Hmmm, wasn't there a case where they arrested some guy for hocking a loogie....I think he was HIV but still, bodily fluids and all that, ewww. I'd have done exactly what you did and told the parents what for too...then I'd have proceeded to find a mall security cop and made him do something. The sad part is that the parents are probably posting on their facebook about the rude lunatic lady who yelled at their precious baby for "no reason".

I wouldn't feel too guilty....at every library I've ever used, you wouldn't be able to renew it if someone had it on hold....so the fact that you're been able to keep renewing it means no one else in your town is interested, lol. I found that the "big city" library had dozens on holds on it, but the smaller towns around here had several copies on the shelves, so I just got it from the smaller library and have been renewing mine for several months too.....but it's on my birthday wish list, so maybe by July I can return it, lol.

I agree with others....give gp a heads up can help them to compose themselves and think about their reaction. Showing up at their doorstep can cause them to show their first reaction, which won't help anyone. Think "Guess who's coming to dinner". I'd call the gps and in a happy excited voice announce the engagement. I would not let them know that you're doing it as a warning "I wanted to let you know..."...but as a bold happy statement "We're so excited that dd is engaged and her guy is just absolutely wonderful, he treats his mother with such great respect and we're so sure that he will always treat dd with the same love...she's so lucky to have found a good man!" After you get the gps excited about the engagement then you can either offer to email them a photo, or casually say something like "I'm so glad that biracial marriages are more accepted today than they were when I was young....I don't have to worry that they'll be treated the way my generation did to others" or something simliar. But...if you know that the gps are simply not going to be able to get over their own problems and be happy for your daughter....then I'd not have her visit to tell them. Being unsure is one thing, knowing that they aren't going to approve no matter what is allowing her to walk into a known bad situation and I'm too protective for that to happen, lol. If I knew for sure they'd react badly, I'd simply send them an engagement announcement and photo and let them deal with it themselves. Knowing also that if they can't be respectful at the very least that THEY are making the choice to cut themselves off from the rest of the family. Your daughter should choose her husband with her own happiness in mind, not others....and she shouldn't have to tolerate bad behavior from others. WHile race is definitely a more ignitable situation, it's really not much different from parents/grands disapproving of a marriage because "he's not good enough for you". It's her choice, so long as she realizes the potential problems (and her reaction to her grands says she does) then she's ready to handle it. My own marriage started out with parents more upset because he was committed to a career in the military than because of his race (which was 1/2 black 1/2 Latino to my very whiteness) and military meant I would live a nomadic life and always be anxious about his safety and never have financial success, blah blah. And while it took a bit for them to come around, and when these things did get to me I couldn't turn to them because I didn't want to hear "I told you so"....we'll be celebrating 33 years this summer. It's been quite a wild ride, and definitely not perfect, but I can honestly and unequivically say, if I had it to do over even knowing how it would turn out, I would. The bumps weren't fun but the good times make up for them! I would like to say to your DD: CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT. May you have a lifetime of joy and happiness with this man. :party:

Actually a big reason doctor's offices don't like CIGNA...they're so big that they have negotiated very low payments for the doctors...but they're so big that the doctor's don't have a choice but to accept patients with CIGNA or they'd be turning away a lot of patients. It is good insurance, but you do need to stay on top of what you are eligible for, because like many insurance companies if they can put your procedure into a category that they don't have to pay (or pay as much) they do....sounds like that is what happened to the previous poster who had to pay the ER fee even though their kid was admitted. Be sure to not just try to resolve it by phone, file a formal appeal of the decision.....that's where you have the best chance of correcting the decision....but so many people argue with their claims department, are continually denied as they go up the supervisor chain and then give up....and that's what the insurance company is hoping you will do. Argue for a reasonable number of escalations, but then give up and file an appeal. Appeals have outsiders reviewing it not just internal adjusters so you get a more fair assessment. This is especially important for things that the insurance company deems "unnecessary" but your doctor says is necessary.....the claims folks aren't doctors and aren't qualified to make that decision, but the appeals adjusters include doctors.

Be sure to look up the laws in your city/county for fences. Every state I've lived in requires a fence directly around the pool....not a fence around the home, but a separate fence to avoid anyone that is in the backyard to be able to also get into the pool area. The fact that your 6 acres is fenced may not be sufficient (then again, out in the country they may have different laws because you ARE in the country). If you don't have to erect a separate locked fence, water is free because it's well, then yeah, you'll probably not spend $400 on electricity, so then it would simply be whether the cost of preparing the ground area would be prohibitive. I can say from past experience that if it's not completely precisely level, it's a pain in the tuckus. Buying a good quality cover that can withstand snow weight is worth the investment, because cleaning a pool that is full of muck is well, mucky.

Use caution with asking about insurance discounts.....if you live in the city the fire hydrant use won't apply and a lot of insurance companies see a pool as a potential huge liability with the risk of someone drowning and suing you. Having a fence around it may lower that risk somewhat (and some local laws require it), but realize that even with a fence if someone climbs over the fence, using your pool without your permission, drowns, their family can sue YOU. Also, if there is a pump/filter the electricity use can be quite high on a pool. Some utility companies offer "time of use" discounts to encourage you to run the pump/filter overnight when their utility needs are lower so they can offer you a lower price. And expect your water bill to go up substantially as well. It's a wonderful lesson on evaporation, but it's a pain in the tushy to be refilling the pool every other day (or every day).

Just have her use the address that she formerly lived at with him as her address...until she actually moves into another place that is legally her residence too. They want a physical address but in the 11 years that we have had various PO Boxes all over the country (when you move a lot a PO Box is your best friend, lol)....not once has anyone from the post office contacted us except through our PO Box (and then only to deliver the annual bill, lol). And, the other poster is correct, the post office requires a court order to provide any information about the owner of the PO Box.....including giving another key out even with a certificate of death. Now...it is against the law to fraudlently open a PO Box, so don't have her make up an address, just provide the address where she last lived. I'm sorry she lives in one of those backward counties that still don't understand that previously decent men can and do turn ugly when a relationship goes sour. But...she does NOT have to go to a shelter in the same county that she lives. If she's employed, he obviously knows that address, so if she truly feels she's in danger it may be time to take a sabbitical or quit and move away. Keep in mind also, that no matter the understanding from law enforcement, a restraining order is really just a piece of paper.....and if he chooses to violate it, she still only has protection to the extent that the police can arrive. Many women feel getting a TRO and filing with the police department is their salvation, but a truly determined man will find a way to harm them if he can find her...and do it all before even a good police department can get an officer to her. For truly dangerous men it is sad but true that the best thing for her to do is move away, get a new job, somewhere that he would never think to look for her (meaning not in your town or anywhere else that family or friends live). I don't say that to discourage you or frighten you, but so that you are aware that a TRO is not a guarantee of safety....in fact for some men it makes them even more angry and therefore more dangerous.

Here is a link to the original law as passed: http://www.azleg.gov/DocumentsForBill.asp?Bill_Number=1070&image.x=6&image.y=7 Here is a link to the amendment passed a week later: http://www.azleg.gov/legtext/49leg/2R/bills/HB2162C.pdf

Well, if you're like most homeschool families you have been supporting yourself with one income. When my youngest graduates from homeschooling I intend to go to back to work and ALL of my income will fund investments for our retirement. I'll be 53, so I figure I'll have about 10 years of income. It won't be perfect, but I'm actually working on some ideas that might continue to earn money even when I'm too old to want to get out of bed each day.....wait, that's now? I digress, lol.

No, I wouldn't go. I also wouldn't lie about why I wasn't attending. If an RSVP is required (our reunions are more of an announcement that we're all going to Grandpas the first week of June rather than an invite thing) I would simply decline "Sorry, we will not make the reunion this year, thank you for the invite". If it's like ours with just an announcement, just not showing up is the appropriate RSVP. If anyone calls to inquire further into why you aren't going a simple answer "because I don't wish to see Dad" should tell the inquirer all they need to know. "I don't wish to discuss it any further either, but thank you for the call....how about I mail you some bean dip" LOL AND...since your brother won't be needing the airline ticket you offered to get to the reunion, I'd ask him to use it to come visit you for a week in a month or two. A reunion is hectic, chaotic, full of fun, but anything but the right place for a private discussion. And you and your brother deserve long private conversations to build your relationship. Even if you were going to the reunion, I'd suggest that you guys get together privately before, so that you can start the building process in private. And the things he needs to know aren't ones that you really want to discuss with 100 family members. I hope that you and he are able to build a relationship despite your past. You deserve it.

We use Angel Soft....second cheapest brand at walmart...the cheapest brand....ummmm, let's just not soft, more like what you get at a public restroom. Ick. Buy a 4 pack to try it out first, then look for it in the larger packages. As long as it's soft (i.e. not the public restroom type), I don't need quilted, fluffy, extra soft, etc. Paper towel the same way....cheapest brand is fine. Though, honestly we don't use much paper towel, we use wash cloths to clean up spills, reusable, washable, cheap ones that come in a 18 pack from Walmart for a couple of dollars. We have paper towel on hand for those things that a wash cloth won't work....like lining the veggie drawer, lol. Another great money saver...stop using so much laundry detergent. Seriously, try a load with about 1/4 of what you normally use. Seriously. Now, caveat, my DH's workout clothes and other things that truly stink....I still do the small amount of detergent, but I also dump in about 1/2 to 3/4 cup of vinegar (you can buy it by the gallon so it's not the entire little bottle you have for cooking, lol). That cuts the stink. And the vinegar smell disappears when you dry. If you line dry, it should still go away in the breeze. And no fabric softener in the washer.....and no Bounce or equivalent in the dryer. Take some white wash cloths (see above about cheap price) and put it over the bottle of fabric softener, tip the bottle to make a wet circle on the wash cloth, throw it in on the wet clothes, dry like normal and except for flannel, no static cling. For flannel I do put in a half Bounce sheet. That box of Bounce has been around for years....and I go through about one bottle of fabric softener a year as well. Some people complain because the clothes don't come out of the dryer heavily scented....but ya know what....check those same clothes a day or two later and there is no scent left....so by the time you wear it, the scent is gone. And who wants to walk around smelling of fabric softener anyway? But a little body spray in a less chemically scent, lol. Spray it on your clothes, not your body...the scent lingers all day on the clothes, a couple hours on your body.

How about letting your daughter use cups to pour water over her head? Would that give her the same sensory satisfaction? My kids loved to dump water on themselves at that age, and while it tends to mean a little more clean up for mom as ALL the water never quite makes it back into the tub, what's a few extra towels to hang outside to dry? Or....back when we lived in an area with serious drought issues, we would put buckets in the shower with us to catch a great deal of the water and then take the buckets out and water the lawn/flowers, etc. Reclaimed water in it's earliest form, lol. Perhaps you can do that so that your guilt is less? Or....since it's getting warm enough, how about letting her play in the yard with the hose or a sprinkler, watering the lawn while wetting her down? Then bring her into the shower with you for a brief soap down/rinse session.

By this age I find that it's more about getting together with friends than it is about the birthday party games or silly party favors. So, how about just a cookout? Buy hot dogs in bulk, a few bags of chips (or make several batches of popcorn, maybe putting some flavoring on different batches for variety), some soda/juice and leave them to their devices for entertainment (most kids that age love to just talk and listen to music, maybe a movie if things seem to drag). Decorate yourself cupcakes is popular at our house....I bake the cupcakes and make a white frosting and color small batches several colors. Then put out sprinkles, small candies, marshmallows, etc and let them decorate and eat. Around here the decorating parties tend to mean they want more than one cupcake....so I always make quite a few. Cake mixes go on sale around here for 50 cents and I stock up on several flavors and the day before I bake enough for 3 or 4 for each kid. Cheap but the kids love all those sweets, lol. Our biggest problem at that age was presents.....the gifts were typically things that they didn't really want, or junk, or inappropriate to OUR lifestyle choices (movies/books that were not ok for us were very common). So these ended up trashed or given to charity, and there was always guilt when a friend came over and wanted to watch said movie, lol. So, now our kids ask that their friends forego presents and instead bring along some canned foods, which my kids then take to the church food pantry. It makes them feel good to give on their birthday, and it eliminates the problem with getting gifts that they don't want anyway. We've done this for about 4 years now, and I've only heard positives from the friends and especially from their parents. Before we take the cans to the church we weigh them and then use that information in our thank you notes....thanks for celebrating my day with me, we donated 100 pounds of food...etc. I doubt we'll ever stop celebrating their birthdays with their friends, but the parties can evolve to less show and more substance. I also don't get the people who spends hundreds (or more) on birthday parties....but it does seem like some kind of competition among certain families each year to outdo the others. Of course, take all this with a grain of salt, because I'm also the type that next week for Mother's Day really and truly only wants handmade cards, extra hugs, and maybe somebody to cook instead of me! Same with my own birthday....handmade cards, hugs, and dinner out! I avoid dinner out on Mother's Day because I don't like crowded restaurants, lol.

They only BAD thing about this.....is that it's likely to be MONTHS before it's available. Sometimes I like being in the dark, lol. We know one of the professors that have done a lecture for Teaching Company....and between the filming/recording/editing/production it was more than 6 months between the date of the recording and the release. Like her books that we wait for with baited breath and turn blue waiting for them to be released. Anticipation....anticipation...it's making me wait (oh sorry, that ketchup isn't it?)

Obviously he's not an animal lover. I can relate to his feelings as I too like animals from a distance only. So, from that perspective, here is my feelings about it: Paw prints on the counter....yes I think that is nasty. Do you know where those paw prints have been? ewwww. And now they've walked across the counter where presumably you're about to make your sandwich. I don't allow people to put their shoes or purses on my food surfaces (do you realize where the bottom of your purse/diaper bag sits in the public restroom, or under the table at the restaurant, etc). I would not be thrilled about an animal tracking across it either. And my brain then wanders to what was the cat doing up there....licking something, tasting the fruit, lapping up a spil? Ewwwwww. Do you know where else that cat's tongue has been!! I just can't even type the answer to that! But...I have no clue how you'd stop a cat from jumping up whereever they please. And honestly, if the dog is "standing" up and putting his paws on the counter to sniff around, that is nasty to me as well....paws for the same reason, and nose...well, where has IT been? The hair on the lampshade probably wouldn't gross me out enough to call it nasty. Of course, I also have children with very long hair and am constantly finding it everywhere, so maybe I'm a bit immune. We don't have nearly the amount of dust bunnies as we do hair clumps. Now...those wet furballs that cats hock up....I'd probably end up hocking too. I don't think you'll be able to change his mind about the pets.....my DH has accepted that I don't like pets, so we've never got any (except fish and a spider that lived in an old fishtank). For a while there the kids would ask, I'd refuse, they'd run to him, and he'd come try to talk me into it. I finally sat down and told him how that bothers me....he knows my feelings about them, and all the various reasons (we move a lot, we live in small cramped area, the sanitary or "nasty" part of pets, the fact that I'd be the one having to do all the work, lol, etc). And also how his trying to talk me into pets "for the kids" undermined our "united we stand" promise about raising kids, lol. Anyway......you can let him know that it hurts when he says those things about your beloved pets. Ask him to please stop saying those things out loud around you. And ask him, short of getting rid of them, if there was something he thinks you can do so that they don't annoy him as much. Communication, affirming his displeasure, they can all go a long way. I would think that if I were in his position one of things I would absolutely want is for you to thoroughly clean the counter BEFORE you put food on it, just in case the cat/dog were up there. And change the cat litter BEFORE you can smell it. I avoid several friends' homes because the minute you walk into the house you can smell the animal scent everywhere. I find that "nasty". But, I'm not even sure just changing the litter would help, most times it's in the furniture/carpet/etc. Good luck. I do understand on an intelligence level how important pets are to some people, but I have to confess on an emotional level I just don't get it. I'm guessing your husband feels like I do.

Ok, so how would you propose they do that? Say someone shows up at this prom in something that would make Pamela Sue Anderson blush.....but SHE thinks it's tasteful, classy and modest. You'd end up with a big scene, threats from the parents to sue for the costs incurred for the prom that they now are banning her from and so on. The entire reason we have to have rules for ANYTHING is because people have different opinions and different ways they want to do things. Think of this forum.....back in the day when it was that other format, there were very few rules...mostly the "be nice" variety. But things started getting ugly....politics, religion, homeschool vs unschool, and even which curriculum is better can turn normally friendly people into flaming screaming lunatics (ok, a slight exaggeration). But sooo many threads on this forum start out nice and then turn ugly...some quickly, some slowly, but they end up having to be deleted because someone broke the rules. Without them, most of us wouldn't want to be around these forums as they'd go...well, places I don't want to even think about. This thread has the potential to turn ugly too.....there are clearly two camps (or more) at play here...those that don't think there should be specific rules about the dress code, and those that feel it's the only way to ensure that tramps stay home, lol. I'd love to live a life like my great (or great great) parents did when everyone had pretty nearly the same standards...and those that strayed were frowned on by society enough to come back into the fold. Yeah, a little stepford like, but at least we didn't have knock down drag out arguments over decency in teenage clothing. Of course, judging by what is for sale in the stores....and what my family can't find in the stores, I'm apparently on the wrong side of this debate. We end up making our own clothing a lot of the time because we can't find things we deem appropriate for our teen. Just finding a pair of blue jeans that are at her waist not her hips is getting harder and harder.....and when we do find it they are plain and ugly. Whereas the beautiful embroidered ones are below the hips most times, and so no ok for us. But considering how many wear them, we're obviously a minority. I'd love a "rule" saying I don't want to see your hip bones over the top of your jeans...and no crack in the back ever! But there are those on this board that will fight to the death their right to show me those body parts, lol. Ain't America great.

I totally get where you're coming from....but the problem is that your opinion of what "tasteful and classy" can be very different from what another family considers tasteful. I've seen so many comments about this or that actress being dressed so classy, but in my personal opinion they look like tramps. It's yet another example of how our country's class has deteriorated so that we no longer have anything close to a common standard for things. I dare say that even on this board where we all have some things in common there is a vast difference in what each family considers acceptable. How about adding a small bolero style jacket that would cover the spaghetti straps thus making the outfit "legal" but not compromising the rest of the look of the outfit? Not sure how much time you have, or your personal sewing skills, but a decent seamstress could make one in a couple of hours. You could probably ask around your hs support group and find someone who sews. Yes, that's a compromise that shouldn't have to be, but at least she doesn't have to resort to a frumpy 20 year old bridesmaid reject! I'd love to see photos if you're willing to share. We're still a couple years away from senior prom, but I'm already in the planning stages, lol. I'm a seamstress, but very slow, lol.

Congrats! As far as the above quote....well, yeah, it's age appropriate to wonder about a lot of things at that age, but doesn't mean those things are good for the kid! Time to figure out how to make both of you happy.....in other words, what specifically is your son wondering about public school and what can you do to make his homeschool experience include those elements. Not always possible, of course, but I still remember my 6 year old begging to go to public school everyday for weeks, to the point I was in tears, because I couldn't imagine why she seemed to hate homeschool but only first thing in the morning...she was fine once we got going and doing things. Turned out, she could see the school bus stop and pick up the neighbor girl each morning and wanted to ride a bus! So...we went on a city bus to the library one day...and she hated it, smelly, sticky seats, lurching ride, and took forever. No more desire for public school. I'm not saying that your son's needs are quite as easy to resolve, but if you (and/or the Dr.) can narrow down what they are, it may have a similiar solution. If it's a specific class or subject, maybe finding a co-op....if it's friends, then find a support group with kids his age to bond with....if it's getting away from mom then time to work on the relationship....if it's challenge, time for some upper level course work...whatever. There is so little that can't be done at home in a more positive atmosphere than at school. Often I think homeschool teens have "the grass is always greener" syndrome. Good luck to you! This was a very good beginning.

Is the Costco version the "sampler" which has about an hour of teaching for each language. Meaning, worthless, except maybe if you're going to Disneyworld and want to learn how to say hello in many languages, lol. Gotta agree with the previous suggestion....check your library (or those in nearby cities) for Auoralog. A library card is all you need to log in from home and take the lessons at your own pace. May be worth the cost of a "out of district" library card to a nearby town. Or...since all you need is the library card number check your relatives libraries and ask them to borrow the number. Auroralog, to me, is equivalent to 2 years of language in a public high school....meaning enough for college applications. However, like with any language program, using it frequently is really necessary for mastery......thankfully not a problem here in Arizona when learning Spanish, lol.

I agree with this post.....7 & 9 year olds can do a lot if you are willing to take a little extra time to show them how....laundry, dishes, bed making, dusting, vacuuming. We waited until they were a tad older before we added in bathroom cleaning because of the chemicals...but now we use non-chemicals for most of hte cleaning so I wouldn't hestitate now to have them clean the toilets, sink, tub, shower door, sweep the floor and wipe down the mirror. And they should be able to entertain and keep the 2 year old twins safe while you do some schoolwork for that online course. As for the food stamps....absolutely you should apply for them. If you're entitled and you have the need, that is the purpose of the program. There is no shame in receiving help when it's needed! Also, if your income is below a certain level (varies I believe by state, but the Food Stamp folks should know) you may be eligible for other benefits.....maybe even housing allowance if you're renting.....health coverage...... sometimes college tuition....sometimes even child care while you attend school. Also, if your husband's health is such that it might be considered a disability.....check with your doctor....then he may be entitled to disability income, even while working part time. So he may be able to reduce his work hours to save his health from getting worse, and the disability income might make up the difference. :grouphug:

If you start at the corner and have a sharp serrated knife then you avoid the "push hard to slice the entire top at once" crushing ritual. Turning it on it's side sometimes help. Also, while eating the bread still warm is desireable.....it will squish less if you wait for it to cool down. With a bread guide you can easily angle the knife so that you start cutting at an edge/corner (here's one similiar to what I use).

First you need to determine what your absolute core basic expenses are....for my family this is mortgage, utilities and food. The must haves is ONE vehicle and gas for it, so that dh can seek work. When we've had a second car and come upon financial difficulties, it is either sold or parked (and insurance company notified so that insurance costs can drop). Other things that are cut completely when necessary: cable TV (actually we cut this early in our marriage and have never added it back, but I know most people have cable tv or netflix or some other paid entertainment....we use the library for DVDs and only buy the DVD if we find outselves repeatedly looking for it specifically over and over at the library); cell phones (we use a month to month service so we've never had to deal with penalties for early termination, but I have heard of several families that were able to talk with their cell phone companies and have the service "interrupted" for a few months, meaning they can't use them, but they aren't cancelling their contract so they don't pay penalties, but those non-use months are tacked on at the end of the contract....think deferred). Depending on your loan company, sometimes you can get a similar differment on your mortgage...it still accrues full interest but you can make a smaller or no payment for a couple of months. This works best when you are not already in arrears of course.....and works even better if you've paid extra principal on the loan. We were able to differ for 6 months because we'd paid so much principal extra each month for several years. The added interest was depressing, but it only added a couple of extra payments to the end of the loan, and of course we don't actually presume we'll even pay those last months anyway, we move often enough, lol). Food....this is one of the must-haves that while you can't eliminate it, it's amazing the frugal ways that you can eat when you have to. I wouldn't want to eat this way forever, but a few months to stretch savings while we hunt for income sources, we make a game out of it. There are sooo many ways to do it, I won't make this long post longer, but check your library for titles like "how to feed your family on $5 a day" type books. The food isn't exciting but it cheap and filling. Time to clean out the pantry and freezer to put together some interesting meals with just the items you have on hand. Take a long hard look at the rest of your expenses and decide that for the short term until you get back on your feet you'll stop them. It's almost unthinkable, but do you really need internet at home? DH can go to the library and use the computer to job search and check email there. Less convenient, but a good steady savings each month. Our local library allows one hour computer use per library card.....so he took each family members cards and was able to finish his business, including some relaxing surfing and still have cards left over, lol. Look around and figure out what you have sitting in closests that no one uses anymore that can be sold, either on a local homeschool board, or something like WTM if it's school related, or if you have enough a garage sale. It is actually quite amazing how much money you can make selling your old un-needed items. We made enough in a garage sale once to pay the mortgage!

Yeah, 'cause I'm still trying to figure out how a photo of someone is going to find a stolen laptop. I mean really, how many bank robbers and convenience store murders are caught on video and yet no arrest is ever made. Seeing a face might work if the thief was a student at the same school, since the admin would recognize them, but sheesh that's a rather narrow security aim. A GPS in a computer would mean that the police could drive to the house where the thief lives.....getting a search warrant would seem somewhat easy (depending on the Judge's interpretation on GPS use). Anyone remember "LoJack" I think it was/is called....the guarantee that if your car is stolen they'll find it.....that was because it had GPS very early technology and could therefore follow the car and point the police to the exact intersection where they could find the stolen car. A camera photo of the thief driving away isn't going to ever get that car back, lol.

If she hit him as well, then yes, the police do have to arrest her as well. Even a slap or shove to get him away from her can be construed by the police at her being violent towards him. The police in this state are wimps frankly....they will arrest both so that they don't have to be the ones to make a decision about who started it. She is entitled to defend herself, but where does a slap or shove transition from defense to agressor....and emotions may have been running high, and voices raised when the police arrived so they decided it was a mutual battering. Sad, but that's what it's come down to....wife can have bruises healing from the last beating but if hubby says she hit him first, the police will arrest them both and let the lawyers and Judges sort it out.

Make sure that her dorm security, the college security AND the administration are aware of this guy's violence. Too bad you didn't call the police about the box of earrings......if they were able to lift any prints of his off the box that would add to his potential stalking charges. And Arizona (at least here in Maricopa County) takes stalking seriously. Be sure that you talk to ALL of the different security folks (the college has security, each dorm has security, some of the high risk departments have security.....ok, wait, I'm assuming that you're talking about ASU, so if not, I don't know about other colleges security.) Have her report each and every time that he calls her...texts her...approaches her, as these would all be violations of the restraining order against him. The squeaky wheel....that's what she has to be to get the police to take action, sadly. TRO's are just a piece of paper if there isn't the law enforcement to back it up....and Arizona isn't known for it's proactive stance on enforcement....but squeaky wheels will get action so you stop squeaking, lol. And be sure, of course, that she gets several certified copies (from the court) of the TRO so that she can give one to the security office(s) to have on file....she should carry one in her purse at all times (so she has it when the police arrive so they can take action immediately without having to wait to verify a TRO is in effect). All college girls need to use caution on campus of course, but she needs to be extra careful not to allow him to find her alone. Our wonderful governor just passed a bill allowing concealed weapons to be carried without a permit. Of course the requirement for the permit wouldn't stop idiots like this from carrying, but at least before this new law if the police found a concealed weapon it gave them another reason to arrest a guy....and sometimes the only reason when he hadn't actually done anything illegal, just leaning towards it. Now that "excuse" for arrest is gone. She is going to have to be proactive about her safety and about enforcing the TRO.....and she needs to not give him any mixed signals. The TRO will likely say he can't contact her or come within a certain distance from her.....she should NEVER agree to meet to "talk it over", because doing so means that the Court could find that she waived the TRO's protection. If there is anything to "talk over" he should do it at the court hearing. Good luck to you and your daughter....scary times, but be strong and work the law for your advantage and you will prevail.