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Maybe I'm grasping at straws here, but the bolded sounds like it could just be a bad case of denial. And, possibly, the realization as to just how MUCH work he has to do ahead of him. I imagine it IS daunting, the amount of work he'll have to do to improve his behavior, from your brief description. And you can't do it for him, that's for sure. :grouphug:

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The above sounds like something else is going on besides your dh just not cooperating. I think I'd be doing what you're doing - reading about ADD or whatever else, finding a counselor, etc. At any rate, probably useless to stay angry about it until the two of you figure out what's really happening here. Until then, I'd be tempted just to do most of it myself to avoid the mental anguish of dealing with the dh. Fwiw, I actually preferred doing most of the stuff myself instead of involving my dh. And once my kids were old enough, I taught them to do almost all of it as part of training them to run a house on their own as adults. My dh's standards were very low as far as cleanliness and time and everything else, and I loathed having to remind/nag/tell ... him anything, because .... well, I'm not his mother and it always made me feel like he was just another one of the kids when I did that. Yuck. (But I wasn't working outside the home either.) :grouphug:

I'm not one who could watch my dc bear the brunt of my dh's ... ummm .... 'behavior'. I'd have to step in or figure out a way to avoid some of that. And I don't mean shielding dc from the reality of my dh. Or pretending he's something he's not. Just that I had a line where my dc were concerned, and when dh got too close to that line, I stepped in and took control of the situation. Kind of hard to explain ... I don't know if this will help or not, but I'll throw it out there. We hs'ed, and at one point all 5 kids were wanting to practice on our one piano. There was squabbling, etc. Then, in a rare moment of clarity, I blurted out "Y'all sit down and make a schedule for the piano." They were a little confused at first, but I explained that they needed to think of the piano as a separate entity which needed a schedule - NOT of themselves individually - but think of the piano FIRST, and THEN go off and make up their own schedules AROUND the piano's schedule. Lo and behold, their attitudes changed and they sat down and hammered out a 'schedule for the piano' and posted it on the piano itself. And I never heard another argument about practice times. All to say that instead of fighting each other over the chores, maybe it would be better to view it as 'making a schedule for ______'. Take it one thing at a time, or all at once, whichever works best for BOTH of you. At a time when you're both calm and there are no distractions and both of you are well-rested and have plenty of time. And come up with something - anything - just to get started. Then, set a date to meet again, same scenario, to tweak, and to hash out even more details of other things. And just keep doing this regularly. At some point, your kids will be folded into the process, and that will be SOOO much easier if you and your dh have already ironed out a lot of the kinks. But the key is to think of the running of the house as an entity separate from you and from your dh. It's a 'thing' that needs ___ (a schedule, a what??). And it's up to you and dh to come together and make that _____ to keep that ship from sinking. (I know. Clear as mud. But hth anyway.) :grouphug:

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Praying, Katy. :grouphug:

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I didn't think of it as finding other Christian kids for my kids. I just looked at the company my kids kept and made each decision case by case. For example, we lived in a neighborhood with a few kids my kids played with. None were Christian and all played together well, for a while. After a few years, one kid began pressuring my sons to come to his religion's gatherings. Another child lied constantly. After trying to deal with the kids directly without success, I began limiting my kids' time with the first group. The child who lied, I cut off completely after several warnings. I think I thought of it more as 'how can you even tell whether a child that young is a Christian?' I can't even tell whether some adult, church-going people are Christians, much less a child. So I looked at the kid's behavior and made a judgement call as to what kind of influence I wanted, or didn't want, my kids exposed to. Thus, cutting off the lying child because no way was I opening that can of worms with my own kids. Not a battle I wanted to fight ... My kids are grown now and 4 still in college, 1 graduated. They attended a large, state university with kids from all over the world because that was all we could afford. After a couple of years, they told me they were glad they were not in a Christian college because in a college like they were in, it was easy to see the true believers. And all of them have friends who are and aren't believers. They take it one person/situation at a time ...

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