Hugs and prayers for your family.

:grouphug:

Last year we watched "Christmas with the Kranks" for the first time and we've added that to our list of Christmas movies along with many of the typical ones that others have already listed. Also, the Santa Clause.

Adult kids can be transient, so it's difficult to make permanent decisions based on what might or might not happen. When we moved about 1,000 miles, we wanted enough room for all of our adult kids to have some space when they came home. After we moved, four of them decided to move nearby, so we really didn't need the space. After awhile, two of them ended up moving further away again to pursue job opportunities. Now we need the extra space again for when they come home with their families. Revolving door.

A few of mine do and it doesn't annoy me. On the other hand, the only time I notice my dh whistling is when I'm annoyed with him! And then I'm wondering..... does he only whistle when he knows I'm annoyed or does he always whistle and I just don't notice it until I'm annoyed about something else.

Ok, so I don't really want horse manure for Christmas. It's just illustrating my point that I'd rather have him listen to me and get horse manure, which is time and labor intensive, but cheap, and which I've asked for; rather than something I've expressed no interest in and don't feel like I need. Maybe it is a love language thing. I just want him to listen.

One of my ds walked into the kitchen on the morning of his 10th birthday and announced that he had armpit hair. Yep, sure enough, he did. He needed to start shaving before his next birthday. Another ds is 18 and still barely needs to shave.

It's your house and you're the mom, so if you like things clean and the beds made, that's ok and they should learn to live within the boundaries that you set. They're not unreasonable standards, so I don't agree with just shutting the door. Of course, that's fine for the others who want to do it that way, but you're saying that you're not ok with it. And, that's ok. The question isn't if those should be your standards. Those are your standards. So, your real question is: how do I enforce those? Honestly, I think the issue here is if your kids are going to show you respect. The cleaning up is just the symptom of the disease. So, if you look at it in terms of teaching your kids to respect your perfectly reasonable house rules, I'd explain that to them and then commit to making this a hill to die on. Your bed is a privilege and not a right. It can and will disappear if you abuse the privilege. Ditto with everything else. Privileges can be earned back. You're the only one who can tell if this is an attitude question that you want to address with drastic measures or if you just prefer to let this one slide. Either way, I think it's beneficial to make a decision and stick with it.

It's ok. It makes me laugh too! I guess my point is that I don't mind getting useful, practical things; in fact, I prefer it, but I'd like it if he listened to which useful practical things I'm asking for. Also, I hate clutter! If I get new pots and pans, what am I going to do with my old ones? Some of them I really like and want to keep, but I don't want extra stuff cluttering up my kitchen. He doesn't catch on to that either. :(

I can understand Quill's reasoning and I wouldn't send my 12 yo either. Also, I think I understood her OP. She's not saying that she thinks she necessarily has the right attitude about this. She's being honest that this is the attitude that she has and she's trying to process that in a presumably safe place, where others might either agree with her or tell her GENTLY why they disagree. Which, may or may not make her change her mind about it. This is off topic, but I'm frequently disappointed in the responses here which seem to assume the worst about others and are not gentle, kind and helpful in pointing out other possibilities. .

Oh, I know it's unfair of me to think he "owes" me a romantic gift now because of something else that happened. It's just a little extra disheartening at this point because of that.

Thanks for your replies. I'm really not a typical "romantic" gift kind of person either. What I would consider romantic is if he actually listened to my requests! No, I don't expect him to read my mind, but I do expect him to pick up on the fact that I've asked him about five times if he might be able to fix the broken steps. I've also mentioned several times that I would love horse manure for the garden. To me that would be the ultimate romantic gift. Listening, and then investing time into something that I've asked for. I can tell him exactly what I want and even make a list, but he'll go ahead and get something else anyway. Sigh. I think he means it to be thoughtful, but it isn't. And, I'm lousy at gift-giving so I really shouldn't complain, but I usually ask people directly to tell me EXACTLY what they want!

It would have been clear to me that you were just trying to be helpful, but I agree that she was probably already frazzled and maybe had already had some rude encounters that day, so she took it out on you. I understand you feeling embarrassed though. Strangers being rude to me always hurts my feelings, especially if I'm trying to be nice. Being misunderstood is frustrating.

So, in the process of shopping on-line for Christmas gifts, I stumbled upon the fact that my dh just bought me a set of pots and pans, which I'm assuming he plans to give me for Christmas. He probably thinks this is a thoughtful gift since I spend so much time cooking for sooooo many people, but I have mentioned on several occasions that I really don't LIKE to cook. In addition, he's kind of in the doghouse with me anyway about something else, which he knows was his fault and a stupid thing to do. In my mind, I'm thinking this would be a good time to get me something sweet and romantic. Actually, I'd be fine with no gift at all and I would prefer NO gift to a gift that I don't really want. We've been married many years -- we have grandkids -- so I feel as if he should have figured this out by now. It's not the first time something like this has happened. What should I do? Should I tell him, or just accept the gift graciously and remember that it's the thought that counts?

No advice, just hugs. That sounds like a tough situation with no easy answers.

He is adorable!

I think that your concerns are valid and yes, I do think it will be hard for your middle schooler for awhile. But, I don't think you should allow that to be an over-riding factor in your decision. It sounds like building a house in the country has been your plan for a long time because you feel it will be best for your whole family in the long run. One of the reasons we moved to a more rural area was to give our teens work to do. It was important for us that they learned to do yard work, gardening, home repair, animal husbandry, etc. We felt those were skills that were difficult to teach on our tiny, city lot. You may need to commit to driving your oldest to see his friend on a regular basis.

We allow our kids to have one birthday party for friends where they're allowed to receive gifts. After that, birthday parties are great, but we just don't need more stuff. Our kids have been invited to parties where they were asked to bring something very specific for a good cause. Oh, how I love that!

All of the responsibility and consequences should fall on the 15 yo. Boundaries have been established -- the 17 yo doesn't want to share clothes -- as long as the OP agrees that this is a reasonable boundary, the consequences for crossing that boundary should be swift and severe enough that it will never happen again. ($50 fine? doing all her sister's chores for a month? whatever works for you and is easy to implement) Do not even consider putting locks on closets! Your 15 yo has enough self control to stop stealing clothes. Let her know that real disobedience receives real consequences. ETA -- and I don't think it's your job to monitor the clothes. I certainly can't keep track of which of my kids own which clothes. Give your 17 yo permission to "tattle" , uh, I mean report. Let both of them know their responsibility and consequences. And, I'll repeat. Make the consequences painful enough the first time so that you don't have to keep dealing with this and can devote this energy to more important things, such as helping your 15 yo pick out clothes that she loves. :)

It seems to me that this article was taken from the fringiest of the fringe. This has been far from my experience within evangelical Christianity or homeschooling. For a time we were neighbors with several families who were involved with ATI/Gothard and I didn't even hear this type of thing from them even though they were strict disciples of Gothard.

I need some birthday gifts for preschoolers. My youngest is in middle school now, so I feel a bit out of touch with this age group. Anything new and wonderful in the world of preschool? It doesn't necessarily have to be educational. It just has to have some value besides bright and flashy.

I cannot recommend Sharon Watson's writing programs highly enough. We love them! Jump In for jr. high, then The Power in Your Hands for high school. There is a non-fiction course and a fiction course. Both cover a year's worth of material. I have found that anything that requires us to watch a video -- no matter how short! -- just doesn't get done. We all prefer written instruction. Sharon writes to the student, so her courses can be fairly independent. My preference is to work pretty closely with my kids, but on the days when I just can't get to it, they can continue independently. Another benefit is that her courses are multi-age, so I can group several kids together. She breaks things down into manageable chunks and she uses humor to keep it interesting.

I'm not willing to pay far more for groceries for the convenience of getting everything in one place. I buy almost everything at Aldi, filling in the holes with a WalMart stop every once in awhile. When I was a teenager, I worked at a grocery store. This was back in the day when we actually punched the prices into the cash register by hand. I knew the price of everything in that store and it's left me with an uncanny ability to memorize prices, so I always know exactly how much I'm saving by shopping at Aldi.

I hope you're ok. My lump (many years ago) turned out to be nothing, but it's scary to find one.

I use Gain HE in a powder. We are on a septic system and I've been told that powder is better for the septic. I use about a tablespoon per load and do HUGE loads. Most people use way too much detergent. I kept track for a year and discovered that I used about $11 worth in a year. There are at least 8 of us living here at all times. My kids play sports and work construction all summer, so my washing machine gets a work out. Everything gets clean. Try using less.