I found my daughter retained virtually nothing of VfCR either. I didnt realise others felt the same, actually. She too did it in reasonable time. I felt it was busy work and dropped it. Its a nice idea, but in practice it felt like a waste of time, and more vocabulary is learned through Latin, and literature.

I check with my two kids every year how they want me to schedule them. My 13yo likes a fairly tight schedule, even with times. I dont do times because he actually ends up freaking out if something comes in during the day to disrupt him. 15yo doesn't want a weekly list. So for both, I make up a weekly chart, with a list of subjects per day. They know though, it's up to them if they don't get to something one day, they need to do it by the end of the week. And, if they double up on one subject one day (do 2 lessons) they can skip it the next day. They can choose what order to do things in, but we usually start with maths and LA. I sit in the room with them. I have my computer in here. I dont just let them get on with it, and go off and clean my house or visit friends. I am right here, available for answering questions, support, keeping them on track, and to minimise the throwing of paper aeroplanes at each other.

I 2nd the cranberry juice. I was having trouble with ridiculously frequent urination, but not pain. Tried cranberry juice, and the problem resolved quickly. I was surprised myself. Sounds like perimenopause to me. Its a good time to make sure you are eating well, sleeping well, taking extra good care of yourself, because underlying health issues can start turning up. There are herbal things you can take etc, but also, you can just accept its part of the package for getting older for many people.

Well, I am not overweight but I am also not my ideal weight (in my mind) and lately I have put on a couple of kgs, which makes me feel frumpy. The issue of obsession with weight is close to my heart. I truly feel we women are held prisoners to this pre-occupation with our body image. We do it...for what? For men? It's a complex and deep issue. And i have honestly been working on it myself- working on accepting myself no matter if I put on some weight...and still it pops up. Its roots are deep. I wonder if it is just that we dont accept ourselves in so many different ways, on such a deep level, that the weight issue ends up being a good peg to hang all the self loathing onto. I love it when large women dress well. My mother is a large woman- different body type to me- and she has suffered from self esteem issues around her weight all her life too. However, she was large from her 20s and developed a lovely dress sense. I loved her clothes, as a child, and now too. I love that she buys herself beautiful things and dresses to fit her body shape. She eats healthy too, but is still large. Do we feel we are unlovable when we are fat? I dont think there is a quick answer to it. I know I have determined not to let it matter to me, but then I find myself watching my refleciton in the windows as I walk down the street, and being critical of myself. Or I see myself in a photo and it can make me feel terrible- even though I am not so big, really. I think we need to support eahc other on this one. I realise how often I compliment a friend when she has lost weight. Thats buying into the whole thing. Does that mean when she has put on weight another year, I will secretly do whatever is the opposite of complimenting her, but say nothing aloud? I dont know the key other than keep loving yourself and not listen to those cirtical, negative inner voices.

I dont have experience with that kind of situation although I do have a family member who has been an heroine addict at least, and I do know others who are addicts, including some who died...but what I do know is that number one is take care of yourself. Dont give money. DOnt believe their stories to get you to give them money, and dont pay for them unless they really, really, really are ready to change. And keep the distance necessary to not get too emotionally caught up. Dont let her take the family down with her on her sinking ship. It sounds like a sad, sad situation...but in the end the only one who can get her out of it is herself. She has to want to enough to reach out to the help that is available, and use it. If she doesnt want to....the best thing is to make sure she doesnt hurt her kids or anyone else around her any more than she obviously already has. People do come out of really bad situations and heal themselves, of course. There is always hope. If I was the parents...I would make sure I wasnt in a position of enabling her, and I agree that Al-Anon or something similar can be hugely helpful. People often blame themselves and its just not helpful or necessary. I would put her in a home of some sort for addicts. I would not let her live at home with your parents. Very dangerous situaiton for them to be in. I know it sounds harsh, and it is, but your parents are not in a good situation. Sometimes tough love is the only way to go.

I wouldn't let MIL come. I dont think you are loving yourself, your husband or anyone, to allow the woman to enter your home for more than a cup of tea at long intervals, if at all. If your dh can't handle his own mother, and protect you from her, he needs to grow up a bit and learn to kick her out and keep her at a distance. Sorry, just my POV. I dont like seeing people thinking they are doing the right thing by being nice, when actually they are just letting an unhealthy situation for everyone, continue.

I wear eye liner and organic lipstick sometimes, and I do enjoy make up at times. A few times a year I will wear foundation...but I know it is not a healthy thing to do...even though I dont break out. Your skin is an organ. It breathes, it exchanges with its environment. Would you wipe toxic chemicals on your ovaries or your liver? No. Well, the skin doesnt like it either. Most people I know prefer the natural look anyway.

I dont know....I have a difficult child though and your post reminded me of something I read about last week that I have been trying to put into effect. When a child plays up, misbehaves, throws a tantrum or puts strong pressure on a parent....the parent will often experience a strong emotion in reponse to it (disappointment, rage, irritation, hurt etc). What most of us do, is try to fix the child "out there" in order to not have to keep feeling the painful emotion the child has evoked in us . Allowing ourselves to feel our own emotions, have a cry, and feel our anger and frustration away from the child, or in the presence of the child without acting them out on the child, means that the emotion the child is triggering in us, gets diffused. That gives us a different place to respond to the child from, and it also means the child is not hooked into provoking because the emotions that are triggered in the parent are not being triggered- they are being felt. What that looks like in real life, is, I might take some time out on my own bedroom to take some deep breaths and see what the child is triggering in me. Could be hurt. Could be rage. Might be I realise I havent eaten and I need to take care of myself. Might be I had an argument with my dh this morning and my child is testing whether I still love him. Might be old childhood wounds. Once I have felt to the bottom of the feelings and the furstration has passed somewhat- I can usually see better how to deal with the child. I have noticed since doing this in the last few days, that I am *much* less likely to give into my child's persistant and unreasonable demands that would normally wear me down and I might eventually succumb to. It's just clear to me what I need to do. My feeling is just my feeling-the child cant manipulate me because of a feeling I have if I feel the feeling instead of trying to get the child to stop making me feel the feeling. Its a subtle difference. . Dont know if that makes sense to you.

I do read alouds. I have them do what I feel they are capable of, such as "just maths". I have them read themselves, if they are capable (if they have a headache I dont insist on that.). I pull out the documentaries and movies I have been meaning to watch but havent got around to, or I turn on the cable TV onto the nature channels and let them watch documentaries. And, I let them sleep as much as possible. Also, no sugar as it burdens the immune system.

I was "wierd" well before I started homeschooling. I have always been wierd. Never interested in fashion, at all, even as a teen. I wear the colour I feel like wearing each day. I dont like doctors or modern medicine for everyday illnesses (but I think they are great for trauma and some other things). I believe in being responsible for one's own health and one's emotions. I am into eastern spirituality, but also explore all sorts of spirituality. I have been a member of a cult. We rent rather than own our home because we want to bring the kids up in a middle class/wealthy suburb rather than where we can afford to buy, and because it's so beautiful where we live. I am married to a man who used to be a millionaire who dropped it all to find himself. We buy nearly everything 2nd hand because we enjoy it. I believe the governments of the world are rarely actually acting in our best interests and that there are even darker people pulling the strings of government.... The list goes on....homeschooling is just one aspect and it came long after many of the others...

Training kids to do some chores is far more work than doing it yourself, for a while, sometimes quite a while. You have to be motivated...sounds like you might be :) Every time you set a chore or a task, you have to follow up to make sure it is done, and give a consequence if it isnt. And you have to have saint like patience because a lot of the time, it wont be, until they realise you really, really mean it and its not worth not doing it. I woudl start with one or two small things and get them established, Things like making your bed are habits. It takes a few weeks to form a habit so you have to be consistent. Flylady helped me with *my* stinky attitude towards the rest of the family's lack of desire to clean. I learned to make routines for myself. I learned to keep my room as a peaceful haven (and my family still think its thenicest room in the house- I keep it clear and tidy). I learned to keep the kitchen sink area clean. Things spread out from a few basic routines I learned- and I did it for *me* rather than expecting anyone else to appreciate it. I learned to go in and help my kids clean their rooms so they knew how to clean their rooms. It's too overwhelming for a kid to be jsut told to clean their room unless they know how to break it down into small parts. A 6 year old can make their bed and pick up their toys that are on the floor anwhere in the house. They can put their dirty clothes in a basket. They can learn to put something away when they get it out, before taking out the next toy. They can put dishes away, and set the table. A 10 year old can do all that, plus wash the dishes, make a salad to go with dinner, feed the animals, tidy their shelves, sweep the floor. But, it is still overwhelming. Tasks need to be broken down until they are 2nd nature. I tihnk keeping your own attitude light is important though. Recognise your own responsibility to train your children, and the fact that you may not have been following through. They are jsut being normal kids. Put on some fun music and put a timer on for 10 minutes and promise you will stop when the bell goes off, and clean with them. Turn it into a game. And...husbands can be annoying, but you do have a right to have some spaces in the house that are clean and clear of clutter, and a husband has a right to have some spaces that are his to be cluttered if he chooses. Find a compromise, and ask for what you need.

I don't usually stop for words- I rely on context for that. But, I do stop regularly to explain something or make sure they understood something or make a comment. I am reading Ivanhoe aloud to my teens at the moment and *I* find it difficult to follow at times, so I stop regularly to check if they are following. There are actually so many words I dont know the meaning of in Ivanhoe, it would take us a long time if we looked them all up. I just rely on us all getting the general gist and soaking up the language without understanidng every detail.

My kids can choose to do something other than maths first...sometimes they do choose their L.A. but usually, they just do maths.

Having trouble with this one right now myself. My son has been finishing his work early this week. I should have checked, shoudlnt I? I did, this morning, and he had just skipped the bits that he felt were too hard, which was most of it. I tried to get him to see that it was actually dishonest and it actually took a while. He felt justified and ok about it at first. I think it is more wired into some people than others. My point to my son was that he wasn't even being honest with himself. Yes, I want him to be honest with me...but he was convinced it wasnt an honesty issue and I wanted to see that therefore he was lying to himself first. He did eventually see it. If you cant be honest with yourself, you can't be honest with others. He of course had to do all the extra work as well. He reckons he wont do that again...but I know he will if he thinks he can get away with it! Its only th consequences that deter him. One thing I have always tried to do with my kids is not put them in a situation when they can lie and get away with it, if I can help it. SO my responsibility in the situaiton is to make sure he doesnt get away with it (check his work daily in this case). I like the approach of getting the kid to see it costs HIM to be dishonest, rather than just guilting them. It is a form of self care to be honest with oneself, and usually sensible and caring to both oneself and others to be honest in general.

Rosie, you are hilarious, and so practical too :)

I chose happy, because I think a happy person can share and love others, a happy person is already successful (we are successful to be...happy, right?) , and truthfully, a happy person is not so common nowadays. A happy person doesn't go around hurting people. I mean truly happy. Not just high on drugs happy, of course. I think its hard to be kind if you are unhappy, but if you are happy, you will naturally be kind. I also see happy as something far deeper than walking around smiling all the time. It allows for other emotions too. It's just a deep sense of okness.

1 to 2 hours at that age. Now that they are teenagers, its about 30-45 minutes a day. We stopped the night time read alouds a couple of years ago.

I don't tend to plan lunches much, but sometimes I do write down a list of things we could have, before I shop, jsut so that i have the ingredients. I rarely follow the actual plan because for me lunch depends a lot on how much energy I have by lunchtime. Sometimes, its our main meal of the day and I will make a decent curry, casserole, or pasta dish. Othertimes it is more lunchy like toasted sandwiches or rollups. ANnd other times, I make mine, and leave the kids to fend for themselves, in which case they will make themselves pasta, or 2 minute noodles :)

I love the spirit of the article. I dont think there need to be any conflict between the "little things" and the "big things"- its just that letting one get crowded out by the other, leaves one rather unfulfilled and basically, we are capable of much more. I love what she is pointing to- lets take our power back from institutionalised learning, and learn to think for ourselves. I think the world could do with a huge dose of that right now! There are also seasons. I remember when my kids were little I was studying a chemistry (and biochemiostry) textbook as part of my naturopathy diploma...by correspondence. It was incredibly difficult because at that stage, having babies, my brain really felt like it turned to mush. I am sure its a hormonal thing. But it really made me feel good to work my way through this huge textbook, anyway.But I did feel I was going against the flow of what my body wanted to do. Once the kids were a bit older, I got my brains back. I never stopped reading though.

I nap almost every day. Its also just a quiet time in my room to read, meditate, rest, and regather my energy for the rest of the day.

It sounds like she is not happy, period, and its probably because she isnt doing what she wants to do somehow, or she is repressing herself for role of wife and mother and career and something in her feels trapped...I agree with Rosie that she may need to just break out and follow her dream- or maybe even give herself permission to dream first. I think a lot of us get disgruntled with our marriages at times, but often its not our partner that is at fault. Its that we are staying in a safe spot instead of doing what we need to do in our lives- and its easy to put that on a partner. And partners are inherently easy to blame for our life's dissatisfactions because they always have some faults.

Well, perhaps I can offer some hope because this year, finally, my 13yo doesn't need me as much as he has in the past. In fact, I have started cleaning house and catching up on things while the kids do their schoolwork because they are both able to do most of it independently. Previously my son needed me a lot- and at age 10, yep, a real lot! I would try and get curricula that allows him some independence...but then count your blessings that he is homeschooling because in school, he probably wouldnt do well.

Lol. I have been to India several times and they actually ask you not to use tp where I have stayed, because their pipes are too narrow and they get blocked easily. The toilets where I have stayed are always a nice ceramic hole . They would come and clean them every day though. Easy to clean because you could just throw a bucket of water and give it a quick swish. The airport was worse than where I stayed- it stank. I dont mind squatting and have flexible hips. I think its a healthy pose to do your business :) They didnt have bidets. They had a plastic jug and a tap. You know, Indians told me that they thought toilet paper seemed terribly unhygeinic to them. I guess it's what you are used to. THe other thing I got used to and ended up enjoying were bucket baths. I stayed in fairly cheap accomodation and instead of showers you would get a nappy bucket sized bucket, a plastic jug, and hopefully hot water. I was in the north in winter- very cold. But its amazing, you can acutally wash your hair and get a really decent wash with just a bucket of water. It showed me how much water wastage there is in the West.

Mine are close in age (17 months) and are also very different, as well as being opposite sexes. I found the sibling rivalry book to be great when they were younger and it did help me...maybe a lot, because it's not much of an issue nowadays. It seemed much worse when they were younger. One thing I found is that they used to compete for my love in various ways. The younger was more needy (still is) and the older, the "good child", would miss out and so do something mean to the younger in her passive agressive anger. Its still a bit of a dynamic. I tell them "I have enough love for both of you" and it sounds really cheesy, but it seems to really help.

We are in flu season here, and swine flu is certianly around. The only one of us who has had any cold/flu symptoms is ds13, who tends to run around in winter in a tshirt and shorts and barefeet no matter what I say. Things to boost your immune system: stay warm (dont get chills), especially your feet. Don't eat much sugar. Eat healthy, lots of fruit and veg. Make sure you are not anaemic. Herbs: as soon as anyone complains of a sore throat I give them echinacea, or a complex with echinacea in it. Andrographis is another one. High quantities of good quality herbs for a short time. So far, no one this season has had anything that lasted more than a day. Vitamins: Vit C, Vit D. I dont take vitamins though- we take fermented Cod Liver Oil. However, the other things I take/give everyone are : nascent iodine (it is an internal bug killer just the way it is external), colloidal silver, and MMS. You can google MMS.