Oh, yeah...and three of them are special needs! I could sleep for a year and not recover.

I'm with you guys!

I have dogs over to play all the time and do not expect their owners to clean up. I make my kids do it! ;) Now, if the owner is visiting with the dog and happens to witness a "present," it would be sweet of them to offer but not expected. We do a twice weekly yard sweep and that is enough for me.

That's good to hear! I've never heard about Medicaid being willing to cover a helmet. I really do think he needs it, based on DS's experience. If it were simply a minor "flat head," I could see waiting. This, however, is the sideways tilt with misaligned ears and protruding forehead. In my experience, that doesn't fix itself and has issues beyond the cosmetic. I don't want to mention that issue again for a while, though...poor gal is hurting enough and doesn't need to worry that something is wrong with her baby. I could better discuss that issue with DSS, who tends to be unemotional about stuff, is enough older than DIL that he's pretty secure in himself...and he's not post-partum! ;) When they are done moving, I'll bring it up to him privately and let him know we are serious about paying if they want to go for an eval. They have just moved close enough to the clinic we used to go there, so it should be an easy discussion.

Be sure to let us know how the baby is in the morning!

I am so, so sorry! Your poor DD! Hugs...

I think of your posts often when I think of what NOT to do! ;)

I did tell her yesterday that I have a big mouth and to tell me to shut up any time she likes!! :) My trouble is...I know too much. Between my degree/work experience and my own adoptions of special needs kids, I'm quite the encyclopedia! Most of the time, I know when to shut my own mouth. However, when something is serious, it's hard for me to butt out. Working on it! PPD is serious, ya know? I'm glad she is open to talking about it, because I hate to see her suffering needlessly when I can afford to help.

So sweet!

Thanks, everyone! You made me feel so much better! I did shoot her a text message...best way for her, really...and apologized. She shot one right back and said she had just had a friend stop by and she was totally fine with the discussion. She does agree that she needs to see a doctor for the PPD and says she'll let me pay for it. Whew. I was worried there for a minute.

Yep, that's pretty much where I was going with this.

My DSS and his long time girlfriend had a surprise, beautiful baby boy about six months ago. I say surprise because it was totally not what they had planned and they were financially not at all ready for the pregnancy. However, they love each other, are well into adulthood and have supportive families, so they had the baby and stayed together...planning to marry when finances get better and the baby is older. My "DIL" is a lovely young woman whom I did not know well before the baby, but whom I have come to have what I consider a close but long distance relationship with. Their stress level is enormous, for obvious reasons, so we have tried to help financially and emotionally where we could. I offer a lot more than they will accept...one of the reasons I keep offering! They are doing their level best to make it on their own and so appreciate whatever others do to help them. All that to say...issues have cropped up. I am not surprised, but I had hoped they would not have to deal with either issue. DIL seeks me out on a regular basis, so I kinda know what is up most of the time. She has been under so much stress, and now it appears that she has PPD. It also appears to me that the baby has plagiocephaly...I've had a baby with it, so I know what to look for and I see it in spades here. Apparently, her Medicaid provider told her he would "grow out of it." Both issues came up in conversation naturally, but still...being me, the LCSW with four special needs kids...I am the one most likely to talk about the issues and I worry that I said too much. (I probably started the plagiocephaly conversation, but she sought me out over the depression but wasn't talking PPD until I mentioned it.) She has no insurance, no money, so I offered to pay for a doctor's appointment for both issues if she wanted to go and to pay for the entire plagiocephaly treatment if it proved necessary (Medicaid won't cover). She hasn't responded yet, so I don't know how she took either issue. The baby is also up for three to four feedings a night and she is SO tired! He weighs 20 lbs and I'm sure he could go longer...for her sake. She complained about it, so I told her when she felt better, I'd be happy to tell her a few things that helped with my babies if she'd like. I guess what I am worried about is being a meddling MIL. Last thing she needs is criticism and I do my best to be verbally as supportive of everything as I can...I well remember young momma days. I try to always tell her how great she is doing, that I'm thinking that she is amazing, the baby is awesome, etc. I just don't want to be "that" MIL, but the two main issues are serious and she seems to be in so much pain. In addition, they are in different cities right now due to a move in progress, and she is on her own. I just want her to know that she is doing okay but that we are here for her if she needs us. Probably the best thing to do right now is to shut up now and see how she responds, right? Did I mess up here by mentioning things at all or did I do okay? So worried about them both...

Prayers for the family...how awful! How old was the little girl? Do they know yet what caused the illness? I am so sorry!!

Well according to that, I fit the criteria...with some variations for caregivers. Ugh. That explains a lot.

Looking into PTSD for my DH and myself...thanks for pointing that out! It is a real possibility here as well. Thankfully, we already have a therapist who has experience in this area, so I know where to start.

I'm having a week like that, too. I can't imagine my special needs kids (who also look normal but aren't!) ever leading normal lives, I can't imagine living through this, I'm so tired. Mainly, I'm tired of dealing with other people's expectations of both my kids and my parenting. Hearing other people's well meaning diagnoses of the problem and how I either caused it or should handle it gets really old. Imagining how to lead a normal life or have normal relationships when my kids can blow up what I build in 30 seconds or less is just daunting. Don't mean to throw more misery around, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Try to get some sleep and remember that there are people out there who understand...really, are walking this path with you. More importantly, God is walking this path with us both and loves our hurting kids even more than we do...and He does have the power to make things new every morning!

Prayers!

Yes. We put him in whenever we leave the house, and occasionally while we are home. He seems to really like his crate now, though he prefers to be in there when the door is open.

We had that same issue with our little golden puppy, who is now 6 months old. He wailed his head off for about a week, crated in our room next to a free roaming older golden. I still had to put loveys in his crate, lay on the floor beside him a bit, etc. Other than simply time and ignoring his antics (other than for potty breaks), the best solution I found was to cover the crate in towels and my robe (for the scent) so that it was more den-like. I gave him a hole to see out of but covered the rest of the crate. For some reason, that did the trick! We had a week or two of difficulty, but from then on he only fussed when he had to go. After about six weeks, there were no more potty breaks till dawn. After that, I started uncovering his crate and he did just fine. Now, he's happy in there with or without us! It's like having a new baby. Tough, but it gets better if you stick it out.

Definitely Facebook to start. I keep up with the boys' birth families that way, and I have located my DD's birth family that way as well. There are always private investigators who work in adoption if you need them, but start with the easy stuff. You could also contact the state social service agency where your child was placed and ask them to get a letter to the sibs asking for contact. That can be done without violating any privacy rules so long as they act as an intermediary.

He is risen, indeed! Hallelujah!

I absolutely love living in Hickory, NC...great, pretty small town, nice home schooling community, cool old homes. The unemployment rate is high, however, especially for those without a college education. If you have a good job lined up, it is a great place to raise a family.

We are Paleo, to a large extent, though the kiddos are not but are required to eat a relatively clean, natural diet. We spend $200 or more per person, per month. We don't grow our own food but do a CSA and most of our meat shopping from local, grassfed sources.

CogMed. It is fantastic for working memory...my kiddo increased hers by 36%! It is pricey, but worth every penny in my experience.

Try to separate your feelings, your embarrassment and fear of loss of relationship from what your boy actually did. What he DID is, fortunately or unfortunately, fairly normal for his developmental stage and doesn't warrant a freak out. Just handle it calmly and forthrightly at the most convenient time. This will build trust with your kiddo, so that next time he will not find it intimidating to admit a failure, which will decrease his impulse to lie. Handling it calmly and honestly as a parent will build your relationship with the other family as well. It will be okay. On the off chance that the other family freaks out and cuts the relationship, which sounds like is your fear, I'd say you learned something important about them and that they probably aren't the healthiest family for your kiddo to hang around. Relax and stay strong.