We have a 25+ yo chest freezer and for about 15 years, it was in the garage. It gets very cold here and the garage is not attached so goes well below freezing for months on end. We did not know anything about "garage-ready" until it had been out there for years. When I learned of this concept, I pulled out the manual and sure enough, it is not supposed to be out in the cold! The only reason it was in the garage to begin with was because it would not fit through the basement door. Since it was super inconvenient to have in the garage anyway and then knowing it wasn't suppose to be, we went though the trouble of removing the doorframe to the basement and shoved the freezer in there.....where it will stay until the end of time because removing the doorframe was a huge PITA! Anyway, the freezer is still happily chugging along in the basement so apparently its time in the garage did not hurt it.

Thanks everyone! I have always thought it was a crime against nature that this kitty has the softest, most beautiful fur and no one is allowed to touch it! I worry about sedation, even a mild form, just due to her age, but it sounds like I need to talk to the vet about this. We have a track record of cats living to very old ages so she could very well be with us for some time so I cannot just let these mats go. I think the only way we will make progress with the stomach ones is with sedation but we can still work on the ones we can safely reach. I ordered a variety of new dematting combs that we can work with in the meantime (it takes months to get a non-ER vet appointment here). The coconut oil idea is something I will try too. Even if she licks it off, that should help with the hairballs that she still manages to gift us with frequently despite her lowered grooming standards.

I'm with the ones who is surprised hose even still exists. I can't think of when I last saw them, on a person or for sale in a store. I did have to wear them in high school and college a few times and they are so ridiculously uncomfortable that I can still make myself shudder thinking about wearing them. If I absolutely must wear a skirt or dress in winter, which is so rare, I cannot think of the last time that occurred, I will begrudgingly wear tights. Tights are also ridiculously uncomfortable but less so than hose. In other seasons, I go bare legged even with pretty gross looking legs. I just don't care. At all. I have a college age dd who has never once worn a pair of hose. I also do not wear make-up, even for special occasions.

I have experienced both ends of this....whatever we want to call it. One side of my family does not do this at all and the other does this so much it is pretty much the only thing people talk about. The side that does tends to categorize the discussions as "concern" for the subject(s). I don't have much to say on any of it since this is really the first time I have thought about it so specifically, except to say that I have come to realize that this became much more frequent as group/family relationships weakened over time.....as in having less in common to talk about in general. While the practice itself is likely harmful for all sorts of reasons, I see on the side of my family that does not do this that we simply talk less overall due to lack of things to talk about. On the side that does do this, there is one toxic person that is usually at the middle of these discussions but most of the participants are not what I would call toxic.....just grasping for anything to fill the conversation. Over time, so many topics became off limits (religion, politics, careers, child-rearing styles, health, you name it.....) that other than the weather (also almost off limits because apparently that is now political), it is getting hard to fill the time.

I have a 19.5yo cat. She has been with us since we found her stuck in a tree in our yard 18 years ago. We listed her on the humane society lost pets board as well as put up posters and asked around our neighborhood but no one claimed her. And while we were not in the market for a new cat, her prospects at the shelter were not good, so we kept her. I believe she was feral or if she was just lost, she had been for some time. She had almost no social skills at all and still really just wants to be left alone.....which we have honored for 18 years now. The closest she has ever come to "housecatting" is to linger at the margins of whatever room someone occupies and contemptuously supervise whatever we are doing. She likes to be around people, just prefers to not be touched. We have kept current with her vet appointments and shots. We clip her nails, which takes three people, and have all been worried about the day when we might have to do anything invasive with her like giving meds because....no social skills. She will rip my face off without a second thought. She has now gone deaf, which has mellowed her a little. For the first time in all of the years, she will very cautiously consent to a brief lap sit or very friendly (and brief) pets. And it is within this context that I discovered she has developed some mats. She has the thickest, softest, bunny fur and we have all noticed that her grooming thoroughness and frequency has been on the decline. She is no longer grooming anything she cannot easily reach....which is pretty much the furriest parts of her. Two of the four mats are in locations that I have hope that I can maybe brush out very gradually with a lot of patience, cat treats, and fear. The other two are on her stomach. You risk loss of blood even thinking about looking at her stomach. The vet said that she otherwise has a clean bill of health (for a 19+yo, anyway) and that it is normal for old cats to cease grooming. We have never had a cat that was this fluffy so while we have had a few geriatric cats, we have never dealt with mats. The vet told us we would just need to patiently brush them out....while helpfully holding her file which has "BITER" and "Requires BACK-UP" stamped all over the outside. And that we were absolutely not to try to cut them out....as though any of us would be remotely willing to involve scissors in an already dangerous situation. We do not have cat groomers here. Not even dog groomers willing to see a cat. Any ideas? Is this a consider sedation situation (I didn't think to ask the vet)? Are there ways to contain a cat and protect from being bit/scratched that are not traumatic? Or a do-the-best-we-can and hope the mats we cannot get to will not become painful? I know unchecked mats can get very painful I just don't know how long it takes to get to that point. Realistically, she will not be on this earth for a whole lot longer and I don't want to fill that time making her mad but also don't want her to suffer.

That's what this all smells like to me. FIL probably is just in typical old age denial but when the others are backing him up, this seems a lot like, "let's let dad handle this so they don't rip through their assets." However, it sounds as though FIL is not far from needing care himself so I cannot see this tactic working if that is indeed the motivation.

It is not at all unheard of for families to try to care for an elder themselves (when they are really not capable) to avoid the spend down. There are exceptions for spouses and I don't know how it all works, exactly, but if FIL or any of the kids is concerned about an inheritance, that could be a factor here. I am in this soup right now and many people I talk to are perplexed that I am willing to "let" my person go into a spend down in order to qualify for medicaid in order have adequate care available. "Don't you want to inherit that money?" Well, it is not mine, first of all. Second, I am not at all equipped to handle the level of care my person needs so they would suffer. I would much MUCH rather my person gets the care they need right now than think about some type of inheritance. No amount of money would be worth the suffering that would result in trying to manage a medical situation so far outside of my abilities.

This has been in the back of my head the whole time....possible financial motivations. Is that a possibility?

As a minimalist myself that is outnumbered by my in-laws with regards to wishing the holidays could be less gift-focussed, I suggest you just level with her. "Look, DIL, I am going to get everyone x amount of gifts, including you. I struggle to find what types of things you'd like. Either give me some suggestions or I am going to wrap up a certificate of donation to whatever cause you suggest." She might not even be willing to suggest a cause and if that is the case, take your best guess. For some people, not being given gifts is a gift. And for those people, being forced into the gifting madness is very stressful and upsetting. Also reading your last response, one idea would be vouchers for the airline club they travel through when visiting her family. Those are super handy when traveling with young children....especially for those with anxiety.....

I am a traditionalist when it comes to Christmas music. I am not even religious, but choral music is my favorite. During the holiday week there is absolutely nothing better than a huge mug of hot tea, a fluffy blanket, LOTS of candles, working on the annual Christmas puzzle next to the tree (a REAL tree with only all white lights because.....traditionalist) with choral Christmas music playing. It is very dark and snowy in winter where I live and there is just this timeless feeling of voices in dark and cold stone buildings/churches/abbeys that seems to plant a feeling of warmth and connection to times past as the wind howls and snow hits the dark windows. But if I have to deviate, 1940s will do. Those teleport me to busy train stations, smokey and festive urban apartments, and basically all things "It's a Wonderful Life" and (the original) "Miracle on 34th Street." Anything pop by any artist after 1970 is an abomination. My family teases me mercilessly because normally we are always finding and adding brand new music of all genres to our play lists. This stubborn close-mindedness is uncharacteristic of me. They do generally let me "win" 2/3 of the time. They save the Mariah Carey for when I am not home, thank goodness! This one if hands' down my favorite:

I agree. Or see if you can sneak the broken one out and get it repaired as the gift. I am far from an expert seamstress but I do have my mom's all-metal, 1950-something Singer. It is simple and I have been able to repair it myself the few times it has had a problem over the 30 years that I have owned it. There was one time that I needed to take it to a shop (embarrassingly, because I had installed a needle backwards so there was not really anything wrong with it after all) and the shop owner told me he still works on, restores, and sells machine of that era frequently. Sure enough, there were several for sale in his shop. Meanwhile, everyone I know with a "modern" machine....including my own mom who had given her old one to me when she bought an "upgrade," has not been happy with the quality of their machines.

We are a huge music family. We use Spotify and really enjoy being able to share songs and playlists with each other. Almost every day, one of us has a new find and we share with the others. It is a neat way to keep "in touch" with my college age dd. She might be too busy to phone every day but it always makes me smile when she sends a new song to me. I also like their Daily Mix and Daily Drive options. A funny: I started with Pandora many years ago and liked it just fine until I started hearing Mumford and Sons a few too many times. While they have never been a favorite, I think I made the mistake of "liking" a song or two of theirs when I was trying to curate my listening algorithm. They can get on my nerves after awhile so I started skipping and thumbs downing their songs. But it didn't work! It was like whack-a-mole! I'd get one to stop playing and another version of the same song would pop up or perhaps the same song covered by another artist. I could not get the Mumford out of my Pandora! After a few months of this, I finally had to shut down my account and went to Spotify. We jokingly refer to it as the time I had to burn down my Pandora to get the Mumford out. You can bet I never EVER let Mumford into my Spotify!

I am happy either way. Actually, it is nice to be told because then I know what I am bringing blends with the rest of the meal and I don't have to think about it. If the request is for something I cannot make, don't want to make, or whatever, I think it is fine to negotiate. "I am terrible at making pies but I'd be happy to bring one from the local bakery." "I don't drink but I'd be happy to bring sparkling juice." Etc..... However, when I am hosting, I typically prefer people just come empty-handed or with something universally useful like wine or a dessert. I tend to host large groups, with a small kitchen and oven. It is hard enough to get the basics of a meal properly cooked and with a serving location without juggling outside dishes. Luckily, that is the culture of our social group so that is assumed. When someone says, "just bring yourselves," people believe it and will likely show up with a 6-pack or a bottle of wine or nothing, which is all fine. I will occasionally be asked (or ask someone) to bring something that is a "specialty." And that is also OK. I have a tale from many years ago when I hosted Thanksgiving for dh's extended family for the first time. It was more than just a meal since we live far from everyone and they were all staying with us. I am vegetarian and have been since well before I joined dh's family. Our whole household was (and still is) vegetarian and at previous holiday meals hosted by other family members, we had always politely ate whatever parts of the meal that were meat-free. No one ever made an effort to make an alternative to turkey and we certainly did not expect it. We were there for the experience, not the food. But when I hosted, I made a menu plan for a fancy vegetarian meal that looked mostly traditional but subbed the turkey for a big stuffed squash main dish. No one was asked to bring anything because they were all traveling from far away, some by plane. I was excited and nervous about this big meal and had the planning down to the minute detail so that every dish would be hot and ready to eat at the same time. You can see where this is going..... MIL arrives with a ginormous frozen turkey because Thanksgiving it not Thanksgiving without a turkey. I get it (I think), but perhaps we could have discussed this? I mean you haul a giant dead bird into a vegetarian's house. A house without the proper cookware a huge STILL FROZEN bird that will need an entire day worth of oven space to prepare.....the very oven that's occupancy I had planned down to the second. In the end, I ended up having to learn how to quick thaw a turkey (ew), going to town to buy a pan, and nixed my stuffed squash and a few other items as they would not get the needed oven time. Dh and I ended up picking through the usual suspects of vegetarian items in our own home. We were more amused than angry. I made the planned dishes the next weekend and we did the meal I had dreamed of. But really, who does that? I did really mean just bring yourselves! My house smelled like turkey for weeks and I was not amused at being left a whole bunch of leftovers we could not eat. And they were bad, dried out leftovers, because I had no idea how to properly cook a turkey! It turned out that MIL does not even like turkey and some other members of the family are also meat free so only 5-6 people ate the durn bird. It all came down to MIL being worried that my BIL (the baby of the family) would not feel at home without turkey.

Thanks everyone! I think we will go ahead and do it.. It is a bit of sticker shock. We have really only ever had 100% necessary work done on our house. Anything optional we have done ourselves which is very limited to tasks that very unhandy people can do. This door will alleviate a lot of annoying hassles....mostly involving keeping cats out of the food.

They will paint to match trim (in our case white) and source the hardware. If we do either of those, that comes off the top. They will not true the opening and it is not swinging as the geometry of the space only allows the door to go it one direction....as much as I'd love a swinging door.

I am trying to decide if this estimate is off before I further consider it..... We got a quote to have a door installed in an interior doorway between our kitchen and the rest of the house. Our house is 130+ years old and has a lot of really pretty, but a bit beat up, original trim, doors, and hardware. The doorway is, of course, a non-standard size and is not even sort of true/plumb. The quote is to custom build and install a door with a glass window in the style of the other doors in our house with period appropriate reproduction hardware. The install is pricey due to the lopsided nature of 130yo houses. The total quote is for nearly $1400. Is that completely bananas or reasonable. I really have no idea.

Huh. That is not the word I had on 11/11. I had today's on that date. Then again today! So strange......

Am I crazy or was this word used very recently?

This is what I was going to suggest. Cook one ahead of time and maybe do it in a way that is easier, quicker, and might even taste better, then have that one ready to serve while the other (decoy) one rests. I have also made GB casserole (uncooked) days ahead and just plopped it in the oven to be ready for dinner. Mashed potatoes in a crock pot does very well.

Ignoring the current game/gift of "how can Pinball keep the pot stirring" for a moment, this right here is the problem. We have come to a place of such privilege (and frankly, reckless lack of regard for the consequences of blind consumption) that gifts can be a burden. Gifts can be weapons, intentionally or not. I doubt anyone with good gifting intentions would ever want someone to be in tears over gifts. Or have bad feelings in general. Obviously gifting with bad intentions is no good and I doubt anyone would disagree. That would be the giving meat/alcohol to a vegetarian/recoverer. Or how about the time-honored classic of giving toys to children that the parents have requested to be avoided? Let's give little Johnny a drum set even though his mom is migraine-prone. Or let's get Susie a ginormous Barbie house when the family lives in a studio apartment. Parents "have views" about plastic going in landfills? Let's load up at the dollar store so that their kids can open all the plastic things then be upset long after the giver has left when they break and end up in....wait for it.....the landfill! Timmy can't have peanuts? Oh, I bet the parents are overreacting, let's see what really happens when I give him some peanut brittle. This all comes from a sense of entitlement. I *want* to gift and I *want* to do it the way I *want* to, so I am going to double down. That is not coming from a place of love or care, no matter what "love language" you are trying to pin it on. It's about control and it stinks. Then we have the truly oblivious. People who hear the message, "please do not give us gifts" and think it is coming from a place of modestly or not wanting to put people out. So they gift anyway, without knowing that this gifts cause stress. And yes, sometimes tears, anxiety, guilt, etc.... That can be forgiven which is why most people will graciously accept Great Aunt Tilly's gifts to all 5 kids of matching sweaters even though they live in Florida and two are allergic to wool....and someone will feel guilty when they get dropped off at Goodwill. The OP is walking the line here and teetering towards bad intentions. No, SIL should not get to decide how/if anyone else decides to exchange gifts. But her request to have her family removed from the gift exchange should be honored, no matter what the reasons are. If the OP still shows up with gifts, how can anyone call that "love?" It is at best, selfish and obtuse and at worst, blatantly unkind. We are post etiquette book here. At least in the olden days, pre-cheap-plastic-and-dollar-stores, vengeance gifting was limited by financial and material means. Still wrong and problematic but containable. Now, anyone with $20 and some time on their hands can make anyone miserable.

I really love mine! I use it in my normal boots to wam them up before going out for long periods. It really makes a big difference! I have one like the first link below that does not have a fan. It takes longer but prevents shoe stink from being blown around a small space (in case that is important). The second would be even faster but still compact. https://www.cabelas.com/shop/en/peet-drop-in-footwear-dryer?ds_e=GOOGLE&ds_c=Cabelas|Shopping|Smart|CatchAll|General|NAud|High|NMT&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInK3YgK21-wIV-RPUAR3bFwgYEAQYASABEgIQbPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds https://www.rei.com/product/891155/dryguy-travel-dry-dx-boot-dryer

This is going to depend more on the sock itself. I only buy wool socks that are meant to be washed and dried on hot like Smartwool and Darn Tough. I wash and dry on hot with no problems. ETA - I have a pair of Smartwool I bought in the 1990s that I have washed and dried like normal and they are still going strong aside from aging elastic in the cuff.

Fleece lined leggings are great and I usually find mine on the cheap at TJ Maxx. Lightweight wool running socks stay somewhat warm even when soaked....which mine usually get from snow/slush. Electric boot dryers to place in shoes to allow to both dry them out post wet run or to pre-warm them before heading out. They make models that are better for shoes, rather than boots or ski boots.....but I think they are pretty much always called "boot dryers." A handful of lightweight Buffs can serve both as a neck gaiter or hat. I sometimes will pull it up over the back of a running hat at the start of the run then pull down as I warm up.....leaving it there to pull back on when I stop. I will layer more than one on folders days. And they make great headbands/ear protection for in-between temps. And as others mentioned, blinkies for dark runs. I have a few and I will typically click one to the front and another to the back of my running top.

This is a constant battle with a loved one in my family too. She is thrilled when someone (anyone) calls and will happily give out all of her info. It is a fine balance between allowing her as much independence (the phone, for instance) and the threat of scams. I just undid a doozy that I only caught because I check every account daily. There are a few things people like us can do that has helped protect my elder. Freeze their credit with all three agencies, keep only one CC with a very low credit limit with text notifications for each use, and keep balance in any bank accounts the elder has access to very low and again with text alerts. We actually had to ditch the normal CC altogether because even with the very low limit, she was giving out the number so frequently that we could not keep her account secure so now she has a preloaded CC with only $100 on it. At least she will only lose $100 each time but I can much more easily/quickly shut it down and get a new one to her. There are a lot of new phone options as someone else pointed out. That does not work for us as my elder no longer has the ability to adapt to a new phone so we are stuck with what she has. It is a truly sick person who does this to dementia suffered......and their caregivers.

I am one who had suggested (unsuccessfully, FTR) that we stop exchanging gifts on both sides of my family. It was (is still, actually....but less important to me now that we are empty-nested) out of control and such a huge focus of the season that everything else was being pushed out. We have literally stopped at Goodwill on the way home after the holidays to drop off more than half of the gifts we received. Not because they weren't thoughtful or because they did not fulfill someone's "love language" but because they literally would not fit in our home or car. There were a whole string of years when I had a sobbing toddler/child on my hands because they were on house 2 and hour 7 of opening gifts on Christmas Day.....all while being expected to be polite, patient while each person opened their gifts, and socially grateful for each gift received. It was so over the top that those same years, we (the parents) did not even buy gifts for our own nuclear family because it just added to the pile of stuff and time trapped waiting for presents to be opened....and the thing is, no one even noticed! I just asked my grown dd if she ever noticed that mom and dad did not give her any Christmas presents between the ages of 2-10. She had no idea. She says she could never keep track of who gave her what after a few hours. Hours. Think about that. Why are we spending hours of precious family time on consumerism and landfill fodder? As I said, it didn't work and we eventually "aged out" of the parenting phase where it mattered. But it made the holiday emotionally conflicting, guilt-inducing, and honestly ruined Christmas Day proper for many years until we decided to just opt out and stay home. The gifts still rolled in but at a WAY lower volume and we were no longer trapped for hours doing a tradition we did not like, want, or even find ethical TBH. Now that we are empty-nested, we have a quiet day at home with just our nuclear family. We open one gift to/from each of us, which takes mere minutes, then spend the rest of the day delivering meals for the local senior citizen society, taking our annual Christmas walk to visit with local friends, and working on our annual puzzle. No more sobbing toddlers. In times of yore when people did not lose their minds over holiday gifting and no one ended up with huge piles of toys, I think the etiquette of always graciously receiving gifts was good advice. I believe the etiquette rules need to change when grandparents and aunts and uncles think giving each child 10+ presents every single year is appropriate. I am old school. I still write TY notes and make my family members do the same. I bring a (consumable) hostess gift when invited to dinner. I look up what black tie means before attending that wedding. But I draw the line here. Times have changed and I believe people have a right to control how much and what kind of stuff ends up in their possession. All that to say that I never did figure out what the "right" answer was but when people are saying this, there is a reason and it is not just to stomp on someone's gift-giving love. And no, they probably do not want gifts year round either!