Dennison math! It is not "tricky" - it has the same set up every day, everything is designed to make it as easy to understand as possible, and give the kids consistent but not overwhelming practice. And there is a full solution video for EVERY problem. He also covers study habits, mindset, etc. I'm head over heels for it at this point with DD, who is good at math but was scared of math and very very very much lacking confidence. Math finally is consistently done without issue.

This is exactly what DH thinks is likely to happen.

yes, he did realize this - that if they normally used a PIP but didn't, that is illegal or at least grey area, but if they normally don't, they don't need to. That said, he did talk to a friend that is a lawyer (friend is intellectual property law but friend's wife is employment lawyer) to make sure he is covering his own behind, because they tried to get petty over past reimbursements, etc. Just wants to be sure he's doing the right things (documenting everything, basically, screen shots, etc). He is in a much better mood today - last night he taught lock picking at the family night workshop at the kids' STEM program and it was a huge hit. Had to kick people out of the place because they wanted him to keep teaching him stuff, lol. That fed his soul a bit, and then today we chatted about various ideas he has to do creative stuff on his own. He's realizing (after me saying it a zillion times) that he CAN just do this stuff on his own - like a series of podcast episodes he's wanted to do, various other things, that he'd be excellent at doing, he has all the equipment, and has done this stuff before but for various companies, or non profits, conferences, etc. He already has an LLC he would do it under. Plus short videos, that kind of thing. (the man has rigged up a stream deck to make thunder and lightening in his office for crying out loud - this IS his thing!) So that was an upbeat conversation. He also has big companies that seem to want him - one that he knows and respects begged him to stop talking to recruiters because they want him, another company will be setting up a second interview next week, etc. Hearing he is actually worth what he was making, and potentially more, is helping.

I really don't think it is you, or not just you. It's a common complaint right now in the dating world I'm seeing.

Oh, I did later add in magnesium (for sleep and muscle issues) and that seems to maybe help as well, but I've been doing that off and on for years now. The big change was doing some kind of art/craft a few times a week at least.

This will sound crazy, but mine went down when I started doing art regularly! I did NOT do arts and crafts in an effort to reduce blood pressure, just cause I wanted to do them. But it absolutely lowered my blood pressure. I have since heard this is a real thing! I thought I was looking at going on meds, but after I started painting (using the Donna Dewberry One Stroke videos on youtube for free) and then quilting, it totally went back down to normal after a year of being elevated. I mentioned it recently to someone and she said that there is something called neurogenic art that is specifically known to do this, but that any art can do it. So, worth a try?

Oh, and DH is now still very emotional, but in a happy way. he is constantly tearing up as people message and call and email him with Support. Some are people he hasn’t spoken to in years. But they remember how he helped them and so they want to help him. I think this will end up, having actually been a really good thing for him, because he is realizing the impact he has had on others, and his own worth. that said, his stomach is still iffy from nerves. And he sweats through his clothes and sheets and all our bedding last night while sleeping. At least he slept? But now I need to dry clean my down comforter because he sweat all over it, lol. going to try the dry clean at home in the dryer stuff. You can get at the store. Need to do the same with the mattress pad. It was also wet. I had to actually get up and get him dry clothing in the middle of the night. I’m assuming this is a combination of stress and also him not eating, kind of like a detox or something?

Agent emailed, my publisher is sending a check today for the half advance that was somehow never paid back in 2020. It’s just shy of 2k which will be awesome and give me some wiggle room budget wise. Not huge, but helps!!! AND despite me flaking on my last contract they still want my work and asked for a proposal ASAP on next book 🙂 so I guess I’m back to being an author- contact me if you want to be on my advance reading team- you get a free copy (usually ebook but I do have some paperbacks of the most recent one) and after reading leave an honest review on Amazon/goodreads.

Thank you all. DH now does think this may be the beginning of the end for this company. In a company that size you can’t fire that many people who are well known and well respected and not have it cause a stir. Add in that all the folks fired could sue if they felt like it because there is NO paper trail, no performance improvement plan, nothing to justify the reasons given for termination- just the owner saying he was “told” stuff by “people “. In no instance did the owner actually have knowledge or see what he is letting people go for, nor did he have any evidence, nor were the people who did have direct knowledge of the employee’s work on the phone call when it happened. It’s crazy. Sooner or later they will do this to the wrong person and get a lawsuit. The owner prides himself on being a maverick but um….yeah, it will bite home eventually. And meanwhile the company lost very important people based on one person’s personal grudge. in good news DH is now in great spirits, ate a full dinner, is constantly being bombarded with texts from friends offering support, and I bet he sleeps well tonight. Tomorrow he has at least one more call about a job and then Friday is teaching lock picking at a homeschool family workshop.

So yup, everyone let go was basically on the bad side of this one person, who has known the owner since before he started the company. And today she posted on facebook a photo of cardboard moving boxes lined up and said, "packing up the drama of 2023". I'm flabbergasted. Unbelievable. And the other people were let go for totally bogus reasons, total surprise. Just people that didn't get along with this one person.

He loves teaching....it's just that the salary can't compete. And right now he doesn't want to tie himself into a schedule that might conflict with a better paying job.

In other news, my publisher it looks like is willing to redo my contract and have me write for them again - I'd reached out before the holidays. AND it turns out back in 2020 they never paid me part of an advance....so EITHER we are going to call it a wash with me not having kept to the rest of the contract they paid me for, or they may actually be sending me a check - which would just be crazy timing! In not as good news, the contract work DH was going to do is actually for a friend whose company is very strapped financially, so he's probably going to do it for free just to help her out. He says hey, he has the time right now, and until he doesn't, he can help out some (it's minor stuff I think - mostly initiating some sales leads). And someday, maybe she can pay him for it, or help him some other way. I'd argue..but that is who he is, and why he has SO many people casting a net to find him something. (well, and he has his CISSP so that makes him very marketable)

To be fair, he's now working right now. When we moved it became too far of a commute, so he helped DH replace all the flooring in the old house, paint it, etc and does a lot around the house here for me. He's always running errands for me or whatever. And he JUST applied for the local college!!!!! That's HUGE. Now, he hasn't registered for classes yet...but baby steps, lol. Once he has some classes (and they have all sorts of weird off schedule ones so I think he can get in something soon) he will find a job again - wants to know his class schedule first. He has also recently started spending time with friends out and about - he bought a mountain bike used and is riding it a lot, having bonfires with friends he met while homeschooling, etc. So, doing better. The move was a bit hard on him - he lost that support system at his job, and I didn't really fully recognize that problem when it happened. Plus new house, etc etc of course.

you are on your meds, right?

Absolutely true. I learned that lesson painflly with my exhusband. This time around, i can be so sad for him, and offer support, but honestly? I slept just fine last night, while he laid there awake. My part in this is making sure he has something tempting to eat, and reminding him of his worth. Reminding him out loud that he didn't fail, he didn't make a mad decision when he went to this company. Stuff happens, and if 99.9% of the people he knows in the cybertech world think he is amazing, then he needs to take those voices into consideration, not focus on the one person who doesn't. My upbeat positivity drives him nuts, but at the same time he showed me one of the messages he got today telling him how great he is, and told me he wanted me to read it so I could remind him later about it, lol. Right now he's taking a walk with DD6, who is the happiest most compassionate upbeat kid on the planet. Later I'll try to get him to eat some dinner, and take a long hot shower or bath. And then drug him to sleep tonight if need be (with his permission of course).

If it helps, I'm hearing all over that dating is like this now, and I'm so so sorry. Best you can do is find humor in the craziness of it! Before I met DH I had some amazingly awful dates and chatted with even more amazingly awful men. Ones that seemed okay at first...but were NOT okay, lol. I can laugh about it now, but man was it frustrating!

No, but I can understand wanting a relationship as part of a happy life. I don't think that is wrong in the least.

SO....last night was BAD. He didn't sleep even one minute, just laid in bed all night. He didn't eat lunch or dinner, managed to choke down a small lara bar because I made him. Today tried and couldn't eat breakfast or lunch. I got some tea and a few gingersnaps into him earlier, and then brought him grapes which he is munching on. But...then later today....come to find out 2 more people are now "no longer employed" with the company. This is, on the one hand, terrible for those people. BUT...it allowed DH to realize that this was not because he is not skilled - because he knows THOSE people are very skilled. One of which he isn't sure how the company will even function without. So, despite the boss trying to make it to be a personal issue and DH's fault, it does sound like this was actually a lay off or reorganization of some sort. Which is REALLY terrible to do and not TELL people that is what is happening! To make it out to be DH's fault and failings! Y'all, I may need an alibi, lol, cause I am SPICY about this. (like salty...but hotter...I made it up I think, lol) And the more I hear how this company was run, the more astonished I am. No hierarchy at all. Everyone in every facet and sub business aligned with the main business getting a say on every thing, no clear way to address issues, etc etc. It's insane. New employees being told to "fight fair" while one of the core long term group would constantly go over people's heads whenever she had a complaint rather than just asking the person involved a question or for them to do whatever it is she wanted. Instead sending emails to the owners of the company in all caps with exclamation marks complaining that something wasn't done that she never asked to be done, and only copying the person involved. Then tried to say it wasn't an escalation! um, if you use all caps, that's yelling, and if you go to the owner of the company, that's an escalation. It's the definition. She often would veto things the company owner and president had already okayed, which obviously was very frustrating to everyone. It is no surprise that all or most of the people no longer there were people that were forced to work closely with her, and got on her bad side. Honestly, I'm thinking she really is the one running most things behind the scenes...and got rid of people who tried to put more professional systems in place that would have threatened her power. Others have contacted DH and said they are looking for another job and want to leave. So much for the 'dream" company. I've known lemonade stands that worked more efficiently and were more professional. BUT...now, instead of feeling sorry for himself and his own "failings" DH is all upset about the OTHER people who were let go, and is trying to figure out how he can help THEM get new jobs, etc. Worried about others, not himself - which is exactly what I'd expect from the man I married. Love him, and can't wait to see what good things come for him.

He actually said last night that he has to stop tying his identity to what he does. I told him, it's okay to have part of your identity be what you DO, but it can't be about WHO you do it for. Not in this climate. He thought that made sense.

He does not, only because he got a full time job working at a veterinary hospital. Then when we moved it was too far away. But he still loves birds! We have a feeder and go on hikes where we can see them, and he teaches his younger siblings about them. Right now his thing is mountain biking - another good physical, outdoor outlet! Yes. And before I knew all kids were not like this i was flabbergasted by the whole "let them self soothe" advice I wold hear and read about for babies. Surely these people were lying to me, because there was NO WAY he'd self soothe - he would just escalate! I had to have another baby a decade later to learn not all kids were like this.

years ago I posted on here about my son's internet addiction. What helped the most was finding him something else to fill that spot in his life. We did NOT take away the internet, but we did get him involved in volunteering with birds of prey at a rehabilitation center. I will swear always that that volunteer job saved his life. It gave his ASD brain something else to hyperfocs on - he learned SO much about birds! It also gave him a physical outlet - he was outdoors mostly, cleaning and building and exercising the birds. He also got a TON of appreciation and praise for his work - and it was immediate. Bird was hungry, he fed it, bird was full and happy. That immediate satisfaction and feeling of success was vital. We homeschooled, but that semester he really did nothing but volunteer and watch documentaries and read. And that was okay. He did do math at the center - had to calculate weight loss and gain of the birds down to the gram, then figure out how much to feed them (again, in grams) based on that, etc etc. But more importantly, he was safe and happy. As you likely have realized, depression in young men/boys looks like anger. I'm so grateful our neuropsych told us that, and we now know that an angry kid is a sad, depressed kid. Hugs. And yes, mental health comes first. Nothing else matters without that. Nothing.

none of this is actually practical in the kind of situation she describes. He will react as if she is taking away his ability to breathe. So very very very true.

So true - I want to say the right things to him, but there are none, not really. It is made worse because he idolized this company and the head of it for years before actually getting a chance to work there. So on top of everything, it is losing some respect for an idol and feeling like he was rejected by the one person/place he really wanted respect from the most.

So, the person who called today about work is going to likely hire him for some 1099 work, which will help while he looks for something full time. So, that's a blessing!

DDPY has a rebuild level with bed and chair exercises