Follow up to my area rug question as we outfit our basement to be a comfy space for kids/teens/young adults. I’m thinking of getting a nice bean bag or two for seating/sleeping. My 22 yo ds asked for one for Christmas when he was 10 yo. It has lasted and been well used and is still used regularly when 17 yo ds plays video games. Younger kids have slept on it. I cannot find a tag on it and have no memory of what brand it was but it has been worth every penny. We are fans of Shark Tank so we are looking at the one featured on there that holds a bed inside. CordaRoys? Anyone have a brand recommendation? What type of fabric cover for comfort/durability? I think my kids have preferred the bean bag to other couches/love seats/recliners we’ve had over the years and it has held up better.

I am so not a home decorator- We are trying to move from the phase in life where we aren’t just trying to keep our head above water but actually fix things up and invest in higher quality items that will enhance our enjoyment of our home and will last. We are finally renovating our basement bedroom/bathroom and hopefully making it a warm and comfortable place when adult kiddos return home for visits (or if they need to return here to live for any reason) That said, I am looking for a nice area rug to put down over a vinyl plank floor. I come from the Big Lots/Walmart school of shopping and I’m still always looking to be frugal. But- it would be nice to make this room as warm and comfy as possible. I’d be willing to spend a little extra for something that looks really nice/feels nice underfoot. Am I looking for a certain fiber? A certain pile height or thickness? Where should I be shopping? We have the big box stores but I am willing to order online. These questions seem so silly but moving past the stage of surviving on hand me downs to actually trying to invest in something you enjoy can be very confusing!

We love getting ours at Publix. The first year my dd was really reluctant and didn’t want the shot. The family behind us was telling her that she would then get $10 and could get whatever she wanted to with it. It was clearly how that family handled it but I really wasn’t planning on giving my kids their cards. LOL. I’m sure at that point I was planning on using them for needed groceries. But it would ease the pain of taking kids for shots to then give them the gift card to spend. 🙂 Ita a good deal!

Gosh that is sweet! Seeing these young folks through this pandemic has not been easy. They have all had setbacks. Probably easier on them because, while they do care about each other, at this point they are really just focused on themselves. But mama suffers all the disappointments for everyone! It was therapeutic to type out our good news. 🙂

My oldest ds finally started a job he was offered a year ago as a senior in college but because of everything just now started. It is a good job with benefits and he is getting started with his 401K and HSA immediately. No one in my family has ever gone straight through school and been settled in a good job before getting tied up with marriage and babies...it is shocking to see my 22 yo actually doing things in an easier way than the rest of us ever chose 😂 My second ds has been struggling mightily trying to finish his degree and get graduated in December as planned. After his first round of tests he has As and Bs. Seriously shocked. He might make it. We will be holding our breath until the diploma is in hand but today it is good news. My third ds got elected president of our state 4-H. He has been working towards this goal since middle school. They would have normally met over the summer and elected officers but because of Covid that was cancelled and they finally held a virtual election. It remains to be seen if he will actually get to do anything (in a normal year he would be traveling the state and beyond as the top student officer in 4-H and attending events and speaking and rubbing elbows with the important people). But even if he doesn't actually get to carry out official duties he is very happy to at least have been chosen by his peers and i'm sure he will preside over and attend some online events. Last week everyone seemed down but this past week was good. Life has been such a roller coaster lately.

It did used to be recommended in October but it has been pushed earlier and earlier over the years. We usually see it advertised at the pharmacies in August. If you can't get into the doctor we have had good luck with grocery store pharmacies just walking in. I remember one year we made appointments at the CVS Minute Clinic early in the day for later that day. It seems all the urgent care and in store clinics are often easier and faster to get into than the regular doctors offices around here.

We got our a month ago I think. The pediatrician I had for my oldest ds (22 years ago) strongly pushed the flu vaccine and as a young mom who hadn't yet been exposed to the anti vaccine messages, I agreed to it without much thought. When my oldest was about five there were multiple flu deaths in the preschool age set in our city and that scared me. We have gotten it most years though might have skipped it when we were without insurance. We never had any side effects and even if the flu wouldn't have killed us, I never wanted to deal with it going through the house if it could be avoided. Once my kids got to be older teens I didn't want them to get the flu and miss weeks of dual enrollment or work or sports or whatever. I always harass my college kids about getting it. I figure they get so run down and they just don't need the stress of missing class or getting behind in their studies. This year I thought it was more important than ever. I just don't want anyone to get sick with anything right now. FYI- if you live near a Publix you can get a $10 gift card for getting a flu shot there. So you can take your family in and then go get Pub Subs for dinner or let your kid reluctant about a shot pick out a treat or something. It makes getting the shot less annoying if you come out with $40-$50 in gift cards like we have.

I think it must be the same personality traits that make people in power think they can get away with crazy affairs and other behavior. And they often do and money makes a lot of problems go away. Maybe it is just ego and they have always been able to be untouched by things regular folks would get hammered by. And they are just SO important they can’t miss a meeting or ceremony or photo op. I don’t understand so much about the world the privileged operate in.

I am not a fan of the president and while I would consider myself a moderate on covid restrictions/masking/etc, I have been frustrated by the cavalier attitude of the president and his party when it comes to covid. I, personally, think there is some middle ground on restrictions and openings and that people can act relatively safely and with common sense without isolating themselves all the time. While I am okay with other people going about their business as they see fit, even if I would not participate, it is different for those in power. If I go on a mom's night out and get covid it is not a matter of national security. So the standard there is different. (Now, I am not ignorant to the effect of community spread on the whole so I don't need to be preached at for saying someone can go on a mom's night out if they feel like it.) But, the moms that get together with their kids at the park are not going to throw the world into chaos if they get sick. What on earth were all these people in power thinking ?!?!?! All that said, I feel nothing but concern and compassion for the president and his family and the whole country. No sense of poetic justice at all. In fact, I think this is the first time I have seen him as a felow human and not some caricature or comic book villain. So, I'm just really sad and concerned. And- I am completely befuddled at how Mike Pence is not effectively the boy in the bubble right now.

I fully expect the local private U my senior does de at to be mostly in person. They actually moved more classes from hybrid/online to fully in person during the first few weeks of fall as they worked out protocols. They have kept cases under control and have, from what we have seen, good compliance with safety measures. The classes that have remained online have been the introductory lectures with 100+ students that they just don't have rooms big enough to distance them. So even if, at registration, it isn't clear what will be in person or online, we can make pretty good guesses based on what we saw remain online this fall.

We cosigned on a car loan (would only do this if kid was very responsible and if I was ready to absorb the payments if needed). It's not for everyone but it was good for us. He got a better rate than he could have on his own, too. We put ours as authorized users on our main credit card and that helps. Can he get a card somewhere he won't overspend? A gas station? Of course he still could go in and buy food and junk on impulse but it isn't as tempting as a VISA. They also usually have a low limit so how much trouble he could get himself in is minimized. I know there are secured cards where you put some money down (like in escrow I guess) and that is to guarantee the card. These are easier to get and one way to start.

Yes, and such people act as though the fact that someone else caused the damage (a kid, a dog, a rainstorm, a dh) they can't possibly be responsible for it. I know someone who always blames someone else in her household, as though she is not responsible if her kid colored in it. It's the kid's fault! I am continually amazed at how self centered people are 😞

Our day to day finances are always stressful but we do have a chunk saved and I like to look at that from time to time for comfort 🙂 I like playing around with online calculators. I'm not saavy enough to always recognize what are good assumptions to make in all the fields. Does anyone here have any online tools they like? Thanks.

Probably not even though I think it is totally OK for you to ask. The conditions we would probably ask would be 1) if we truly couldn't afford it and they could (if everyone was strapped we would take the expense and not further burden the kid) 2) the kid just needed to be more considerate, grow up, etc. I can see how some young adults need that lesson and some don't. If neither of those two conditions existed I would probably take the opportunity to spoil the child. I say that as someone whose two adult dc went away to college and never even returned during summers. They don't come home for extended stays and we don't see them often. We aren't big gift givers, not effusive with affection, etc. and if I have the chance to spoil my adult children and remind them I'm still their mom and always have their back I'll do it. But as soon as the kid became annoying, acting entitled, not contributing, etc. I would go ask because otherwise I would get resentful.

I think with a forecast of 52 and cold rain I would throw the idea of dress clothes out the window! I'm thinking any kind of long skirt/dress/ pants with a sweater and a jacket. Surely no one would expect you to be all dressy in those conditions? Is the reception inside or the whole thing is outside? I think I'd dress however I would to go to a corn maze or pumpkin patch at Halloween 🙂

Thanks. That’s very confusing. We do have a high deductible plan with an HSA for our family. We haven’t claimed him as a dependent since 2018 so that isn’t complicated.

I can see how our family insurance would not allow him to use it for a primary if he had other insurance. That makes sense. We’ll call and make sure. I now remember that every year our family insurance makes me verify that I don’t have any other insurance that should be my primary. I wouldn’t be surprised to start needing to verify that for adult kids at some point too. I’m fine with him using ours as secondary. I am just trying to think through the scenario and figure out what questions he even needs to ask.

Yeah I think it would be worth the hassle. I just can’t see removing him from our plan if it isn’t costing anything for him to be on it, and it is legal.

He is going to fully fund his HSA regardless. Are you saying he couldn’t do that if he had our family as primary?

We have never had access to more than one insurance plan so I'm not clear on how this works. Ds, 22 yo, is starting his first professional job with benefits. He can, as far as I understand, stay on dh's company family policy until age 26 regardless of whether ds company offers him insurance. We just pay a flat family rate so it doesn't cost us anything to keep ds on ours. Ds has access to a very inexpensive plan (like $9 per biweekly pay period). He is very healthy and hasn't had any medical care in the last few years. I think that we should keep ds on ours and he can access the vision and dental without adding those to his own basic plan. But he will still have his own medical in case dh loses his job, etc. Plus, with the low cost plan through his employer, ds can make use of saving in an HSA which he wants to do. Am I misunderstanding something about the law or regulations about keeping ds on our insurance? And, how does that work for ds? He will have coverage through two different insurance plans. Does he pick one to be a primary and one to be a secondary? Does it matter which from a legal perspective? My thought is that he should keep our family insurance as the primary because we as a family will likely meet the deductible before he meets his individually. I'm not sure I'm completely understanding how this works. Anyone with experience with this?

My dh teaches online and it has just gotten progressively worse over 15 years. The number of students who see due dates as mild suggestions and expect to hand in ten labs and all the homeworks and all the quizzes the last week of class is absolutley staggering. It is so many that approach it this way, it has to fly in high school or other online classes. It never crossed my mind as a student that the due date wasn't really the due date. Just a helpful suggestion to stay on track? My dh actually accepts late work (or else everyone would always fail and he would not have a job). His late work penalty is that he just gives a grade and doesn't provide helpful feedback. Just a number grade. He explains this multiple times. He had a student hand in a late lab and he just gave a grade with no feedback. She wrote him a nasty email accusing him of "ganging up on her" and not supporting her success and copied his boss. I'm hung up on the use of the word "ganging" and wondering who she thinks my dh is colluding with to orchestrate her failure. He continually gets demands to send students copies of the pages in the textbook because they don't own it. He gets complaints to his superiors that he penalized students for missing homework they couldn't do because they didn't buy the book. I just don't know when things like due dates and required book purchases became optional and things only the superstar overachievers did. So that rant isn't really related to the writing issues. My kids, who never considered themselves fantastic writers, definitely got to college and realized that whatever we did in homeschool was far superior to what their peers had.

If I borrowed anything I would be over the top about replacing it and then some if something happened. But I won’t borrow stuff. So it is probably true that the people that would be most responsible for returning things are the same people who will just avoid borrowing altogether. My borrowing go wrong story. I had a friend who was kind of OCD about a lot of things and overspending was one of them. And she was kind of flighty. So she “lent” me tons of maternity clothes. I want to say like three or four big garbage bags full. She told me she didn’t want them back and to pass them on when I was done. She had had her tubes tied and was positive she was done and didn’t want them back. She was decluttering and acted relieved I was taking them off her hands. So...I passed them on. I donated them to a crisis pregnancy center that was a favorite cause of this friend who “loaned” the clothes. And, yep, a couple years later she was preparing to sell a bunch of baby stuff in a big consignment sale. She wanted the clothes back. She insisted she never told me to pass them on. I’m positive I wouldn’t dream of getting rid of them if she hadn’t said to, and I’m positive I verified before donation. But she never did believe she had told me she wouldn’t want them back. So it was just a big misunderstanding even though neither party had any ill intent or irresponsibility. I’ve been extremely careful ever since then. We do have some people in our life that we will loan things to with the idea we likely won’t get them back but it is the cost of the relationship and people over things. But, my dh buys only bottom of the line yard tools and equipment for this reason 🙁

I'm sorry about what happened, I would be highly irritated and frustrated all the way around.

Ethnic diversity, ethnic foods and culture, ability to talk a walk on a summer night for an ice cream

My parents did not talk about money with us. We did answer the phone and door when collectors came calling. That is pretty scary for a kid. One of my greatest achievements in life is that my kids have never had utilities cut off for nonpayment, or collectors calling and showing up at the door. So grateful that life hasn't put us in that position and proud we haven't put ourselves in it. My parents were not good with money. My dad made a decent amount but couldn't manage it. Like, he really enjoyed good food and electronics. But then we would get our lights cut off. He didn't even talk to my mom about money. I think she had a rough idea what he made but he did things like buy cars and houses as "surprises". Alot was for show. He didn't eat leftovers or food that came out of the freezer. To him those were things that poor people did. As an adult I am super frugal (use leftovers and the freezer!) When my dad has been around and he has witnessed that he says things like "don't feed your dh leftovers!" or "don't feed my grandkids food out of the freezer. I'll take you out to eat." Yet, when my family has had a major car expense or house repair he has been floored we could pay for it. There's just a disconnect there. Like we shouldn't eat leftovers but he can't believe we can absorb a $3000 expense. ?? Dh came from even worse. Total financial mismanagement with no concept of reality. We, in our mid forties, are doing better and have learned alot but we got married at 21 without no clue and no counsel. We made messes. We do talk to our kids about money. When we would get a medical bill or EOB I would open it and explain how it worked. We make sure they understand how the car insurance works. We have taken our teens with us when buying/financing cars and allow them to see the process and the numbers. My 22 yo ds starts his real job on Monday. Like real job with very signifcant income and retirement benefits, etc. He is consulting with me on all his options and what health insurance he takes etc etc. He's really smart and can learn on his own but why? Why not consult with someone who loves you and has alot of life experience? We have just never thought it necessary to be super private and we are all stronger with open communication about it.