My uncle made an oyster dressing that was amazing. It had mushrooms - usually wild morels - and cornbread, and the usual aromatics and some herbs. This was 30 years ago, and I've never seen another oyster dressing that has looked good to me, ever since.

I think he's done. You can't have your entire schtick be about mocking your demographic of origin for its hypocrisy, while having been a hypocrite, yourself, the whole time. It's an overall fail. I say this as a former (very mild) fan who did think he was funny. I wouldn't have paid to go to his show, but I watched his youtube videos...so it's not like I'm a card-carrying, profitable fan who will be missed...but for those of us who mildly liked him, what we liked was the premise that religious insufferability is an unnecessary show, when most people are just people and all alike, and you don't have to be religious to be good. However, we still think you have to be good, to be good. KWIM? We are not going to be fans of a bad guy. Always glad when people reform, if they do, for their sakes and ours. But a lot of us (especially women), while we want everyone to be well, are still going to look for our entertainment elsewhere, in the future.

I live in a low income area, and I have a ton of questions. 1. I understand that the plan does NOT call for teachers to extend their day. If they did that, they'd have to be paid more, they'd have no time to prep lessons or grade, their health would suffer, and then there'd be another at-risk demographic: the families of teachers! That doesn't seem to be what they have in mind. 2. Our school buildings are old. I can't imagine the cost to fit them out with extended services, even if the personnel could be hired. 3. The #1 way for low income mothers to work, and stay home with their own infants/toddlers and preschoolers, is to run in-home daycares. They have learned the game and done the work of getting licensed.. In a way, it's been good for the community, because people really do work together. Seriously, we are talking about a LOT of women's businesses. If they are not needed because all the children go to school, they will lose their income, and their ability to stay home with their babies. (They stay home because they can't afford infant childcare costs, themselves, with their low education and low paying job options.) So... a. what happens to these businesses and to these women's earning potential, and b. what happens to the babies? If the very same single and low income mothers have the very same problems with childcare for their little ones, will there be an 8-6 infant daycare and preschool at the public school?

Thank you. I'm sorry for deleting, but I realized that I had been sent a one DAY sample, not a one week sample, so I was worried that I was being unfair. I meant to look further, but all of my adult children came home and I had to run! I wanted to search the sample week for these concerns: 1. Were scientific and historical facts and perspectives/biases ever cited or supported, or did the lesson ever present multiple perspectives or any primary source documents? 2. Did she ever offer any instruction at all, for writing assignments? 3. There was no connection or resemblance to Charlotte Mason philosophy or method, in the one day sample. This is where I thought I might have missed something, by not seeing the full week. 4. Lastly, I wondered if the week sample had been edited more thoroughly. I thought it possible that the one day sample had been put up too hastily. But even without seeing the week sample, I am firm on my opinion that this author is not qualified to write educational materials because of her deficiency in English. In the one day sample, I saw problems with antecedents, clauses, prepositions, word order, and worse. Someone upthread said that they didn't require extensive English skills written into their unit studies, because their child is proficient in English. I would be concerned that after a year with this author, he would NOT be. This author's type of errors are very contagious, as anyone who has educated children from pre-K through grade 12 would know. The pervasive errors were very distracting and unacceptable to me, and my credentials are only that I majored in English in high school, and then taught grammar and composition to six children (using professional materials). And again, this author is well-intentioned, obviously, but she did not invent unit studies, nor did she invent the concept of teaching the entire family together when possible. For evidence, I would submit this incomplete list: KONOS Heart of Wisdom My Father's World Tapestry of Grace Biblioplan and probably thousands of stand-alone unit studies for multiple levels, that were available on Currclick and are now available on Teachers Pay Teachers, that have been churned out on the regular by homeschool moms since approximately 1985. I would hope that this author would contribute her artistic skills where applicable, and I understand her podcast is well-received! That's wonderful. But for those looking for appropriate lessons for their children, I would give Gather 'Round a pass. If you want unit studies for your whole family, those are available. If you would like to create your own, it's easy to find some guidance. If I have alarmed you about English skills, perhaps because you didn't notice the problems, this forum can recommend many excellent options.

nm, ran out of time

I didn't find the Birds unit; I was looking at Asia. I will take a look at Birds.

nm, ran out of time...

I'm with you, @Evanthe - why in the world does she think she has invented anything? And if her eldest is in seventh grade, but she has written for high school, what are her credentials? Her tagline on her "about" page is "Inspired, Called, Equipped," but she doesn't offer any specifics. I am somewhat reminded of Heart of Wisdom, if anyone remembers that. I will look at the sample week, which might answer some of my questions! I am not too bothered by typos, but her syntax and grammar are not very precise. As I am reading through the FAQs, I am getting a very poor impression of her English skills. Again, I am looking for education and competence in the author of my child's lessons. I would not criticize a forum post or even a blog post, but answers to frequently asked questions about an academic course of study should be grammatical. I might report back (if anyone is interested) after investigating the sample week.

I do not think you made the wrong choice. There is a saying: "Always go to the funeral." But you have literally just returned home from three funerals of loved ones. The idea of setting out late tonight, to arrive in Chicago for an 8 am funeral - you need to rest. Your family needs you to get everyone through the transition back to home life after the funeral travels and emotions. I would not expect a friend, who had just buried three loved ones, to drive all night to attend my brother's funeral. Even if she loved me and my parents, I would think that was too much and be worried about her, having to travel to another funeral with not enough rest in the meantime. Could you send flowers? I think that would be very appropriate. (Honestly, even if you weren't at your limit, sending flowers would still be appropriate for this relationship, IMO.)

People sometimes destroy their own family over political differences as well as over judgement of personal identity or personal life decisions. For my family we've chosen to stand up for our children, even when the older generation was ready to literally condemn them and us to hell for not doing (or believing) what they wanted. Our decision to not obey actual *commands* from the relatives or to placate them any further has caused us to be shunned. We no longer have a real relationship with a HUGE extended family, because everyone else thought it was fine for us to be treated this way. I won't say we don't miss them, but the pain has already started to fade after a couple of years. And there has not been one moment during that time that I have regretted our decisions. For not one moment have I thought that maybe someone should have changed their religion or hidden their identity or been ashamed of respectable life decisions, just to please their relatives. And frankly, I do not miss those who stood by and let this happen to us. Now, if anyone ever apologizes and wants to make amends, of course, we would be open to that. But it would have to be coming from a place of equality and acceptance amongst us all, instead of our just being tolerated as the black sheep. We put up with that dynamic for FAR too long. So that's my stance. If it's a matter of standing by someone (especially minors, especially young people) and supporting their right to their identity, beliefs, politics, and non-harmful life choices, that's where I'm standing. Relationships, even family, require respect and maintenance. Abusive control from the older generation is not an acceptable alternative to respect and relationship. Now, regarding Quill's situation, I am 100% Team Go to the Mountains for this year. If this is an unfixable situation, just opt out of the awkwardness for this year and wait to see how things progress. No split holiday parties, no awkward situations in which you have to pretend that it's somehow OK for Grandma and Grandpa to not even speak to Grandchild while showering gifts and attention on other grandchildren. No way. Do your own family thing for the main holidays. That doesn't mean you don't meet up with sister and kids, or go to visit parents and take care of them and bring a gift or whatever; just don't do the Big Family Party. The time comes for families to stop doing holidays together, or take a break, at least. The trick is recognizing when that time has come. Be thankful for good memories, if you've got 'em, but the present is for the needs of people in the present. If they need support, or some serious time and distance, or at least to enjoy a holiday without judgment, that's more important than a tradition that is making everyone miserable. Edited to add: I've told my kids that if someone is withholding affection, approval, and relationship because they don't like something about you that A. Is part of your identity and not up for change, or B. is about a decision that you have a legal, moral, and ethical right to make, then that person is not really going to approve of you or accept you even if you dance to their tune or try to live a lie. Address it at THAT point - where they are rejecting you or trying to manipulate you in an area where they really do not have any rights or any say. Because my children know what unconditional love is like, and they have friends whom they treat respectfully even when they disagree. My children know right from wrong. And we don't enable or accommodate wrongs toward ourselves or toward others. Young people need older relatives who will understand and empower them in these attempts at better relationships, instead of siding with abusive other relatives against them in any way. If we can't stand up to our parents, aunts, uncles, etc. on our kids' behalf, at least we can put an end to the "holidays" which are pretty unholy, if the premise is to make others feel unaccepted and small.

A lot of homeschoolers say that their local school is not an option. I guess you're doing all you can do. But I cannot see how a travel and study schedule that would be hard on an adult, including a 2.5hr drive and an overnight stay, could be more realistic and effective than a local school. So you've set him up in a really unusual situation, with classes harder than high school and a kind of insane commute, then you are disappointed in his work ethic, begrudge his downtime, and have decided that he doesn't compare to you and your dh. I don't know you and vice versa, so feel free to disregard anything you read here. But as the mother of four sons, three of whom are successful adults (all homeschooled pre-K to 12), I would suggest that you give him a chance to just be a "regular" teen who goes to school locally and has support for what's expected of him there. He can do college level courses when he is older, or DE through school. Again, this is if you can't effectively homeschool him yourself, or find a reasonable co-op option nearer home.

I agree with @FuzzyCatz, but you'll have to check your state's laws and local school regulations - in some states and places, the public school does not have to accept a 10th or 11th grade homeschooled student. They'll let them enroll, but they'll require them to back up to 9th grade. So that might be the first thing to check, as you're considering how to make changes.

The above ^^^ means exactly the same as below. I'm sorry, I thought that was obvious.

It is not fair. You are being too harsh. 11yo is still a child, and even though her behavior is not acceptable or appropriate, it is age-appropriate and to be expected. She needs a normal routine, to be able to look forward to social and learning events, to take part in socialization (especially if you are needing backup on behavior right now)...and this is a very special day for this activity. She's been looking forward to it, and the only thing she's done to "lose" it is to annoy you by being a typical 11yo when your hands are full with sick little ones. It doesn't sound like she knew the possible consequence of her behavior would be losing the one-time store day at co-op. You should not keep her out of co-op as a punishment, especially as an arbitrary and unexpected punishment, any more than you would keep her out of basketball or school as punishment. Do you have time to change your mind, apologize for making a hasty decision, and just take her to co-op? There have been times when I have told my children, "I am still deciding what to do about your behavior. It's unacceptable and we will work on it together. In the meantime, you are going to (school). I want you to remember what is expected of you and participate. I hope you have a good time. We will talk about this morning's troubles later."

I do this, too. Also, I like to make posters and create recitations for algorithms. Visual aids and mnemonics help students over those stuck moments. For powers, I would include rules for the basic four operations, for negative numbers and exponents, and for bases and exponents of zero and one.

I actually think you are doing an excellent job. You have been flexible about your essential requirements while still keeping a consistent routine and good discipline. You've considered consequences, rewards, and incentives...you are not a clueless parent with no tools. To a degree, he doesn't have to like school, honestly. You are feeling worn to a nub, but you are getting him through the day. It's reasonable to hope that he would eventually believe that you will never drop this school thing, just because he complains! He could probably keep it up at least until Christmas, though... The only questions I would have are these: 1. Does he get a LOT of exercise and outdoor time? Like at least 2 hours, every single day? 2. You don't mention science or history, other than that if you have a book that includes a project, you'll do it if he's interested. My boys do have ADHD. At that age, the rest of the school day (the 3Rs, mostly) was possible because of the extensive outdoor time and exercise, and because we did a lot of science study and projects to balance the drudgery and add dimension to the school day. I switched from letting school be defined in their heads as the (necessary) worksheets and writing, to being more about the stories, adventures, science demonstrations and experiments, history activities and reenactments, field trips, LOTS of music and art... When their answer to the "What did you do in school today?" changed, I knew we had hit upon a solution to get us through this phase. Instead of answering, "I practiced my blends in phonics, did two pages of math, and narrated a story," they would say, "We found two kinds of frogs and three kinds of trees at the park, had a jump rope contest to see who could recite their Latin while jumping for the longest, and did XYZ experiment about colors, and it was Martinmas so we went on a lantern walk..." in our particular instance, the other children of their acquaintance were very impressed with their school. That actually helped a lot, for my boys to think they had a special experience. Whenever I hear of people stripping back the school day to 3R's essentials for unwilling little boys, I try to suggest a trial of the opposite. Do the stripped down 3Rs, yes, but add the adventure. That said, my eldest didn't need me to create the Adventure School. He needed the freedom to do it for himself, so his routine was to be rigorously homeschooled all morning and then turned loose for the afternoon, and provided tools and toys to follow his own plans. I hope something in this post has been helpful! If it takes you awhile to up the activity level (start with the outdoor time and physical exercise/exertion) and make decisions about whether to add some adventures and science (or more free time, when his work is done)…please be encouraged that you are doing a good job. You can work on these equations until you are both enjoying this more, hopefully, but in the meantime, he is being educated. He's in a family, so he has that socialization. He's also in a weekly learning community that he loves. 7yo boys are frequently unimpressed with the daily grind of school. It might be totally normal, and very temporary. Edited to add: Does he participate in any sports? I'm thinking about a 7yo boy's need for physical play and exercise, plus ways to get him more of the "people and activities" that he loves. Team sports or a good martial arts school might be a good idea! Or dance, of any kind.

Even Miss Manners, whom I have consulted on the topic of family dinners and holidays, would be OK with this. Nobody is singled out; it's about you and your needs. In six weeks' time, anyone could host a Thanksgiving dinner, or there are a million restaurant and takeaway options, if nobody but you can cook. This is a good point, that there is no real reason to wait until next time to stop this tradition, if you are down to your last nerve about it.

Even I, suffering as I am from family alienation due to politics and church disenchantment and 40-something "over-it-ness", cannot see rescinding an invitation to a family holiday meal. Even if he was ungracious, think what will happen if the golden child is turned away...I got a definite sense from the original post that pleasing Mom is about half the battle here. I envision dominoes falling. Don't do it like this. Get through the Thanksgiving* but then scale THIS Christmas all the way back to what you actually want. They'll all have plenty of time to make alternate plans. And don't get sucked in, next year. *The suggestion upthread to accept off-the-menu foods as hostess gifts was good. If they insist that, "No, that's our favorite thing your family can't eat, we thought we'd just consume it right in front of you, at your dinner, table" tell them that you couldn't allow menu changes at this point so they may store it in the pantry until after the party.

I think the only thing to do is to try a shocked reaction (which is not dishonest; you are shocked). Also include @Ktgrok's language about having foregone the standard contract because this was a gift. I'm going to do this script fashion, just to convey what I mean: "Sis, I know we discussed dniece's desire to sell the horse that we gave her. We left it that you would talk to her about this, but I don't think I clearly expressed how genuinely shocked we are that this is happening. We thought long and hard about giving this horse to dniece. In the end, we chose to do it, because we care about dniece and we care about the horse, and we thought they would be a good match. We thought the horse would have a good owner and a good home. When a horse leaves our ranch, we usually require the signing of a contract that says the horse will come back to us, if things don't work out. We didn't require dniece or you to sign the contract because this wasn't a transaction - this was a gift, from a loving aunt and uncle to a dear niece. We had hoped she would finish his training and it would be a good arrangement. But if that's not going to happen, we expect the horse to be returned to us. He must not be sold. If dniece will not keep him, our expectation is that you will let us know when we may come to bring him home." This was too long ^^^ but I would definitely use the words "shocked" and "expectation." It's not being bitchy. You don't have to walk on eggshells. They should be made to understand how upset you are and how inappropriate this is - they should be concerned about offending you, not the other way around. Maybe they don't know, for some reason, why this is not OK. If they don't care and they get mad at you forever, because you didn't lay down and accept not only their rudeness but their disregard for this animal...I hope that doesn't happen, but it's not your fault, if it does. It's right to speak up.

I think it's unclear about who has the dietary restrictions. Are you saying that YOUR family has dietary restrictions? FWIW, when my kids were very little, and all *four* were diagnosed with celiac disease, I angered off a lot of people by declaring or home gluten free. I did it for two reasons: 1. The transition was hard for my kids. They remembered special holiday foods. I am a decent cook and I've been able to create new traditions over time, but it would not have helped for them to sit there and watch everyone else eat their favorite foods, especially at first. 2. Cross contamination is a serious issue, for a family with children who have celiac disease or true allergies. The rest of the eating world is a minefield. Home should be safe. So when I was backed into a corner about hosting holidays, I said that I would be happy to host but if I did, I would need to do all the cooking. It would be a gluten free Thanksgiving, and they were very welcome to come and share the meal. This went over just fine with one set of grandparents and one other family, but the rest threw an absolute fit. They "needed" their favorite foods, and they didn't want their children restricted from walking all over the house, trailing wheat cooky crumbs, or "it won't feel like a holiday." (Which is fine! I don't question that people should have the holiday they want. I just thought they should have it at THEIR house, if they were not interested in accepting my hospitality. Although...I did have cookies, including delicious, crumbly ones, and I did have all categories of beverages, meats, vegetables, condiments and sauces, appetizers, cheeses, fruits, desserts, breads, so I was hoping that if I was almost commanded to host, they might be willing to try new things for one meal, just once...) The conflict continued to be a problem in the extended family for years. They resented that my children couldn't just eat everything. We started gravitating toward events where everyone just brought their own food - camping trips, for example, or an outing where there were restaurant or picnic options. A few times, I managed to bring a large cooler and ice, and my own cooking gear, to someone's house (with their total permission and welcome), and I just sneaked into the kitchen to prepare my children's food. Of course, that's not practical, and there's only one relative that I would have even asked to allow it. But at those times, it was the simplest solution because she was hosting the family in a different state, in a very rural location. Her tiny local grocery store didn't even have safe foods, so I had to bring food all the way from home. She could trust me to work quickly, and clean up promptly. The large family reunions were even worse, because nobody wanted to allow "special diet" foods on the collaborative menu. Even though there were multiple families dealing with dairy or soy allergies, or wheat allergies, or celiac disease, the people organizing wanted the dinner to be "easy" and "traditional," and they wanted to assign or approve what everyone brought. So all the families that were excluded, just brought their own picnic hampers and coolers. I'll tell you when this strategy fell apart: As my kids got older, and began to be invited to friends' homes for everyday dinners and holidays, their friends' parents were SO easygoing about food restrictions! A quick text or phone call, happy to accommodate, thrilled that I do always have easy solutions. Many people have a relative who eats gluten free or dairy free or whatever, so they'd say something like, "Aunt Susie always brings XYZ dishes, I'll tell her to make a little extra!" Or they'd ask what they could pick up from the store that would be ready made and safe, or tell me that I was welcome to send along favorite foods. What a contrast to all the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who made life so hard. I noticed that the other families with allergies also stopped attending the reunions, eventually. All this to say, I don't know what to tell you about the family dynamics. You'll decide when you've had enough. But if you are trying to camp out on the boundary of keeping your own home gluten free for your children, that is your RIGHT. You are a hospitable person and you have invited friends and family to share in your hospitality. It's a kindness to share your home, your food, your wine...you don't have to allow others to contribute to your dinner menu. And likewise, any invited guests have the RIGHT to politely refuse an invitation, if they don't care for the hospitality offered. The conflict comes when a hostess is not clear and confident about what exactly she is offering, or when a guest tries to dictate to a hostess.

I think that nothing has changed from the last discussion on this. She is a sweet woman who has no further qualifications than being a mother, herself. She can't be you. You're not going to like how she does things. You are ambivalent about the whole arrangement - half wanting her to do all tasks that you find stressful or unpleasant (and these wishes vary based on how you're feeling), and half wishing her gone. Bringing in another adult who does not have very specific education, training and skills has not relieved your stress or workload enough to make this worthwhile. Since you can't find the right person through local advertising, you must consider the options that actually exist in your area. It sounds like those options are confined to schools. I know that DH will not allow you to enroll your children in preschool or public school. I know that you are submitting to this arrangement for your own reasons. But the decision to not access the supported, qualified options that are available to you, does not mean that a mother's helper (or at least THIS mother's helper) will work. I would let her go while she's still your friend. It's just a mismatch; she hasn't done anything wrong. You weren't wrong to try it...but you've had over a month for this trial. It's just not going to solve your problem. Her willingness to keep trying, and your ambivalence about letting her go, won't change this. As far as your not understanding why she can't be more Mary Poppins-like or intuitive about how to make your children behave, I do know what you mean. I worked as a babysitter, then I got some vocational training in early childhood development and daycare/preschool...I've had this authoritative but chipper rapport with children since I was a teenager, myself. But as I worked in preschools and daycares, I learned that it's sometimes just a knack or a personality type. Some people are like that. But far more often, the ability to work well with children - especially someone else's children - comes from *education.* This is magnified when the children have special needs or when the care environment is not strictly regulated. As a person with that personality type and with some education, I wouldn't take this job. If I had a home daycare, I would offer to mind your younger children there (with all my usual contracts in place). In my own setting, I could regulate the day, the expectations, the discipline, the relationships. Also, in that controlled environment that suited my own personality and training, I would know very swiftly whether your children had unique learning or behavioral needs that were beyond the scope of what I could provide. All this would be far more difficult to sort in your home setting, with older children doing other things but also moving in and out of my care, and with you there (but frustrated). I wouldn't do it for a single day. Please reconsider preschool. DH can't make you homeschool. I don't know the consequences of disobeying him or whether you're able or willing to suffer those consequences, but legally he cannot force you to homeschool.

I was just thinking the same thing. You don't just say, "Hmm, my kids are feral. Well, this isn't any fun," Or "I don't understand juvenile delinquents, so it didn't occur to me to lock up answer keys." Figure out whether they are impaired in some way, or whether they need more direction and consequences. That's your job, as their parent. You could consult their pediatrician, and ask for resources for counseling, special needs evaluation, or whatever else makes sense for your particular situation.

I thought so, too, but the OP updated. The boys are 12 and almost 10.

I'm going to disagree that it's normal for a 10yo and a 12yo to get into your baking supplies and destroy your school materials, stuff bowls of food into their desks, and to not be reliable enough for you to leave them unattended while you use the bathroom. You mentioned that no rewards have helped to modify their behavior. Have you tried consequences? Your children are behaving in disrespectful and destructive ways. Some level of this is normal for children, but we have to teach them not to. What happens to them, beyond lecturing? Do you have any reason to believe that they might have learning differences or behavioral challenges that would require evaluation and diagnosis, and a treatment plan? How do they behave for others, at dance class, for example? I've raised four boys. Some have ADHD, some are on the autism spectrum, so I do know how challenging boys can be. It's my opinion that ages ten and twelve are too old to be acting this way on a daily basis. There must be a reason. It may be as simple as needing to find other disciplinary approaches; they might just be very different children from their older sister. Or if you think there's something more to it, now might be the time to start the evaluation process.

My boys are very good thinkers and infer'ers, and they would have just laughed at that question. As a pp said, they would have first responded that it's pretty insulting to be asked, as an eighth grader, whether a rock is alive. Then they would have probably quoted the text regarding types of energy, because they've been somewhat trained to answer academic questions from the perspective of a student who was supposed to get the point of a text. "What does the author want you to think," is a very common question around here. If Rainbow Science puts forth information and then poses questions like this as a regular approach, it would not be a good fit for my family. But if I were determined to use the program, I would tackle it this way: Actively teach the information. Take the small amount of text, and the particular way of expressing the principles, and expand. Conversations, demonstrations, diagrams, definitions on the chalkboard, anything to open it up. I would have spent some significant time on definitions of energy, the phrase "payment of energy..." Then, if I chose to ask the inane question, I would move past the laughter and annoyance to ask some more leading questions, until they had articulated known principles. (And I wouldn't have cared if they never used the phrase "defeats the law of nature" because I think that sounds dumb.) "Well, if I'm asking you whether the rock is alive, is it? How do you know? What are the characteristics of living things? So having established that it's inanimate, can you tell me how's it getting itself up there? It can't get itself up there? Aside from not having living initiative and capabilities inherent to being alive, what sort of energy does it lack, then? What sort of energy is required, if someone wants that rock up there? What if the "someone" was a person, could they lift it by themselves? No? Then how could they get that rock moved? Good. Now explain that whole thing to me again, frequently using the word "energy" with adjectives afore - let's circle back to what today's lesson was about..." Please note that this has been about logical discussions and reasoning, not about scientific writing.