Not a failure! Healing is a long process, so you hurt. The doctor gave you the pills because you legitimately need them. Hope you find today a little better again. It's great that you got out yesterday.

Thanks, Ivey and Storygirl. Things are busy here right now so I can't respond at length atm, but I'm reading and paying attention.

Which part of the spread are you thinking suggests a need for testing? The scores are kind of clumped together, except for verbal comprehension and processing speed as outliers, and those don't make me think of vision issues, but maybe they should?

Laurie R. King's series of Sherlock Holmes spin-offs starting with The Beekeeper's Apprentice is wonderful, if you aren't familiar with them already. https://www.amazon.com/Beekeepers-Apprentice-Segregation-Russell-Mystery/dp/1250055709/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=the+beekeepers+apprentice+by+laurie+king&qid=1560355735&s=gateway&sprefix=the+beek&sr=8-1 I liked Iain Pears' series of art history mysteries set in Rome. This is the first: https://www.amazon.com/Raphael-Affair-Art-History-Mystery/dp/0425178927/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?keywords=iain+pears+books&qid=1560355873&s=gateway&sprefix=iain+pe&sr=8-5 If you don't know Patrick O'Brian, well, you have a treat waiting. He handles the context of the British navy during the Napoleonic wars as if he had been there. The language is an immersive experience. There's a lot of humor, too, and action. Start with Master and Commander. There are enough to last all summer. https://www.amazon.com/Master-Commander-Patrick-OBrian/dp/0393307050/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?keywords=master+and+commander&qid=1560356315&s=gateway&sprefix=master+and&sr=8-2 And, once those are done, have fun adding dragons to the Napoleonic mix. His Majesty's Dragon and sequels are a hoot. https://www.amazon.com/His-Majestys-Dragon-Novel-Temeraire-ebook/dp/B000GCFBQA/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?keywords=temeraire+series&qid=1560356470&s=gateway&sprefix=Temer&sr=8-4 Hope some of these appeal.

When I first started talking with them about the IEP, yes. They were full of ideas like a partial day, maybe some online classes done at home, how flexible the high school could be. I was very encouraged. Once they got her test scores back, that dried up. Then the theme became, "If she can handle the academic work, she must be on that track. Got to graduate in four years. Least restrictive environment means full course load and graduating on time." It's the intersection between the abilities and the disability which is the problem. I think we'll be doing more testing and, yes, I'll be calling for meetings early when things come up.

It sounds like this is what we have to do.

Yes. I'm saying this is the appearance she gives. Gifted with significant disabilities covers it, but may not convey the impression people get.

This is her in a nutshell, for anything remotely social.

This, now, I might just do. Have to find one kinda close, and find the money.

Nope. Except as it relates directly to [ deleted].😉 This is something I keep trying with, but it's hard. Her verbal abilities are her one area on the wisc5 where she really shines. On verbal comprehension she broke into the gifted range. So, she clearly understands stuff, and she has a fantastic vocabulary. Expressive language is a different matter. I have to work to get more than monosyllables, unless she's talking about [...], and she clearly (to me) does not always remember that not everyone listening has all the thoughts and knowledge she does. But it's subtle. To a teacher, unless they really keep trying to drag ideas out of her, she's going to look like a somewhat sullen, disinterested teen-- which she is!-- but they won't realize there's more to the story. If she can avoid getting overwhelmed, she may be able to do all right in her classes. I'm really not sure. The work is generally not very hard, and she'll get help in math. I'd just hoped we'd be able to access help targeted to her real needs, and that may take some significant work to make happen, it seems.

IEP is for autism and anxiety as an "other health condition". I'm going to look into more testing. If possible, we really need the school to pay for it, but that may be hard. She's been refusing any sort of counseling or medications, but we can keep offering. And, the school may be willing to help with executive function type stuff. It's asking for social thinking instruction and decompression time which really made their jaws drop.

This, now, she may be happy to do. Thank you! She loves her noise cancelling headphones.

Okay, thanks, everyone. Just to clarify, she did get an IEP, everyone agreed that was appropriate. The IEP specifies things like extended time for testing, checking in with a teacher every day, some executive function help. It's useful, just nowhere near as much as I had hoped to get. I did go ahead and sign it, for two reasons. Our advocate* said she would gain legal protection once it was signed, which she needs. We can continue to negotiate over details, but needed an IEP as a starting point. Also, we were dealing with an IEP team from the middle school (which she has never attended) because she is finishing 8th grade now. The middle school people kept saying that certain things I thought should be in the IEP would need to be arranged by the high school where she'll be in the fall. I wanted to finish the process of dealing with the middle school and move on to the high school, where the staff would be able to make commitments to arrange things like the social thinking instruction or breaks during the day. A few specific points: Not really. She was in ps in K and 1st grade, and held herself together during the day, only to melt down spectacularly once home. Since then, homeschooling, it's been a big struggle to get through math and language arts daily. When she's working consistently, we've gotten history and science in as well, keeping those subjects fairly simple and not expecting much output. She has never worked for a full school day without major breaks. She shuts down easily and frequently. Sorry, this was actually PeterPan, quoted in Lawyer&Mom's post. She certainly can sit there, nap or zone out. These are skills she possesses. Not sure if she can get away with it, but she will definitely try. She won't. She is highly reluctant to acknowledge, to herself or others, that she needs help. She is sufficiently self-aware to want to blend into the crowd and be deeply uncomfortable about needing or getting help. But, she really does need the help. I think I'm going to have to hound them. I hate being *that* parent. * The advocate is a long story, but essentially he's got health issues and I'm probably looking for a new one. He did say we could insist on more testing if they tried to deny dd an IEP, but they didn't do that. We got the IEP, just not as helpful an IEP as I wanted.

Four 90 minute classes. So, four periods is the entire day, minus 30 minutes lunch. They do seem willing to let her eat in a quiet place.

No other option. We may do this, thanks. Initial diagnosis asd2, lately dev ped has been putting asd1 on paperwork after visits. Anxiety diagnosis, yes, also mood disorder nos, sensory, depression. No problem getting that. Academic accommodations, at least basic ones, are done. Okay, this makes sense. I suggested those tests when we were in the testing phase; they ignored my suggestion. I don't think we need OT, that was just an example. Anything non-academic, kwim?

Or, "if you can cope with X, we don't need to help you with Y." Our school system is arguing that because dd tests within the average range academically (thanks to homeschooling and all kinds of special support), she *must* be enrolled in a full load of academic classes during her first semester in high school in the fall. She can't be given any sort of study hall or resource room time, because testing shows she doesn't need it, they claim. Except she does. Autism is a social disability, not (for her) primarily an intellectual one. She needs time away from throngs of people. She needs to decompress. She needs social thinking instruction. But evidently, first, they have a track system. Either you're on the academic track, and it's a four year race to graduate, or you're on the life skills track, and you can take your time. Got to stay on track. And, second, they "don't do social skills training in high school." Especially not if testing shows you can be on the academic track. Nevermind a long history of social thinking deficits and emotional regulation issues. So, since I've got to argue this with them, could anyone give me examples of *non-academic* intervention, therapy, what have you, which public schools have provided to students who, academically, could function with supports? For example, physical or occupational therapy, social thinking, emotional regulation, anything not academic. Their argument seems to be that "least restrictive environment" mandates a full academic load until she fails. ☹️

Thinking of you today, Terabith.

I don't have a complete answer, but we have had a very similar situation. Before we adopted one of our dogs, he had been placed in an adoption which failed after a week or so. During that time, as we heard the story, the owner was at work during the day and left the newly-adopted dog *closed in a bathroom with a larger dog they already owned*. Not surprisingly, our dog came to us very frightened of larger dogs. Intensive training helped enormously. We just did class after class with a local obedience club for a couple of years -- this was dd's preferred extracurricular activity anyway. The dog is actually quite good at obedience work and loves the classes, so he was getting a lot of praise and exposure to well-behaved dogs, and the mostly-older-adult club members were kind and encouraging to dd, so it was a good, secure, happy environment in which to get past his fears. It was important to carry the training over into the home environment, too, and take the dog into progressively more challenging situations, like starting with our own neighborhood, then a big park with scattered people and dogs, then the farmer's market with crowds and lots of dogs. We saw a big improvement with this regimen. Trouble is, as soon as we stopped the intensive work, the problems started to crop up again, so this needs to be an ongoing effort for us. Ymmv.

Lots of good thoughts and hugs.

I love this. I might be tempted to name her Harriet after Lady Peter Wimsey, or some variation. She is profoundly hairy! Harriet Wimsey? Harriet Whimsy? Honestly, just Whimsy is lovely. She does look adorable.

Thank you, Rosie. That sounds very frustrating. I appreciate the insights.

Okay, now I'm not understanding. Do you mean that, from the perspective of the person on the spectrum, it feels like being asked to see the world from too many points of view?

The defense mode explanation works very well for dd, too, but the trouble is that those very same upper-level skills still do not magically appear. It isn't social skills really. She knows all about saying please and thank you, and taking turns, and so on. She does those things, so people think she's alright in various situations. What's still lacking is the ability to imagine how the world looks from another point of view; and the ability to consider different scenarios before fastening on one interpretation; and the ability to adapt under pressure. I'm glad it works for dudeling. The basic approach is good for us, too. It's just a start, not the whole deal: necessary but not sufficient.

If doctors have told you to let them sleep, then our starting point is different than if they haven't. As others have said, sleep issues are common and there are ways to handle them. It does sound like the sleep issues are at the root of your isolation, at least to a large degree.

Understood. Can you just clarify-- have doctors said that you must let your boys sleep whenever they can? Is that a medical prescription, or your own decision?