Help my dc sit through church...

[Aubrey]

We're about to be attending a church that doesn't have a separate children's church, & my dc aren't used to sitting thr the adult service. They've done it before, but there's a tendency for the sermon to be either a) over their heads or b) inappropriate, i.e. descriptions of things like abortion, etc. I don't mean in *this* particular church, just in previous churches where we've tried to keep them w/ us.

 

We'll only have the 5yo & 8yo. They're really pretty good, but they do get bored & fidgety. 8yo would be happy as pie to read to himself, but 5yo isn't confident enough in her reading skills (so far) for that, & she gets really miffed if 8yo won't read to her.

 

We tried church bingo once, & that was fine, but didn't occupy them very long & 5yo couldn't read the card.

 

Ideas?

[1bassoon]

We're about to be attending a church that doesn't have a separate children's church, & my dc aren't used to sitting thr the adult service. They've done it before, but there's a tendency for the sermon to be either a) over their heads or b) inappropriate, i.e. descriptions of things like abortion, etc. I don't mean in *this* particular church, just in previous churches where we've tried to keep them w/ us.

 

We'll only have the 5yo & 8yo. They're really pretty good, but they do get bored & fidgety. 8yo would be happy as pie to read to himself, but 5yo isn't confident enough in her reading skills (so far) for that, & she gets really miffed if 8yo won't read to her.

 

We tried church bingo once, & that was fine, but didn't occupy them very long & 5yo couldn't read the card.

 

Ideas?

 

Sometimes during sermons, I"ll have my youngers gently tap my hand when they hear a key word, like "water" or whatever the topic is. My 4 yo is hard, hard, hard, but she's getting better. Ask me about the time she was super fidgety, and then I realized that no one had reminded her to go potty before church! :tongue_smilie:

 

Have you read Parenting in the Pew? Lots of good stuff there. . .

[In The Great White North]

I can't help you with the inappropriate subject matter issue.

 

For sitting relatively still and quiet, we found a repeat performance really helped. When the dc was about 3 and started acting up within the first 5 minutes, we went out to the car and waited for the next mass so he could try it again.

 

We only had to do this once.

[Beach Mom]

We have always taken blank composition notebooks and a special pen or pencil that was just for church. They can draw, practice letters, lately my little guy copies words from hymns. They each have a special notebook decorated with stickers that is just for church. They used to bring that and their picture Bible (pre reading) and it worked pretty well. There were Sundays where I ended up out in the narthex, but not too many. As they got older I printed puzzles from the internet that had something to do with the lesson of the day. They would do a word search or color a picture that tied to one of the readings.

[Guest janainaz]

I think it's really difficult for little kids to be expected to sit quietly for a long period of time like that. My kids have always been good when we've taken them to church (when we have visited my parents church, etc.), but if it were a continual happening, I think they would surely get restless. My 9 year old would be expected to sit and deal with it, but little ones just don't fully understand.

 

We planned something fun to do for my four-year old after church and I just reminded him when he got a little restless that "after church we are going to.....". I also whispered in his ear all during the service what a good boy he was being. He would get a big smile on his face. That worked like a charm with him. I grew up going to the Catholic church and it was very formal. We had to sit there quietly for an hour and I remember how awfully long it seemed to drag on. If they get through it, I would give lots and lots and lots of praise!!!

[Aggie]

 

Have you read Parenting in the Pew? Lots of good stuff there. . .

 

I second this book! It changed my thoughts on dc in church/children's church.:001_smile:

[Tutor]

During the sermon, I take notes for my children while they watch me. The notes consist of stick-type drawings illustrating the various stories and concepts. I label the pictures with the concept and Scripture passage being discussed. I got this idea from Edith Schaeffer's The Hidden Art of Homemaking and used many of her symbols for more abstract concepts (like God or believer) and then developed some of my own over time. Our kids have all liked when I've done this and often draw similar pictures as they get older to help them remember the concepts. It also allows me to pay attention to the sermon and take notes.

 

Some days, the kids are just inattentive or something, so they each have a notebook and crayons of their own in their Sunday School/ Church bags that they can draw in if they'd like.

 

ETA: Almost forgot - we also would give our little ones "jobs" during the service: find the next hymn, find the Scripture passage, get the offering out, etc. Our 5yo's favorite thing to do right now is to count the songs. We have 5 songs in a typical service (3 hymns, the Gloria Patri, and the Doxology). He knows that when he's counted 5 songs, it's time to go home. Oh, and we used to attend a church with a deaf ministry, so we sign the Glori Patri and Doxology (and whatever else I can figure out), and my 5yo and 8yo love to sign with me.

Edited March 29, 2009 by Tutor

[Scarlett]

We're about to be attending a church that doesn't have a separate children's church, & my dc aren't used to sitting thr the adult service. They've done it before, but there's a tendency for the sermon to be either a) over their heads or b) inappropriate, i.e. descriptions of things like abortion, etc. I don't mean in *this* particular church, just in previous churches where we've tried to keep them w/ us.

 

We'll only have the 5yo & 8yo. They're really pretty good, but they do get bored & fidgety. 8yo would be happy as pie to read to himself, but 5yo isn't confident enough in her reading skills (so far) for that, & she gets really miffed if 8yo won't read to her.

 

We tried church bingo once, & that was fine, but didn't occupy them very long & 5yo couldn't read the card.

 

Ideas?

 

We don't have separate services for children. In my lifelong experience, children can learn at a very early age to sit relatively quietly through religious services. Ours is 2 hours long. Some infants have to be taken out if they are too loud....but usually by 2 they know the routine. My own son was a good infant....toddler stage I allowed books...up to about 2 I had a small bag of cheerios too....keeps a baby busy. By 2 my son had his own song book, bible story book and bible...he would look through his bible story book quietly. A little later, by 3 and 4 he would draw. And I'd take him out to go potty or get a drink if he seemed too restless.

[phathui5]

I would pack a bag with blank paper, crayons, a quiet snack, a children's Bible.

 

If inappropriate content is an issue and they don't provide a place for children during the service, I would talk to the pastor about your concerns.

[Scarlett]

I would pack a bag with blank paper, crayons, a quiet snack, a children's Bible.

 

If inappropriate content is an issue and they don't provide a place for children during the service, I would talk to the pastor about your concerns.

 

So much goes over their heads anyway.....

[SonshineLearner]

What I've heard that works, is having family worship at home each day/night. A time where they sing and a time where there's a scripture and discussion. I know someone who when their children were young, was asked if they did family worship at home, because they were having difficulty at church. There was a period of time when every family was expected to do family worship, now family tv night is more common. Ask me how I know.

Carrie :-(

[MamaSheep]

When I was growing up my parents gave each of us a notebook (there were 7 of us kids) to take notes or draw pictures or whatever. Then at lunch after church we played a game. Starting with the youngest child we took turns asking two questions about the service, trying to stump the rest of the family. The youngest kids usually asked things like hymn numbers or who said the prayers (they were offered by members of the congregation) because they were posted up front so you could copy them down easily. But by the time we got to us older kids and Mom and Dad all the easy questions were taken. My brother especially was good at finding obscure things mentioned by the speakers, so if I wanted to "beat" him I had to pay close attention to everything that was said. Mom also assigned each of the younger kids to one of the older kids to sort of help supervise/entertain, and I think that helped too. "My" little brother liked to play finger games, like stacking our hands alternating and then whoever's hand is on the bottom pulls it out and puts it on top but if you pull out the wrong hand you "lose". Or thumb wars, or just trying to touch my palm before I could close my hand and catch his finger. As long as we weren't too wiggly or loud we were ok. But it was a bit of a challenge to play finger games and take notes at the same time...lol.

 

My own kids are a bit of a challenge for me. My ds is almost 12, but he has Aspergers, and in his case this means sensory issues and VERY LARGE anxiety issues around crowds. It has always been very hard for him to be in church, but we think it's important so we always take him with us. He's doing better, but his church behavior is still not really age-appropriate. It's kind of strange, because he really does have a good solid doctrinal understanding, more advanced than most kids his age, but his behavior is very "young". His sister (6yo) is a very high-energy little thing, in a sunshiney, happy way, and she has a great deal of difficulty sitting still under ANY circumstances. She sort of dances through life. We do PRACTICE sitting still, but she just doesn't really have it in her to do it for long. And because her brother has such a hard time behavior-wise, it's really hard to require more mature behavior from her than we do from him.

 

It frustrates me sometimes, but everyone at church is very understanding and most of them have similar struggles of one kind or another with some of their kids, so it's not like it's a "problem", really, I just wish I could get them to do a little better. I do require that they sit quietly on the bench for the first part of the meeting, at least until after the sacrament (communion) is finished. After that I allow them to sit quietly on the floor in front of the bench. (For ds this is a sensory thing, he feels more stable on the floor, and he can't see all the people, which eases his anxiety quite a bit. For dd it's what her brother does, so it's what she should do too. When she gets a bit older I may try to get her, at least, to stay on the bench. Sigh.) They each have a little bag to carry their scriptures, and they are also allowed to bring a notebook and crayons and one quiet toy. Ds always brings a stuffed animal, as their soft fur and friendly faces evidently are very soothing to him. He feels like he has a friend, so it's going to be ok. And he no longer disrupts the meetings with loud panic attacks, so I don't have to spend most of the meeting out in the foyer anymore, which is really nice. So as immature as his behavior is at church, it's still an improvement. Sometimes I think we have to focus on progress rather than perfection. I just try to remember that when Jesus said, "Suffer the little children to come unto me," He meant ALL of them; He didn't just mean the ones who could be quiet and hold still, or who were very mature for their ages, or sho were dressed appropriately and didn't have a stain on the front of their shirt or mussed up hair. So that's ok then.

 

Anyway, good luck from another mom in the trenches. I think having the family together during church is a great thing. IMO, kids need to see their parents worshipping, and to feel that they are included as part of the church just as much as the grown-ups.

[Melinda in VT]

At 5 and 8, I don't think it will take them long to get comfortable with the routine.

 

I encourage my kids to bring their Bibles. One of mine loves to draw during the sermon. I do require them to participate in prayers, songs, etc. You can use your finger to help them follow along in the hymnal or bulletin.

 

It's nice that the service has quite a bit of movement to it. We stand up for the hymns, we walk around during the passing of the peace, they go to the front for the children's message before the sermon.

 

When my kids get restless (I'm thinking of the 3yo here, who can be quite a challenge during church), they like it when I draw on their backs. I write their names with my finger on their back, one letter at a time. I write "I love you."

 

My kids really look forward to the snacks during fellowship hour after church. If they misbehave, I count them. When they get to three, they lose snack for the day.

[Chris in VA]

Our service contains lots of liturgical movement, so it's easier for little ones to sit thru (and we do have children's church during the sermon-half of the service, and they come in for communion, which is all movement of the priest, iykwim--easy to focus on). We let them use the Book of Common Prayer, use the insert for the verses, find the hymn pages, etc.

 

YMMV, since I'm under the impression yours is more sermon-centered? Lots of hymns, some prayers and a long sermon (long is relative--ours is the Episcopalian 12 Minute Wonder)? I'd bring in colored pencils, some Bible pictures to color--Calvary Chapel has printable ones on line--a Children's Bible, and maybe even a small doll for your dd. I'd ask the 8 year old to be able to tell you the text citation, too.

[Nestof3]

I think because we house church, and there are over 30 children who sit still during the meeting (usually 2 hours), the children just adapt. The really little one usually have something to hold or have little board books to look at. Some children do have a little writing tablet or a Bible. At 8, the children would be encouraged to follow along in their Bibles, but they sometimes read certain passages for the men.

 

We've never brought anything for them to do mainly because if they bring something to draw, they want to keep showing each other what they drew, and if they bring books, Nathan has a hard time not sharing what he's reading.

 

Also, the men tend to speak in ways that anyone can understand. These are just regular men who study the scripture a lot, and while they of course give thought to their topic, their main concern is that everyone understands.

[chiguirre]

I agree with the idea of a missal or a bible (whichever applies to you). The Catholic Children's Missal was the best $1.50 I ever spent. Ds went from not making it past the readings to sitting till communion in one day. He still has to cover his ears (but that's at least in part the tinny sound system, it bothers me too) and he does wiggle, but it's such an amazing improvement.

[Loupelou]

Some ages are definitely harder than others but yours are past the major fidgety stage. I know it helps that we have family scripture reading and worship during the week. They get used to sitting still and paying attention for a small amount of time.

 

I also would recommend a special bag that has activities only used for church. We have a special bag that includes paper and crayons, books about scripture heroes and Jesus, a few lacing cards with scripture pictures, and a prophets card deck. I also like to have them sit quietly on the pew and not kneel on the floor.

 

My older children like to bring special journals that they write down the order of the meeting, and also specific comments that catch their attention. It has also helped to let them know that we will be discussing the meetings when we get home and no one likes to be left out!:)

[Aubrey]

Thank you, ladies. After reading your replies, I changed my attitude completely. I brought a Bible for ea of the kids & a notebook & we had a family meeting over breakfast. I told them why we were *choosing* to worship as a family (instead of being forced into it by the customs of the church we're attending). We also did the 2 question suggestion.

 

Ds8, who was my biggest concern--his attitude can be...very quietly stormy...when he doesn't think something's fair. He sat beside me, w/ his arm around me, rubbing my back, & grinning from ear to ear almost the whole time. He whispered early in the service, "This is my THIRD time to pray *today!*" LOL

 

On the way home, he told us that he was fine until the very end, & then he "just got exhausted from all that sitting still & being quiet." :lol:

 

But instead of complaining (& being focused on themselves), they were both very happy & excited to go back. Thank you, bunches.

[1bassoon]

That's great, Aubrey!!!

 

I just have to share - we attend a family-integrated SS class. We've been studying through the 10 commandments, and we got to *gulp* #7.

 

At the beginning of our class, our teacher (one of the church's pastors - he's not a member of our class, but he's been GREAT) asked all the kids under 9 to raise their hands. He said he had a special question for them. Then he asked, "If I had a 3 week old little baby here, and I wanted to feed him steak, what would you say?" One cute guy in the back row said, "No way! He'd choke on it!"

 

Then he proceeded to relate that some of the things pertaining to the 7th commandment would cause them to choke, if he forced the teaching on them. It would just be too much for them right now. He then addressed the parents and the kids and said, "Kids, if you ask your parents, "What was Pastor P talking about when he said this? Your parents will probably say, "not now". And that's ok" He encouraged the parents to discuss the lesson in an age-appropriate manner at home, but to feel free to use "Not right now" if needs be.

 

The lesson was wonderful. A lot on the catechism, a lot on guarding our hearts, I can't sum it all up but really, really great. Nothing graphic, but very convicting for the adults - and kids alike. (He related adultery to an inordinate desire, and then linked that to the 10th commandment)

 

At any rate, Aubrey, I'm doing a horrible job of this, but just wanted to give you encouragement that yes, your kids can even be in on "adult" discussions, and you can trust the Holy Spirit to lead your kids to understand just what they need.

[bettyandbob]

My oldest was reading at 4 and he was allowed to read the Bible in church. We had all kinds of kids Bibles. I think the favorite was a graphic one with incredibly detailed pictures and lots of tiny text in the text clouds. It wasn't anime. dd was not that early a reader. She colored. I got Bible story coloring books and she colored her way through the service. Now, our youngest can't read and doesn't have the motor skills to enjoy coloring. He happily moves from lap to lap.

[FriedClams]

I found the book Parenting from the Pew really helpful. My insanely active DS started big church when he was 2 1/2 - so I feel your pain. I found that the fewer things you bring in for them, the better. I did do the drawing thing with the kids when they were smaller. Now at 6 and 7 I expect them to pay attention and read along and they generally do fine. It's a process - and one that's worth it - but don't expect perfection out the gate.

[Old Dominion Heather]

This is what we do as well, and I also got the idea from Edith Schaeffer. : )

 

I draw notes in a designated notebook for the newly seven-year-old and the almost 10yo takes his own notes. He does a remarkably good job and has a notebook of his own to use for sermon notes. The three-year-old usually gets to color with his crayons when he stays with us, but he usually wants to go to the nursery, but I'll probably let him go to children's church after the children's sermon when he turns four. Children's church is only available from 4yo-1st grade. 2nd and on stay with parents.

[Starr]

My dc did fine through a long service with a blank notebook and pencil. They could also bring their own bibles. Sometimes they brought a small stuffed animal. Of course they crawl all over you wanting love because they are a little bored. :lol: I also had them help find hymns, the right page in the prayer book or bible and try to follow along when they could. It is easier in liturgical churches. You get to "stand and sit and kneel and pray and pass the plate and listen." It makes for changes in the service. I'm sure they'll get used to it. No one should mind a little squirming and whispering from time to time. My main ministry is to have an imperfect family. If the pastor's kids are real it helps everyone else relax. :)