:grouphug: I am praying that your recovery proceeds smoothly from now on. Christine W

:grouphug: I am praying for healing for your family.

Are there medical reasons to stay at Duke or is it just your relationship with the doctor? If you can get the same services from UVA, then its highly unlikely that the insurance company will cover Duke as in-patient. If Duke offers treatment that you can't get at UVA then you might have a chance to get in-network treatment of those procedures. Ten years agoMy dad was in clinical trials for erbitux in LA (he lived in MO); insurance paid for the administration of the drug but not for basic cancer care b/c UCLA wasn't in network--never mind that only three places in the whole US offered the drug at the time (UCLA, Sloan Kettering and somewhere in NY none of whom were in network). Unless its for emergency room services I have never had luck getting coverage for out of network medical expenses. I've had a fight for er expenses as well--always had to contest denial of benefits. I'm sorry. Any chance your DH's company might go back to BCBS?

So glad.

praying:grouphug:

That's not always the case. After my dad died, his life insurance and corporate stock (he was an low level executive in a big company) was put into trust with my mom and the kids as beneficiaries. Two uncles are trustees, but my mom can take a certain amount of money from the trust without their approval. In fact, she used the trust to help pay for my wedding--she just wrote a check to us for 10k b/c it didn't exceed the limits set by the trust. The check would show up in quarterly statements so my uncles would know. If your MIL doesn't have her own income, she probably would have withdrawn it from the trust. BIL should mind his own business on such a small amount. Maybe he's mad at your Dh about other trust business. Our FIL loaned us money for a down payment (the sale fell through) and he expects to be paid back with 2% interest.

I am a good writer. I was invited to participate in some workshops and even served as a reviewer for to well regarded writing journals. I barely have the energy at the end of the day to jot down a few words much less write fiction short stories. I am pretty good at legal research. I love studying the law, but my ADHD kept me from being a great lawyer. I'd spend days on trying out how to win some arcane issue in a case and ignore the 20 mundane files piling up on my desk. It drove my supervisors up the wall. Now that I'm home, I've been told point blank that I need to get a nanny b/c I shouldn't be allowed to waste my talents. I laugh though b/c for the first time I can remember I'm truly happy.

I am alarmed by what you have written. I don't want to get into anything on this board (you can pm me) but speaking from personal experience Do NOT EVER let your children be alone with him, I would also have your Dh talk to your 6 year old and your 9 year old separately about grandpa and maybe even about what "showing pee pee" is ok--accidentally walking in on someone in the bathroom and what is not ok. I would advice you to have someone else talk to your child, but pastors and counselors are mandatory reporters so if they are at all concerned CPS will show up at your house to question the kids (in some instances without you). It is much, much better to strain the relationship with MIL than to allow anything to happen to your children. If anything is disclosed in the dad talk, I would have your DH talk to his siblings, in order to protect your nieces and nephews.

Is your son being tried as a juvenile or as an adult? Juvenile convictions, even felonies, are sealed. In most settings, job applicants aren't required to disclose them. If it is real court, then will the prosecutor accept a nolo contendere or no contest plea? That way your son won't have to lie, but he won't risk the more serious consequences of a felony conviction. I'm praying for you.

If the condo owners smoke stayed in his/her own ventilation system then hr/she should be able to smoke. But the reality is that second hand smoke gets carried into other units and into the common areas and has a significant impact on the health of other people. Consequently, the government or condo association should be able to limit it or ban it. Babies shouldn't have to breathe contaminated air b/c their parents can't afford to live in single family housing. My kids and I have asthma and I love the smoking bans here in CA. I can actually go to a bar and not be sick for days afterwards and if I take my kids to Chilis, I'm not double checking for their inhalers. I'm not a big fan of the Happy Meal ban in SF, but I do understand it.

Absolutely. My Ils helped pull the money together when we needed a down payment--they had done it for their other kids and wanted to do it for us. They would do anything for us, and FIL is in a position where he can help. If we were in real trouble, I could go to my mom but I'd prefer not to.

For a valentine theme I like Cara (pronounces Care-uh) which is Gaelic for friend or Italian for beloved. Christine

This is my go to cookbook because it has everything in it. I've also never gone wrong with any of the recipes in "Family Feasts for $75 a Week" by Mary Ostyn. I want Madhur Jaffreys new cookbook, and am on the look out for a good Middle Eastern cookbook.

I agree. I would be one of the peeved parents if someone got my son a nerf gun and I'm pretty relaxed on most things. Also, I can't imagine the nightmare of having 13 kids running around grandmas house with nerf guns. I agree with the person who recommended balls. Gift cards are good. Toys r us has board games super cheap usually around black friday--last year we picked up several for $3 a piece.

I am so sorry.

Thanks. The developmental specialist is going to observe DD at preschool tomorrow and then DS on Monday while he's helping with mommy and me class (he's at a different preschool b/c he needs more structure and a smaller class size). We'll schedule a time to discuss after the observations and she'll recommend whether to do a full evaluation through the school district. The school district early intervention offices share a parking lot with the preschool so its close by. I am also going to ask the ped for allergy testing on all three--the baby is highly intolerant to soy protein and we are suspicious about milk and eggs. Christine W

DS and DD1 are both very different children but I am beginning to worry that they both may have some sensory processing issues and am considering having them evaluated. DS is always moving. When he had swine flu last year, the main reason I knew something was wrong was because he didn't move much. He's had a 102 fever before with strep throat and still been running around. He is constantly complaining that different fabrics itch, we have to cut all tags off clothes and we wear our shin guards over socks because he cannot stand to have them touch his skin. If the socks are old and have pilled up, he won't wear them because they feel too fuzzy. He'll have out of control tantrums and not be able to calm himself unless he's wrapped in his big comforter. If we are out and he spits out of control, I can calm him by holding him in a tight ball for a couple minutes. He'll be 5 in three weeks DD2 (3.5) isn't always in motion, but unless she's climbing she doesn't seem to inhabit the space she's in. She trips on every crack in the pavement and sometimes falls for no apparent reason. She's run into walls even though she had to have been able to see them. She is far fussier about tactile sense in clothes. Shoes cannot have any sand in them. She loves running in sand barefoot, but if the shoe has even a few grains of sand in it she completely melts down and refuses to wear it. Tags have to be cut out of sheets, pillow cases, and sometimes stuffed animals (if she sleeps with it). No tights. Her ballet shoes are two sizes too big because the shoes I had fitted "hurt." Loud noises scare her (full on tears when I run the vacuum or the garbage truck drives by). Cannot stand for her hair to be brushed. We bought her a spinning toothbrush and she screamed because it scratched her lips. She has eczema so we are already no dyes and no fragrances for laundry and I'm careful about other cleaning products. They are otherwise delightful happy kids. Definitely more energetic than the other kids in their preschool (especially DS) but smart and sociable. The meltdowns are driving me nuts. But am I worried for nothing? The owner of my daughter's preschool has offered to evaluate them for me--she has a phd in developmental psychology and a good relationship with the early intervention specialists in the district--the EI preschool shares a playground with DD's preschool. But I feel kind of silly. What if she tells me that the behavior is normal? I'd feel relieved but kind of dumb. I'm even more concerned that she'll identify an issue but that they won't qualify for help through the district. Our insurance does not pay for OT Am I being silly? Would you get it checked out.

:grouphug: I've had two confirmed miscarriages and I know full well the fear of losing another baby. One of my genes is a bit scrambled so I am never at peace until I get the genetic testing back somewhere around week 16. I'll be praying for a blessed and uneventful pregnancy. Christine

:grouphug:

ADHD runs in my family. Medicine is not for everyone. My little brother went on it when he was in fourth grade and it was not a good experience. He hated being on the medicine--said it made him feel slow and cloudy. He gained significant weight while on ritalin and it probably stunted his growth. He worked himself of the medicine by the time he was in 7th grade but he will tell you that the lack of motivation and lethargy never went away--he was the most active 9 year old boy before the ADHD diagnosis. He never got his energy back. It was a bad trade off. My brother's grades were fine; he was smart enough to compensate if his teachers let him move around. I was a teen while my brother was on ritalin and so I never really understood what was going on with him until I browsed through "Boys Adrift" by Leonard Sax. My boy is only four but he definitely is exhibiting signs of ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder, but I will try everything else before meds and then only meds with constant monitoring of dosing and side effects.

Thank you. I was planning to take my kids to the Post-Impressionist Exhibit at the DeYoung next month and the Van Gogh book will be perfect.

Where in OK? My uncle is in Norman (near Oklahoma City) and we love visiting him. Its a typical college town but you only have to drive a couple miles and its completely rural. On the other hand, its only a short drive to OKC for pretty much anything. Neighbors check in on each other too. If you have Ptsd from the hurricanes, Oklahoma might not be your best bet as tornadoes are pretty common. I remember this year, a twister hit near campus during finals and OU wouldn't let students reschedule their exams even if their off campus housing had taken a direct hit. My cousin was really mad b/c he'd spent the morning helping his best friend salvage what was left of the friend's childhood home and then they both had finals in the afternoon. The other cousin joked about sitting on his porch and watching three twisters go by-this was a particularly bad year though. It sounds like you know OK, and don't like it. And that's fine. I am definitely not an East Coast girl. I am a midwestern gal living on the West Coast. SF was ok but I would never be happy in the Northeast.

Is the hospital where the funeral is capable of handling an emergency birth? If not, how far away is the nearest "big" hospital? If your husband goes alone, is there someone around who can help with the kids? Can he take them? Is there a friend who can keep an eye on you? If you had a history of uncomplicated births then I would be comfortable advising you to go, but with the hemorrage its different. My SIL nearly died delivering her third; she's fine now, but it was pretty scary for a while. I'm with those who advise you to stay home and for your DH to stay with you. Christine W

:grouphug: Sad to hear that she had to be delivered so early, but happy to hear that she was breathing on her own and feisty. Being above 1 lb is a good sign too. I'll be praying for baby and mama. Christine W

In my high school (20 years ago), we read Things Fall Apart, The Bluest Eye, One Hundred years of Solitude, Snow Country and poetry by Rabindranath Tagore for a survey of World Literature class (we received 3 college credit hours). It was hard work, but those works really stayed with me. My school was in an upper middle class part of town, but it wasn't even in the top 10 in our city. I have a hard time believing that the kids bright enough for an AP class couldn't handle classics. Classics don't need to be two hundred years old but if a college-bound kid can't read Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried--one has to worry. BTW, even in 1990, I had literature circles where one student was assigned to lead the discussion and the teacher only interrupted if the conversation got off course. We were graded on participation in the circles and on moderating so we can't assume that the literature circles were extra-curricular. Christine