I am not a Costco member but I had thought about this and there is one close to my new home. Thank you!

Now that I have the inside of my house (mostly) furnished…patio furniture? My brain is fried. What do I want? Where do I buy it from? Is there anywhere that I can buy preassembled so I don’t have to assign another task to dh? Will it go on sale for Black Friday? What is comfortable? What lasts? Does nothing last and it just has to be replaced every couple years regardless? We are in the south so it will be nearly year round use. It’s going under a covered patio (but open on the sides so exposed to some weather. I don’t need a table. We’ll have a small propane fire pit (safe for use under covered patio-we have high ceiling clearance, a fan etc. and enough clearance from the house, I am fire paranoid so I have researched this). So we don’t need a dining set- just some chairs/loveseat to sit around outside. I would probably like one or two particularly comfy chairs for myself to enjoy my coffee (or wine) and the mountain view 😊 but mostly just seating that can be flexible and moved around for the circumstances is fine. We are casual people so comfort and function is going to rule over style. We don’t need to buy it right now- we can always use camp chairs and make do until I find what I want or wait for a sale. But I am kind of in buying and getting set up mode so I’d be happy to check this off my list now. Anyone have a kind they love or hate? A good place to buy from? I’m weary of decision making! But I would like to enjoy fall on my patio…

I let mine grow out during covid and I hated it. But I’m not yet 50 and I’m almost 50% grey if I let it go. I just do my natural color and I just do it at home as I am not a highly maintained lady. I do want to go grey naturally but I’m not sure how to. But I will look like a grandma and I don’t want to look like a grandma while I still am very actively parenting my 15 yo dd. Maybe when she has graduated high school I will work on figuring out how to transition. Kind of funny story. My dd goes to a private school and I am generally less maintained/less fashionable than the other moms and I’m comfortable with that. Well my dd has started dating a young man and I met his parents. The mom is probably mid fifties and nice looking. But she looks mid fifties with mostly grey hair. I have told a couple of my close girlfriends “his parents are really nice and normal. His mom has grey hair.” And when I say they I am saying that in the most complimentary of ways. She is nice and normal and confident in her grey hair and not trying to look like she is 30. So yeah I am commenting on it and I am doing it because I admire her and I think it means she is normal and not overly focused on the outer things. (But I color my hair and don’t want to be judged as abnormal for that….)

You don’t have to do anything at all. The most I would do is make water/drinks available. They will probably come prepared with their own but it is still nice to set out a cooler or tell them where there is a fridge they can help themselves from especially if the work is hard and/or it is hot. It can be difficult to pack enough water to stay hydrated for a full day of hard work. I have occasionally had these kind of workers ask for water so if I can preempt a subsequent conversation all the better. Lol. I think offering water to people working in your house all day is perfectly reasonable but I wouldn’t worry about having a beverage selection or anything. I definitely don’t think we need to start feeding people. People have so many preferences/dietary restrictions it’s hard to feed even people you know. And really that is above and beyond what you are contracting with them to do. If I was baking cookies I’d offer them one but I’m not going to make treats for the guys. The exception to this I have made has been movers. I did set out boxes of protein bars and chips when we were doing a move that had them in my house for several days packing and moving and we were going to see them again on the other side of the move. For starters, they were handling all my personal stuff and I wanted them to like me. I also wanted them just to keep working as much as they could and not take tons of extra breaks. I also was not paying them- dh’s company was. I did not want to fool with meals for them but I did give them their tips before lunchtime so they could feel taken care of. But I would have tipped them anyway. But regular workers on a multiple day job? Water is great and be nice to them. I think that is plenty!

It is hard and teenagers are a special kind of hard. Like you have no idea what kind of crazy any day will bring kind of hard. When teenagers need you they really need you and it is bigger than potty accidents or tantrums. It is hard and if dh isn’t in the trenches he probably just doesn’t get how hard it is.

On the sale we just had we had about 4.75% in costs. Our realtor fees were 4% and we only paid $3000 towards repairs. Obviously our house was worth a lot less than yours and the whole situation far less complicated. Best wishes.

We recently (two days ago!) bought a new house even thought we had an amazing interest rate and interest rates now are terrible. And it is much more monthly that could go to dd’s college in three years (last one left…we have gotten 3 through already). A few thoughts- we made alot of money on our house we sold and it felt like a good time to get out of that house in that neighborhood. So it felt like we should get out while the getting was good. We moved closer to dd’s school and her friends. We could have kept making it work but this is a significant quality of life move. It didn’t seem to make sense to wait any longer and lose the time she could take advantage of being close to her school. As far as college costs go- we have been through that 3 times now and kind of know what to expect and we know our dd will need to go somewhere within a certain price range. And the schools that are more than that are so very much more than that they are out of reach no matter where we live. That might not make sense but people that have been through it probably get what I am saying to some degree. Yes, every little bit helps but the difference between schools dd can afford and ones she might like but can’t afford is so huge it is more than the difference in our mortgage payment. Of course are talking about one child here at this point. Having been in the place of having more kids than space three boys in a room didn’t work for us. The youngest just got picked on and pushed around too much by the older two. I am embarassed by that and I’m sure I could have been a better parent but getting my youngest son out of the room with his older two brothers was important and I could never have anticipated it in advance. I have generally good nice kids, btw. It just didn’t work. Yes, you can make anything work. I have BTDT more than I want to explain. But I am not so idealistic as to say there is not sometimes some carnage that comes along with too many people crammed in too small a space. It is really really nice to have enough room and it isn’t wrong to decide that is a priority. We have gotten three through college on a shoestring and I don’t think it is wrong to prioritize the comfort and function of your whole family to some degree. Only you can decide where there balance is. I admit I used to be somewhat prideful about making everything work and scraping by and just making do and not needing anything extra (space or otherwise). I have come to realize that sometimes that bears it’s own cost too in stress and relationships. Just something to consider.

I had a nerve injury and significant tearing after my first birth. The nerve injury resulted in foot droop. I was hobbling around hardly able to walk. Dh and I were just 23 yo and broke and had no idea what we were doing or local family support or anything. Baby was jaundiced and diagnosed with failure to thrive and we were getting home health visits for him. My MIL showed up when he was a week old. It happened to be Mother’s Day. She walked in, plopped down in a recliner and put her feet up and said to my dh “It is Mother’s Day!! What are you going to do for me??” Dh went to the store and got stuff to cook out and he and I put on a meal for her. It was 25 years ago and I vividly remember hobbling around my tiny apartment kitchen in my nightgown making a salad. And she was never allowed back until later babies were a month old. And I know she told everyone how horrid I was keeping her from her grandchildren. And she always said she was there to help and support us. But no one else knew or saw what was really going on. Scarlett- I am not implying anyone in your family would behave in such a way at all. But there are a lot of people that do behave that way behind closed doors. There are also alot of people that could be more generous in sharing their lives with extended family members so I do get it.

Yeah a couple I know the Catholic party didn’t need an annulment because she had gone outside the church. But the non-Catholic party had to go through all of it for a short lived marriage from many years previous digging up all kinds of stuff from when he was young and asking his friends to be witnesses, etc. I’m Catholic. I raised my kids Catholic and did all the things and my dd is in Catholic school now. But I’ve nothing but compassion and zero judgement for anyone in this situation. Anyways- I know you have peace about it and don’t need my approval…Lol. Back to job search updates!! Hope something comes through for you soon. You have been through it for sure.

Yeah I hear you. There really is no remedy for that and that just isn’t adequate for the realities of life. I get it from a theological perspective but it just doesn’t work on a personal level. It’s a sticking point for sure. And if a Catholic gets married outside the church and then divorced they don’t need to fool with all this because it isn’t recognized so it just all seems incredibly insensitive and unfair. I get it by the letter of the law. I don’t need it explained to me and I don’t want to argue with anyone about it. Just saying I understand why you are over it.

Annulments take so long and the process is so intrusive. I know all the reasoning why etc but it is just so much. Many people who have tried to do the right thing have been turned off to the Church by the annulment process. Not slamming the Church. I’m a practicing and traditional Catholic and can’t imagine that ever will not be the case. Just tons of compassion for those in the Church that have gone through divorce and the annulment process and think there is room for improvement in the process. It is an extremely difficult situation and I know all the reasoning behind it but still think it is just too hard.

Thank you. I actually was looking at that exact thing earlier and thought it would work.

That’s a great idea with the ottoman! I am thinking the modular sofa is what we want. Now to choose one…

I’m sitting here in a hotel just waiting to close on my new house so I’m doing some online shopping (though I’m not buying until I’m in the space for sure). We have a large spare bedroom upstairs in our new house. It will be used as a rec room. There will be a TV in there and some bookshelves with books and we will store board games in there but it is just going to be a flexible space. Would mostly be used for teens/young adults to hang out and watch tV/play video games/ sleepover/whatever. I don’t anticipate it being used by dh or myself or our friends. Definitely young people. I don’t know what kind of furniture I want in there. I think I want it very comfy (it’s a hang out space!) and I think I want it flexible enough to move around for whatever the room is being used for. It doesn’t need to be used for sleeping but comfy enough to crash on is a bonus as is easy to push around and put up air mattresses. It is going upstairs so not so heavy and big as to be a monster to move upstairs would be a plus. I don’t necessarily want a futon or something designed to double as a sleeping space because those seem to compromise comfort for the double function. But if you have some seating/sleep combo solution that is actually comfortable that is a great too. We will put our young adults up in this room when they visit but they like our nice air mattresses and we have another spare bed. We had a giant beanbag in the past that was well loved and used for a decade and my dd wants one of those. Any suggestions? General suggestions and specific brand recommendations welcome!

Some of the people that want to be at the hospital during a surgery for support just make me more anxious. My dad paces and sighs and overreacts to everything. When dh or ds had surgery the last thing I wanted was his “support” at the hospital. He means well. He thinks he is being supportive. But he is not. He just amps up the anxiety in any situation. 100 questions and running commentary is not how I feel supported. Others may take comfort in that. I did want company after my deliveries but only the closest people. My mom, sister, a best friend. I always wanted my mom to bring my older kids to see me. But I was rough after my deliveries. I only had one c-section (which was awful) but 2 of the 3 other deliveries were complicated and difficult. I had trouble walking, needed a catheter, my blood pressure kept dropping, I had to keep a bed pan handy for vomiting. It was not pretty. But we didn’t really share all that info. So people wouldn’t have known why we were declining visitors.

I’m going to say something kind of different and I totally admit I don’t know a lot about dealing with teens with anxiety or OCD so you can just dismiss my comment and my feelings aren’t hurt. But what you say here about being more laid back than her friends’ parents yet still way too naggy…that makes me think you just can’t win with this particular child at this particular time. In that case, go ahead and ask about the math or whatever you feel you need to to fulfill your duty as a parent. It sounds like your child is going to shut you down regardless. In which case…just ask about the math. I realize this is unpopular and everyone is telling you to not ask and I get that. But it sounds like she is going to shut you out regardless so you might as well do the things you think are your responsibility. My most difficult child had me always trying to bend and tiptoe to accommodate his snarliness and honestly all it did was give him license to act more snarly. So I didn’t hold back on the things I absolutely needed to address with him. He was going to be annoyed at me regardless. Again- this advice might be nonsense so feel free to treat it as such. But for one of mine the more I tiptoed the more he felt justified in being a butt. (I still tiptoed ALOT. I just realized I was never going to win and accepted that part). He is 23 yo now and nice and has since apologized for those years.

I color at home but I am just covering grey and staying close to natural color. No doubt it would be better at a salon and I have done that before. But for my level of pickiness it is not worth the money or convenience differential.

I haven’t had this exact experience but I did have one teen that was more annoyed by me all the time than the others. I don’t have much advice other than what I did for the things that had to be discussed so he could move on with his life (college applications- can’t get out and away from me and live your fabulous life without them) is I would set an appointment. Like “ we need to discuss xyz before whatever date and time. When can we set an appointment for that?” That worked here but he might have been more compliant than what you are describing.

I rarely make it through the night without waking. I used to be so wide awake and get so fretful about it that I would just get up and start my day at 3:00am or the like. Which made me tired the next day, of course, and I would overeat during the day. Then I would be so overtired by bedtime I would enter into another night of disrupted night. At some point I decided it was okay not to sleep and that just resting with my eyes closed and letting my body rest even if I was still awake was still beneficial. Once I stopped getting upset about it, it did get better. I did also find that the majority of the time if I did not get up and start my day I would eventually fall back to sleep and get a few more hours and feel pretty well rested even if I had an hour or two of resting while awake. I do also take melatonin but I'm not sure how helpful it is.

I think it is pretty common for soccer players to be kickers and only kickers on the football team at the high school level. It’s understood that is why they are there and usually the coaches have gone and found the kids because they need kickers. Now, at the high school level where I am that doesn’t mean they don’t have to do all the team time commitment things it just means they may be standing around a lot or doing kicking drills while the team is practicing. So it is a time suck at that level but not a situation where you are pressured into playing other positions. Except, perhaps, OP is saying her child is of exceptional size. That could turn into “hey we want to try you at tight end” but I think it’s also possible to decline that in most situations when you are a soccer kid there to kick. As a kicker you are pretty safe from the repetitive jarring that comes from the other positions. What you are vulnerable to is the rogue kid that lays a dirty hit on the kicker or a play gone awry and you kid tries to be a hero and make a tackle or tries to fake a kick and run for a first down instead. There are scenarios in which your child can be tackled, within or outside the rules of the game. So your child should learn some technique to protect himself. But still kicker vs. full time skill player is generally a mismatch. Maybe not if OP’s kid has a lot of size on him and learns how to tackle. It is not without risk but I would say the risk is similar to serious soccer playing or mountain biking or other potential dangerous activities that are less risky than full on tackle football but still carry some risk. Anytime you put on the pads and go out on that football field things can happen. Officials and coaches and cheerleaders suffer injuries just from proximity.

Sorry for all you have gone through. Our sale and purchase has gone as seamlessly as possible (though fast) and I am totally and completely exhausted. It’s so much even on a good transaction and what you have dealt with is a nightmare. And I understand how you missed that the addendum was missing. Of course we all know to check every detail and not to sign anything you haven’t read but when you are selling/buying there are so many documents back and forth and sometimes stuff can just slide by. Dh and I would get documents and do “hey did you read this?” and then sign without going over it ourselves. Or we trust our realtor so we will just say “what am I signing” and trust what she tells us. I know intellectually that it is wrong to do that but we all have lives to lead and limited mental bandwidth and you know, we are human, so mistakes do get made. I hope things turn around for you soon. I would be beside myself so I know how frustrated you must be.

Same! I was like what kind of church is this where all the older folks are in the sanctuary with edibles?

Not youth group but my dd goes to Catholic school with a policy of phones up during class. Except those who need them. The kid with diabetes keeps his for monitoring. The boy with visual processing issues has teachers taking pictures of the board and sending them to his iPad. Those are just my dd’s friends who she knows why they have their devices no one is supposed to be allowed to have. She says lots of kids have devices and no one asks why. Everyone just knows they have a reason they are allowed and that things are harder for that individual that needs the device, not easier, so no biggie. Our church does take the phones during overnights and I think that is to prevent the inappropriate picture taking/sharing that is more likely to happen in shared overnight experiences. But no one is searching bags. If your kid has a phone on them tucked away or pulls it out late at night and keeps to themselves it isn’t an issue.

I believe this is the one I just purchased! Glad you love it!

Also we do need counter depth. I know that.