As with most things, I think some hybrid of the two opposites would be the ideal. It's what I'm aiming for in my own family. I am the first generation to marry outside of my culture, but not the only one of my generation that has. We've not yet fully crossed into these waters because my/our parents are still healthy, and all of our spouses' parents are still self-supporting. It'll be interesting to see how things play out, and what the next generation (our kids) take from it all in eventually deciding how to handle us in our own elder age. My in-laws want to move to a retirement community and die there. They see anything else as being a burden on their two children. My parents wish to die at home, among family. We don't see this as a burden, but just as what is done. It's easier because my family is so much bigger and can pool more resources between us. I think my in-laws' plan is probably best for them and their family dynamics; that's a lot for two kids to take on, and knowing my husband he'd just as soon write his sister a check and let her deal with the day-to-day. That's too much for one person to assume on her own, and if I were her I'd be resentful towards him (my DH). As she should be. I have a friend who has been supporting her MIL for the past few years, and she is extremely resentful. In her case, she should be. Her MIL has long been financially irresponsible and has come to rely on her kids to bail her out due to some imaginary sense of filial duty she feels she's owed. I would be resentful, too. In my case, my parents have continued to contribute to our family so that our family as a whole succeeds. Mom retired to watch our kids so they've never known daycare. In return, we "pay" her room and board and send her "home" to the old country a few times each year. When we were kids, it was my grandmother who watched us while my mom worked. Very different dynamic. I think sometimes resentment is warranted. I commend you for doing what you're doing, especially because it's not something you grew up with. In your shoes, I'd find it hard to not be resentful at times, too. ((hugs))

We do have a retirement fund in place but mostly because my husband retired from the government once already, but still works. He'll retire a second time around the age of 55 (he says) or 60 (I say), and be pretty well set. I've always worked outside of the home, and my employer matches up to 5% so I've always contributed to that. I've been with that company for 15 years and my income is "fun money" and not something we use towards day-to-day living, so it's been easy to save. College money, we have a small amount set aside. I wouldn't have saved any, but my family works differently in that I pay money now to send relatives to college (I have one cousin, two sisters I currently help send to college) with the expectation that they'll help my kids down the road. That's how we've done it for as long as I can remember. My husband grew up with a different mindset. His wish is that the children enlist for military duty and earn college that way, with his small savings set aside to assist them beyond their stipend. I see one or two of our kids doing so, but not the rest. The rest will rely primarily on my family as well as themselves, should they choose to go to college. ETA: I tell my kids that THEY are my retirement fund. I'm not entirely kidding. I know that's not a popular mindset with everyone, including my husband and his family, but it's how I grew up and how I'd like to end up.

painting an upholstered wall

In my area parents are expected to purchase most of each child's school supplies - crayons, ziploc baggies, tissues, construction paper, teacher dry-erase pens, etc. My sister shells out $150-200 at the beginning of each school year, and is still asked to contribute more throughout the year. She's in an affluent community, and name-brand supplies are requested. My friend is principal at a low-income school in the next county, and she says her kids are given a list of supplies to purchase also. Many don't or can't, so the teachers eat the cost.

Our teens have had to branch out from traditional jobs (retail, fast-food) to more self-starter type jobs, like the aforementioned pet sitting/walking or lawn care. Is he familiar with any sports? Mine have all been able to referee with local city leagues from 13+ (and have done so). It's seasonal, but flexible. In our case it has required a one-time fee (was $60 first kid, now is up to $75) and full day of unpaid training, but that was deductable from future paychecks. Mine have done soccer and baseball, which equals roughly six months of pay for regular season. There are different tiers of licensing, that come with different pay. Other self-starter ideas: tutoring/editing for other-schoolers, newspaper delivery (or it's ugly cousin, hang-tags on doorknobs), "babysitter" / chauffeur - if you're in a dual-income area he can do the afterschool pickup and dropoff to extracurriculars for busy parents, create a camp/class to offer through the city - summer is ideal time for this, it's not a huge money maker but it's a great way to network. I have one that runs a video game camp over winter break. He goes M-F, 10-3pm. It started with about 6 kids, and now he caps it at 10 and always has a wait list. The kids are all pretty local, so ride or bike over in the morning. A few get dropped off earlier because their parents work, but these are kids we know so it's no biggie. They play two hours in the AM, break for an hour lunch and recess at the park, then finish with another two hours in the afternoon. They do mini-competitions and help each other get better. The final day is a tournament. He charges $50/kid, which includes daily drinks and a tee-shirt. Kids bring a sack lunch M-Th, and he provides a pizza lunch on tourney day. It's basically a babysitting gig for the working parents in our neighborhood LOL. It's not a huge moneymaker, but it's fun and easy for what he does earn. I have another one that wants to do something similar with soccer over summer break - basically set up a babysitting gig for area parents that the kids don't realize is babysitting (and is somewhat productive and fun). Has he looked at the City Parks & Rec dep't or YMCA? They're often great about hiring younger people.

My most sinful decadent food vice is Garrett's Popcorn. My preferred airline sells the Chicago Mix, and I buy it every single time. I am on that bag like white on rice. All 3.5 servings, and 510 calories of it. I don't have a desk :)

They're not reading, so I'm guessing they're not yet telling time - right? Time is so abstract a concept anyhow at that age LOL, but what if you set a timer for snack time? Instead of tying it to a number on the clock, tie it to an alarm. Work with their skills, and make it audio rather than visual for the pre-reader. When they ask if it's snack time, you can ask them if they've yet heard the alarm ... if they haven't, they've answered their own question. If they have, same deal. If they're asking how long until snack time, you can either answer "when the alarm sounds" or you can take a minute to show them the timer and learn the numbers as they decrease. The latter is annoying, but less annoying than their fighting - and serves the larger purpose towards getting them more independently answering their own "when is snack?" question. I do better to fly by the seat of my pants, so a set schedule would cause me just as much (if a different kind of) stress. Maybe it'd work for your personality, though? What does work for me is to remember the paradox of choice: too much is literally TOO MUCH. Especially for kids. I'd reduce the number of choices, but keep them fresh. For meals, I'd probably vary the choices each week according to what was in my pantry. I'd probably have one standard that was always available (for us, that is oatmeal) and then a second choice that changed weekly or so based on what I had on hand. This is a good middle ground for my family, in terms of presenting options but not so many that it's easy to become overwhelmed by them.

Tammy's idea for local jobs is a great one; even the kids can help out. My neighbors know they can count on my kids to weed and mow. One son washes out trash cans for the neighbors twice a year, after planting and pruning season when they get all yucked up :) $10/can and he power-washes them. The first year he slapped wheels on a pallet and bungee corded them; he could fit four cans on his pallet, and he had to walk this thing up and down the streets. What a sight. Now he borrows a brother's pickup truck and can fit in several more cans. He makes sure they're all labeled, then washes and returns them. People are glad to pay him for this smelly, dirty job. (Not me, I make him do ours for free LOL). Do you already cut your own hair? If no, can you learn to? If yes, can you barter this skill with someone else? Bartering in general is an awesome way to get by on a tight budget. Over the years I've bartered for music lessons, gardening, fresh eggs, costumes/sewing, and even driving lessons. Craigslist makes it even easier to connect with people these days.

This is actually something I make a big deal about, but it's not the texting per se that bothers me ... it's the dependency upon something (and really, ANYTHING) that is bothers me. It's the difference between choosing to use a phone as a tool of convenience and being chained to the phone as a tool of convenience. It's ridiculous that even adults ... every alarm, text, call, vm, ... anytime their phones beep they automatically go to check it. It controls them in a freakishly Pavlovian way. To me, that's the issue. And to a lesser extent, the fragmented conversations that have pushed forth into vocal dialogue as well. People seem to be developing a hard time focusing on and holding a conversation anymore. And maybe that's the way our society is going, short bursts of talking AT or TO people rather than WITH them ... be it online or inperson. But not me, and not mine so long as I can help it LOL. So I do regulate texting and email. For all of us. I don't check my email or texts throughout the day, and I ignore any noisy notifications that alert me that some await me. It's not always easy, and it's certainly not the most convenient. But I feel in control of my device, rather than controlled BY it. I expect the same of my kids. When I see that they've started to allow it to control them, we rein it in. This can mean turning in the device during certain hours or for some period of time, or it could mean just helping them literally work through the urge to constantly check their phones and immediately answer each alert! Just depends on the kid. In one case we got rid of the smartphone entirely because it's just not as convenient to text and you can't email from a flip phone LOL. The goal isn't to keep them from texting or emailing, or even to keep them from their friends. The goal is to teach them to be masters, rather than slaves. And to avoid carpal tunnel or whatever they call it for kids ... RSS, I think, repetitive stress syndrome. We know a few kids who have been treated, between their phones and computer use (be it games or school or work). Shouldn't be happening at their age, IMO.

We buried an elderly relative just recently. We are Catholic, however the deceased had a branch of the family from her child's generation that had become Mormon. Several of the attendees were second- and third- generation Mormons, and not even culturally familiar with many of the Catholic customs that the converting-generation remembered from growing up. Many showed up for the rosary, and it was so nice to have them there! They didn't pray the rosary, but just having their bodies there joining us in silent prayer was ... incredible, and so very much needed and welcomed. I'm glad you (OP) decided to attend the rosary. We had printed some handouts for people to follow, because not even all of the Catholics in attendance were practicing Catholics ;) some weren't familiar with all of the prayers of the rosary. There are so many online that you could print, if so inclined, to take with you to follow along quietly if not vocally. I printed out one that showed the sorrowful mysteries so that if someone didn't want to pray, they could meditate or read the scriptual mysteries as we prayed in the background. I'm sorry for your FIL.

Praying for all of you, and thanking God he was found in good time.

I go a few times each month, and it's just as nerve-wracking every time. The longest I've been without was for several months, because I had a mortal doozy of one to confess, too, and I was trying to avoid it. Like it would magically go away. Or I could do the old Protestant one-on-one personal confession thing ... suddenly that sounded like a GREAT plan! God's funny because I had no problem skipping Communion during regular Mass, but we had one making FHC and I wasn't going to miss the opportunity to share communion with her on that special day. So I sucked it up and went to Confession. I have to say, that one doozy of a confession was so freeing and spiritually healing. And I knew it would be, but I didn't know HOW MUCH SO it could be. And it's weird, because I haven't done any mortal sins since (whew!) but have resumed my regular bi-weekly Confessions. And I find that it's the smaller, venial sins that I confess more frequently that have done more damage to me spiritually than did that one big mortal sin. I feel truly grateful for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I know Protestants don't understand it, don't like it but I wish they could know it ... because there's no wondering if I've been forgiven ... there's no beating myself up over it unless I choose to ... because I know that absolution is mine. And that makes the anticipatory dread of walking into the confessional so very much worthwhile! I'm proud of you, and will be thinking of you tomorrow :)

It looks like he's a college senior - does he live on/near campus, or does he commute? Is it an issue of finding nice girls or of meeting nice girls ...? I think there's a slight difference, which suggestions ought to reflect.

Thanks for the ideas - I found some online instructions for making a knotted rosary so we're going to do that. I've never heard of the Altar Gang series, but one is specifically geared towards FHC so I went ahead and ordered it :) I've heard about the Glory Stories, but hadn't heard any reviews. Going off of your recommendations I went ahead and ordered some. The Communicant and my kids will be getting some for Easter. Thank you both!

Rice and beans. Saute down some onions, throw in some rice to cook (or put onions to the side and prepare rice in the rice cooker, then add onions later). Season beans, and warm. Voila; rice and beans w/onions. If you want more, shred the cabbage and saute. I like to use oil and red pepper flakes, yum. Or skip the cabbage and make a simple salad of lettuce, sliced bell peppers, sliced onions and some oil/vinegar to dress. Easy!

I get asked to homeschool and also to tutor afterschool. For a kid who would likely go back, I'd loosely follow the posted district framework of courses. For a kid who may not go back, I'd show the parents my framework of courses and expect to fold the kid in (accounting for time to transition). I could and would do it, not for friends or aquaintances but for pay. I have another paying gig, though. One that gives me a break from kids, mine and others LOL. I think it's great for the family to have you as a mentor.

Gift ideas for a 12 year old who will be making FHC next week? His mom is re-verting, and the dad is fairly supportive but not a fan of organized religion. Dad is okay with the one family bible, but sees no point in multiple copies. He won't want any crucifixes, etc. on the walls. The boy could take or leave the whole experience, and is doing this mostly to please his mom. She decided to come back to the church because we kept taking her son with us on Sundays (he spends many weekends overnighting with us) and she began to join us for Mass. He enjoys Mass, and even began to assume he was spending Saturday night with us so he could attend with us. I think his enthusiasm is growing, but as of right now he's not super-into the RCIA and catechism and stuff. He attended with us for about six months before they started the RCIA program. He's not a reader, so I'm not sure books would be a great option. He's asked questions about our scapulars, but I'm not sure he'd wear one. He won't wear a crucifix necklace or saint's necklace, nor would his dad permit. Any ideas? Should I get a book anyhow, maybe on a saint or like those "fun facts for catholic kids" kind of thing, or ...? I'd like to get something that he'd enjoy and/or at least get some use out of. I do plan to include a specific non-religious item he'll love, but still wanted to gift something Catholic-ish as well.

She must not have been Asian. We tend to be more cheap than squeamish :coolgleamA: LOL

For an in-home lesson, I'd just assume it was understood that 10am was the "show up" time. I'd assume this as both parent and teacher. I wouldn't necessarily want someone else coming over too much earlier, nor would I want to show up too early and throw off the family's ... thing. The time to unpack wouldn't bother me, generally speaking, but most people aren't terribly slow; it'd bother me if it felt unnecessarily drawn out, or if the teacher seemed rushed and not prepared ahead of time (fumbling around for the music, etc.) I don't think I'd take into account instrument tuning, though. That's necessary IMO. That you do it on your own ahead of time is wonderful, but I think many teachers prefer to tune themselves - especially if it's something they're teaching the kid. If your kids have been at music for awhile, I don't think it's inappropriate to suggest to the teacher that you'd like them to take more responsibility in that task -- you might ask that she dedicate the first *minute or two* of class to checking their instruments, rather than taking the time to tune it herself. You can present it in a light that might feel less (to her) like an attack or telling her how to do her job, so that she's more receptive. Maybe? I'd expect the teacher to show at the designated time (10am), but not start the timer until she had unpacked and was ready to teach. Perhaps you can invest in an inexpensive digital timer, and set it atop the piano. Before the teacher arrives, instruct your student to begin the timer once they sit down to tune (or after they tune, whichever you feel is most appropriate).

Claire's list is awesome, and pretty much covers it all! If I had to add anything, it'd be related to meals. I have one who likes to cook and another who likes to eat but hates to cook. Between them, they plan lunches and snacks, then generate a shopping list of anything they need that isn't already in the fridge or pantry. And they cook, too. I have my younger ones generate lists, too. Most often it's for hygiene supplies, and it's their responsibility to (once a week, the day before I shop) run through the bathrooms notifying me of anything we're low on or out of. If it works better for your kids, a standard computer-generated checklist could be handed out and they can check anything on there that is low or out. I have mine just write it out. Takes them longer, and that few extra minutes of not having them chattering in my ear is too necessary for me to mess with LOL. Chores that are less frequently needed might include: organizing CDs/DVDs cleaning out and re-organizing linen or coat closets sorting through bedroom closets, toy rooms, bookshelves to fill donation box cleaning baseboards, ceiling fans, and air vents vacuuming drapes and upholstery the ever-popular cleaning grout LOL

Ferris Wheels.

Praying for your dad, in so many ways. And for you, too. You're a good daughter.

A less-than-stellar yard wouldn't keep me from buying an otherwise great home, especially with a park and open lot nearby :) I think one's climate should influence once's prioritization of "great house" versus "great yard" -- if you're in an area with mild temps year-round, an outdoor space can prove essential. If you're in an area with more pronounced seasons, and a yard would be less desireable or even unuseable during part of the year ... maybe a dinky yard is okay, you know? LOL I briefly lived on a mountain. Lots of neighbors loved being outdoors in the snow; me, not so much! In that case, I'd have chosen great house over great yard. But I grew up a block from the beach, so great yard won out over great house because we spent so much time outdoors.

Dick King-Smith is your guy. He's usually pretty well-found at libraries, and I've always seen him at used bookstores. We had a pig lover here, too, and he wrote several funny chapter books. A few that come to mind: Pigs Might Fly, All Pigs Are Beautiful, Daggie Dogfoot, the Sheep Pig, .. and, of course, Babe. There are a few more but the names escape me. There are a few featuring a pig named Lollipop.

The more curious question, to me, is: How many square feet do you have per person? And, does that meet your family's wishes/needs? That tells me more than overall square footage for a home, though some did include their family size when answering.