I am not seeing a lot of fruit/veg in your posts. They are full of fiber, and thus are the building blocks of really satisfying meals. Add some apple slices to a lunch plate, or some salad to a dinner plate, to help everyone feel full. At one point I resolved that our grocery budget was there to nourish our bodies, and anything that didn't work towards that goal needed to be cut. I cut soda (in favor of tap water), juices (in favor of whole fruit), most prepared food (in favor of cooking from scratch or doing without), most "kids" foods (because it is usually either processed, full of food coloring, and/or overpriced), most "white" foods (like white bread or white rice, because the "brown" versions are both healthier and more filling). Notice that in some cases the replacement items are more costly at first glance, like with brown vs. white rice, but they save money in the big picture because they are filling and nourishing. I also shop places like Trader Joes where I can get healthier items cheaper than my grocery store (like brown rice, or whole wheat pasta). I have a standard grocery checklist on my phone for each of my regular stores - grocery store, Trader Joe's, BJ's, and our local produce outlet. Everything I usually buy at a store is on the list for that store. (Some, like milk, is on multiple lists, as it costs about the same at more than one store.) That way I can be sure to get everything I need each time I go to a particular store, especially BJ's and TJ's. For example, the list for TJs reminds me to think about whether we need brown rice or ww pasta. That way I minimize trips, and get shelf-stable basics for good prices. Because I have the lists, I only shop BJs about once every 3-4 months, and TJs about once a month. This way, I'm less tempted by "extras" at both stores, and I minimize shopping time.

WHAT I WOULD DO - (offered as one data point - take what might work for you and leave the rest). I would go to the recital as a family. If baby isn't happy sitting quietly, dad can take him out to the lobby and let him run around a bit. The same goes for any of your other children; perhaps dad can have a bag of sensible snacks if hunger is likely to be an issue. I would sit towards the back of the auditorium, on the aisle, to facilitate comings and goings. I would be sure to leave ONLY between performers, so as not to be disruptive. If baby gets hungry, I would nurse the baby, either in the auditorium (if it can be done quietly), or in the lobby (if baby is likely to be distracted or otherwise uncooperative in the auditorium). Perhaps there is a quiet corner somewhere with a chair? I would need some way to keep track of where they are in the program when dh or I were in the lobby. Some places have a TV monitor in the lobby; if not, I would see if the inside parent can text the outside parent, when there were about two numbers before the parent would need to be inside. Now, all that said, I think there are changes that could be made to the program to make it easier and more pleasant for all involved. Our dance studio usually opens with a great number from the next-to-oldest group, then we get some tiny tots, then some in the middle, continuing the blend until intermission with the idea of putting the very youngest in the first act, interspersed with some of the better performances so as not to torture the audience overly much. (The littles are usually cute, the olders are great, but in the middle, well, if it's not your kid performing...) After an hour there is an intermission, and families of littles are welcome to leave if they wish, or stay to see the rest of the show. Because the performances are mixed up in terms of age and ability, the littles' families have seen a decent (if short) selection of the general progression of the students, usually ending with a great number from the olders right before intermission. After intermission, they resume the mix, wrapping it up with a good finish at the end. In this way the show, while mixed, gets gradually better (in terms of the ability of the performers), and you get a good idea of the range of accomplishment even if you only stay for the first half. The school also moved from one performance to two when the number of students increased, with each of the littles' groups performing in only one of them, and the top couple of levels repeating their performance in both shows. Regardless, I think you should bring your concerns to the attention of the school, so that they can be aware of the issues involved, help you brainstorm a solution for your family, and be understanding if and when you don't sit through the entire show. As a final, gentle thought - again, take what you like and leave the rest (and I may be making incorrect assumptions here based on the limited info in your OP). Babies need to eat on a regular basis. Small human babies generally get their food from their mother's milk. It is how humans are supposed to work. Many mothers have found that nursing in public, while at times challenging, can make it easier to go out and about with baby, especially when there are older siblings with all kinds of activities to attend. Some mothers feel the need to cover while nursing for modesty, or to find a quiet place so that baby focuses on eating rather than sightseeing. Having nursing as an option for baby when you're out certainly wouldn't solve the whole "how do we deal with this performance" question, which has multiple issues in the mix, but it might be a tiny bit of a possible way to make things a bit easier for this and other situations when you are out with baby.

On the positive side, there are tons of things to do in NYC. Good transportation means you have access to a wide area without needing a car. If he is able to say "hey, I haven't seen such-and-such, anyone want to go?", there should be lots of potential outings that don't involve alcohol. And there are tons of young people. In many ways it could be easier to find friends, or at least things to do while you're working on making friends, than a suburb. Living in NJ or Brooklyn would be cheaper than Manhattan, and perhaps a bit less isolating. (While there are a lot of people in Manhattan, the chaos of midtown - tourists, etc. - could feel isolating if you are there alone.) OP, do you live close enough that he could come home for Sunday dinners, or something similar, at least at the beginning?

Even if there isn't a legal way to require it, you may find that someone (you, authorities, trusted friend, etc.) can gently encourage/help the depressed person to choose to have their firearms kept somewhere else for a time. Obviously, it may or may not be wise to push this, based on the person's history, so put your own safety first before intervening.

Find a job or internship related to your major every summer. While it won't always pay off in the short term, when you graduate you'll be a much more desirable candidate if you have that experience on your resume instead of a generic lifeguard/fast-food/babysitting job. If that's not feasible economically, find a serious volunteer position you can juggle with your for-the-money job. And every job paves the way for the next one, so those first few summers may lead to better-paying summer jobs even before graduation. NOW is the time to start researching summer internships, putting together a resume, and in some cases even submitting applications. Aim high, but have a backup plan, just like you did with college apps.

Waive the campus health insurance fee - every semester - if the student already has coverage. That's $800 per semester for us, but we have to remember to re-do it every semester.

I've gotten quite a few nice sweaters for my dh at Gap. They usually have sales in the days leading up to Christmas, sometimes with quite a large discount, but nice things do sell out quickly, especially in the more desirable sizes.

Back in the day, Europeans generally shopped frequently. The milkman delivered milk, butter, etc regularly. While people didn't have big fridges, they might have a large deep freeze. There were stores that sold only frozen foods (Iceland?), and you could hire-purchase the freezer from them. When you are eating lots of fresh foods, you don't really need much in the way of condiments. You would have vinegar on your fries, not ketchup. No maple syrup; Lyle's golden syrup did the trick and was kept in the pantry. Water to drink, unless you had milk. Ice cream was purchased at the local shop, or when you were in the park or at the theater. If you had hot apple crumble at home, it was topped with cream, not ice cream. Asian foods were generally not made at home (unless of course you were of Asian descent), so no soy sauce or teriyaki sauce. You might have curry made at home but of course that just needed curry powder or other shelf-stable spices. It's not that long ago that most people ate locally, based on their traditional cuisine. All of this Thai-German-fusion cooked-at-home stuff has come about in the last fifty years or so. People used to have a fairly basic list of pantry items, plus local meats, dairy, and produce, and they didn't do much cooking outside of their traditional culture.

I was thinking not so much of the "lying is morally wrong" argument; more of the "lying has the potential to make things even more difficult down the road" argument, so it's worth the effort to figure out another approach that may avoid making drama. Kids-wise, I was not so much thinking of moral confusion, more that it's an opportunity for the OP to model how to gracefully handle difficult social situations/conversations. Little white lies can be the easiest thing in the moment, but in the long run they can backfire on you. I am a big fan of leaning into your truth, even if it is difficult in the moment.

LOL! We must have cross-posted about the cross-body option!

IMHO, lying isn't a good solution. If he finds out you lied, there's drama. And it doesn't set a good example for the next generation (or for him, for that matter). I think family relations are generally much, much better when people just tell the truth, as gently as possible, even if it's uncomfortable or even somewhat hurtful. In this situation, there's no need to go into detail ("these people can come but you can't"), but there's presumably been behavior on the part of the OP's db that has led her to make this choice, and she doesn't need to completely shield him from that consequence of his (presumably) bad choices. There may be times when lying is the best of several not-so-great options, but I don't think this situation is one of them.

Dear db - Best wishes for your marriage! <or whatever you can nicely say> Unfortunately having you here for T'giving isn't going to work for me. I did the 30+ people thing for many years, and I just don't want to do it again. I'm sure you'll understand. We are just having a small, low-key meal at home this year. <insert unrelated chit chat, that changes the subject and is fairly upbeat> <I hope to see you at upcoming event X, if there is one> Love, your sister.

Safety pins if it's inside a jacket; decorative pins if it's not. Or a small cross-body bag/pouch. Or just afew stitches by hand. Look too at travel clothes; there are some skirts with passport pockets, although they seem to be out of style lately.

One thing I did was to swap/barter with other hsing moms. I taught our kids one subject, they taught another. A good co-op is an expansion of this, but not every co-op has access to qualified teachers. Still, look closely at local teachers' credentials. Sometimes a teacher has enough teaching experience and related work experience to make up for the lack of a degree. Sometimes, not so much. Also consider finding a couple of compatible kids and hiring a teacher for the group; that can bring down the per-kid cost quite a bit. We did find that when comparing the expense and complexity of doing high school a la carte, the local private schools became a serious consideration - quality teachers and a single location, plus more mom time for youngers, was worth a look. Everyone's local landscape is different; if you can find families searching for similar things, you may be able to create something really special for your kids and their local peers.

I have the same issue. I usually wear an apron or a skirt with large pockets when I am in that kind of situation. But it sounds like that won't fly in your work environment? Or would it? Can you find work-appropriate garments with pockets? Or have pockets inserted into your existing garments? Full skirts with side pockets? Jackets with pockets? Pants with a cut full enough for pockets? My problem is often remembering which pocket I put the needed item into!

I tend to go to Macy's (or Burlington, if I am on a budget; they often have a "ladies' better dresses" department.

I had an absolutely delightful trip! And I was so glad I had the unexpected opportunity to treat my hostess and her family to a lovely meal out. It was the least I could do to express my appreciation for the lovely visit! I have shared a room now and again with a fellow volunteer who I did not know very well when attending the volunteer organization's conference. We spent most of our days doing conference things; we just had to work out a shower schedule and a lights out time. It worked out well and kept our budgets under control. At other times I've shared with friends and their kids, or a group of fellow students, as well as lots of sharing with extended family. Sharing keeps the cost low and allows me to have Travel Adventures, which I find very enriching in a myriad of ways. My kids have many happy memories of sharing with cousins, all lined up on the floor with their sleeping bags, listening to their uncle make up a bedtime story as they drift off to sleep.

I was kind of unaware of the existance of programmable ones. Hmmm, more to consider. And I do worry about lead - a twelve dollar crock pot (the four-quart Proctor Silex) has to cut corners somewhere, right? It makes me nervous. Is that still a thing?

FWIW, there are a few areas in the US where the top language needed would be French, northern Maine being one of them.

That's the one I was looking at, only in white! Thanks! (I have a 6.5ish quart one too, that I use for making chicken broth mostly, but it would be way too big for my soup or oatmeal and like you said would be likely to burn.)

Honestly, it depends on the budget and the circumstances. Recently I was in Canada purchasing road food for the trip home. I had only a few Canadian dollars left, and my credit card company charges a whopping fee for each separate charge in a foreign currency. My hostess offered to chip in (cash), even though she wouldn't be eating any of the food, figuring I'd unexpectedly picked up the full tab for a huge family dinner out the day before and we were more than even. Normally I wouldn't let her pay for my food, but in the circumstances, I felt it wouldn't be unreasonable to accept her offer. (As it turned out, I had just enough to pay for it myself.) I think, as we've all said previously, it doesn't really matter so long as you both agree, and generally think it's fair to the other person. The key for me is knowing your friends (and their concerns/fears/limitations/resources), knowing your own budget, being clear about your expectations and limitations up-front, and trying as much as possible to keep things fairly even or a little bit in favor of your friend. And then letting it go and enjoying your time together. And maybe next time, the other person will have the points, or the coupon, or the already-purchased block of amazing cheese you can share together.

This was helpful, thanks. I don't travel with the slow cooker. I literally just make soup to be eaten on winter weekend evenings, and make oatmeal to be kept in the fridge and eaten over several days. I think you're right about the size - better to get a 4-quart and have it be a bit less full than to get a 2.5 quart and make a mess when pureeing the soup. (I have had absolutely no luck with making the oatmeal at night and waking up to nice warm oatmeal - it was more like waking up to a charred disaster. So I make it ahead and we microwave it. The up side of the crock pot is that I don't have to stand there stirring it the whole time.) So then the decision comes to getting a red vs. black vs. black-pattern Crock Pot brand one, or going with Proctor-Silex and getting a white one. They are cheap enough ($20 w/ free Prime shipping) that I can always spring for an Instant Pot later if I decide I want one.

Oh, interesting thought. If you completely separated the roommates into different rooms, they'd each be on the hook for $200, rather than $100 each. Points Roommate would pay $100 in cash and $100 in points; NoPoints Roommate would pay $200 cash. So NoPoints Roommate is already getting a $100 discount, regardless of points use. Of course, there are down sides to sharing too. What if one roommate snores and the other can't sleep?!! I suppose if you split an appetizer, rather than each got a coffee, that would be a better analogy. I'm thinking in a low-amount transaction, though, that the difference in cost for NoPoints Lady would be pretty small - perhaps under $5. As the amount in question gets smaller, the value of the Let It Go solution becomes more and more the better solution.

So, say you have a coupon for a free block of cheese. You had budgeted $4 for the cheese, but now you've got a coupon, you can spend that $4 on something else. The coupon isn't cash, but it can be exchanged in such a way that you have freed up that $4, which *is* cash. Now if you don't need the cheese, the coupon is worthless, unless you can find another way to extract value from it - like perhaps trade with a friend who has a coupon for $4 worth of apples, which is something you do want. But if you do need the cheese, that coupon can be used in such a way that, by getting the cheese *and* keeping the $4, you are $4 richer than you would have been without the coupon. I'm not really putting a value judgement (in the moral sense) on how one uses coupons/vouchers/tax returns/lottery winnings, just observing that different people seem to view them and spend them differently than others.

I completely agree. It's just interesting to see how different people view a voucher/coupon that they can exchange for a product that they would otherwise have to pay for with cash. Do they include the earning and spending of their vouchers/coupons as part of their budget for travel or whatever just as if it was cash, or do they see it as a "bonus" that's not directly related to their overall budget or that they spend differently than they would cash? I wonder how this works with other items, at different price points. Like, if you had earned enough points at a local coffee shop to get a free beverage, and you're going to the counter to buy coffee for you and another person, would you use the coupon and charge them only half price for theirs? If you bought your coffees separately, would you use the coupon for yours, then give your friend half the cost of her coffee? Or would you save the coupon for a time when it's just you getting coffee? It's an interesting thought experiment with many variables, I think - who is the other person, under what circumstances are you getting coffee, how does the $3-or-whatever price fit into each of your budgets, etc.