No, this isn't correct. Spousal SS is still very much alive and well. I'm counting on it, lol, and our CPA has validated/confirmed my expectations (per current law, of course). They recently ended the "file and suspend" option that spouses could use to draw their spousal SS early . . . so I'd guess that is what your mother ran into. (Google file and suspend spousal ss and you'll see what I am talking about.) Here is some official .gov info on spousal SS. https://www.ssa.gov/planners/retire/applying6.html Do the math/calculators for YOUR situation, as large age differences between spouses can complicate things.

Just have to say this thread makes me very happy I live on a very large lot in a very spread out neighborhood with few children in it! I don't think I was cut out for close-quarters neighbors, lol. We did live in a neighborhood like that for 3 years when mine were little. We had a few issues, but none so bad as discussed here! I'd have lost my marbles!!

Actually, I believe that there is a lot of solid data showing that lower level workers tend to experience *higher* levels of job related stress as well as over all higher levels of stress. Here is one lay-person-article that mentions some of that data. http://www.cnn.com/2016/12/14/health/stress-income-inequality/index.html Google a bit, and you will find numerous similar articles, etc. I think it's simplistic (and silly, IMHO) to try to correlate lower paid jobs with lower stress. That might be the case in certain situations, such as when a optional-2nd-income-spouse takes a "easy" job to add a little income . . . I.e., the highly educated mom taking a library assistant job because it has nice hours and a friendly working environment. On the other hand, when you have a must-work-to-feed-my-kids parent taking a job, it's pretty darn likely that she's choose a "boss is a lunatic, clients are crazy, hours change every day, might get fired if I don't meet sales quota each month" job because 13/hr buys a lot more groceries than 10/hr . . . (Appropriate) Education earns you choices. Money buys you more choices. I believe that the idealization of "happy poor people" is one of the deceptions that those of us with more choices (and more money) use to give us comfort as we hold the reins politically and economically . . . and keep driving our nation towards systems that keep education and money and power in the hands of the few, while not feeling guilty about the harm our systems do to those who, at the bottom of our economy, serve our nation's needs and support our own personal wealth. Reminds me a lot of the "happy slave" myths that were so popular for so long (and still appear from time to time, shockingly.) Just my 2c.

Well, there is a "rule of thumb" that you can spend 4% of your retirement nest egg each year (and that goes up each year, about with inflation, as your investments will continue to grow . . . this is assuming they are in a reasonable mix of stocks and bonds). So, that means, for each million you have, you can spend 40k a year. And, of course, that's "today's" money, so if we're talking retirement 20 years from now, that won't go nearly as far as it would today . . . I'm using that general concept . . . Figure out your SS income, any other pensions/guaranteed income . . . how much you want to spend . . . and then that gives you your goal. My goal is to save as much as possible. Right now, I'm aiming for 3 million, as I think that'll do us alright.

For us, first ferment (sweet tea + scoby in a gallon jar) is about 2-3 weeks to get it just right. It's always in the pantry (no sunlight) and so about 70-73 degrees, as we use AC or heat nearly year round (unless it's 60-70 degrees outside, lol) Second ferment is at room temp, on the counter. Ideally 5-7 days --- with fruit + ginger + whatever other flavorings. Done in pint jars or sometimes some fancy swing top beer bottles (about 20 oz). Second ferment may last weeks if nobody drinks it right up, or might be as short as 3 days if somebody WANTS it, lol. After a week or so, I'll stick the finished bottles/jars in the fridge to slow things down. The longer they go, the bubblier they get. Note that one batch that went over a month seemed to become alcoholic. (There's generally a trace amount of alcohol in home brewed kombucha.) I wasn't too worried, but did tell my under-age son not to drink it if he'd be driving anywhere within 12 hours, due to the zero-tolerance DUI laws for underage kids. (NO amount of alcohol is allowed in the underage kid's system . . .). So, IME, I'd try to get it drunk 5-20 days after the 2nd ferment begins. If someone forgets to drink it . . . it can get VERY fizzy after several weeks (in addition to the possible elevated alcohol content). I've had one bottle explode within a week or two, but that one must have had lots of sugar, lol. (I now cover 2nd ferment containers with a towel, just in case.) I've had others BOOM on me when I opened them. The swing top jars do a better job of keeping the fizz in, so they'll get bubblier.

FYI, they sell toilet-seat-bidets that are under $500 or so, that provide warm water washing right there on the toilet!! I had actually JUST bought one when Mom had her terminal stroke. It was still in the box (and I returned it). I think it was $500 or so. Check out Amazon for ideas. I'd searched high and low, and it seemed like you could get a very nice one for $500 or so. Cheaper ones were also available, and of course, you can always spend more. There are models that light up and play music, lol. So, anyway, I never got to give it a real try, but it seemed like an awesome idea. Poop/pee, then warm water spray right there on the toilet . . . so you can get ALL clean without even moving to a separate bidet, and surely it'd have been much more comfortable for all involved.

pint jars. Well, we've tried it all sorts of durations for second ferment. :) That particular batch was in great demand for ds's graduation weekend . . . and it got drunk up, lol, and it was delicious after 3-4 days. It might have been even better (or gotten bubbly) if we'd waited longer. It's a lot of experimenting. ;)

As someone on Day 18 of my 28 day course of antibiotics for an advanced/severe case of disseminated Lyme Disease (caught in my own yard, in a "low risk" state . . .) and having lived through HELL AND BACK of ER visits/meningitis/excruciating pain . . . . I know a few things. 1) 40%+ DEET spray on exposed skin!! Repeat every 5 hours. 2) Light colored clothing. 3) Treat all his outerwear/shoes/gear/hats/pants/shirts with Permethrin based sprays. Search Amazon. You spray it, it dries, it's good for 6 weeks and/or 6 washes. 4) Tick check EVERY SINGLE day -- have a partner check inaccessible places. My bite was on the back of my upper arm . . . 5) A daily shower (scrub with a washcloth) will help reduce likelihood of a tick staying attached. (24 hours or so is required for disease transmission) 6) BE ON THE LOOKOUT for any flu-like symptoms and/or any rash! DEMAND Lyme test/treatment. (It took me 2 ER visits, one overnight hospitalization, and THREE primary care visits to achieve my test . . .) FEAR LYME. You cannot be overly fearful. Truly. This is NOT the time to be chemical-averse. Ticks are DEVILS.

Best flavoring we've tried so far was whole (frozen) blue berries and some chopped ginger root. About 1/2 c blueberries and 1 tsp chopped ginger -- if you chop the ginger into matchsticks, it's easy to strain out. It was a huge hit. The blueberries can be discarded or eaten -- they are very flavorful! Fermented (for this second ferment) about 3-4 days. We've done a lot of pureed fruits, but my son (the main kombucha drinker) doesn't like the pulp, so the blueberries were the biggest hit.

She might like other beverages better than plain water. Consider juice-spiked water, straight juices, etc. Popsicles, non-caffeinated teas, fruits, soups, etc, can all help increase her fluid intake. When is she bathing? If feasible, have her bathe mid-day or afternoon, so she gets clean and a pad change at that time. Is she not using the toilet at all? She may well be urinating in the toilet during the day, especially if she uses the toilet for bowel movements. At the end of the day, eventually, you just have to grit your teeth through the discomfort and grief . . . and be intrusive / take charge. I *know* how painful that is for both you and your loved one. I *know*. Nonetheless, it is inevitable, AND, believe it or not, it is most often not as bad as you anticipate. MANY, if not MOST, of the things I dreaded most in taking charge of . . . turned out not to be any big deal (once I got over my discomfort). So, you probably have to just say/do whatever you need to do . . . and suffer through it. Honestly, this is the most painful thing about taking care of an elder who you love and respect. I'm so sorry, but it just is what it is, and you can do it. This is the WORST. Get through it, and things will be easier for you. I promise. Personally, I'd use d-mannose morning and night in this circumstance. If she were sitting in wet pads, I'd imagine you'd have urine scalding issues. So, if her skin is in good shape, you're probably not in as bad shape as you think. Maybe she just holds it well and/or uses the toilet during the day? If she were over-wetting at night, you'd have problems with pads . . . IME, you'd be needed to double or triple up maximum capacity pads if she were going 12+ hours over night and fully relieving herself . . . (Had this problem when my loved one had a stroke and was sleeping extremely long and no longer having any bladder control, and was told by hospice nurses that it was common in that circumstance . . . had not previously experienced it while my loved one had still had some degree of bladder control pre-stroke but during dementia) SO, if you're not having leakage problems with a single pad, then I'd guess that she's either holding it somewhat OR she may really be dehydrated. Dehydrated being the bad news. :( When facing the most difficult conversations, I found it best to just be honest and direct. "Mom, I know this is ridiculous and rude of me to discuss, but I've got to do it. I'm worried that you're getting these miserable UTIs in part because you aren't drinking enough! I know you're not drinking enough because I know you're not changing your pads often enough! You should be changing them 5 or more times a day! At least after every meal and at bed time and waking . . ." blah blah . .. . I'd OFTEN preface my "talks" with "I'm sorry Mom. I know it's a pain in the ass. I know it's gross. I know it's ridiculous. . . or whatever. Things like that. I didn't try to act like it was "normal" to discuss certain topics . . . until enough time had passed that it DID feel normal, and then the conversations became "easier" and were more like directions, "Mom, it's time to take your shower!" or "Mom, let's get in jammies! Now! I need to go to bed, and so do you!" Etc. I'm so sorry you are going through this. My heart is sad for you. ((((hugs)))) I know it is terribly painful. You are giving her a gift without measure. The presence and caring of someone who loves her. She needs it, and you are giving it to her. A priceless and irreplaceable gift.

Another tip:: Demand/request/order that the DR do a culture & sensitivity on your urine when you are diagnosed. This will help make sure you are on the right ABX . . . They'll call you in a few days to change your RX if the C&S comes back that your current ABX isn't the right one . . . If you wait until you've already started the ABX, the C&S isn't as helpful, from what I understand.

Yep, cipro and that whole class of drugs (Fluoroquinolones) can cause tendon damage. For a number of years, I tried to avoid it because of that . . . But, I'm allergic to Macrobid, allergic to Augmentin -- which includes amoxicillin in it, so since my allergy was so severe to the Augmentin, we don't want me on any penicillins unless there was no other choice . . . and I avoid the Sulfa drugs because both my mom and her mom were very allergic to it (only allergies for them both) . . . So, my ABX options are limited, and, thus Cipro it is . . . That's one of the (many) reasons I try so hard to avoid UTIs and, now, to get the shorter course of Cipro (3 days) instead of the 7-10 day courses I needed when I let the UTI get too severe . . . Ugh. UTIs suck. So do ABX. But, when you need them, they can save your sanity and even your life.

I've read that you can do this, for a smaller monthly fee, from discussion groups of parents of college kids. So, it might not be offered in every town, but I'd try.

What a beautiful bride you were and what a beautiful family you have!!!

I MUCH prefer the d-mannose powder! Mix 1/2 tsp into water or any beverage, and it just tastes slightly sweet! BUT you must drink it within a minute or two. I have no idea why, but within several minutes of mixing, it turns bitter! (I use the capsules for travel and occasional other use if it's not convenient to mix the powder.) I SO SO wish I'd discovered it while my mom was alive. She, too, suffered mightily from UTIs.

FWIW, I've had MANY UTIs in recent years, and when I discovered d-mannose for PREVENTION, it made a HUGE difference. I went from 5-6 UTIs in 6 months to a year w/o one . . . When I *did* get one, I took my ABX, and was good to go. So, I'm a HUGE believer in d-mannose for PREVENTION, but when I get a break-through full-on UTI, I take the ABX. Also, FWIW, for prevention, I take 1/2 tsp (or one capsule) of d-mannose before (and often also after) TEA (which happens to happen pretty much daily in my house -- so maybe the trick is the daily d-mannose, not just the before/after TEA d-mannose, can't swear either way), so I take it pretty much every day, one to two doses. If I feel at ALL squirrelly down there, I take it every couple hours around the clock -- and that's successfully averted at least a few potential UTIs . .. but once I know I've really got a UTI, antibiotics it is. Then I go right back to my d-mannose. Oh, also, if you catch the UTI quick, you can get away with a shorter course of ABX. I take Cipro (I'm allergic to Macrobid), and I can take just a 3 day course instead of 7-10 day course that was previously needed when I'd typically wait several days before starting. Now, I just start right away, and the 3 day course works. If you get frequent UTIs (say, more than every couple years), it may be worth discussing this approach with your DR, as you need a standing/refillable prescription so you can fill it Saturday morning instead of waiting to Monday . . .

Uh, your kid is ridiculous. We live 20-30 min out of town . . . and so we generally try to coordinate trips / consolidate errands if possible . . . and my kids OFTEN have to get somewhere 10-60 min early, and wait, sometimes at the activity location, and occasionally at some random (safe) fast food place, etc. If it means saving a driver an entire round trip to town, we coordinate and go early/wait/whatever, generally with waits less than 60 min, except in extraordinary circumstances. I mean, gosh, us moms do that sort of thing all the time!! I swear I've spent a year of my life just waiting for a kid at an activity! My kids have routinely - as in a weekly basis - done that sort of waiting -- alone -- around since age 12 or so (at a safe place, just showing up early and sitting in a corner, or whatever). They're no saints, lol, but they've always done that, and never complain. It's just normal to us. I mean, what is the other reasonable option? Blow $30 on an Uber? Have Mom spend an extra 2-3 hours running a separate errand to save the kid 30 min of waiting at a Wendy's? Uh, that's nuts.

Adderall is serious shit. So is Zoloft, and it's treating a very serious condition (depression). So, if my kid were on those serious meds, I'd WANT a DR checking in on him regularly. Maybe you could ask if 90 days would work. IME, a 30 day follow up is typical for the first few months of psych medication in a young person. Maybe 60-90 days after the first few checkups if things are going well. Pysch meds routinely have to be tweaked on a regular basis. Depression is something you want someone monitoring closely, especially if this is a child (under 20 or so). IMHO. Depression can change quickly, and it can be fatal. It's not something I'd want to just medicate and then not have monitored closely. And, presumably, you're monitoring closely both to make sure the depression is being well controlled, but also on the watch for the time when the patient can get OFF the meds. So, yah, I think 60 days is responsible given the situation. FWIW, I've lost more than one beloved young man to suicide. So, to me, identifying (YAY!) and treating (YAY) depression is a critical situation, and I'd do anything possible to ensure close monitoring, adjusting of treatment/meds, etc.

I'm a devoted d-mannose user and UTI survivor . . . And I hate ABX . . . and they almost killed me once . . . but . . . In your shoes, I'd go on ABX for a week, keep up all my good habits, push probiotics, and hope I make it another decade. If your DR will culture your urine (before you go on ABX -- do a culture & sensitivitiy) so you can find out WHAT was infecting you, that might be helpful for future information. Especially since 90% or so of UTIs are E Coli . . . I'd want to know just what I had . . . maybe it could be fungal or viral or whatever or something that ABX doesn't work on . . . You won't have the results right away, so you'd start ABX right away, and then when the C&S comes back, you can change course/treatment if needed.

Little Dix Bay, Virgin Gorda. They have a kids' program, seem very family friendly, but we went just grown ups, so I can't confirm specifics. HEAVEN ON EARTH. They're closed for renovations (why? it was perfect before they began renovations!) but they'll be done this fall.

Of course, please do edit for clear errors!

ps. I believe that in Europe and other parts of the world, people are routinely given probiotics, specifically S. boulardii, when treated with antibiotics. I was shocked to learn this . . . and adjusted my family's ABX protocols accordingly. We self-prescribe probiotics routinely when we use ABX or if we have a GI bug/disturbance.

Yup, those are just probiotics. Good stuff!

Whole family cleans up the kitchen and dining room immediately after dinner. We all work together until the kitchen and dining room are sparkling. 20-30 min max. Makes everything SO MUCH BETTER.

At a minimum, I highly recommend a probiotic with S. boulardii (tons of strong data on this one) as well as one with all the good lactobacillus varieties. I order mine from Amazon and purchase the NOW brand. (Once you get them, refrigerate the lactobacillus product . .. the boulardii variety does not need refrigeration.) There are also some great "pre-biotics" that are apparently important to maximize the effectiveness of the probiotics . . . I am actually taking a total of 8 different things at the moment, as I am on a long course of high dose ABX for a severe/acute case of Lyme Disease . . . I'm no expert in the pre-biotics, though, as I just followed advice from a friend. Psyllium husk, "super enzymes" and a bunch of other stuff. I also take caprylic acid supplements while on ABX to reduce risk of yeast infection (men can get them too . . . I had one once that was in my mouth and entire GI tract . . . From ABX . . .) I take all of them 2 hours after each dose of antibiotics. I suggest taking them for at least a month after completing all antibiotics if he's been on high doses for a longer period of time, especially if he hasn't already been on them thus far. (I start them as soon as starting ABX and extend them at least 4 weeks after the last dose of ABX.) Fermented foods are awesome, too, if he likes things like that. ("Real" sauerkraut, kim chi, kombucha, etc, etc) And, of course, yogur. :)