We've spoiled kids rotten By Linda Whitlock Linda Whitlock Recent columnist In high school, I had a friend whose parents made her pay for her own toothpaste, shampoo and other basic necessities that most parents routinely buy for their kids. Back then, I thought her parents were just being mean. Now, I can't help but wonder if today's kids would be better off if more parents did the same. Maybe my friend's parents were a little extreme. For sure, though, my friend learned somebody has to pay for basic necessities. I don't remember how she earned the money to pay for hers, but whatever she did, I'm sure it required time, work and sacrifice -- alien concepts to a lot of kids these days. Americans have given their kids so much for so long and required so little in return, it would be surprising if these ideas weren't foreign. How we got to this point isn't hard to figure out. It started after World War II with the baby boom generation. Many adults who'd grown up during the Depression and the war years had their childhoods and educations cut short because they had to work to help support their families. After Pearl Harbor, others quit school to serve their country. In the growing affluence after the war, these parents, understandably, wanted to give their children the childhoods they never had. Ever since, with the best of intentions, we've been spoiling our kids rotten. Most kids today would never imagine it might be their responsibility to help support their families, much less to buy their own shampoo or toothpaste. Most kids, in fact, wouldn't imagine they have any responsibility toward their families at all. For all our good intentions, we've done our kids a terrible disservice. Instead of teaching them that the family's well-being depends, in part, on them, we've encouraged them to believe the family exists to serve their needs. In the process, we've cheated them out of the satisfaction that comes from working hard and making sacrifices to achieve a worthwhile goal. We can see the effects of this half-century-long mistake in a host of current problems, from widespread cheating in school, to massive amounts of consumer debt, to the subprime lending debacle. Even the phenomenon of college graduates still depending on Mom and Dad for support has its roots in our well-meaning but misguided desire to give our kids an easy life. Child of the Depression that he was, my dad, at 28 with a young wife and a baby on the way, was still sending money home to support his mother. Today's 28-year-old is as likely to be still living at home with his mother. So what's the solution? Reinstitute child labor. Not child labor like that in the 18th and early 19th centuries. Child labor more akin to what rural kids living on farms probably still do today -- work that contributes to the welfare of the whole family. It's way past time we reacquainted our kids with the concepts of hard work, sacrifice, delayed gratification and personal responsibility. A working knowledge of those concepts would prepare kids for college far better than their extracurricular activities and SAT prep tests, not to discount those things. It would also give them a sense of purpose and self-worth as a defense against life's inevitable disappointments and rejections. If you have young kids, start now giving them meaningful work to do. Even little kids can do something to help out around the house. Let them know their work matters. As they get older, assign them bigger jobs with greater responsibility. Tie their privileges to their responsibilities. Instead of buying your kids everything they want, buy them what they need. Give them a few special presents for birthdays and Christmas. Let them earn the money to buy the rest. If something costs them both time and money, they'll appreciate it more, they'll take better care of it, and they'll find out anticipation can be half the fun. Spoiled kids turn into spoiled, self-indulgent adults. If you've got a few spoiled kids at your house, consider reinstituting child labor. Someday they'll probably thank you. But even if they don't, the rest of us will. Whitlock, an adjunct English professor who lives in Salem, is a Roanoke Times columnist.

I got my hubby the James Bond collection. I'm making him sugar cookies as well.

We did double lessons yesterday in order to have today off. It's wonderful! :D I've gone shopping, got groceries, hit the car wash and bakery. Tomorrow I'm going to tour the Residence...it's on my blog if you want to see pictures...just click the link. I'm so excited. Enjoy your mental health day! Cheers:D

((Cathy)) Hang in there hon!

I want to chime in here because by living in Europe this has taught be how wasteful our family was. They (europeans) recycle everything...it's wonderful. I have learned so much by living here...it's taught me to be more respectful of our environment and bigger is definitely not better. I also buy way less by living here and make due more with what we have and I don't have the "I'll run to WalMart for cheap stuff mentality" anymore. Waste not want not is my motto now...I hope that makes sense. :)

Homeschooling fulltime X 2. :D

Hope you all will be feeling better soon.

Saying a special prayer for your sister.

I take these as well and they are awesome!:)

I think you mini-bookfair idea sounds wonderful. We had a homeschooling group here a couple of years ago and we did something like that. I was awesome..and your right it's the closest to a homeschooling convention you can get. :D

I love going to Stuttgart. I do a good bit of shopping there now with the new PX. It's lovely! The city is beautiful as well. When we move I'll be even closer I think. :D

An hour a day on the treadmill. Monday - Friday:D

Thank you so much for the advice. Boundaries and in place and some major changes are underway. :)

I'm not having such a great day here...and well...I need advice. Here's my story. :( I have a 20 year old daughter. We are a military family living in Europe and she works full time..or at least she did...she's now home 4 days a week. She isn't a team player in our family. Does pretty much just for herself and doesn't follow the house rules...food upstairs, cleaning up after one's self, etc... On her days off she sleeps until 11 or 12... then hops on the internet all day while I'm schooling, running the house, cleaning up after the dog, meals, etc. I ask her to help out..but honestly she half does everything I ask her to do. So..today....she's suppose to be going to Iraq in April with a company and working full time for a year serving our troops. She states boldly that she isn't going if her friend can't go and she'll just go to college instead. I have begged this child to go to college for 2 years. Now on a whim she wants to go to college....how does a parent/parents extend grace to older children. I actually feel like my head is going to explode. I've said absolutely nothing yet....help!:confused::confused:

You definitely might want to bring her home now. You could light school with her..just the basics and see where she's at. Spend lots of time reading, having fun and detoxing. That way next fall your all ready to go.

Hope you will be feeling better soon!

I love food networks site. :)

Praying for peace for you guys.

Lots of hugs and prayers heading your way.

Birthdays in our house is "your special day". You get to eat and do things you enjoy. Everyone participates and it's so fun. No school and all fun!:D

I'm reading the Bible each day, just started Night by Elie Wiesel and working to finish Jerusalem Countdown by John Hagee.

For us...research, research, research. We've never used a travel agent..we just buy travel books, internet search and fly by the seat of our pants..so to speak. Good luck on your travels...you'll have a blast!:D

Ok...I've come up with a plan. I'll do my Bible study for 45 minutes first thing in the morning. Then at lunch I'll spend 30 minutes reading, late afternoon I'll read for 30 more minutes and then bedtime 1 hour. I think I can...I think I can...:D Rhesa --the 888 list is 8 books from 8 different genre's in one year. Total 64 books read that year. You can do a google search of 888 books and it will take you to a website. :)

I was thinking I would be one of those cookie baking, lots of hugs and kisses Grandma's ...but this week my girls both tell me...we want you to homeschool our children. It was like a shock and awe campaign by them. I never in a million years dreamed they would say that....I'm not even sure how to respond. All the things I've wanted to do and put off for the last 7 years, I thought I'd be doing relatively soon. And all the crap they put me through...who knew they actually thought I did a good job. I'm still processing this information.:confused:

Oh yes...time zone changing is a killer for us. I read until I collapse from exhaustion...try and get some rest. ((hugs))