In the past, I have found it useful to teach how to get someone in power to change their mind. That might involve writing a persuasive letter to said powerful person which addresses their concerns and counters them with well-thought-out arguments including facts and figures where needed. To do this effectively, there must be a listening stage. I've also taught conflict resolution skills - how to work together to find a solution that best meets the needs and desires of the individuals involved. Notice the emphasis on teaching, rather than discipline or punishment. The book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" is very useful, giving lots of examples of how to handle these kinds of discussions with respect for the child and their concerns while also playing a strong teacher/parent role.

We are not more rural than Canada, which has an excellent national health care system, in my extended family's experience. And while we have more people needing treatment, we also have more people paying in to the system. While the US has worse health outcomes in some categories than other Western countries, some (most?) of that is due to the inability to afford to see a doctor or to buy needed medicines due to lack of health insurance.

OP, have you had this kind of insurance before? We have found that you can't really look at it that a particular procedure early in the year costs a ton of money, and another towards the end is free or super-cheap. Instead, we have a deductible and an out-of-pocket maximum. We budget for somewhere in between those. We know we will almost always meet the deductible. It might be paid to the GYN for a pap smear, or the GP because of a nasty infection, or to the pediatrician because of an unusual rash or an asthma attack. It really doesn't make sense for us to stress that one of these visits will be full-pay and another will cost us nothing out of pocket. Instead, we view it as getting the health care we need, and with us paying the first $xxxx of it each year. Lots of well-person checkups and tests are covered 100%, and we try to make sure we take advantage of those too. If we have a co-pay, we pay up-front at the doctor's office. Then we get the bill. It typically says "x procedure, $300, Insurance company rate $150". If it's the beginning of the year, we pay the $150. If it's towards the end of the year, we pay nothing (beside the co-pay we already paid at the office). I think you would be happier if you created a budget for your family's health care. Keep in mind that you may need more money at the beginning of the year (or partial-year, since you got this policy mid-year), and you may need less at the end if you've met your deductible. Say, for example, if you put $250 a month aside for health costs. Some months you might not need that much. Put it into savings (or an envelope, or keep track on a spreadsheet) so that it's there later when you get a bill more than $250. Read over your policy to see what the most you might expect to pay in a year is. Do you have an out of pocket max? That will help you figure it out. Then budget for it. Then you can pay them without stress. It may take some time to transition to this, since your dh has been out of work, but give it a try. What you've described is how most insurance works. There may be other folks who can give advice on how they budget for theirs. Two more thoughts - 1) MAKE SURE your kids are on your dh's insurance. I know the Medicaid people are making a mess of things. If they dump you, you may not have the choice to get on your dh's insurance again until the next open enrollment period. So sign up for the company insurance even if you think Medicaid might still cover your kids. You CAN have two insurance policies at once, so don't stress over that. 2) I am speaking very gently here. You've mentioned your ds is autistic. Have you ever considered whether you also have some autistic traits? Some things seem much harder for you than they are for others, which is one sign that you might have a brain that has to work harder on certain things, which can be super-stressful. It's something to consider. Once you are insured, you might think about whether testing and/or counseling with this possibility in mind could be useful in reducing the stress that you are feeling.

Start now. There's no reason to wait, esp as your spring will be busy. It's much easier to have a short list come fall, rather than applying to a zillion schools because you haven't really narrowed it down at all yet. I would go with her in general, but if friends are going I would encourage her to tag along; you can both go together later if the school gets on the short list. I would also drag a friend or two along with you when you do car trips, partly 'cause I like to help out friends, but also because it's good to have the conversation on the way home about what looked good and what didn't, and get input from others (with the understanding that they won't be looking for the same thing.) Special visiting days when they are having financial aid seminars, panels of students, and other sessions can be more useful than regular tour + info session days, so keep an eye out for them, but don't obsess over it. Once she has applied, if there are several schools still on the list, going to Accepted Students Day can be a good opportunity to get a second, often deeper look at each school.

Seconding the idea that anyone can call themselves an LC; an IBCLC will have good training and experience. LLL was started back in the day by some fairly conservative women. If you don't like the 2010 version of WAB, you'd really hate the original! Either way, the title alone gave me pause when I picked up the book before having my first kid. But don't judge the organization by the book. Most LLL Leaders I've known are not rabidly anti-formula. They know that feeding the baby is the important thing. There are lots of complications that can get in the way, both natural (tongue-tie, supply issues due to thyroid problems, etc. etc.) and not-so-much (breastfeeding-unfriendly hospital practices). So I second the idea that it could be helpful to go to an LLL meeting well before you have the baby. If you click with your local group, you've got a free resource you can draw on if you run into problems along the way. (You can of course call even if you haven't been to a meeting, but as a PP pointed out, it's easier to pick up the phone if you already have a connection with someone.) They will also know about any good LCs in your area, as well as other resources. Back in the day, only around 10% of women breastfed. LLL was formed by a bunch of women who basically wanted new moms to have a friend who had breastfed who they could use as a mother-to-mother resource if they ran into problems. With that in mind, treat it like you'd treat info from any other friend - take what works for you and your baby and your family and your situation, and leave the rest. LLL meetings generally go in a 4-topic cycle - something like preparing for baby, early days, common issues, and I can't remember the fourth one. But good leaders vary the topic and lead the discussion based on who is at the meeting and what their needs seem to be. So don't worry if the specific meeting topic isn't super-relevant to you - the idea is just to go, meet the people, see if you click. Be up-front that you had a bad experience with your first (no need for details), and that you're interested in bfing the new babe but also concerned that it may not work out that way. If you encounter it, don't take the political breastfeeding stuff personally. There is a lot of money to be made through selling formula, and the manufacturers have not always been on the up-and-up in promoting their product, even to the extent of promoting it to women who clearly don't have the resources to formula-feed appropriately (money to buy enough without having to water it down, clean water to mix it with, etc.). The political stuff is pushing back against that, not aimed at individual moms who have made the choice to ff (or been forced to due to one circumstance or another). Every good LC, IBCLC, or LLL Leader knows that the first order of business is to get the baby fed, and that different moms/babys will find different approaches to fit their circumstances. Hugs. Good for you for doing your research up-front. But however it plays out, you know you've successfully fed one baby, so you can have the confidence that you will have success, one way or another, with this one too.

I generally prefer to read most things (like software user manuals), but when it comes to making and repairing things, I prefer the visual. When I can SEE how the guy in the video took apart the washing machine or the iphone, I can see the little details that he may not have thought important enough to mention, so I know which way up the little dohicky goes when it comes time to put it back, or how hard he needs to pry to get the case open, or whatever. When I watch sewing videos, like Jalie's tutorials for how to sew particular patterns, I can see how much to stretch the neckline casing or how to hold the fabric together for the tricky tiny bits. (Jalie speeds up the boring/repetitive parts, so I can still see how it's done without having to spend as much time watching as it would take to actually do it.)

Nuts. Applesauce. Granola bars.

"Don't worry, high school is a long way off. I know you loved your high school years! I want my kids to love theirs too, where ever they do school. We're taking this one year at a time. Homeschool is the right setting for the coming year, but we're open to change if another setting will meet their needs better. Hey, did you try this bean dip! It's really good." ... Main concern is social. Both parents are/were teachers, but the concern about my ability to actually teach is pretty minor. The social aspect of what they are missing at school is the thing. My mom has often said that the best time of her life was high school. I think she sees me as depriving them of a great experience. Part of the reason why the kids are in so many activities, to allay their concerns on this side. Cutting TKD at the same time as pulling away from them would be an even unhappier situation for them. "I know you love the kids and me so much mom. I appreciate your concern." <Stop talking or change the subject> <if she continues> "You're worried about me/the kids. I know you love us. Thanks for being a part of our lives." <Stop talking. Let that empty pause happen.> "I'm so glad you are close to the kids. They are lucky to have such loving grandparents." <Stop talking. Hug, if you are hugging people.> Repeat, over and over again. Last I checked, HSLDA (wisely, IMHO), does not generally get involved in custody issues. If that's a potential concern, I'd save the money to put towards a lawyer who specializes in custody issues. And I'd keep good records of your schoolwork, and seriously consider standardized testing every year. All that said, I have found it useful to listen carefully to concerns raised and weigh them to see if there is a kernel of truth there. Sometimes there is, and I can tweak or change course accordingly. The key is to weigh the input objectively, without getting emotionally wrapped up in the experience of being criticized. Hard, I know!

I found that it helped to identify the feeling behind the criticism, and also to recognize that the root of the issue was that the relatives love the children very much and care deeply about their education and their future. And it also helped to be open about the pros and cons of homeschooling, as opposed to a homeschool evangelist. So something like "I know you love Sally very much. She is so lucky to have you in her life. You're worried that she may be behind her peers in math / missing out on socialization / learning everything from just one teacher / etc. It *is* important to me to be aware of how she's doing in math / whether she's getting enough time with peers / getting perspectives from others / etc. That's why I test annually (or whatever) / love that she's doing TKD, as she's making some friends there / take her to co-op classes / etc. She's young yet, and I'm keeping a sharp eye on her needs. We plan to take it a year at a time, and if we weigh the pros and cons of homeschooling vs. that fancy private school you want to pay for and think that school is the best place for her, we'll enroll her. For right now though, we're enjoying that she has the flexibility to spend so much time with you. It's also helpful to make sure the grandparents have the language/lingo/overview and enough details/knowledge to manage their way through conversations with their friends about the homeschooling. In the same vein, make sure you feed them assorted tid-bits about how each child is doing, especially times when they shine, so that the grandparents can have something to share with friends when the conversation comes around to grandkids. Don't underestimate how much this type of thing can matter!

I would also double-check that you're using the right amount of soap - they often give you the most enormous scoop to use, but for a light soil load you generally only need a little. Read the box carefully, and consider using half of what they suggest. I use the cup from a single-serve peanut butter, and only fill it half-way with Tide. It's plenty. And also double-check that your top-loader is agitating well. We started to get soapy clothes, and found that poor agitation was a problem. A ten-dollar part called the "agitator dogs" solved the problem and all was well.

Hated them. Didn't breathe, constantly attracting every little bit of dust or hair. Gave them away.

I am not one for snarky comments. I don't think it helps anyone, or moves anyone forward. It's about shaming the other person, which is not something I usually find useful. I would simply answer, then redirect. "How long have you been married?" "45 years. Hey, that's a cute sweater! Where did you get it?" Or perhaps pre-empt the drama and just put it out there, lightly: "45 years. We got married a month before Joey was born. We had a quick start to family life, but we're still going strong! Hey, that's a cute sweater!" And for the birthday: "He's 45. He was born a month after we got married. He was such a cute baby! Time flies, doesn't it? Hey, cute sweater!" Putting it out there publicly also gives others in a similar position (pregnant before marriage, or having had a child before or just after marriage) the awareness that your mom could be someone they could talk to as they decide how to handle their situation, or deal with the feelings (guilt) that might continue to surface over the years, especially if they are from your mom's generation. If she looks at it that way - being calmly open about her past, because it could be helpful to others - that might help her see these intrusive questions in a more "when given lemons, make lemonade" kind of way. I like Corraleno's suggestion too.

Glad to hear that. I haven't been keeping up with WTM much lately; busy with summer stuff.

I used to counsel nursing mothers, and a local lactation consultant was a nationally-recognized expert on thrush. (It can be an issue for nursing mothers and babies, who can pass it back and forth to each other.) Based on her advice, we suggested that moms swab the Nystatin around the affected areas in baby's mouth with a Q-tip. We would tell mothers not to dip the Q-tip into the bottle once it's been in the mouth; use a new q-tip. We also suggested things like binkies, etc., be washed regularly; that would also apply to anything else that goes in mother or baby's mouth. And we'd suggest that mom drastically minimize the amount of sugar consumed. This was quite a while ago, so I don't know if any of this advice has changed. But I'd thought I'd mention the swabbing, as maybe you would be able to target more areas than a "swish" would reach (though obviously not much more!), and the washing of mouth things (toothbrush?), and the sugar (which may have been an old wives tale but did seem to help and certainly is unlikely to hurt). I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. :grouphug:

I'm on my third or fourth Butterick 5215, view A. It's a basic t-shirt, and the pictures on the pattern are absolutely horrible and inaccurate. But I love that now that I've got the fit right, I can whip one up with just over a yard of fabric. I've been experimenting with different fabrics (differenty nylon/poly fabrics for exercise wear, cotton for everyday, etc.), different necklines (drafting my own), and different neck finishes (binding, using the selvage rolled edge as an edge treatment, etc.). I want to do some upcycled and/or patchwork versions next.

Yeah, I saw that at the link. It was a bit odd - seemed like it would preclude a couple families organizing a class they needed, which seems counter-productive, because the whole idea is that if you are remote enough to be eligible for this program, there wouldn't be a lot of pre-existing classes! I would guess your best chance at having something covered would be exactly what you're describing - organizing a class with an established organization that just happens to perfectly fit your needs and schedule!

So you can hire someone to teach your student and at least one other, because that's a "class", but not just your student? And they will pay for a co-op class, but not any co-op membership fees? I can see the reasoning behind some of the restrictions. They don't want headlines like "Army pays for dependent's $20K violin", or "Navy pays for trip to Creation Museum". Some of the stuff, though, seems odd. "Air Force buys student a copy of To Kill A Mocking Bird without a lit guide!" isn't going to be a big scandal, you know? I would love to hear the scenarios they are worried about for some of those items! I helped a friend spend this kind of money. (Missionary; again with the idea of providing private international school tuition equivalence.) Lots of math manipulatives, games, and programs (Miquon, Singapore, etc.), lots of novels, etc. But it was a LOT of money, and it was hard to spend it all responsibly!!! My state provides an allowance for school materials for students attending private schools. The state pays for things like transportation, school nurse (maybe? not sure on that), classroom supplies like globes and maps, and non-consumable textbooks. They exclude foreign language materials, consumables, religious materials, etc. It's a certain amount of money each year per student, the items technically belong to the state for six years, and there are rules about how the items are used and stored. Out-of-state students can't use the textbooks. Generally the schools start by buying, say, a math text for each student in 9th grade, then the next year those books can be used by in-state students and the money can go towards Literature texts for 9th and 10th grades (so 9th has both math and lit), and so on, building up their supply over a couple of years so that most major subjects are completely covered. It amounts to a significant savings for families with kids in private school - hundreds on the textbooks, obviously, but the transportation is probably worth even more.

Ah. Janeway, do they say you HAVE to purchase the supplies through them? If not, I would probably decide whether or not I could do better in the sales and from what I had at home, label the heck out of my kids' stuff, and forgo the fundraiser. It may be a convenience for some two-working-parent families to just send in the money, but I would be surprised if every family actually did it. You might want to inquire as to what the particular teacher needs each child to have, and purchase accordingly. Again - the way to influence things is to be involved. Start going to every parent event, and you will begin to get a clearer picture of who are the movers and shakers in the parent community, and how you can be a positive force in making changes. OR, you may decide that it's not worth your time, and just send in your money and move on. Either is a valid choice.

OP, I would talk to the teacher, the administration, and the parent organization. Do it gently, politely, respectfully. You might start by asking which supplies are meant to be shared, and which are individual. Anything individual can be labeled with your child's name. I have put labels on individual colored pencils before (expensive ones) - when a pencil is dropped or lent, it makes it clear where it needs to end up. Ask also whether a pencil box or other supply container is useful, and what size would fit into the desk. Scissors can be labeled with a tag on a string attached to one of the handles. For other items, make a file with your child's name over and over again in an appropriate font size - about half the width of some clear tape is good. Then cut out the names and tape to the items. Seven boxes of crayons is unacceptable. Donating excess supplies to a religious charity is beyond unacceptable. Rulers and scissors can and should be used year to year, with minimal replacement needed. Writing implements less so, but if there is excess they can be saved for the following year, for use by children who use theirs up or don't have them to begin with. We all love a fresh box of crayons, and they are affordable for most families due to back to school sales, IF the family is not also asked to provide new rulers, scissors, and multiple boxes of crayons. Any supply list can be clearly labeled as to what is the minimum needed for each child, and what can be donated should the family feel moved and able to do so. Again - you can be an agent of change here. Talk to other parents, and see how they feel about it. Then speak up. Start by asking what is really expected, and what other families do. Go from there to suggest that the school revisit the way they obtain supplies. Be prepared with multiple suggestions as to how this can be handled in a more sensible fashion.

I just look at those multi-level roofs and think about how much it will cost to replace them in a few years, compared to a typical two-sided, covers-the-whole-house roof. But with houses, like with clothes and appliances and furniture, people don't shop with maintenance in mind any more (probably in part because many of us don't really know how).

Dharma Trading is the best place to purchase all things dye. They have professional dyes and other supplies at reasonable prices. Or you could go the RIT route; Dharma will have a much wider range of colors.

I have found this to be true. Current edition minus one is a good place to start. I've never had an issue with a "Florida edition" or the like, for either teacher or student texts. I LOVE the variety of support materials offered by some publishers. I can have my students working on similar materials at different levels. I can send .pdf's of worksheets via email. I can send answer keys via email. Perfect for teaching co-ops. It's not "open and go" in the sense that there is a lot to choose from, but I have quickly gotten the hang of what is likely to work, so I have a basic "spine" and can vary as needed from there for individual students or the entire class.

In the past, I've researched what materials the publisher offers to go with their text, and found them second-hand on Amazon. Sometimes there is also software with extra worksheets, tests, and other support materials. Are you using texts marketed to schools? Or those designed for homeschoolers?

The baking soda takes the sting out, if it is still stinging a bit. I'm not an "alternative med" person, but I've used it for bee/wasp stings, fire ant stings, and jellyfish stings. It really gives super-quick relief. You just mix up a bit of baking soda and some water into a paste and slather it on the sting. (Not trying to pressure you into using it Laura, just adding to Jean's post so other readers can file it away in their "just in case" mama toolbox.) Obviously, if allergies are involved, that's something else altogether for which baking soda is NOT a solution, but for removing the initial pain from the sting, baking soda is a good, cheap, quick solution.

You can get an old pair of computer speakers (easily found at thrift shops or you may already have some) and a bluetooth adapter (around $10 on eBay or Amazon). Plug adapter into wall, plug speakers into adapter. My adapter also has a USB port so I can charge the ipod from the same setup. Works great.