Nope, I don't think so. No one *needs* a diamond engagement ring (at least not in my social circles). If they can't afford a diamond, then they should get what they can afford, or wait to get married, IMHO. I have no intention of making it easier for any young man to marry my daughter, lol. He's gotta' work for it, and a ring is a very small part of being able to support a family. Learning to live within your means and wait for what you want are important lessons. I would pass along any *other* jewelry directly to my daughters/granddaughters, but if there is an engagement ring, then it won't be coming from me!

Sounds just right to me. I'd say 50-100 is reasonable for that sort of thing.

For years, dh went to (Episcopal) church along with me and the kids for the very reason you mention . . . If he didn't go, I knew the kids would soon not want to go . . . Anyway, in your shoes, what I'd ask is for your dh to decide, and make clear from here on out, that during church, he is having ALONE time doing alone things (or things with "the guys" or whatever, but something that excludes kids. He's working out, or mowing, or having some other "alone time" . . . If he is willing to really take that to heart and make it clear to the kids that staying home with Dad isn't an option (unless they are sick or something, in which case, he'd forego his alone time) . . . But, even then, he must make sure NOT to make home time with Dad fun. It needs to be boring.

You could save the jewelry for grand-daughters. That's what I'd do, and it's what I'm planning on for my brother . . . If he has any daughters, I'll be sure they get something special and valuable from the family jewelry. Otherwise, it'll all stay with my girls (and/or any grand daughters if I live long enough). You could have any "extra" diamonds put into pendants or similar special "grand daughter" pieces. Of course, it's totally up to each person, but I do think it makes sense to make jewelry inheritance follow the females. In any event, I love having Mom's jewelry, and especially the pieces with sentimental value (things my dad bought my mom, my dad bought HIS mom, my mom bought HER mom . . .) Every time I wear them or even look at them, it brings back sweet memories. If these were pieces that were my dh's mom's/family's, I would have no such emotional connection; I wouldn't even know the stories of who bought what for whom in what country, etc, let alone remember the grandparents/etc. I wouldn't want anything from his family. There's only one daughter (four sons) in dh's family. I assume she would get any jewelry when their mom passes away, and that's what I'd think was right.

FWIW, I had a long chat with a jeweler a few months ago, and he mentioned that he advises people to leave jewels *ONLY* to daughters. For obvious reasons, lol. My mom took that approach. I, the only daughter, got the jewelry. My brother wanted one thing for his new wife, but it wasn't sentimental to me (just $$$), so I gave it to him gladly, figuring they are now "lost" to the family if they divorce, but that is what it is. (He was not greedy at all. Mom had a lot of things. He just wanted that one.) Mom had long ago given my brother the very nice and rather large diamond my dad had given her . . . He was thinking about proposing, which is why Mom gave it to him. (It was probably worth 5k or more. 2/3 carats and super, duper high quality -- my dad was crazy about that stuff.) He decided against proposing to that gf, and a few years later, when he was ready to propose to another gal, he found out that the diamond had been stolen and replaced with a fake. Probably was a long time housekeeper of his, but could have been any one of many people in and out of his life/home over the years. Just as well, because that marriage didn't last anyway, lol. SO, anyway, that's my experience with heirloom engagement rings . . . and I wouldn't want it repeated!! I have quite a lot of nice jewelry now, so my girls will be all set for jewelry, lol. I could imagine giving one of the smaller diamonds I have (from various grandmothers) to my son if he wanted it for an engagement, but they are pretty small (maybe 1/4 carat), so it'd have to be a special circumstance to make it a good choice. Personally, I think they are lovely, and one could make a really sweet sentimental ring . . . But, it does seem like most girls these days who want a diamond want a (big) showy one, and those ones aren't showy. My larger diamonds (that my dh bought me) and the various sentimental and $$ pieces from my mom (and dad) will only go to my girls, for sure. I could see giving a couple things to a DIL over the years, but I'd really try to avoid it. I think the way Mom had originally written her will was that my brother got her car, and I got her jewelry, and everything else was split up. By the time she died, her will had been changed and pretty much let my brother and I figure it out (which was fine), but I made sure to keep the jewelry (except for the one item he asked for), and I'll be passing it along to my girls as they are ready for the responsibilities. My mom started passing nice pieces to me when I was 20 or so. I'll do the same with my girls, and if my brother ever has kids (daughters), I'll pass them pieces, too, for sure.

What the heck? That'd be the end of that "friendship" to me. That's so incredibly irresponsible and rude and awful in every way! Sorry that happened!! Get out the Lysol, clean like crazy, load up on gatorade and GI meds and do some cooking ahead of time . . . Wow, just wow. What an awful thing to do to a "friend"!

Deck paint (on any horizontal surface) scratches, in my experience. No way to prevent it. SO, I'd go with "wood colored" paint on the horizontal surfaces, so that the scratches are less noticeable. I'd try to get a color as close to the soon-to-be-exposed wood as possible. So, it'd probably be a brownish grayish color. :)

absolutely. because the child is 13. Enough said!

If it hasn't been mentioned yet, check out ACT or similar fluoride enriched mouthwash. Also, ask the dentist about fluoride treatments and sealants. Is your water fluoridated? If not, then that might be part of the problem.

The parents are ridiculous. Hopefully, the bride and groom will figure that out! That said, I've been to zillions of church potluck meals with 200+ people. The food was always great. We never got sick. They must not be that dangerous/terrible since loads of churches do them over and over. :) If one were to do a potluck, I'd imagine that many guests would go to great effort to bring a nice contribution. You don't need each person to bring a dish for 50 -- that'd be WAY more food than you need. I think it'd be fine. I'm sure local close friends and family will go all out to make a lot of some nice dish, and that'll make up for those who don't bring fancy stuff. A friend once had a really awesome wedding for 150-200 and they had a local Mexican place cater trays of very simple but tasty enchiladas/whatever. I think they spent maybe $1000 on the food at most. It was casual but very fun and tasty. I bet this sort of thing could be found most places, and then you just need a couple volunteers to man the tables, etc. They had it at a nice ranch that belonged to friends (free) and it was great. I think the whole shindig probably cost less than 3-4k in today's money. It was lovely. 3 bathrooms would probably be fine. It's not like it's an event where most people will need the bathroom at the same time. 2 minutes each visit is 30 visits per hour per bathroom. I really think you'd be fine. We frequently have parties for 50-ish people, and no one has ever needed to even use any of our (many) bathrooms other than the one "guest" powder room. And I've never seen a line or anything like that. So, anyway, I think a pot luck is fine, but I'd definitely want the parents/in-laws to get a grip. Eloping is a really nice idea. Then they can let the in-laws (or whoever) host any parties they want to with their long lists of invitees.

Well, 2k/mo = 24k/yr which, I'm sorry to say, but if you're family is used to 248k/yr, then, that's gonna' be peanuts. It's about 10% of what they'd lived on previously. A family living on 250k/yr typically has standards of living for the kids that are not going to be anywhere near met on 1/10 of what they'd had before. No way. No how. I'm not saying one can't provide a great home to a kid on that sort of money, but it is NOT comparable to the 248k/yr lifestyle they've been accustomed to. And, no way is it fair to do that to the lower-earning spouse of a long marriage unless they are at utter "fault" IMHO.

LAWYER. You need a LAWYER. My mom was a divorce lawyer, and she did some mediation, too. One thing I learned was that when you are in a legal situation, you need the very best lawyer you can get. It's worth the money. No way, no how, is it kosher to get no alimony until the child support is done. That makes no sense. You either misunderstand the law or live in a bizarre locale. I've known plenty of people who got divorced in many states, and I've NEVER heard such a thing. That's bonkers. This is why you need an expert who went to law school for 3 years and works in the field 1000s of hours per year . . . as they will be able to better explain this. If your mediators confirmed this concept to you, then I'd FIRE THEM yesterday. Why a 60/40 split of retirement in HIS favor? He can keep working at that high rate. You can't! If anything, you deserve a LARGER split of current retirement savings. Unless you are the "bad" party in a lopsided divorce (you were hateful, lazy, cheated, etc, while he was a model husband), then I can't fathom how what you describe would be fair. Why are you selling your home and paying off debts unless YOU want to do that? Why not you keep the home, and he pay off the debts. For sure, you need cash to get into another home! Tell us what state you are in, and I bet we can google up better info. Get a divorce lawyer. Yesterday. Not a mediator. A lawyer. The very best one you can find. Prepare to need 10k or so for a retainer to get things started. Just because you get your own lawyer does not mean you have to spend 10s of thousands fighting. You can still work with the mediator (or without one) and come up with a settlement that you both agree to. MOST divorce cases end in settlement, without a huge court fight. Mom was a top-notch, top-dollar divorce lawyer. She was also a great human being and worked, as an advocate, not just for the best $$ settlement, but more so for the most humane and workable settlement for all the family. She knew it was in her client's best interest to get a fair settlement while not burning down the relationships. She routinely sent clients to therapy, too. She always had MORE than enough clients to keep her and her associates busy, and I 100% guarantee she never ran up a bill or slowed down settlement . . . She just helped people get what they needed in as much lawyer-time as required. God, GO TO A LAWYER. The best one you can find.

I'm sorry, but you feel like a heel because uninvited your mother from visiting her son. That was a doozy. You will need to dig your way out and make this up to the both of them. IMHO. I have just one brother, and our relationship in a triangle with my mom was always been complicated and difficult. Having had a little therapy focused on it over the years, I came to understand the nature of "triangulation" and such that leads these sorts of family relationships to be so interconnected and fraught with peril. I get that it's hard, and that screwing up at times is nearly impossible to avoid. No shame in screwing up, but you need to fix what you can and make amends. What you must have *meant* to say was that you wanted to visit your brother separately from your mom. This is understandable, and fine, and probably a good idea, but should have not been framed as changing a group visit to one that excludes Mom. (Either you likely should have gone through with THIS group visit and changed it next time, or you should have offered for Mom to do this first visit and you do the next one . . . ) In any event, IMHO, the mom-child relationship/visit takes precedence. Your visit/needs/etc come second. If your mom isn't able to comfortably travel solo (to go on her own separate visit), then your error is compounded 1,000,000 times, in which case, I think you owe your mom pretty much a billion dollars, lol. Assuming she can travel solo comfortably, then that is what she should do. Separating your visits is probably a good idea. TBH, if you love both your mom and brother and want to nourish good relationships all around (which it really does sound like you do on both counts), I'd investigate personal therapy to figure out why you did that to your mom and to their relationship, and how to not do something like that again. I am NOT saying this to be mean. ((((hugs))) Believe me, I understand how difficult these things can be. I'm not trying to be mean AT ALL, and I hope I didn't come across that way.

A couple times, I've ordered a case of wine from dh's favorite tiny Oregon winery. Big hit!

Fun idea: 12 nights of SexMas. 12 nights, 12 presents. Makes the post-Christmas let-down much less of a let-down. ;) BBQ tools are good. Or a new BBQ. Dh has a hobby -- salt water aquaria. Last year, he gave me a wish list, and I just ordered everything on it. :)

I like the lidded pyrex mixing/measuring bowls, too. I really like the large edged "jelly roll" type cookie sheet/pan for bar cookies of all sorts. It rocks. I had 3 until I just gave one of them to college girl. (I'd broken one, then bought 2 to replace it. Then my mom died, so I got hers. I never needed THREE, just never wanted to be without one, lol.) The little square brown plastic pan cleaner thingies (for cleaning the stonewear that you can't use soap on -- one comes with each pan purchased) are THE BOMB. They're cheap and last forever -- like $3 for 2 or something like that. Buy 10, IMHO. They are the best thing ever for scraping stuck on lasagna/cheese/etc/etc and I also like them for cleaning around the house (scraping wax off a table, etc.) The rotary parmesan cheese grater is very good if you like that style. (I've mostly converted to a microplane, but the rotary style is definitely tidier for at-the-table). Most of the other stuff is overpriced for not-that-special, IMHO.

Yes, we have early voting and I LOVE IT. OMG, it's so easy and fast. Just stop by when I'm in the area, and 5 minutes later, I'm done! Never any real lines, and you can go to whichever location is convenient instead of having to go to your precinct (which is a real PITA if you work far from home, as dh does). I do it ASAP once they start. We start soon.

I think the best way to approach this question is summed up by a really cool image I saw somewhere. I talk about this regularly with my kids. Choose a career that: you are good at, that you enjoy, that does meaningful things for the world, and that pays well. If you can find one that is HARD (for most people) but that you are UNIQUELY good at, then it tends to pay better. In our family, this tends to mean that there is a lean towards engineering/math/science/computers since those areas come easily to my kids but are hard for many (and thus pay well). Dh's work represents this, and 20 years into this career, and he is still happy with his choice and "likes his job" as per his answer to my query a few days ago. He does good things for people and pets (work the world needs). He gets paid well. He is good at it. He loves it. It's a great career for him. My own work is very limited (top level management of his business -- pretty much the stuff that our employed office manager can't do), but I'd say the same thing for my work, too. FWIW, one aspect this image does NOT cover that I think is important . . . People tend to be happier when they have CONTROL over their daily lives/work. So, I personally think that it's generally more satisfying/enjoyable to have a sort of work where you have a lot of autonomy/control. This is not universally true, but I think considering your personality and the level of autonomy/control in a role is significant for many people.

Personally, no. I haven't and I wouldn't. You can't have it all. You can't expect/get top quality service/medicine for bargain basement prices. Our family business is a "top quality" private veterinary hospital. This sort of issue is common in vet medicine. You can't have it all -- cheap, great, etc. We would never haggle with a client over price, and I can not imagine any (decent) dentist doing so, either. You CAN and SHOULD expect a full disclosure/estimate of fees before the procedure. My oral surgeon provides very clear, complete estimates prior to any procedure. You can definitely also ask if they offer any discounts for full payment up front, full payment via check/cash (no cc fees), or any other discounts. But, no, haggling is not appropriate, IMHO. The front staff wouldn't be authorized or trained to haggle, and the owner would never take the time to do so or "lower themselves" to do so. A professional would generally see it as degrading/insulting. And, FWIW, I am mid-process for my first implant. The surgical extraction of the failed crown/root canal was about $500 (at the oral surgeon). The implant peg/thing will be right around 1500 PLUS 375 for 45 min of heavy sedation/anesthesia (billed in 15 min increments. I am a sissy.) Then the crown will be done at my dentist. I think that'll be around 1000, but I'm not sure, as they don't give estimates unless asked, and i don't ask. (Have been using the same dentist for a decade, so I trust them.) So, anyway, my total cost will be around 3k. These are top quality private practices.

If you have any shoes that would fit, you can paint them in saddle-shoe pattern. If you have fabric (or clothes/linens that can be repurposed) and craft supplies around and are crafty, you can make a poodle skirt.

If you can get in contact with him, then you can possibly settle without notifying any insurance company. I've done that several times on both sides of the accident. Once, the guy who my kid hit ended up deciding not to bother the ding. Yay, me! Another time, the person my kid hit got an estimate, and we just sent a check. One time, when I was at fault and readily admitted it, the person I hit never contacted my insurance . . . I didn't get HER info, as I was distracted and not thinking clearly. I'm guessing she wasn't legal to drive, as I probably did 1000-2000 in damage to her car (wrecked her back bumper). Maybe you'll get lucky like that. :) I regretted having even CALLED My insurance since my own car's damage was minor and wouldn't be claimed, but I had just assumed that the person I hit would call my/her insurance company(ies) since the damage was significant. If that happened today, i would try to avoid using insurance in the first place. Anyway, in *our* community in WV, most people are happy to exchange contact info and settle w/o insurance. I *always* prefer to do that for any damage under 2k or so (and have never had a claim over 2k). We have 4 drivers, soon to be 5, and I know that it's much better for us to cover minor problems out of pocket . . . Of course, if there was a bodily injury or serious vehicle damage, then I'd want/need insurance involved. But, short of that, I do my best to avoid it. And, yes, I'd try to google up his contact info if you can. It might be weird, but worst case, he won't want to talk to you.

ps. I've had long talks about epinephrine use with various medical professionals, and I've NEVER had to use mine, even though it's always in my purse. My understanding is that it should be used for a severe reaction, but that it has a *very* short time of helpfulness (minutes, not hours . . . which complicates anaphylaxis management in wilderness situations where it would take hours to evacuate), and the point of using it is to keep you alive en route to the ER. Meanwhile, antihistamines (liquid is ideal as it is more rapidly absorbed, thus the bottles of children's Benadryl ) are longer acting and will, of course, be utilized at the ER, etc. My allergist told me to take the liquid antihistamines at the first sign of a reaction . .. and to use to EpiPen if that isn't working. I've used antihistamines dozens of times for reactions, and NEVER had to use epinephrine. I see an allergist regularly, so I'm not making this up, and I've NEVER been told "You should have used the EpiPen." For me, since I've long ago learned to eat new foods or those with any chance of containing my allergens slowly, and my reactions begin within moments of ingesting an allergen, I've always been able to stop eating, grab my Benadryl, and go sleep it off. No EpiPens. No ERs. Just my personal experience . . . I'd *strongly* advise anyone with life threatening allergies to discuss with their allergist, at length, and repeated each year or two as issues and treatment options evolve, the appropriate strategy for managing reactions under all likely environments. If you, like me, regularly travel to places w/o advanced medical care and/or wilderness areas where evacuation could take hours to days, you need to have a much better plan that "Use the EpiPen and go to the ER" (We regularly travel to the Caribbean, wilderness areas, et . . . where my kids with Wilderness First Aid certifications and my dh who is a veterinarian are probably better medically prepared than anyone within an hour's or even a day's reach . . .) I'd much rather travel w/o an EpiPen than travel w/o antihistimines (and steroids, too, for severe emergencies, when traveling off-the-grid ). . . An EpiPen won't do me any good 10 mile hike + 3 hour drive to the nearest medical provider . . . Now, if I were a regular user of EpiPens, I'd probably go ahead and get vial(s) and syringes of epinephrine for those situations, as those can be used repeatedly as needed . . . Again, I urge anyone to really consult their doctors about all their options and to have a good plan for their own situation.

I would ask for a refund of the event fees, since the sudden illness prevented full participation (but I wouldn't fight very long or hard if they refused), but I wouldn't ask for (or expect) reimbursement for related costs (housing, travel) unless they were bundled in with the event fee. I think you're simply learning the hard lessons of what it's like to live with severe allergies. It takes years to figure all this stuff out. And, you're probably learning why many events wouldn't even *try* to offer allergen free food. If I were hosting an event, I would never try to guarantee the food was free of allergens. Only a professional food service establishment with relevant training and equipment could even hope to be successful in that regard. We have a family friend with severe nut allergies, and I was *relieved* when they didn't show up at a recent large casual home-prepared food event we hosted. We had told people not to bring nuts, and we'd done our best and certainly not served them. . . But, we cooked for 50 people, plus guest brought ancillary items, tons of food and a full meal for a 12+ hour event, and I have no idea what condiments, flavor packets, etc might have been included that could have trace amounts of nuts or been made in the same place as nuts are processed, or whatever. And, FWIW, the mom of the child with the allergies goes EVERYWHERE with this kid still, at age 13-14? now . . . She was some sort of professional (medical? technical?) and as far as I can tell, she quit to manage her kid's allergen issues. She is the parent volunteer 24/7 at nearly every thing her kid does . . . I'm sure she believes (likely for good reason) that she is the only person who can keep her kid alive, and I expect I'd feel similarly in her shoes. I imagine that the hosts of this event will never again try to offer allergen free foods . . . It is too risky. Everyone with severe allergies (self included) has occasional events of exposure unless they live in a bubble. 17 years into knowing my food allergies, I've gone from an exposure every couple months to an exposure every couple years. This is because I make a lot of conservative choices to avoid risk taking. I am on a trip with dh, and today, dh and I went to a well rated local eatery for lunch . . . and we walked back out when we realized they don't have a menu and the staff were not fluent English speakers. BTDT, it's probably 50/50 chance that I'd end up exposed. Not worth it. We went back to the known entity down the block . . . It's just not worth the risk. You'll learn more and more what situations/foods/etc are higher risk, and your dd will learn the hard way to just stay hungry or eat the crummy snack bars that you'll always have in her purse. At the end of the day, what you and your dd will learn is that only SHE can assure she stays safe. It sucks. But, that's the way it is when you have allergic reactions to trace amounts of common foods. No one else can understand, and no home kitchen or volunteer cooks/organizers are going to be able to ensure safety. Period. Ever.

I'm so, so sorry. This must be so painful for your entire family. I can't imagine how much harder these "normal" losses / griefs must be for your son and your family. (((((hugs))))) Your mommy heart must be so heavy.

I hate carpet. I'd go with hard wood or laminate. If you can afford the hard wood (real 3/4 inch thick wood, not "engineered" wood), then I'd go with that. It's what I did in our forever house. It gets scratched, but we have lots of pets and kids . . . I don't sweat the scratches. (Natural oak is very forgiving.) In 10-15 years, after the kids are out and we have fewer, smaller dogs, we can have it refinished and then it'll be perfect till we die or move, lol. It's an art to install it, and the materials are a very big part of the cost, so I wouldn't personally try to DIY it, but if you are very handy and can buy or rent the tools, then you could save there. We put mid-priced laminate (fake wood) floors in a residential mobile home on our commercial property 12 years ago, and it still looks fantastic even after having renters (with dogs, cats, and babies) in it for the last many years. I was in it a couple weeks ago, and I was shocked to see it still looks awesome. This is supposedly pretty easy to DIY, but I haven't done it myself. So, if cost is a limiting factor and/or you want more scratch resistance than wood can offer, I'd go with laminate. Alternately, I LOVE ceramic/porcelain tile. You can get it at a good price for materials, but labor for installation is very pricey, so it will likely be as expensive as real wood floors. That said, if chosen well and installed properly, it will likely look like new 20, 30 years from now with almost no care (and easy to recover from abuse/neglect). Really can't say that for anything else. Installing it is actually really easy DIY. Just need to buy or borrow a good saw (under $1000 to buy) and be ready for a lot of work on your knees (knee pads are a good idea). I put it in all our baths & laundry/mud areas in our recent remodel, and DIY'ed it in a couple of the rooms. Very easy. Downsides are that tile is very hard and very cold. If you can buy the saw, you can DIY one room/area at a time. For instance, I did our laundry room tile start to finish (probably 10x10 with a zillion nooks and corners) in a weekend no problem.