Is there any hope she'll enjoy school?

[joannqn]

I made some mistakes early on with my daughter. First, I tried to homeschool without curriculum. I didn't know that there was anything out there besides workbooks (the kind you find in Costco/book stores) and Sonlight. Then, I made the mistake of using a curriculum that didn't fit her temperment/learning style.

 

Finally, I made the mistake of not challenging her to do more. I used materials at her grade level (which I defined as 1 grade level ahead of age) and let her be done for the day even if that meant she was done in only an hour or two. She not only learned to dislike school but grew lazy as well.

 

I've been trying to work on correcting these issues. I'd changed every curriculum for her this year to ones that allow her to work closer to her level, have very little repetition, or takes minimum amount of time/busy work while still ensuring she learns the material. She tolerates school better but her attitude still needs work. I've also been trying to slowly increase the amount of work/time she spends on school to get her ready for middle school and high school work loads. She's up to 2 hours most days and 3 hours some days. While she isn't happy to do 2-3 hours of school each day, she is happy she doesn't have to sit through 6 1/2 hours of 3rd grade in public school each day.

 

Also, I was out of town Friday and left a list of assignments for each child to do. Both kids are capable of completing their school work independently and only needing a question answered here or there. When I go out of town, I make sure I teach any concepts that they need before I leave so hubby only has to supervise (ie. tell them do get started) and answer minor questions. Well, he had them start school early so they could go to the park when they were done. When they both told him they were done, they went to the park. Turns out my son missed one side of one page which I can see as a simple mistake. My daughter, on the other hand, did not watch her IEW lesson (about 10 minutes), didn't do her writing assignment (an outline), and didn't do 2/3 of her math. Saying she's done when she isn't has been an ongoing part of her attitude problem...and she gets in trouble every time. At the moment, she's lost computer priviledges for the week and must finish last week's unfinished work plus this week's work by the end of the week. I may put her on a public school schedule (ie. 9:00am to 3:30pm with 2 recesses and lunch) and find stuff for her to do when she's done with what I would normally assign. I've done this before to help her appreciate our late start times and fewer hours.

 

So, does anyone have any ideas for improving attitude and increasing her work load without causing a meltdown? How do I get past this laziness?

 

I read about all of your eager to learn kids and wish my daughter was eager to learn, too. Instead, school is a chore she does as fast as possible so she can play on the computer or with her Webkinz.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

...so she can play on the computer or with her Webkinz.

 

There's the key right there, I think.

 

For us, it worked that there were no electronics on school days. Not saying that's the best way for every family, but it worked for us.

 

And not saying electronics are bad. I certainly don't believe that. But kids and adults can become addicted and neglect what is best in order to self-indulge in what is merely good.

[Amber in AUS]

I think you need to get her to understand that she is robbing herself, not you. She needs to see the ramifications of her actions are only to her detriment. It can be really hard to change the mind set at her age tho. You'll have those hormones to deal with shortly too which wont help any.

 

I don't think putting her on a public school schedule will help, but just make her more resentful. Can you give her more ownership over what she does and when. Perhaps lay out all the work you want to achieve for the week on a Monday saying it will be due Friday and let her for a schedule and pace herself to a certain extent. Provide incentive/rewards for staying on track and getting the work done and remove privileges if the work isn't complete.

 

We also have a no TV or computer rule on school days, so the kids can eat, read, play or do school. Therefore most of the time they are happy to do school and aren't distracted by wanting to get back to the TV or computer.

 

Just my 0.02c HTH

[Brindee]

I agree with the others--no computer/Webkinz AT ALL until she shows more maturity/responsibility! If she's not doing well and lying, but still gets to play Webkinz, where's her motivation to change? Sometimes kids can't see the future outcomes of their current actions, but she'll certainly get that she can't play her favorite game if she's not taking responsibility to get her work done!

 

Before any computer is allowed, her work should be checked and corrected to your satisfaction. It'll be a big struggle at first, I'm guessing, but it'll be good for her in the long-run!

 

Best wishes!

[MSNative]

I feel like I just asked this question, too. Multiply your problem by two and throw in a rampaging two year and you have my house exactly. I concur with the advice of no electronics on school days.

 

I also got great advice that has worked - a homeschool conduct contract. Basically it's a set of rules that you write. Your kids read and sign it. None of the rules are necessarily difficult, just good attitude, do best work, do not rush through, etc. I started this last week adn it has helped.

 

Lastly, I'm trying to combine more of our schoolwork. Writing bible verses and grammar exercises are our dictation and handwriting work. My kids think it's a perk because they "get out of" doing the dictation and handwriting official work. I can correct and nitpick and they are ok with it because they still think they are getting a good deal. It has worked wonders on their attitudes - and handwriting.

 

Good luck. I'm also excited to read other posts and learn some more!!

[AnnetteB]

Yes, there is always hope :grouphug: My dd, approaching 9, really enjoys having her stack of work beside her and working a little of each subject on her own. She loves History Pockets, Veritas Press cards, and filling up notebooks with handwriting, writing, doodles, and homemade calendars. She is happiest when she is coloring, cutting, folding and pasting, lol. She has sped along in her math and caught up with her older sister (to her sister's dismay). Dd circles the books that she has read in her own catalog copy from Veritas Press as she reads along with her cards, printouts, and pocket work. We had to find our way to this loose form of self-schooling to keep her learning happily. She is very smart, but headstrong, too, and needs a bit of freedom. We begin school at 8 a.m. and if everyone works hard, and there isn't too much goofing-off, I let them go at 12:30. If we have to do more in the afternoon it is usually just 1 to 2 p.m. I also limit the electronic distractions. We read a lot after school and at bedtime. They love crafts and legos and that keeps them pretty busy. I hope that you find what works for your daughter!

[Mommy2BeautifulGirls]

Yes, there is always hope :grouphug: My dd, approaching 9, really enjoys having her stack of work beside her and working a little of each subject on her own. She loves History Pockets, Veritas Press cards, and filling up notebooks with handwriting, writing, doodles, and homemade calendars. She is happiest when she is coloring, cutting, folding and pasting, lol. She has sped along in her math and caught up with her older sister (to her sister's dismay). Dd circles the books that she has read in her own catalog copy from Veritas Press as she reads along with her cards, printouts, and pocket work. We had to find our way to this loose form of self-schooling to keep her learning happily. She is very smart, but headstrong, too, and needs a bit of freedom. We begin school at 8 a.m. and if everyone works hard, and there isn't too much goofing-off, I let them go at 12:30. If we have to do more in the afternoon it is usually just 1 to 2 p.m. I also limit the electronic distractions. We read a lot after school and at bedtime. They love crafts and legos and that keeps them pretty busy. I hope that you find what works for your daughter!

 

 

This sounds like something that would kind of work at our house. However, the youngest (4 years old) needs to be taught. She is definitely the type to work alone, but wants to learn to read. I have to help her with this, but she resists. She thinks she can just do it on her own. (Any tips on this would be helpful - not to steal the post! :D)

 

My oldest (5 years old) does work from 10 until 12, with a 15-minute recess in the middle. It took us a while to get to this point, and it is working so far. I tried making certain lists of things that had to be done each day for her to mark off, and that went out the window right away. Knowing that she is to be in school from 10 until 12 helps get her into the school room every morning. However, we also had to tweak the way we were doing the schedule of subjects. I now make a list of 4 days' worth of lessons that I want done by the end of the week. We steadily work down that list. For example, this week looks like this: Math, Bible, language arts, science, math, Bible, language arts, history, math, Bible, etc. Today we were able to get through bible and part of a language arts lesson. (She wanted to play a phonics game, so we took an educational break!) Tomorrow we will finish up that LA lesson and move on to science. Some days we get through all 4 subjects, and some days, like today, only 1-1/2. However, if she is done with the whole list by Friday at 11:30, she gets free piano time on my keyboard for the last 1/2 hour of school. I only get 4 days of lessons in as opposed to 5, but the days seem to run a little smoother. (Well, as smooth as they can be with a 5 year old who wants to act 5 one day and then be treated like she's 8 the next!)

 

Maybe the Webkinz could be a good Friday afternoon incentive for your daughter. If she doesn't get the work done by a certain time, she has to wait for the weekend to play it, but if it's done on time, she can also play Friday afternoon.

 

Good luck finding something that works for you. That seems to be the toughest part of homeschooling for me.

[AnnetteB]

I love the courage these young ones show, but they do need solid instruction to set them on the right path. I have had to gently explain that there is a secret code (wink) and I will show them so that they, too, can become excellent readers! I have really enjoyed teaching all 9 of our dc to read. We've had to adjust methods with a couple of them, but all have learned to read between the ages of 4 1/2 and 6 with extensive phonics. It is probably that intensive time with the early learner that has allowed them to go on to a looser style of self-education in some subject areas.

[joannqn]

I should have explained that "playing with Webkinz" is not on the computer but rather playing with the stuffed animals as stuffed animals. She actually doesn't play on the Webkinz website all that much. I did threaten to take away the stuffed animals themselves though.

 

Computer time here is limited and she's already lost it for the week.

 

I don't limit the computer time until after school because we typically don't start school until after lunch. Neither my daughter nor I are morning people; I simply can't function before well before then and starting in the morning causes meltdowns for her. However, it is possible to lose computer time for tomorrow, the week, etc.

 

I've done everything I know to make it more interesting for the kids. She likes hands on projects (experiments or making things) and field trips. We do as much as we can but we are limited by financial issues this year. I can't afford to by the supplies to do those experiments and projects. We do go on as many free field trips as I can find though...usually 15-20 a year.

 

My son is happy to do school. Last night he actually got off the computer before his time was up and practiced doing math (and next year's math at that) on the white board. My daughter would stare at walls before she would do anything that looked like school.

[Anne]

The only other suggestion that I would make is to add some self-directed learning to her schedule. Have her come up with a list of things she'd like to explore - even if it's "history of webkinz". Take her to the library, help her search the internet. Give her some pens/crayons/paper/etc. and have her make a diorama/poster/oral report to Dad/play/etc. on the subject.

 

The other thing I'd add is that, even at 9, she may just not be ready to work alone for more than a few minutes (even if her brother is..).

 

One of mine was particularly challenging in many of the same ways you are describing. She would never do any schoolwork if she could avoid it. I was sure she was going to be an academic drop out! It wasn't until she was 13 or so that she really started enjoying some schoolwork - and it was never math or science! Now, she's in college and doing wonderfully! One refrain that my dc heard over and over again was, "you have to do your schoolwork - this is your job now, just as ________ is my job and ____________ is daddy's job. You might as well have a good attitude about it because it has to be done, and part of MY job is making sure that YOU do yours! " They heard MANY variations of that speech over the years, applied to many, many different areas, not just schoolwork.

 

Hang in there! It's hard when you have to struggle against such an attitude! But the job you're doing is very well worth it and it will pay off in the end!

 

Anne

[Mommy2BeautifulGirls]

:iagree:

[joannqn]

The only other suggestion that I would make is to add some self-directed learning to her schedule. Have her come up with a list of things she'd like to explore - even if it's "history of webkinz". Take her to the library, help her search the internet. Give her some pens/crayons/paper/etc. and have her make a diorama/poster/oral report to Dad/play/etc. on the subject.

 

That's one thing that she'll do on her own. Her and her brother like to create books similar to other books that they like. For example, they made a book called Field Guide to Star Wars following the format of the Field Guide to Spiderwick.

 

She in the process of learning how to use our video camera. We never use it because it records in a nonstandard format and is a pain to save/upload because of it. So, we are trying to make it work so she can play with it. I was thinking of having her use her Webkinz to make science or history documentaries.

 

The other thing I'd add is that, even at 9, she may just not be ready to work alone for more than a few minutes (even if her brother is..).

 

She's capable of working on her own but just doesn't want to do the work...with or without help.

 

One refrain that my dc heard over and over again was, "you have to do your schoolwork - this is your job now, just as ________ is my job and ____________ is daddy's job. You might as well have a good attitude about it because it has to be done, and part of MY job is making sure that YOU do yours! " They heard MANY variations of that speech over the years, applied to many, many different areas, not just schoolwork.

 

She hears that a lot here.

[PeterPan]

8 or 9 is very young to expect them to do EVERYTHING independently. Attitude is caught, and the subjects will be much more interesting if you do some of them TOGETHER, talking about them. In our house, I do everything with dd unless she is motivated enough to get up early and do it herself. She finally got to where she realized it was more expedient to do it herself, so that's what she does. But to force independence on them, to shove work at them, walk away, and say ha, you must enjoy it, that sounds gross, sorry. But I'm an extrovert and hate to be lonely, hate to work alone, etc.

 

Find something *you* want to do, as in are so excited about that you want to do it with her, and the excitement will carry over. She's not having a good time because you're not. Case in point: we use the BJU reading. When I just hand dd the workbook, she hates it. When we do it together and I bring my magic, discussion/activities/enthusiasm, she enjoys it. You are the magic, and school is not a checklist.

Edited April 29, 2009 by OhElizabeth

[Desert Rat]

Well, I think for us I avoid the laziness by sitting at the table with him. Huck loves learning, don't get me wrong. But man, if it isn't what he wants to learn.....watch the tears flow! I usually read a book or play a game with Tom at the table. He knows I'm right there so he stays on task. I'm working on more independence but it's a slow process.

As for meltdowns, well they happen and they happen often. I tell him he can cry all he wants but the work still has to get done. If he wants to cry through it, that's his decision but it would be easier if he calmed down. Usually he does. Sometimes we need to take a break and come back to it.

I think the benefit of homeschooling is that I can cater to his personality. I, too, messed up when we were first starting out but in the opposite way. I demanded too much from my brainy 5yo. It's taking me a long time to recover. Of course, I'm fortunate that he WANTS to learn some things, just not anything having to do with grammar or composition. Darn it.

I don't know if any of this has helped you. I hope it has. Hang in there! Everyone has rough times.

[joannqn]

It's only two days a year that they have to work entirely on their own and I usually give them an easy day for those two days.

 

I actually spend more time working with her this year and in previous years, leaving me with little time to help my son. Usually, it's my son who is alone at the school table doing his work while my daughter and I are reading grammar, writing (MCT text), vocabulary, or poetry together on the couch in the other room. We all do history and science together. I think our science is fascinating; it doesn't help. She simply has no interest in it...unless it is a hands-on project that we simply cannot afford to do without the money to buy the supplies. I also read out loud to them at bedtime each night.

 

On a day to day basis, the only things she has to do on her own is spelling (practicing the words on a computer program), math practice (after she's understood the concept), writing (so it doesn't become my essay), and handwriting.

 

I guess she'll just have to suck it up since I don't have the money to turn everything into a craft project or experiment. I'll probably just have to resort to checking her written work daily to see if it is done. It used to be that I could trust her to do what she was given. It feels like we are going backwards with responsibility.

[Catwoman]

Finally, I made the mistake of not challenging her to do more. I used materials at her grade level (which I defined as 1 grade level ahead of age) and let her be done for the day even if that meant she was done in only an hour or two. She not only learned to dislike school but grew lazy as well.

 

I did the same thing with my ds, who is now 9, and I am trying to correct my mistakes, too -- with very limited success -- so I'm watching this thread with great interest!

 

Cat

[LisaDSB]

I'm new to this board, and relatively new to homeschooling, so I don't know how much weight my opinion carries here, but I thought I'd put my two cents in anyhow.

 

I have two exceptionally gifted boys, ages 6 & 8, who were previously in school. I took them out at the end of the last school year because I felt that their innate love of learning was disappearing and because they were not being challenged sufficiently.

 

We are using a combination approach of WTM, Charlotte Mason and whatever else I've thought appropriate to toss into the mix. I have experimented with umpteen approaches and schedules this year, trying to find the rhythm that works for our family.

 

I have always known that my boys are deeply passionate about learning, and when they are into a particular topic, they are into it in great depth and breadth, sometimes to the exclusion of all else.

 

I am trying to find the balance between preserving this passion and also ensuring that they can write in complete sentences, speak multiple languages, understand their place in history, etc. etc.

 

What I have learned is that whenever I try too hard to micromanage their learning, they chafe. Whenever I try to impose busywork, or unnecessary drill, they balk. Whenever I give them work that is beneath their level of competence, they fight me and start to get that "attitude" that they don't like "school". It's not that they don't want to learn -- they desperately want to do so. But, they need to do it on their terms, at least to some degree. I think this is a hallmark of exceptional children -- they need to take ownership of their learning and their talents.

 

I can't bring myself to completely unschool them, as some folks do. I need them to understand that they have to meet others' expectations as well and that there are sometimes less pleasant tasks that need to be done.

 

Although I appreciate the rigour of WTM, I have come to learn that a tight schedule and a rigid approach is not going to keep that love of learning alive -- indeed, it will probably squelch it entirely and if that happens, I might just as well put them back in school and get another job, as I will have failed in what I set out to do here.

 

What I have been doing recently is setting small goals in each of the MANY subject areas I'm trying to teach them -- too numerous to realistically get through in a typical week, but the work for each subject is probably a week's worth. For example, we'll cover pronouns in grammar, a segment of history, a book in literature, a couple of lessons in French, etc.

 

They get to choose which things they do and when. We have to get through all of those subjects before we can set new goals. That means, if they put off all of their deskwork in favour of computer-based science learning (like Cyber Ed) or nature studies then they'll be stuck with handwriting and grammar at the end.

 

I no longer set a daily or weekly timeline for completion of these things -- I just have a plan in place so I always know what's next in each subject area. If we get it all done in a couple of weeks, I'm pretty happy. This gives us flexibility too -- if something comes up or if they're off on a tangent that seems reasonable some afternoon, then it doesn't throw the whole thing off track and make me cranky.

 

They understand that "school" time is from 9-4 with a long break at lunch. As long as they are working away on something educational, I'm happy. When they're excited about something, it will often continue after school hours, or be the subject of their playtime discussions and activities.

 

This seems to be working much better for us and they're not losing that passion anymore. I hope this helps someone else.

 

Regards,

 

Lisa in Ontario

[Mommy2BeautifulGirls]

They get to choose which things they do and when. We have to get through all of those subjects before we can set new goals.

 

Thanks for this. If our current method ends up not working, I might change it up a bit. :)

[Arch at Home]

I also have a 9 year old dd who is very similar to your's, right down to Webkinz loving. She is working really hard right now at testing our boundaries. I have worked hard to pick curriculum that fits her and have included her in the selections. I also find that experiments and projects get her excited. I pretty much limit them to what we have around the house because I lack the time gather a lot of supplies together. Cooking projects are a big hit. Last week she did a science experiment on heat transfer which required her to creat a chart in Excel and graph it. I plan on using the computer to encourage writing also; for example, a couple of weeks ago her English program had her write a newsletter. She did it on her Webkins on the computer.

 

I am also slowly increasing the amount of work my dd does. Currently we are uping the amount of writing she is doing in SOTW. It helped to explain what I was doing and why. I also realized that I might need to take a half step back. I am currently co-writing with her. We work together to brain storm ideas. After she has a good idea on what she wants to write, she writes a sentence and then I write a sentence.

 

I find for my daughter a big issue is that she doesn't want to be the only one having to do what she is doing. If I am available for the harder stuff, writing and harder reading, along with a steady supply of protein things go along smoother.