if this is enough of a standard work that they are already likely to know it? I know Brenda Smith Myles is well-respected in the field, but counselors can't be expected to know everything, and this is information I'd really like them to have available. And, in case anyone else is interested, here's a link. https://www.amazon.com/Asperger-Syndrome-Adolescence-Practical-Solutions/dp/0967251494/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=3TSE0Z857NZ0D&keywords=asperger+syndrome+and+adolescence&qid=1553803452&s=gateway&sprefix=Asperger+syn&sr=8-1

I think your idea to get him working outside with you was good. I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you intended; the rose canes getting cut* would have upset me, too. Playing with the dog sounds good, too. Do you think he was so upset he won't be willing to try something like that again? Give yourself credit for trying all the right stuff. At least he told you what we going on with the teachers. Your stories about him sound so familiar to me. We have the door that gets locked, too, and I've had to learn how to get in, and set some firm rules about when it can be locked. Could cutting the canes have been satisfying in a sensory way, and he just got carried away and didn't think? Dd used to tear up books when she was little, and it drove me to distraction, but I realized later that tearing paper calmed her. *(Around here, for those who aren't familiar with them, loppers have long handles for extra leverage, like these: https://www.amazon.com/Fiskars-28-Inch-Bypass-Lopper/dp/B000BX1IB6/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=1PVJFX7RKOGPC&keywords=lopping+shears&qid=1553735759&s=gateway&sprefix=lopping+&sr=8-3 )

There's ABA and then there's ABA. The original form has been criticized, perhaps justly. I haven't had any experience with that form of ABA. ABA as it is often used now is more of a broad umbrella term. Lots of techniques are used, but it's essentially positive reinforcement of desired behaviors coupled with careful, meticulous analysis of *why* behaviors are happening and how to replace less productive behaviors with others which are more productive. In order to accomplish this, a good relationship between child and behaviorist (BCBA=Board Certified Behavior Analyst) is necessary. Two+ years after finishing ABA, dd still misses her BCBA. She found the sessions very enjoyable. I'm thinking of starting up again to help with the transition to school. Others here can speak more authoritatively about ABA practices, but our experience was entirely positive.

I've been following this with interest, as we're in a similar, not identical, place. Similar elements being 14yo asd kid with multiple diagnoses, including anxiety. Mine will be returning to public school next year for multiple reasons, but strongly resists the whole idea. We get the head-on-desk and sleeping-all-day reactions when things feel overwhelming, so I can relate. We are having school refusal, too, because dd says that I have decreed she's going back to public school next year, so she's done with homeschool. Spectrum kids are great at being absolute. This is where we are. We're spending hours every day letting dd volunteer with animals. It's partly outside, and involves some exercise. It involves some, limited, dealing with other humans, who are kind adults who nonetheless have expectations. It means dd has a responsibility which she takes very seriously. This is the best thing in her life right now. She is proud of what she's doing. Could I motivate her to do school by threatening to take this activity away? Maybe. But-- the schoolwork really is overwhelming for her. The difficulties are not a product of her imagination. She will not be magically able to cope because I take away her activity. She needs more help and support, and that's why we're going through getting accommodations for next year lined up now. Medication might help, but she's refusing it, and she's too big to force. So-- mental health comes first here. A book I've found which might be helpful for you, too: https://www.amazon.com/Asperger-Syndrome-Adolescence-Practical-Solutions/dp/0967251494/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?crid=3B3W25X85QCOI&keywords=asperger+syndrome+and+adolescence&qid=1553256784&s=gateway&sprefix=asperger+syndrome+and+&sr=8-2 Good luck. I don't really have any solutions, but I am walking the same sort of path. I hope you can find some things to help your ds. If computers give him joy, I'd try to find a way to give him some access, probably in a public part of the house and under some supervision. Maybe there's some computer -related work he could do for someone? And some way to get outside, and get some exercise. Anyway, good luck.

We've been feeding our dog Victor for a while, with good results so far. You might check them out. On the Facebook chart you linked, they seem to be in the clear for DCM, though as you note it's a small sample size. They have gluten-free meat-and-rice formulas without peas, etc., but they do include alfalfa meal. I *think* that's made from the entire plant-- not sure if that's better than just peas or lentils. Less starchy, anyway. In their FAQ section they say they have a nutritionist on staff as a VP; I don't know about testing. I'm not sure exactly what defines a boutique dog food company. Victor is relatively small, but doesn't seem frou-frou-ish to me, lol.

Gentle hugs. Hope he feels better soon!

We didn't have a recliner when dh had his rotator cuff surgery, so he tried to sleep propped up in bed and on the sofa. He says the recliner is important enough that you should buy one if you don't already have one. (Ahead of his surgery he didn't expect to need it that badly. He did.) If you have problems with pain meds working, talk to the doctor so you can sort that out ahead of time. Do the PT religiously. It helps enormously.

That's hard. I think humans change, their interests and energy and health change. Letting resentment grow because of an activity one no longer enjoys might be another way to "let down" a spouse: in other words, the change in the relationship happens whether one does the activity or not. So the trick is to be honest and respectful and open in finding the best way to preserve the relationship while altering the participation. Is there a possibility of finding someone else to take part, like Homeschool Mom in Az suggested?

Is it something that will naturally stop being a part of their lives as kids grow up? Or is it something the enthusiastic spouse would continue after kids stop being involved? Could they do so at a less intense level, or is the continued presence of both spouses really essential? In general I'm in favor of talking a lot about things like this, so everyone has a realistic picture of how the future might look to others.

I'm sorry. He's putting you in an awful position. I would be furious and worried together.

Yes. Costs to adopt from some rescue groups can look high, but they're generally a bargain compared to getting all the medical work done independently.

No idea, but it sounds like time to see the doctor. I hope you can get some useful information so he can start feeling better.

Disclaimer: I've only done this once, and it was some years ago. But since no one else has answered, I'll bite. I read about hugelkulture, and since our yard was poorly drained and I wanted to both create raised beds and increase organic matter, and since we had old logs sitting around rotting, I gave it a try. All I really did was to work up the soil like I normally would, then place logs sort of half-buried in the beds, then cover with soil. The soil was topsoil I had delivered, though, since what we had was largely mucky clay. Then I used organic matter on top: mostly I used rotting leaves, which I had in abundance, but once I used straw instead. This was just a mulch layer, but it was good and thick. For planting, though, I planted under the mulch, directly in the soil. Results were pretty good. We did get several years of good harvests, mostly because of the topsoil I had brought in, I think. The logs decayed very slowly. Some bits may still be there, I haven't worked those beds up yet this year. Organic matter must have increased significantly. I know for years I had the most fantastic earthworm and general bug population. I think that was more due to the leaves on top than to the logs underneath, but probably with time as the logs rotted they helped too. The most visible result was that our drainage problem in that part of the yard vanished. I think the soil was able to hold a lot more water. Productivity declined after a few years, and I haven't had enough time or energy to look after the garden well in recent years, so I haven't added more organic matter or fertilizer lately. I never used a cover crop. Never used wood chips, either. I think I'd want to plant in soil, not chips, and I'd want to make sure enough moisture and nutrients were available. But experimentation would be fun.

I bought that after that thread. It is wonderful, so thank you to whoever mentioned it! It doesn't get in the can, so it doesn't get wet or dirty like others do. Eta mine is slightly different. It doesn't have whatever that is on the end, I didn't look closely.