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Everything posted by ktgrok

  1. Yeah, we now have a kitty who was orphaned. She has terrible manners. Getting better, but she is still randomly feral, lol. We know what we are getting into, but yeah.
  2. By that standard you seem to think my son would have been happier and better off if I had stayed married to his father, since there was nothing that severe. Neglect but not abuse in that sense. I can assure you, no one who knew of that situation thinks that is the case. He would have had very little stability in his life, emotionally or financially, and a daily experience of a man who didn't have the emotional ability to care for himself, let alone a child. And he would have missed out on his step father's love and unwavering support. He has said himself he is glad we didn't stay married, because it is obvious his father and I were NOT compatible and it would never have been a healthy dynamic. It was a codependent situation from the start. We got married because I was pregnant. It was not a case of a good marriage gone bad, it was a case of a bad marriage that got worse. We did manage to coparent, mainly because his father never had the energy to complain or subvert me on stuff. The same lack of emotional stamina that plagued our marriage was a good thing for me after we divorced. Yes, I had to deal with him coming home from a weekend visit not having showered or brushed his teeth in days, not having eaten real food, etc...but it was a weekend here and there, not day in and day out. That same situation day in and day out would have been more worse.
  3. I have, I looked at TESU, Charter Oak, and WGU, if I remember right. One of them ended up being a better idea, and I'd only need a few courses - basically their required capstone and seminar courses or something like that. Maybe one other one, I can't remember. I'll have to go back and look at some point!
  4. Also, if or when you stop, don't do it during a time of stress. Or when your family is stressed. I was a raging you know what the times I came off of it. Weeks after giving it up I still craved it. At this point, no one in my family wants to go through that, lol. Maybe next summer, when things are slower.
  5. Well, obviously you should give up diet coke...because Coke Zero is way better tasting. But you shouldn't start drinking it because there are shortages, and I'm struggling to find it.
  6. I think that is EVERYONE'S choice, lol. Trust me, if that had been an option, I'd have taken it! But I couldn't force my spouse to get healthy. I tried...I scheduled the therapy appointments, the psychiatry appointments, the cardiologist appointments, etc. I made all sorts of compromises, including dropping out of school to work so he could go to school, even borrowing money from my boss to cover tuition for him, only to find out later he wasn't actually GOING to class, just heading to the library to nap. I gave up on the idea of having more than one child, because he didn't want more . But at the end of the day, he flat out did not want to change, and he was not a healthy person to have around my child full time. No kid should grow up watching their loved one self destruct on a daily basis, not should they be told "go away" so Daddy can sleep all day and watch TV all night while mom is gone at work 12-14 hours a day. That's not healthy, and I couldn't force it to be healthy. And that's not uncommon.
  7. Yup, plus celiac panel. It's easy, and anyone with vitamin deficiencies should have that tested. (you can get an at home test for celiac that is a finger prick but probably cheaper with insurance)
  8. Interesting. I'll keep an eye on them. I would love to finish my Bachelors, but it just isn't practical or financially smart at this point. I have no reason to actually NEED it, but would be nice to be able to say I have it. But I have no interest in computer science, health , education, etc nor do I have credits that would apply. I'd need an interdisciplinary program, English, or Religion.
  9. I don't think you can make that blanket statement. You just can't. You have no idea what people are going through in the privacy of their homes. There was no "extreme abuse" in my marriage, but it was ABSOLUTELY best for my son to end that relationship. He was being emotionally neglected, and was going to grow up thinking that is how families operate, that is how relationships work. He was SO much happier and healthier after he was out of that situation. And my now husband, his stepfather, has been a HUGE blessing in his life. My son would be the first to say that. He also now has siblings, which he loves, and wouldn't have had if I'd stayed in that marriage, as well as much greater financial stability. Recently divorce was a topic at church. The paster was clear that it is not to be done lightly, or for less than serious reasons, and that God hates the idea. But, God doesn't want people in unhealthy circumstances either. I thought that was a good way to put it.
  10. The injections for B12 are a good idea, as some people loose the ability to absorb it orally. If you have any digestive issues, consider more testing to see if there is a reason you are not absorbing it. B12 defieciency is common in Celiac disease, as is joint pain, fatigue, etc.
  11. I will say that my ex was a way better part time dad than a full time dad. He had mental illness and physical health issues and could sometimes scrounge up the energy to parent for a day or two in a row, but when he had to parent daily he just couldn't (or wouldn't). Now, sometimes his time with DS was still not good, but at least that not good was only now and then, and not daily.
  12. You can't distinguish them without a test. It's not possible. Delta symptoms are anything from nothing at all to congestion to diarrhea to fever to aches to sneezing to coughing to any combination of the above. There is no way to know.
  13. I'm so sorry. The dread and fear are palpable. And made worse knowing others are pretending it doesn't exist. It's like every horror movie ever, in real life. As a person dealing with it here, I'm sorry. It's broken me in some ways.
  14. You need to do what is right for your kids, so that when your husband is well again, he doesn't have one more thing to feel guilty about. Once he is doing better he will likely thank you for making sure the kids had good people around them when he couldn't be there.
  15. Definitely. As well as a worse school district, less time with adult family members, etc. This! I tell ANYONE considering divorce to get couples counseling. Not because I'm saying they should stay together, but because even if they separate, you still have to coparent with that person for the rest of your child's life. So going to counseling to learn to do that in the most effective way with the least drama is only going to be good for the family - separated or otherwise. Plus, so often I see people leave a bad marriage and hop into another bad marriage/relationship. Counseling helps you avoid the same pitfalls the second time around. This as well...it was important to me that my kids see a healthy adult relationship if possible. That said, divorce IS very stressful on kids. It means going between houses, sharing holidays, etc. it's hard. It really is. But sometimes it is necessary. I look at divorce not as the breaking of a contract but like the amputation of a limb. If the limb is causing more harm than good you have to amputate, but that doesn't mean it will be painless, or without lasting consequences. It makes so many things harder. But, no one deserves to be miserable, and kids don't need to grow up thinking that a miserable marriage is normal.
  16. Yeah, I don't have an issue with what you described EXCEPT that the noise and light of a person getting ready in the morning or getting ready for bed at night will likely disturb a sleeping spouse. That's what happens in hotels set up with the sinks outside the bathroom. I hate that. I figure if DH gets up to shower that is my time to snooze a bit more. I'm really glad ours has a door! But open closet toilet is a whole other level! (and again, someone turning on the light is going to wake up a spouse...but so will other things happening..ick)
  17. Not at all. But do bring this up with your own therapist, so that you don't have to feel that way, you know? When you are living with someone with mental health issues, your own sense of normalcy gets really warped. BTDT. And you will need others to support you - and one of those people needs to be a therapist.
  18. Nope, it is common. Supposedly it represents a fear of private information being made public, or some such thing. We once saw a house with toilets across from each other - so you could face each other and talk while going together. It was SO weird. Needless to say, we did not put an offer on that house!
  19. Internet stalking is how I got my wolfadogadoodle. I saw her photo online and kept going back to it over and over like a lovesick teenager. Told myself it wasn't the right time for another dog. she's been with us for 3 yrs now.
  20. Yeah, that walled up archway bothers me as much as the bathroom without doors, which is saying a lot. I'd refuse to use that bathroom, but that walled off archway makes me twitchy. It gives me vibes ala The Cask of Amontillado. Off to google...again, lol.
  21. When I was first looking at houses and foor plans I posted on here about seeing plans with no door/wall separating the master bedroom and bathroom/toilet area! I could NOT wrap my head around it. Still can't. Heck, just from a HYGIENE point of view it is gross! The one we are buying has an enclosed watercloset separate from the rest of the bathroom and my mom went on and on about how much more hygenic it is - which I hadn't thought about until she said it. Once she said it I realized she was right - no toilet spray onto bathroom counters! Beyond that, the photos in that article are basically a living nightmare. I am one of those people with recurring dreams of having to use a toilet and none of the stalls have walls/doors. so yeah, the stuff of nightmares. Let some things be private, for crying out loud.
  22. I'd not cut off all contact, but I'd cut off contact where we were alone, on the condition that DH is getting help and working to get better. The kids? If the kids really need the stability and support of this person, I'd let them be around the person, but if it could be limited some, or for a few weeks, I'd likely do that while DH works specifically on this issue with their counselor, and bump up sessions with therapists during that time, and likely the psychiatrist to adjust medication. And, having been in a relationship with somone who had mental health issues, I know how very exhausting that is, and I'd look VERY closely at myself to make sure I wasn't bonding too closely to the person in question. NOT that I'm saying there is anything romantic going on, I'm not! But if the friendship is getting deeper, and there is no support coming from the spouse, things can get trick, a sort of trauma bonding, and that can be unhealthy. Again, I doubt that is the situation in this case, but in my own experience, there was an element of that.
  23. Haven't talked to her today, mom and dad were going to be there during the day today and I'm on call for the evening/overnight if need be. She was getting around well and functioning as long as she moved slowly as of last night, able to converse with my oldest when he went by, albeit slowly, etc.
  24. I honestly am not sure why tey are there - my current church does not, and is the same size as the Episcopal one I used to go to, so not based on size.
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