I think my awkwardness comes from the fact that I was raised this same way, and as a kid I was embarassed by it and hated it. I always imagined the other families thinking badly about us, or thinking we were "snooty". That was from my child-perspective. As a parent now, lo and behold, I have actually chosen the same path myself... One thing I am doing differently though, is explaining and discussing our reasoning with my DD, which is something my parents never did with me. She may still be embarassed or frustrated, but at least I try to communicate! As an example of their behavior, my DD was out in the neighborhood and the girl was also out, the girl asked what would be a good time to come over. My DD told her "Sunday afternoon". I expected I might hear from her mom to confirm this or something (mom does have my phone number), but I didn't. I guess I just personally would never send my kid over to someones house without knowing for sure it was ok, not relying on communication between two kids. But Sunday afternoon, the mom and dad pull up to drop her off. I go outside and they just wave at me from the car and drive off. ??? I've only really met them in person one time at a homeowner picnic. We've never really had a conversation with them. So, it did seem a little odd to me that they wouldn't even get out to say hello. Not wrong or bad, but that is one of the things that gave me that impression about them.

Thanks for the advice, I'm feeling really awkward for some reason. Is it really that unusual to want to get to know the family first?

My DD11 has several very close friendships, all of whom we are also close with the families. We are not a family who lets our DD go to anyone's house, or out with anyone, that we don't know very well. This means beyond a passing "Hi, I'm the mom" kind of thing. We live in a rural area, so we have never had any kids "in the neighborhood". Recently a young girl moved in. She seems like a great girl, but obviously I don't know her or her parents. Her parents have introduced themselves, but they seem the "free range" type (girl is very independent) and have shown no interest in getting to know us beyond a hello. To put it simply, I am ok having this girl over to our house to play (or "hang out" if they think they are too old to call it play!) but I am not ok with her going with this girl to her house without me there, or going places with her and her family without me there. They keep inviting my DD for these kind of things, and I keep making more and more awkward excuses. I think I am going to have to address this directly. I know that some parents might be offended that I am ok with their DD coming here but not ok with my DD going there. How can I explain this in the best way possible?

We eat HH sometimes when time is tight. But I do consider it "fake food". There are things we eat that are processed and corn-syrupy, but I have explained to my DD why those things don't really give you what you need, and what would happen if we eat too much of them. IE, I let her have sugary cereal once in awhile, but she has it for a snack, since I have explained it is not really "food" and therefore isn't a meal! So yeah, I do know better, but will occasionally scarf down the junk like everybody else! (And enjoy it, too!) PS - It is indeed sad that it costs so much more to eat healthy foods. I know people say it doesn't for them, but it sure does for us.

I have always used 'sucks' and considered it slang. I always thought of it it terms of sucking the fun, or sucking the life out of something. But then my DD11 came home one day and reported that her friend told her what "sucks" really meant, that it was about sucking someones ----:eek: I explained to her that while some people might mean it that way, that wasn't the way mommy meant it.... But then whenever I would say it, I would know what was coming into her mind! So, yeah, don't use it so much any more...

Elderberry rocks! We use Sambucol. D3 Oregano

Not useful but funny quote.... "In the dark of the night, I have agnostic, dyslexic moments when I wonder if there really is a dog...." I think of this whenever I hear the word agnostic!:001_smile: Sorry, back to the thread!

Yep, good conversation is my aphrodisiac (sp?)! Before DD came, we used to spend hours talking about the meaning of life, world peace, other people, WHATEVER. Now we have to fight for that time. But when we get it, without fail I am in the mood. Everybody has their own key.

Here's another one (I love frozen spinach, in case you couldn't tell!) Tortellini Spinach Casserole 2 pkgs (10 oz each) cheese tortellini 1 lb sliced fresh mushrooms 1 tsp garlic powder ¼ tsp onion powder ¼ tsp pepper ½ cup butter divided 1 can (12 oz) evaporated milk 1 block (8 oz) velveeta cheese, cubed 2 – 3 packages frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed dry 2 cup mozzarella cheese Cook tortellini according to directions, set aside. In a skillet, sauté the mushrooms, garlic powder, onion powder and pepper in ¼ c butter until mushrooms are tender. Remove mushrooms. In the same skillet, combine milk and remaining ¼ c butter. Bring to a gentle boil, stir in velveeta cheese until smooth. Stir in mushrooms and spinach. Stir in tortellini. Stir in a handful of the mozzarella. Transfer to a baking dish or lasagna pan and sprinkle with mozzarella cheese. Cover and bake at 350 for 15 minutes. Uncover and bake 5-10 minutes or until cheese is melted.

This is one of my favorite recipes, I often make for company. Black Bean & Spinach Enchilada Casserole 2 15-oz cans black beans, drained and rinsed 2 tablespoons lime juice 1 tsp Cajun seasoning 1 tsp chili powder ½ tsp cumin ½ tsp garlic powder ½ tsp onion powder 2 10-oz pkgs frozen chopped spinach ¼ c butter ½ tsp minced garlic 2 tbsp flour 1 c milk 8 oz velveta cheese 1 tsp hot sauce ½ tsp Cajun seasoning 1 8-oz container sour cream 8 8-in flour tortillas 2 pkgs shredded Monterey Jack cheese. Mix first 7 ingredients in a bowl. Cook spinach according to package, drain and set aside. Melt butter over medium heat. Add garlic and sauté 1 minute. Whisk in flour until smooth – 1 minute. Gradually whisk in milk and cook, whisking constantly, 2 minutes until mixture is thick and bubbly. Add cheese, hot sauce, Cajun seasoning, and whisk until cheese is melted. Stir in spinach, until heated through. Stir in sour cream. Spray bottom of a lasagna pan. Layer tortillas, beans, spinach, Monterey Jack cheese. End with tortilla, spinach, and cheese. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes covered, then uncovered 5-10 minutes.

Good ideas! I like the idea about giving them a cue, that way you don't have to embarass them in public if they respond. When my dd11 was getting especially mouthy, I sat her down and told her that while I didn't want to embarass her in public or in front of her friends (I try to avoid that whenever possible) that we were getting to the point she was leaving me no other choice. And that from now on if she couldn't speak appropriately to me, she was not going to like the results. That helped quite a bit, in public I can give her a look and she usually shapes up.

Same boat here. I have a friend who does it about every other day. She's really NEVER into it but just does it for hubby. She says the key is to be quick. ???? My hubby doesn't want to be quick, even if I suggest it. Therefore, if I am not in the mood, even though I am "amiable" it does not go the way he would like. We are about once every OTHER week. He said he would like to do more (duh, that goes without saying!), but is still happy because when we do it, it is really good for both of us. He doesn't want to do it more UNLESS I am really in the mood. So we kind of have reached a compromise.

Why Do They Act That Way - A survival guide to the adolescent brain by David Walsh. I just finished this and it was great. Most of the "advice" part I already knew and was doing, but it explained so much about what is really happening in their brains that contributes to the way they act. It really helps you feel better that maybe you ARE NOT in fact raising a budding serial killer! For myself, it helped me be a little less frustrated and more understanding. When they are 2, you expect certain behaviors, and even though they annoy you, you still have faith that the behaviors will pass if you stick to your guns. This book gave me the same feel about adolescent behavior, since it explains the biology behind it. NOTE, my dd is 11, and we are already starting this road...

I had the same problem. I was just at Hobby Lobby this weekend and found a "craft mat". It's for doing playdoh, painting, etc on. It was bigger than a place mat and had a smooth surface. It was about $5-$6.

We had Brainpop last year with our public school, but will be subscribing this year with homeschool We are using Oak Meadow, which is heavy written material. I already have all the brainpop vids picked out to supplement and break up the written material. The videos are fabulous and I found one for almost every lesson we are doing. Worth the $!

I have seen those ads before online and think they send an extremely powerful message. Only one of them was shown on American tv and in an "edited" version. They were deemed "too violent and upsetting" for US t.v. Talk about a culture out of balance.....

Our neighborhood doesn't have many options, but our HOUSE has line of sight to a tower, and we have service that the company gave us a small dish to access. The dish looks similar to our DishNetwork dish for cable. I'm not sure what it would be called. Neighbors have Hughes and don't like it. My service is great, and I use it for business also. $44 per month.

Just to offer some hope, I have a dear friend who married a man who is a serious musician. When they married, he was extremely selfish, and although he loved my friend very much, he viewed their marraige as an "interference" to his goals and life. My friend was wondering if their marraige could work, not to mention she felt like they could NEVER have kids with his attitude like that. But, he was willing to go to counseling and try to work on things. To sum up, the counseling turned his attitude around. Not only did it save their marraige, but now, several years later, they are having their first child - a mutual decision. He eventually came to see that all his personal goals and enjoyments wouldn't mean much if he was alone and bereft of any real relationships in his life. There is hope for change!

How can you help her heal? She's probably seen disgusting things that she can't get out of her mind. Can you pray for her and ask God to cleanse her mind? And this is a computer in our living room with adults walking about but not really looking or paying attention when we should have. Porn is highly addictive, so you may want to check in with your daughter from time to time. I think it is normal curiosity, but it still is something you never want your child to do or see, because I think pornographic images or words have a way of leaving a lasting, ugly imprint in a child's mind. If you restrict her computer privileges, I would present it as a way to help her avoid temptation, not as a punishment. If possible, I would try to have a chat with her about what she saw. There's some pretty wild stuff out there... I'd be concerned that she may have seen things that confused or even scared her - especially given her very young age. Thanks for all the advice, especially those above. (Don't know how to do multiple quotes!) Talked to hubby last night. He freaked out predictably then calmed down. He is mostly worried about the long term impact, since he had a pornography issue as a teen and experienced how difficult it was to break and how it impacted him. The pull of pornography is so strong and those images remain. He feels like we will really need to have a constant watch on this from now on. We installed NetNanny, which seems pretty good. One thing I like is that not only does it block the site, and also internet searches, but when it blocks you can set it to send you an email that it blocked something, so you know the kid was looking. Note to parents - this all happened WHILE she was in the L/R on the computer. We don't allow the computer anywhere else. She said I was in kitchen or whatever (in and out) and if I came by she would just minimize the screen. I'm glad you recommended to talk to her about what she saw. I first wasn't going to because I didn't want to REMIND her of it, but your point is very valid that it might have confused or scared her.

Thank you so much for your kind responses, they kind of go along with what I was thinking. I did tell her what I was doing on there anyway with the monitoring software, and asked her what she felt about that, she said she was glad it would be on there. I told her it was still up to her the choices she makes in life, and no software was going to protect her from that. I was really freaked out and hoping to handle it well so she could learn that I wasn't MAD at her that she went to the sites, but that I really wanted her to know WHY the sites aren't good. I will at least be making it clear to her that the next time anything like that happens, it would be more serious because to us it would mean that she didn't learn anything from this time. We have stressed to her that everyone makes mistakes, but what's important is to learn from them. UGH. Thanks so much for the discussion and support.

My DD11 has a laptop she uses for school. The laptop is always in the public area, never in her room. We had several talks when she got the laptop about content online, and what to avoid, what to do if something comes up, etc. She is not allowed to chat, and is not on any social networking sites. Our family is Christian, but open in discussion about sex, what it is, and why we believe sex was intended as a gift from God for those committed in marraige. I have always answered her questions honestly, and encouraged her to bring questions to me rather than seeking out peers or other sources. Last spring she had her first "crush" on a boy. No freaking out, talked about how feelings are normal, but when are we prepared to deal with those feelings or act on them. She got the computer last year, but we never got around to putting the monitoring software on it. (I know, I know...) So I got on there today, before the school year starts, to put some software on there. (Talk about the horse leaving the barn...) I discovered she had been googling porn stuff and all kinds of inappropriate things. When I searched history, the items were there but were not viewed within the last three weeks. I confronted her about it and she immediately broke down in tears about how sorry she was, she deserved to be punished, etc. I asked her how long she had been doing it, she said she started at the beginning of the summer and the last time she did it was about a month ago. (That matched up with not seeing anything in the last three weeks.) I asked her how it happened, she said she was bored one day and started to search for things. I asked her how she felt looking at those things, and she said it made her feel bad inside. I told her I understood she was at an age when she was curious about sex and her body, but that those things weren't a good way to learn or satisfy those feelings. They weren't a real representation about what sex is or is supposed to be like. She felt so bad she wouldn't even look at me. I told her I wasn't happy she went to look at those things, but that I didn't think she was a bad person, that we all make mistakes. "I am a bad person, this is the worst thing I've ever done..." She said she had prayed to God about a month ago and promised she wasn't going to do it again, and that she hadn't. I spent some time reassuring her that she wasn't a bad person, we all make mistakes, but she just made a bad choice. We talked about what a temptation is, and now she really knows what it is. She wanted to know what her punishment was, and I told her I needed to talk to her dad, which of course mortified her even more. Recommendations? I don't want to under or over-react. I would like her to understand the seriousness of it, but not be totally self-beating-up. Thanks for any advice. I promised her I wouldn't talk to my friends she knows about it.

This thread has a great lesson - specify on the invitation! "this is a drop off party" "parents are welcome to stay or drop off, please RSVP" "parent help welcomed" It would never have occured to me that people would feel so differently. Sending distant apologies to any hosts I have made "furious" in the past!

Wow...it is so interesting to hear this point of view. My dd is 11. If these were 15 y/o and up we were talking about I could understand it. But at 11, I would feel really weird if I WEREN'T welcome. I am more likely to ASK, "can I just drop her off?" than I am to ask "are parents welcome". Although I can see from this thread it is best to ask either way! I know there are parents who routinely just "drop off" the kids. But I know plenty of parents of kids older than toddlers who would never do that. I'm sure it was more of a misunderstanding than an intended rudeness. To be honest, if I was told specifically that parents weren't welcome, I would seriously consider whether or not I would accept the invitation. Just giving you another point of view!

We are Christians who do not celebrate Christmas and Easter. For us, it is not because they are not mentioned or commanded in the Bible. What IS mentioned in the Bible is 2 Cor 6:14-16. This is the scripture about "what sharing does light have with darkness" "what agreement does God's temple have with idols". It also quotes from the old testament "quit touching the unclean thing". The scriptural principle that applies is that it isn't acceptable to God to mix true worship of Him with customs of false worship. I understand some people think that is not such a big deal, or it is ok as long as you mean well. For us, this is a serious issue. Both Christmas and Easter, although labeled as Christian holidays, have pagan and unChristian origins. Therefore, we consider it unacceptable to celebrate them, even though they have been relabeled as Christian celebrations. I know that many people feel it is ok because "their intention is what matters, and they feel they are worshipping God". I understand how they might feel that way, and that these celebrations are happy and peaceful for them. There is a scriptural example where the Israelites, having been freed from Egypt, proceded to build a golden calf while Moses was up on the mountain. This is Exodus 32. Aaron proclaimed it a feast or a festival to the Lord. Let's just say it ended badly! The point was, it didn't matter what they called it, or if then "intended" it to be something else. They were still using customs of false worship. So, we don't celebrate those holidays because we believe that God has a right to determine how He wants to be worshipped. As a Christian, we accept that the Bible is what tells us who God is and how to worship Him in a way that is pleasing to him. And the Bible says, don't be mixing true with untrue, or light with darkness, or the table of God with the table of demons. Edited to add: There are many things that apply in our day and age that are not "mentioned" or "commanded" that we do in the Bible, but which we do for practical, enjoyable, or other reasons. What we feel is important is rather, "does anything I choose to do violate a Bible principle?" Thanks for listening!

Went through this with DD when she was 5. After a year of strep and multiple rounds of antibiotics her body was so beaten down she couldn't fight off anything. She even had a weird immune response called HSP. To summarize what we used that many others have mentioned: 1. Test all family members 2. Super clean the house and throw out all toothbrushes. 3. Have kid retested to make sure its gone 4. We used probiotics, and garlic, which is similar to a low grade penicillin. I kept her on both for about a year. (Love love elderberry, but my understanding was elderberry is primarily antiviral, while strep is bacterial.) 5. Kept her home from school for about 2 weeks, during which time I totally babied her body....fresh fruit juice from the juicer every morning, all vitamins, healthy foods, no stress, no extra physical activity. She needed time to regroup and rebuild. She was so beaten down. After that...she hasn't had strep since. We were prepared if she had one more round the tonsils were coming out. But it never happened. She is 11 now. And yes, I think some people are susceptible and some not. The whole time she was sick, I would have her with me in my bed and her coughing in my face, etc....i never got it. DO NOT recommend letting it run its course - it is too dangerous to take any chances with.