You never met my breastfed infants. Butterballs all the way--one hit 24 lbs by 4 months. Most have been off the charts for weight for their first couple years of life. They're all perfectly normal, active, healthy weight kids now. What I wrote above applies to 4 of my 6. The other two, fed in just the same way with the same breast milk (and both very good and eager nursers) were normal weight slenderish babies. The only difference I can figure must be in their own specific genetic makeup.

I cannot imagine living life with that much bitterness and anger. I'm glad you are able to see the value in your own choices; you've given your children a wonderful, solid foundation in life. Thanks for not getting upset at my questioning of your reality, I did know that I had a limited perspective on your particular circumstances and it sounds like there really is a lot of long term rottenness.

I'm going to disagree with this and say that most of the stuff on our grocery store shelves is produced primarily to earn money for the companies that market it. Those same companies spend an awful lot of advertising money in order to drum up demand for their products. It's good business. Profit margins for cold cereal tend to run 40% or more, much, much higher than the often negligible profit margins on lettuce or eggs.

Maybe something like "les papillons féroces"? Papillons combatants sounds awkward and inauthentic to me, though I'm not a native speaker.

I've hesitated to say this because I don't want to imply that I mistrust Faith's interpretation of a situation she obviously knows much more intimately than I do, but it has been niggling at me that things people say when their brains are not fully functioning should not be taken at face value. When my dh's mental health is poor, he turns extremely judgmental and negative--and here's the kicker: he believes that the way he perceives the world at that moment is the way he has always perceived it. So, if at the moment he feels that I am a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad wife who has never been anything but a burden to him--he truly believes that he has always thought and felt that way. Those feelings disappear though when his mood improves (either through natural cycling or a change in medication). It worries me to see someone re-write their entire interpretation of a person's character based in part on things said and done when that person's brain is not fully functional. And I've not been impressed with the ability of psychologists to distinguish between reality and a client's twisted perceptions of the moment. The earlier abuse was obviously real. I just... struggle profoundly with hearing condemnation of mentally ill people after living for fifteen years with a spouse who suffers from chronic mental illness. I will be the first to acknowledge that his behaviour has at times been (verbally and emotionally) abusive, but I have also been an intimate witness of the struggle that life is for him and how hard he has to work at maintaining the kind of mental stability that comes naturally to me. He has benefited immensely (our whole family has benefited) from being born in an era when mental health care is improving dramatically. I wonder how much of pain and abuse might some day be overcome through better understanding and treatment of malfunctioning brains. Faith, please don't take this as in any way indicating lack of support for you. I think you are dealing very well with an extremely tough situation. My musings are primarily an exposition of the way I personally filter and interpret things through the lens of my own life experience.

A boat, but I may have heard it used in connection with snow before; I'm not sure. If I run the phrase "a skiff of snow" through my head it doesn't sound off and does suggest a sprinkling.

I don't think "outdated" implies that it was once good advice--to me it implies that advances in nutritional research do not support the advice. Two decades from now, much of current medical practice will be outdated because of future advances.

Preschoolers memory capacity regularly amazes me :) No brag today, I'm sitting and cuddling a sick toddler. Grateful I am able to be with my kiddos when they need me :001_wub:

I think you may be referring to the gene I referenced above, which specifically affects saturated fat, not all fat. Unless you have an older 23andMe report (did you test several years ago?) I don't see any current reports regarding overall fat. Here's the information from 23andMe on this variant: "In addition to diet and exercise, genetics plays a role in determining your body weight. People with two copies of the variant in this report tend to weigh more on a high saturated fat diet. This variant is near a gene called APOA2, which contains instructions for making a protein called apolipoprotein A-II (apo A-II). People with two copies of the variant produce less apo A-II protein than people with zero or one variant. Scientists are working to understand how apo A-II affects our body’s response to saturated fat. "

Wow, that is so scary. I have often wondered how these cord entanglements happen; thank you for sharing your story.

I'm in favor of incentives--and of finding the right incentive for a particular kid. I am not sure why we think children benefit from certain types of incentive (praise from a parent? Not having to stay at the table because work isn't done? The satisfaction of having met expectations?) more than others (chocolate chips? A dollar? A trip to the swimming pool?) A child who does their work because they are motivated by pleasing others is working for an incentive in just the same way that a child who does their work because they are motivated to earn chocolate chips--they just have different motivational currencies. Neither is displaying intrinsic motivation--that's what they exhibit when they choose to do something for the personal satisfaction that comes from doing it. Intrinsic motivation is a wonderful thing, but we can't instill it in a child for any given task.

I think one size fits all diet advice is outdated. Here's one interesting tidbit about a gene that affects whether or not people gain weight when eating lots of saturated fat: http://genetics.thetech.org/original_news/news121

A group of dolphins is called a pod, I assume the meaning of a safe pod in the book is a healthy home and family and community where children feel secure.

You could teach in Sweden, kids there call their teachers and other adults by their first name.

That just makes it all the more realistic--they actually have to walk to school! ;)

Changing hats/changing roles. It's not an approach to homeschool that I would want, but I can imagine it working for some families. For some reason this thread sparked a reminder of when my older kids were young. When it was time to clean the house I would take on a new persona--I became "The Royal Camel Driver" who talked in a funny accent and barked out orders. I definitely could not be TRCD and Mom at the same time! Fun memories, maybe I need to revive him for the younger kids...

Yep, I see nothing wrong with this--as a gift acknowledging how proud you are of his over all hard work.

Since he is showing intrinsic motivation with regard to AOPS, I would not want to interfere with that. I don't see anything wrong with using money to motivate kids in areas in which they are not intrinsically motivated and need some extra incentive, but my gut says that paying him to do what he does now out of personal desire might somehow contaminate the current relationship he has with that activity.

I am so sorry Faith.

That's an interesting question. I found this definition of terrorism (from wikipedia) "It is the use of violence or threat of violence in order to purport a political, religious, or ideological change. It can only be committed by non-state actors or undercover personnel serving on the behalf of their respective governments. It reaches more than the immediate target victims and is also directed at targets consisting of a larger spectrum of society." I know that I personally tend to think of terrorism as connected to/emanating from a group and having broader aims than a particular act--so I would generally not see one or two people acting entirely on their own as terrorists. If I decide I hate artists and go shoot up an art school class that would not be terrorism. Things get blurry though--we've had folks without known formal ties to terrorist groups who commit an atrocity in the name of the group. I don't think those cases are clear cut. The KKK definitely acted as a terrorist group in the past, but would an individual white supremacist committing mass murder necessarily be a terrorist? I don't know. Current popular opinion in the US does seem to lean heavily towards conflating terrorism and Islam.

You need to check the school's policy--can the child take a leave of absence for a year or will they need to re-apply? Does the kid have a solid plan for the upcoming year--a job lined up, maybe? LDS kids take 1-2 years off school all the time to volunteer as missionaries, almost all return to school and do well but the intervening time is very focused and structured (making school seem easy by comparison). I did this between my junior and senior years.

It has been snowing here all day, we have about 6 inches on the ground.

Yeah, online is not the same. The graduate seminars I took in the humanities were truly delightful--so much interesting discussion. I ended up having to go online to actually finish a degree because the logistics of my life did not accommodate in person classes well, and I really missed those discussions. I took a poetry seminar with an acclaimed Welsh poet at one point, he used to start out every class by reading something to us and just listening to that deep lilting voice was better than attending a play or concert. That class is one of my all time favorite life memories.

Many hugs Faith. I agree with Liz that this shell of a man is not the person he used to be. I don't know what kind of a person he used to be, but it sounds like physical and mental illness have claimed him 100%. I wouldn't attribute his words, choices, or actions at this point to him in any kind of a willful behavior sense; he has lost the ability to reason and make thoughtful decisions. If mental illness has been a more chronic part of his life he may never have had that full capacity. I am so sorry for your family's suffering and annoyed with your siblings for having unreasonable expectations of you. I hope the misery is not drawn out and that your mom emerges from it in the end with the health and mental strength to move forward. I am confident that you yourself have the strength to navigate this. Continue to take care of yourself and your husband and children as your primary responsibilities.

Not weird at all, very thoughtful and kind.