You just cost me $85. For 4 pairs of underwear (found a coupon code for 20% off). Good grief. That's crazy. But, really, I've had trouble finding nicer boxers for him in recent years. Dh is so hard to buy treats for . . . I hope he likes them.

= a party. Nothing more or less. Any party could be a shindig, although I guess maybe not a tiny low key one, more of a lively one, but not necessarily a huge or wild one. It's a casual synonym for party in my mind. I'm from northern VA (very urban/intellectual), but my mom grew up in Indiana and my dad in NJ, so that might have influenced my definition.

Igenex is the lab that Lyme folks love. I was lucky to get a CDC positive through a traditional lab, so I have no personal experience. But, in a chronic Lyme situation with traditional labs showing negative (or in other more complex cases), Igenex seems to be the way to go. I think most insurances and most doctors won't order/use it . . . but I think any LLMD would pull the labs for him . . . I get the impression it's pretty darn expensive (several hundred dollars). Honestly, I'd go to a LLMD right off the bat, as he'll need a LLMD to treat him if he does get a positive, and also to help interpret the lab results.

Worker protections are very state specific. I don't think you'd fall under federal protections other than FMLA. If your employer is large enough, google up FMLA details and see if you can use it for your situation. In general, I'd guess that you're not protected from being fired in your situation.

This is me exactly! Lyme dose that to you!! (Same with DEET . . . and permethrin . . . I used to avoid pesticides. . . Now I just want to KILL ALL THE TICKS!)

IME, "regular" doctors, and in particular ID docs, aren't willing to treat Lyme appropriately. It's bizarre, and I won't try to figure out why. Fact is, they won't. Your money and time is best spent finding a "Lyme Literate Medical Doctor" (either an MD or DO) who has a special interest in (properly) treating Lyme. Personally, I'd take the doxy he RX'ed, I'd take it at double dose (200 mg twice a day, I'm sure the iD doc RX'ed 100 twice a day), and then I'd work very hard to get into a LLMD by the time the week's worth of doxy runs out. The LLMD will RX more, higher dose, doxy and/or many other antibiotics. For a much longer time. I just finished my 3 months of *very* high dosages of multiple antibiotics for my case (began in May) of severe acute Lyme. I'm talking VERY high dosages. Of 2-3 ABX simultaneously, rotating through various ones, depending on the day/week. The dosages were insanely high. I took zillions of probiotics and other supplements to support my body through that "nuclear antibiotics" period, and will keep taking those supportive probiotics, etc for many more months. I survived. My Lyme symptoms are gone. I was willing to go to such extremes to treat my disease, outside of the regular medical system, because I saw just how disabling chronic Lyme can be (and my own acute Lyme was so disablingly painful that I knew that I'd die if I had to live with that pain indefinitely), and I didn't want to risk being part of that chronic Lyme club if I could at all prevent it. LLMDs generally don't accept insurance, but my RXes and labs could be paid by insurance . . . Good thing, because my ABX -- all oral -- were about $1000-1500/mo if my insurance hadn't paid (it did, and so I paid $4/each/month prescription, as they were all generics). The medical visits were about $180 per visit (per month) and I just had to go 3 times. . . Insurance might reimburse a bit, we'll see . . . I submitted the bills, but I'm not holding my breath. Supplements ran me about another 200/mo. Fortunately, I can afford that . . . my biggest costs were the 2 ER visits and 1 inpatient hospitalization that occurred while the regular medical system was missing my Lyme diagnosis (about 5k . . . in deductibles and copays . . . zeroed out our HSA, sadly). If only they'd caught the Lyme earlier . . . oh my . . . Anyway, I've met a LOT of people who have been disabled for YEARS and have pretty much accepted the inevitability of being sick for the rest of their lives, due to chronic Lyme infections. I was just really sick for a month or so from the Lyme and then another couple months of recovering while surviving the awful side effects of so many antibiotics. I am afraid of ABX and severely allergic to more than one of them, so I'm not at all an easy sell for ABX. But, I almost died from the Lyme IN MY BRAIN (meningitis, the damn bacteria IN MY BRAIN) . . . so, I'm an easy sell for ABX for Lyme. If my kid had it, I'd have them in a LLMD office IMMEDIATELY. My 2c. And, FWIW, the majority of people DO get better from just 2 weeks of low dose doxy (for acute Lyme, diagnosed within weeks to a couple months of the bite) . . . My LLMD guessed that maybe 5% don't . . . The thing is, that 5% . . . their lives are pretty much shit from them on, period. And "normal" medicine marginalizes them and won't treat them, and by the time their misery might get them to a LLMD, 6 months or 6 years later . . . it's too late to avoid "chronic" Lyme, so you're looking at years-to-lifetime of severe medical expenses and/or disability. I took my chances with nuclear ABX to minimize my chance of being in that 5% . . . Time will tell if I made the right call, and I guess we'll never know if I could have been "just fine" if I'd just taken my 21 days of low dose doxy . . . Your kid, your call. . . Please trust me when I tell you that the ID docs and the "regular" docs aren't going to help you or your kid. It's just wasting time and money to try. I was told that, and I didn't believe it . . . I went to an ID doc, a neurologist (remember, it was in my brain, and that was diagnosed at an ER) . . . "regular" primary care docs who've known me for over a decade . . . USELESS. Utterly useless. Total waste of effort. Just go to a LLMD and do what they say. IMHO.

Day 1. Yes. Day 2. Yes.

MIL sounds evil, and y'all don't have any interactions with them due to that. If you feel that FIL's wishes were circumvented and feel confident that FIL would not have wanted what is going to happen to happen . . . then you are within your rights to go to war by hiring an aggressive attorney. If you want to do that, I'd do it now, and use the attorney to help gain access to FIL. Go visit, etc. If you don't care enough about him to fight for access to FIL, then, personally, I'd let go of the money. IMHO, even though I would wish for all my kids to inherit, and would have structured my documents that way, if one of them didn't care enough to fight to see me for years, when I was impaired due to a stroke or other illness, then, I wouldn't regret them not getting my money. So, if you care, fight to see FIL. Then, after seeing him regularly and helping with his care . . . feel free to fight for proper estate documents, and just follow the attorney's guidance on that. If you don't care enough to fight to see him, then I don't think you're entitled (morally) to one red cent. IMHO. I'm sure you're looking at 10k+ in legal fees to get started, so presumably don't go far unless there is a lot to gain and you are willing/able to blow big money in the highly likely case that your efforts fail, no matter how hard you try.

How about tacos that you can do w/ or w/o cheese and meat? Just use some soy-cheese for you (or skip it) and have real cheese and meat for your son. You can do beans/veggies/rice/guacamole/etc. You can even make extra taco meat and freeze portions of it for future weeks. And shredded cheese keeps great in the freezer, too. So, no waste, no problems. You can make the rest of the meal fresh and just pull out a baggie of meat and a cup of cheese each time. I'd scour your brain for family favorites like tacos that can be easily modified both directions.

Ugh. I hear you. I was a terrible driver when I was a teen. It's lucky I didn't kill anyone. I can't believe my mom kept paying my tickets and my driving-school fees. I guess she didn't want to have to drive me around. Or, maybe I was annoying enough that she didn't mind if I got killed? (Just kidding!) My boy was a terrible driver his first year or two. It scared the crap out of me. We survived . . . He's better now. I think he was scared straight by his accidents, to be honest. I guess he had to learn the hard way. Thankfully, no one was ever hurt. I'd think a grounding would make sense for, say, nonschool/nonwork stuff . . . I'd aim to keep him safe w/ some wiggle room. Perhaps I'd give grace for 1-5 miles over the limit, but bring down the hammer for >5 miles over -- say no driving for fun stuff for a week, and >10 would lead to no driving for ANY reason, even if that meant I'd drive him to school/work which may mean great inconvenience for him (as in, I'd have to drop him off 2 hours early for his shift, or whatever) and for me (being a mom sucks sometimes). I'd keep reminding him that a single ticket or accident will make your insurance BALLOON catastrophically and that HE will pay the difference. I made a big point of that with my kids . . . and so far, amazingly for the boy, there's been no tickets and no accidents that were reported to insurance. (Several accidents happened . . . none were reported to insurance or police, luckily. . . ds paid for the last couple . . . took him a long miserable summer to earn off the $1500 or so he owed us . . . dd got lucky in her one significant accident as it was only her car involved and only caused cosmetic damage to a our very old car that we didn't care about fixing . . . ) Anyway, we've made a huge deal about that from Day1. Mom and Dad will pay your insurance and keep you in wheels . . . but ONLY to the extent you don't do stupid things driving, including get tickets, have avoidable accidents, etc. Kid must pay the incremental costs associated with any insurance hikes and also any out of pocket costs for fixing cars . . . (We'd pay if a deer jumped out of nowhere or they were the victim but not the cause of an accident . . . but, if it's avoidable . . . kid pays.) So far, I do think these lengthy reminders with exact (possibly exaggerated) cost estimates have helped. (I.e., I tell them that ONE ticket could make their insurance go from 100/mo to 400/mo and since they can't afford that extra 300/mo, that means they'd have to turn in their DL so we could drop them from our insurance. . . Anyway, be sure to sing that song if you don't already. ((((hugs)))) It's so darn hard to parent young adults. So. Hard.

Yup. Since Person B died first, the only things your kids would inherit would be their share of Person's B estate at the time of Person B's death. Person B's inheritance from Person A never happens at all, since Person B died first. Unless Person A (last to die) has named your kids as heirs, then your kids (as Person B's heirs) would not inherit anything from Person A's estate. For example, in my will/estate documents, DH gets everything if I die first. The kids get everything (split up and in various trusts) if DH is already dead when I die. If I died even one minute or hour before DH, then he'd have inherited everything from me, and the kids would only get whatever DH's will says they'd get. (Everything stops the moment somebody dies. Even if somebody has signed a check 4 days before their death, if you haven't taken it to the bank before the date of death, that check is no good. In fact, the bank will ultimately REVERSE all transactions that occur after the date of death. I know this for an absolute fact, as it happened in my mom's accounts, with automatic payments that happened after her death being reversed after her death date had been reported.) Alternatively, say dh was already dead, so I now had "it all", and then I died, leaving everything to my 3 kids. My will specifies what happens if any of my kids are no longer living (as I think any proper will would). In my case, it says that, then, their share (1/3) of my estate would be split "per stripes" among that deceased child's heirs. (That means, if my kid had 2 children, then that deceased child's 1/3 would be split 50-50 among that child's heirs. Meaning each grandchild would get 1/6. But if the child had created 3 grandkids, they'd each get 1/9 instead of 1/6.) It also specifies that if the child dies w/o heirs, then their share (1/3) goes back into the estate and is thus just split among my surviving kids, so then my surviving 2 kids would each get 50% of my estate instead of 1/3. I've updated our wills several times over our lives, and every time, this sort of language is in place, so I'm guessing it's routine. My guess is that unless Person A -- the LAST person to die -- had named your kids as heirs, your kids won't inherit anything from Person A's estate. Your kids will inherit whatever their proper share was of Person B's estate -- AT THE TIME OF PERSON B's DEATH. Person B cannot inherit anything from anyone when Person B is already dead. If your kids do inherit anything, then definitely talk to the estate attorney and/or executor and get the written will . . . to insure you adhere to the laws. If your kid is 18+, unless a trust was *created by the will in question* you cannot interfere with your adult child's access to the money. Once they are 18, it's the same as if they were 58. Their money, not mom and dad's. Period. If your kids are under 18 when they inherit, then you can presumably control their money (but NOT spend it on normal support, in my understanding), but rather you can stash it in some safe and prudent investment account until they are 18. Once they are 18, it's theirs, period. You cannot put it in a trust that would prevent them from complete access/control at age 18, again, *unless the will creates a trust or trusts*. My kids inherited a bit from my mom's estate, and we put their funds into Trusts that they can't access until age 25 (but we could access it before then, if we needed to, but again, not to provide their routine support . . . but, say, if they were going to grad school and wanted it for that or for a car when they are adults, etc.) We could only do this because my mother's will/trust documents (multiple documents) established these "grandchildren trusts" in the will. As such, we were/are legally obligated to follow the intent of the will. Once they are 25, they will have full access to the funds. Meanwhile, they sit and grow. So, I've got the years between now and when each hits 25 to ensure they are as responsible and competent as possible. In my own estate/trust planning, with much larger funds involved since we are young and have huge insurance policies, the trust that will be generated if dh and I both die anytime soon (before our kids are fully competent and independent to handle a huge sum of money), the trusts would be set up to provide access to chunks of the money over many years, to age 45 or so IIRC, so if one (or all) of them is stupid with money at 25, then they'd have another chance at 30, 35, etc. (And the trustee who administers the trust meanwhile can distribute it for education/medical/other needs as well, so they'd essentially have access to the support that Mom and Dad would have provided, even after we're dead.) I'm not a lawyer. Definitely engage an attorney to figure these things out.

Comfortis is like Capstar . . . a pill that turns your cat (or dog) flea-proof. But Comfortis keeps killing for about a month instead of Capstar's 1-2 days. It's RX from the vet. It's awesome. Beyond that, I'd recommend talking to the vet sometime soon anyway about parasite control measures. If you really can't go to the vet . . . Frontline may work and is over-the-counter and very safe. There are many resistant populations, but if it works, it's good.

Can he ride a bike home from school? If the roads are safe enough for a bike, that'd eliminate that problem. . . and then he can shower/change as soon as he gets home. I'm assuming you already drive with all the windows open? I'm not sensitive to fragrances, but sometimes my teen boy stunk so bad that I drove with all the windows open. Even in the winter. And it's a 25 min drive home from anywhere, lol. Anyway, if you aren't already rolling all the windows down, I'd add that to your strategy. And, when he gets home, be sure he takes all his clothes straight into the washer and starts it immediately. Himself. And, FWIW, I'm with the nope-to-hs'ing-for-this-reason crowd. Gotta' find another solution. Showers, change of clothes, ride a bike, etc.

Good point! I hadn't thought of that. If the "kids" stand to inherit a million bucks, even if their folks hadn't done all the right paperwork ahead of times, those "kids" would be much more likely hire a good attorney to fight, because they'd be motivated for the $$ themselves and/or because being in a family with that much $$, the "kids" probably have the means (and the chutzpah) to pay for the lawyer themselves, even if they didn't want the money for themselves. Just another example of how "poor" folks get screwed in our economy. Unbelievable. I hate people.

My mother's estate attorney clarified to me, personally, and it was a serious and imminent concern at that time, that I, as her Health Care Proxy, was clearly in total control of where Mom resided. That may have been due to state-specific laws and/or due to the fact that Mom's documents were very carefully crafted by a very-high-dollar estate attorney -- there were numerous specific clauses and clarifications of authority to make this utterly inarguable -- that's what good lawyers do. But, anyway, for Mom, in Virginia when the documents were drafted and later in WV where she resided for her last 18 months, her health care proxy was bullet proof, according to the experts we engaged. I had 100% control of where Mom resided. Now, I'm sure that if I were accused of abusing/neglecting her and/or another close loved one went to court to challenge me, there *might* be some loophole, but those issues weren't at play in our family, so, fortunately, I never had to face a legal challenge.

Yes, I believe it would help. My understanding, based on her own planning from my attorney-mother and her very-high-dollar estate attorney, is that having the correct documents in place totally prevents these sorts of stranger-abduction-disasters. The reason they protect you is that the person designates in a legally binding way people who *are* legally competent (so no doubt) to handle their legal (and medical) affairs when they themselves are no longer competent. So long as your documents are done properly, and you have designated competent people (and successors if they decline, die, etc), you are good to go. (You still have to be careful that the vulnerable person doesn't get suckered in by con-men while still legally competent . . . but that's an entire other issue, and I doubt it'd come into play with the sorts of stories this article describes. Those cons are targeting easy prey, and having the right documents in place makes you very tough prey.) Certainly, it would also help if your loves ones are aggressive advocates for you . . . Guardianship cases are incredibly draining of a person's finances. The reason why estate attorneys make sure you have all these documents in place is to prevent a guardianship case, even among loved ones (say two adult kids with differing opinions), as those court cases quickly become extremely expensive . . . and usually it's the vulnerable person's money that gets drained . . . Do the documents right, and it's fairly bullet proof. It's surprising to me that there is clearly a business model that goes after "small" estates of just 100-200k. I guess those scumbags don't mind "only" being able to drain 5-6 figures from one person's life's savings since they can have HUNDREDS of people under their "guardianship" and bill hundreds of dollars an hour. I guess they just run each dry as fast as they can, then leave them to Medicaid and walk away. Evil. Evil. Evil.

I think it means . . . If you have a 21+ year old NON-parent/guardian in the passenger seat, you can't have your siblings in the back. *UNLESS* in the back seat(s), you ALSO have your parent/guardian . . . in which case they can also have their own kids (your siblings). If you have your OWN parent/guardian in the passenger seat, you CAN have your siblings in the bac. One "spare" unrelated passenger is allowed. BUT, if your parent/guardian is in the car . . . you can have as many other passengers as you like. (OR MAYBE they mean that you can have as many passengers as you want, so long as each is accompanied by a parent/guardian of their own. But, that makes no sense at all, lol, so presumably, that's not the rule. Then again, many laws make no sense at all . . .) I've had 2 kids through these sorts of restrictions already, and #3 will be there very soon, and I still have to look this shit up and try to figure it out . . . It's all very confusing. I try to keep it simple by just not having my permit-holding kids drive under any questionable circumstances. They only drive with a parent in the passenger seat +/- more family in the back seats.

I can't read it all. It's too upsetting. I tried, but it's just too horrifying. I can't do it. I've read these sorts of stories years ago, too. It's not new. It's not unknown. It's pure, unadulterated evil. I will recommend that each and every one of you get excellent estate documents in place. My mom had excellent documents, and that prevented her from being a victim of any such scam. She named her financial (general) POAs, her health care proxy, etc. It was all spelled out, with successors in case one person declined or died or whatever. These things protect you. Dh and I have our documents in place, too. We need to update them, but they are there. For starters, you need a durable power of attorney (financial/legal) and a health care proxy/POA (health care decisions including **WHERE YOU LIVE** as in getting placed in a facility) in addition to your will. You need to designate beneficiaries and POAs with your various financial institutions, etc. You need an estate attorney to guide you properly, and you need to update your documents every 5-10 years or when your circumstances change (someone named in your documents dies or is otherwise no longer appropriate, you have another kid, etc.) Here is a good article about what one must do to avoid this sort of disaster. https://www.thebalance.com/how-to-avoid-guardianship-or-conservatorship-3505428

Man alive, that's a lot of change. I'm so sorry. It really is *so* heart breaking to face these things. :( My mom stashed tissues everywhere. In. Every. Pocket. I can't tell you the thousands of tissues I've pulled out of pockets. Each one made me so sad. Since she was living with us, I was keeping her supplied with tissues, and I'd taken to buying 12-20 boxes at a time, as she went through a couple boxes a week. When she passed away, it took us about 2 years to go through the dozen or so boxes that we left. I finally bought more tissues last month, the first time . . . that was hard. A woman I knew on the internet who had cared for her mom through dementia and then cleaned up her things when she passed away . . . Found an entire large suitcase, entirely full of tissues. Not used, of course, but just folded and crumpled and completely filling the suitcase. Dementia does some really strange things. It seems funny unless it is your loved one . . . I could laugh about it some when Mom was alive, but once she was gone, it's never funny, just sad. :( (((hugs)))

Random tip . . . when we were really broke about a decade ago, I made a project of collecting the 37,000 travel size/hotel freebies/etc of all sorts of toiletries and using them up. I think we probably used them up in a few months, so that would have been $20-40 worth of toiletries we didn't buy. I need to do it again. Travel sizes have been accumulating. Another way to use them up is to take piles to VRBO vacations (what I used to save them for, as we used to go for a month to a VRBO each fall before the kids went to college and messed up my long fall vacation habit). I'm thinking taking piles to college dorms might be helpful, too. I've also heard that donating them to shelters, in particular domestic abuse shelters, is very welcome. I think I might get a big bag and collect them all (sparing a couple of each major item for guest bathrooms) and take it all to the homeless shelter -- that'd be easier than anything and a quick way to unload them w/o the guilt wasting them. Should we see who can come up with the most trial/travel size toiletries and a good use for them? I've got to take my kid to fiddle lessons and jam . . . but next up is toiletry collection. Maybe tomorrow.

I decided to make chocolate pudding. On the shelf of pudding and jello boxes, I found 3 boxes of chocolate pudding mix. I also found about 10 boxes of long-expired jello and one box of no-cook pudding (gross, must have been bought in error). Cooked one box of jello. Discarded 10 (or so) boxes of expired stuff and the gross no-cook pudding mix. One for the win. Baby steps! Keeping my eyes open for clutter is helpful.

I went through four plastic bins of varying sizes (average size a small file box) of Mom's papers/desk type stuff. This stuff was what was "left over" after a coarse purge a couple years ago. I managed to get rid of two bins' worth, so culled about 50%. It's a win. One big kitchen garbage bag is in the dumpster . . . but every paper/card/etc was hard won, so it's more of a win than you'd think, lol. I found a bunch of the "social business cards" that Mom had printed when she retired . . . and on the back of the one in her wallet was In Case of Emergency contact info, with both my old numbers on it. Before I even carried a cell phone regularly . . . just work and home. And in an old wallet, photos of my kids. Of course. These things seem so simple and painless on the surface, so why does every paper, every picture, slay me years after her death? I'm telling myself that it's best to just plow through because each thing I purge is gone forever, but each thing I keep will be painful time and time again as I re-purge every so often. The trick is to COMPLETE the purge by carrying it to the curb or hauling to Goodwill. Gotta' get it gone, gone, gone. I found $3 in cash and at least $10 in coins and another $5 or so in stamps. Bonus points for finding cash and cash equivalents buried in the junk. What's the most cash/cash equivalents that anyone has ever found in their decluttering and cleaning purges? I'm thinking of taking the 2 gallon jar worth of change I've got accumulated and getting it counted and put on my Amazon account. (My kid told me you can do that, fee-free, but I haven't tried it yet.) That'd be some fun Xmas shopping money.

Thanks for the well wishes and sympathy. I really appreciate the kind listening. I'm done. It's all in the car. 294 items bagged and ready for me to haul tomorrow to GoodWill. $3543 value according to Goodwill's pricing. That's probably 1/10 of what she spent on all that stuff. Good God. I can't even stand to think of the money my mom spent on clothing. Had to be close to 6 figures in the last decade of her life, her retirement years . . . and to think that all her lawyer-suits and other dressy work-clothes were donated a decade ago . . . It was her hard-earned money, and she enjoyed shopping and enjoyed clothes, so while she was alive, even once my brother and I were caring for her due to her dementia, we never tried to stop her shopping . . . but, man, what a waste. All those damn clothes! ugh! SO many! We need less stuff. I'm going to keep at it. So many more things to thin out . . . This step really lightens my mental and practical load, as we emptied several closets. . . and let go of so many emotionally laden items . . . But, so much more to do . . . Some folks are gonna' have some awesome shopping finds at GoodWill in the next week or so. I hope it brings some happiness.

I would take her to a better doctor. I'd also see a physical therapist that has special interest in feet. (Feet are really complicated, so often times, a particularly PT focuses on feet and will be more competent than a generalist.) If your insurance permits, PTs can often be the primary diagnostician with these sorts of things. Our PT has been the primary diagnostician and treatment provider for all muscular/skeletal issues for our family once we found a great one. Unless it's broken/surgical, then the PT is generally MUCH MUCH more capable with these sorts of issues IME. A podiatrist would presumably also be an excellent way to go, but I don't have any experience with them. A regular general practice DR isn't who I'd rely on for this sort of thing (although a first go isn't a bad idea, but you've already tried that). I certainly wouldn't rely on a NP for this sort of thing. I wouldn't take her to ballet or have her do any other feet-intensive activities until a DR and PT have both checked her out and have given you a good plan of action. So, I'd find a podiatrist, a good PT, make appointments ASAP, and then carry on. While waiting for appointments, I'd try ice/rest/wearing comfortable shoes (comfy tennis shoes, most likely) at all times, and NSAIDs (unless contraindicated by other medical conditions).

I'm trying really, really hard. My mom died over 2 years ago. I'm still trying to get through all her stuff. (I have an overly large house with too much storage space.) Every time I do it, I cry a lot. I make some headway. But it's ENDLESS. 2 weeks ago, I spent most of a few days finally going through the big closets of her clothes. I'd done it in small bursts for a couple years, probably purging about half of it previously. I finally went all in and did it *all*. I had mountains on her bed. (She lived with us.) It is a mountain. About 300-500 items. I had put about 10% of the items on a side table/shelf thing. These were the things I didn't know for sure that I wanted to wear, but think I might, and I'd tried every dang item on . . . and some sentimental items . . . and so I'd sorted out those few items to deal with later. (Once I'd emptied her clothes closets of stuff I knew I didn't want to keep, I figured I'd consolidate remaining non-clothing items and put back these few clothing items to deal with later.) Today, I asked dh to help me for an hour to drag all the piles into the dining room so I could sort into piles of pants/sweaters/etc, count, photograph, bag, and pile into my car. He kindly agreed. I've *got* to do this complicated process, as it's probably going to be about a $3000 tax write off, and so I need more evidence than the random blank receipt from Goodwill. (These are all like new, high end brands, some still with tags, and there's TONS of it, probably average cost $60-100 per item, many were much more. Mom was a crazy clothes horse.) So, I gave dh careful instructions . . . just hold my hand while I do this . . . for one hour . . . I needed the moral support to get through this step so I don't fall apart. 5 minutes into the process, he asks, "Oh, were the items on the side table not supposed to come out?" I was like, "NO, OMG, NO, and there in the middle of the piles is the t-shirt I made for Mom with my babies' feet prints all over it. FUCK FUCK FUCK." He'd mixed everything up that I'd sorted out, and there's no way I can remember/know which was which w/o going through it ALL OVER AGAIN. Now, instead of being able to complete my process and get it out of my house. . . I am a mess, the piles are all mixed up, and I have to START ALMOST ALL OVER. (It's not really all over. It's really just maybe 20% do-over. But every try-on and think-through BREAKS MY HEART into a million pieces. I was supposed to be DONE with that stage. That's why he could finally help. He could just help carry shit around and hold my hand while I stacked/bagged/tagged. Then he could bag and carry to the car. I just wanted the moral support. He is totally with the program and supportive. He just made a little mistake . . . I am so upset. I hate being surrounded by all this stuff. Mom had SO MANY beautiful things. They aren't junk. It's good stuff. She loved her things. They meant something to her. I can't just toss it all. But, my entire house feels like a shrine to my mother. We added on/remodeled (massively) for her to move in with us when she was sick. Then she died much faster than we expected, before construction (hell) was even over. (I actually seriously considered selling our now-amazing-perfect house when she died because it depressed me so much, as I really made it fabulous for HER, much nicer than I'd have wanted for just myself.) Her beautiful art, antiques, dishes, and just STUFF is now nicely integrated with "my" stuff . . . but, for God sake, I need to get rid of more of it. I needed to get rid of the clothes that we'll never wear. (I've still got hundreds of items of her clothes and shoes in my closet, both my girls' closets, several of my good friends' closets . . .) I needed to get this "big one" done. I need to be DONE with this step. Now, I have to go back in her damn room and sort it all out again. This time, all by myself. Dh (who is sweet and regretful) and dd14 (who is seemingly always mad at me lately and who I just couldn't face another outing today with her disapproval in my current state of mind) are out for two hours to dd's newest activity . . . and I've got to go get it all done, myself, right now, or I will lose my ever loving mind. That means I have to re-try-on the piles of clothes that are now in the was-sorted-now-not-sorted piles . . . Because Mom literally owned 10 or 12 pairs of nice dress grey slacks, 10 or 12 nice black slacks, etc . .. and I'd ALREADY TRIED THEM ALL ON and pulled out 4-5 pairs of dress slacks that looked good on me . . . and that I was gonna' put in a closet for "just in case I suddenly find myself needing to dress up more than once a year" . . . (because, you know, I might turn into a practicing attorney or maybe a stock broker any day now, uh huh) I'm so sad. I figure I just have to dive in, cry as needed, GET IT DONE, and pile all that shit in my car because I just can't have it hanging over my head any longer. And, this is just the clothing. OMG, I just hate this. Last week, when I was in stage 1 of the great clothing purge, I found my own MS thesis in Mom's stuff. I printed just 2 copies (other than those that went to the university) . . . one for me, one for Mom. Only a mom would keep a 20 year old thesis on Nitrogen cycling in high elevation spruce-fir forests. Mom. I miss her. THIS IS WHY DECLUTTERING IS SO HARD for me. It's not greed. It's not fear. It's sadness and an inappropriate connections between things and people. OK, I'm heading in. Wish me luck.