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Twinmom

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  1. Heather, if I were to move back "home" to Texas, I'd have many of the same requirements/desires that you do. I am from Richardson, TX, an immediate suburb of Dallas. For me, I think the DFW area is fabulous but I'm looking for a smaller town at this point in my life. I'd consider Tyler...lovely piney woods, small but not too small, close enough to DFW to see family frequently. Other great choices in North Texas include many of the far suburbs in the DFW area...for me, Melissa or farther north of Dallas as far as Sherman, Arlington, Ft. Worth area suburbs, etc. If I were to venture further south, I would look at the Hill Country around Austin, though it can be pricey. There are so many choices when it comes to Texas that you just can't generalize...it is HUGE. You've got everything from snow in the panhandle to the hill country to desert like conditions nearer Mexico, big cities, small cities, country living...take your pick. You can even live on the Gulf if you like. Many, many choices. Almost all of them have in common a terrific economy, no state income tax, conservative values, great churches and a vibrant homeschool community. You probably wouldnt have any trouble finding your idea of a great church...in fact, I can suggest a few if you end up in North Dallas. Downsides include the HEAT (Uggh), a lack of four season (depending on where you go), BIG cities (again, your choice), long drives to big mountains (my idea of heaven), and some areas in big cities can be pretty materialistic (I'm thinking of my experiences in North Dallas, Austin and Houston here). However, all in all, I think it is a great place to live if you don't mind the heat!
  2. Texas meets all your requirements and the economy is doing great. Friendly folks and a great culture over all. You looking for small town, medium town, larger city? Texas is a big place...lots of variety.
  3. Wow...looks like this happened at the high school my stepson attended! Can't really see them sanctioning this, but I guess things must have changed.
  4. Well, I ended up trying Menopause Support by NOW vitamins and yippee...no more hot flashes!! It's an herbal blend. Waiting a full cycle to make sure they don't come back with PMS, but for now I am pretty happy with the results!
  5. I am so grateful that someone "resurrected" my post from July so that I could read it tonight! I have to admit to being so grief stricken when I wrote it that I could never bring myself to revisit the post, even to check the responses. The pain was just too raw...I've not even been able to revisit the special needs boards. To read it now, on the eve of some milestones in her treatment, is particularly poignant. To realize that I can feel so much better, so much more hopeful, just a few months later means so much. Your precious replies would have likely fallen on deaf ears back in July...tonight, they read like manna from heaven. I cannot thank you enough! Over the last few months, I've immersed myself in research, in FASD trainings, in appointments and in dealing with the day to day of my other three special needs children. I've tried and failed many times to give it to God, just sort of hanging in there while waiting for the sun to come up so to speak. I cannot say that all is well, that she will be healed or that I know for certain her future will be bright, but I can say that I have begun to heal. I can see a future and a hope for her. I can see and remember the beauty of who she is even when she is hidden behind her disability. I can be calm when she rages. I can implement the new skills I have learned and recognize when they are working! I can, as Diane Malbin says so well, "try differently instead of harder." I can see God's hand at work in our lives. I can see that she DOES have an ability to learn and grow, even though she will grow differently than others. Small steps have yielded big results for our family, and I know it is God's way of speaking to me. A simple post in the Chatroom led to a lovely conversation with a precious boardie who told me about Canine Companions for Independence, and we will likely be receiving a service dog for DD within a few months nearly at no cost to us! The folks working us through DD's formal diagnosis have been a God-send, confirming each step of the way that we have done the right things at the right time for DD's treatment despite not recognizing that she was FASD. I have made new friends who can support me in this journey both online and in person...who knew a support group for FASD was starting up here in my little town?!! I am better. I am healing. My faith is deeper, my skills are improving and my DD is better for it. I am better for it, and though we have tough years ahead, I know God will walk with us. I can hear you all now...thanks for "waiting!" ;)
  6. I could have written the original post this morning, too. Hugs!
  7. We ran straight for the computer as soon as DD went to bed to retrieve the recording (I think I told your guys we were recording all their calls). Nothing there...the system failed at the critical moment! :( DH the IT guy says it has something to do with an IP address that keeps changing without our permission...weirdness he is trying to fix, but it basically meant that we lost two days of call recording. Major bummer. I really wanted to send it to his mom! Oh, well...I sure will now tell her the whole scoop about the texting, etc., as there are no more "second chances" being given to this boy! He asked for one, I gave it, he blew it...all bets are off now! And yes, I'm sure he said it...the conversation was loud and ugly and I could hear all of DD's responses. Can't hardly mistake all of that! I have GOT to get some sleep now...surgery in the morning! Time to teach myself to chill! :)
  8. Ya know, I sure do appreciate God wrapping this all up in a nice little package before my (very minor) surgery in the morning! Now, I can really rest up afterwards...
  9. I did immediately call his mom. She was very upset but he gave her a very different story...like I said, he is very, very smart. I started to tell her the whole backstory, but instead told her I needed to go take care of my daughter and I'd talk to her later. If she calls me back, I will give her the whole scoop.
  10. She's actually doing okay. Obviously very hurt, but ok. She would normally completely melt down in a situation this bad and it could take me hours to settle her down. However, God and a new medication were both with us tonight, and she just cried in my arms and went to bed. Well...went to bed after asking for an ice cream run! The normalcy of the evening is something I won't soon forget. Normalcy is a blessed event around here!
  11. The boy just told her that since he wasn't going to be getting sex from her, their relationship was through and he was talking to another girl. IPads do not allow emoticons, but imagine a shocked face here. Did he really just come right out and say that?! What an answer to prayer! The only way that she possibly could have believed me about him, understood the situation clearly, etc. is if he'd have said it so bluntly. That is the only way it would have gotten through her brain injury. I feel sorry for the boy's mother. He has her completely snowed. At least he is no longer snowing my sweet, vulnerable baby girl! Do you think God would appreciate an "Atta Boy!"? I'm happy, happy, happy! ;)
  12. Thanks for all the advice! Some great ideas! Not sure what I am going to try yet but I have some ideas of what I want to research or try. Thanks!!
  13. Anyone ever try any herbal remedies? I looked into a few tonight...
  14. Well, apparently it is time...I am having major hot flashes, just in time for my 46th birthday! Driving me crazy and keeping me up at night. I'm sure that's what it is because its the same as it was during my late 20s when I was put in temporary, artificial menopause to kill endometriosis...wow, did I have hot flashes! Uggh. What can I do? Seems kinda early to start dealing with hormone replacement, so I'm thinking something natural might help? What ideas have worked for others? TIA!
  15. Yippeee! The first glimmer of sanity has arisen! He was supposed to go to church with us this morning, meeting us there with his mom. This morning, the story was that he couldn't come because his mom didn't have gas. Uh huh, right. Gas was plentiful when he had to drive across the county to get to our house twice in one week, but not to make it to church which is far closer to his house. He's chatting away with her on the phone like a friend, not a boyfriend, though. Perhaps he has gotten the message after all! Hope is a wonderful thing!
  16. I'm with you here...been to the police station already to discuss just that, not in reference to him but to another situation. This is why we are taping her calls. It's a dicey situation and there must be clear proof of intent before they can act. And yes, birth control is in our future.
  17. LOL...your son is a wise young man! As for your second comments...I am certainly hopeful that this is the case and frankly, this is what he has told me. However, as I said in another post...trust but verify. My eyes are wide open here. I'd be happier if he wasn't in contact with her and that she stayed away from all boys at this point, but that's not realistic.
  18. Oh, yeah...definitely. We chose to be youth leaders in our church so that we could be there with her and encourage her to be a part of this group. We emphasize abstinence before marriage, for sure, with lots of grace for any who have stumbled. Good place to be.
  19. She (being the mom of said boy) has had another, much older son get pregnant out of wedlock and basically ruin his life. (Private details abound here that I know but cannot share.). There's no nefarious intent on her part, just a sincere desire to see this never happen to her youngest boy. I think she sees us a good influence in his life (part of our plan includes church and youth group attendance with us in tow...we are youth leaders) and so she likes where that part of things is going. There are some shared values and religion here between the moms. In a normal relationship, this would be a good thing. Being that it is NOT normal, I think it will behoove me at this point to spend more time hammering home with her the power differential here. My guess is that she does not fully understand...it is hard to for most people. She did take my initial comments to heart and had an immediate talk with her son about it and about not hurting "that sweet girl." I should see her tomorrow at church (he has to bring her), so I will take the cautionary advice of several posters and talk more fully with her about DD's disability. Frankly, anyone who has read through this thread knows more about it than this woman does...she needs more information than I have yet had time to privately give her.
  20. Ya know, sitting here thinking about it, perhaps a better way to explain what I am trying to do from my side of things is to not FORBID the relationship or cut it manually (as in take out the phone, bar the doors, whatever it would take) in the hopes that it will go away on its own given the facts of the situation. I think the mom is sharp enough to help me with this given some time. I am hoping to use the horrible fact that the relationship even exists to teach my disabled young 'un some valuable life skills to bring some redemption out of the situation and let her feel that she has "had a boyfriend like everyone else" while I am working on kicking his rear out the door. I am hoping against hope that some of those life skills will sink in past her brain injury since they are tied to an actual, concrete experience instead of just a theoretical, abstract conversation. Making lemonade out of lemons. Clear as mud, I hope. That's all I've got.
  21. That's not exactly the situation...I DO want him gone. I do agree with you about the parents needing to cut this off...I would if I were them. That is actually one of the things I am hoping will bring about the demise of the relationship given a little time...I just told her yesterday, to be fair. The relationship is new. So, yes you are correct that I am using the situation to teach, but I am simultaneously trying as hard as I can to get rid of him. Weird, I know. Like I said, brave new world and really not applicable outside of FASD. I agree with you, really I do.
  22. Could you do housekeeping and bring along DD as a "helper?" If you lived in my area, I'd be happy to let you do that.
  23. There are some kernels here that may work for us...thanks for the idea! Can't do it exactly that way because DH is in IT and works from home and we need the cell phones for managing disabled and sick relatives who are in care (my life is crazy), but I like the overall idea. All or nothing works well with FASDers. They understand black and white and "everybody else is doing it." Hmmm...gotta ponder that a while.
  24. No problem with your advice...it is sound and logical for a neurotypical child. It is what I would do for any of my other children, as would be removing the phone and forbidding contact. For her, allowing the contact is truly the lesser of two evils. Hard to explain unless you've lived it (Rose could probably chime in), but here's an attempt...you have to understand first that this is the healthiest relationship with a male that she has been able to have so far. Given that previous attempts have brought home smarmy young adults, a sex offender or two as well as one 45 year old, this may make more sense. She is absolutely driven to have a relationship, as she mistakenly believes at this point that it is what other fourteen year olds are doing and what she must do to be "normal." So, we are choosing in this situation to make good use of the caring, supportive parents and to try to coach her through learning what is a healthy relationship while waiting for it to run its inevitable course towards extinction (as all early teen relationships inevitably do!) It is like living in an alternative universe, I swear. It goes against every parenting instinct that I have, but we are convinced that it is truly the best choice right now. She WILL experience a relationship given her drive to do so coupled with her lack of judgement...this is one that I can currently control and try to teach her in the process. Everyone with neurotypical teens, feel free to toss my methods into the garbage can as inappropriate. You can even throw tomatoes at me and I will not even get offended, I promise. ;) FASD is the toughest road I will ever walk down and it turns parenting on its head. It is a brave new world and we are getting through it only with total abandonment to and trust in God, one day at a time. For most of you, please do not follow my parenting path...really, I mean that.
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