Guest byfaith Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 My children are not of the courting age, but I have several friends that have children who are, I guess. Is 16 an appropriate age for courting? Is this another way to say dating? I think that courting is when you are ready to be married to a person you have known for a while. I haven't read any books about this yet. Do I have it all wrong? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 My ideas is that from 16-18 or so, kids should go out with a group and have fun with friends, no real 1:1 "dating" or courting as they are not yet ready for marriage. Once they graduate highschool, they can start considering a more serious 1 on 1 relationship. I am not strongly in the dating camp or the courtship camp but rather protecting their hearts until they are ready for marriage. I do think that family involvement is great--doing things with each others families, avoiding lots of "alone" time--esp. later at night when temptations are greater, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staci in MO Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I am not strongly in the dating camp or the courtship camp but rather protecting their hearts until they are ready for marriage. I do think that family involvement is great--doing things with each others families, avoiding lots of "alone" time--esp. later at night when temptations are greater, etc. :iagree: Well said. Courting, in my opinion, is less about age, but more about avoiding the pattern of serious relationship/breakup, next serious relationship/breakup, etc., that most teens (including myself at that age) tend to fall into. But yes, age does factor in. Most of my son's middle-school age friends are "dating", and I frankly wonder how they're getting their schoolwork done. And, in all fairness, I gave much more thought to boys than to my studies from about age 12 on. But that's another post for another day. :tongue_smilie: I feel like I'm always recommending books, but I just read a book entitled What He Must Be...If He Wants to Marry My Daughter. It really clarified my thinking on this, without resorting to the highly patriarchal (and, in my opinion, frightening) view that protecting our daughters includes keeping them home from college.:eek: I believe there's a middle ground there, I'm just not sure where, yet. But I think the lax approach most parents take toward dating is naive and scary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 My children are not of the courting age, but I have several friends that have children who are, I guess. Is 16 an appropriate age for courting? Is this another way to say dating? I think that courting is when you are ready to be married to a person you have known for a while. I haven't read any books about this yet. Do I have it all wrong? :confused: To me, "courting age" is when the young adult is ready to get married. My dds won't be ready at 16 by any stretch of the imagination. I think high schoolers should socialize in mixed-age groups (i.e.- families) or at least go out in groups. At this age, teens should be enjoying their free time and not worrying about dating or "serious" relationships. There have been quite a few courting threads here in the past, you might want to search the board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quad Shot Academy Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 To me, "courting age" is when the young adult is ready to get married. My dds won't be ready at 16 by any stretch of the imagination. I think high schoolers should socialize in mixed-age groups (i.e.- families) or at least go out in groups. At this age, teens should be enjoying their free time and not worrying about dating or "serious" relationships. :iagree: The whole idea behind courting is to protect their hearts from a dozen breakups from the typical age that kids start dating until they are actually ready to get married. There are many different views on how to implement courting, but I think that is the main principle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 My ideas is that from 16-18 or so, kids should go out with a group and have fun with friends, no real 1:1 "dating" or courting as they are not yet ready for marriage. Once they graduate highschool, they can start considering a more serious 1 on 1 relationship. I am not strongly in the dating camp or the courtship camp but rather protecting their hearts until they are ready for marriage. I do think that family involvement is great--doing things with each others families, avoiding lots of "alone" time--esp. later at night when temptations are greater, etc. :iagree: My parents had an age 16 rule that I think worked out well (for the most part). They discouraged 1:1 dating in favor of group dates or double dates. I did go on single dates at times and I had a steady boyfriend for a few months my junior year of high school, but I knew my standards and was firm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 "Courting" has come to represent a variety of approaches to teen/young adult relationships, habits and socialization. IMO, courting *can* be a healthy way to approach the issue of teens/young adults moving into a desire for intimate relationship (my use of intimate is not exclusively defined by sex). Courting can also be cultish, ritualistic, legalistic and counter productive. Personally, I don't believe in promiscuity and serial relationships for any age. But I also don't believe in the restrictive courting exampled by the Duggar's "first kiss" wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 We are encouraging our kids to wait until they have completed their educations. We don't call it courting, just waiting and not getting distracted by the opposite sex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 To me, "courting age" is when the young adult is ready to get married. Yup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
st_claire Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 How can they know if they are ready for marriage until they have experience with relationships? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 "Courting" has come to represent a variety of approaches to teen/young adult relationships, habits and socialization. IMO, courting *can* be a healthy way to approach the issue of teens/young adults moving into a desire for intimate relationship (my use of intimate is not exclusively defined by sex). Courting can also be cultish, ritualistic, legalistic and counter productive. Personally, I don't believe in promiscuity and serial relationships for any age. But I also don't believe in the restrictive courting exampled by the Duggar's "first kiss" wedding. I agree! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 How can they know if they are ready for marriage until they have experience with relationships? They will have experience in friendly relationships, with all kinds of people. I think kids who date in the usual manner through high school start to think that these immature relationships are the equivalent of adult relationships. They are not even close. I am not religious, but I don't think kids should date in high school the way they do now. When they are adults, they can start getting to know individuals and their potential as spouses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
st_claire Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I've seen a lot of high school relationships that are more serious than many adult relationships. But the way I see it, the teen years are when they are exploring their sexuality and experimenting with life. I'd prefer them to explore these things with people they care about and have a relationship with, than with strangers they just met. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I've seen a lot of high school relationships that are more serious than many adult relationships. I haven't. But the way I see it, the teen years are when they are exploring their sexuality and experimenting with life. I'd prefer them to explore these things with people they care about and have a relationship with, than with strangers they just met. I don't think teens should experiment with their sexuality. I agree that they should explore their sexuality and life with people they care about and have a relationship with, but I think it's healthier to do so as an adult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Sherry Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 How can they know if they are ready for marriage until they have experience with relationships? Ummm, Have you ever been married ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I just got that book, does he really advocate keeping dds at home, and no college? Pity, a lot of what he said looked right on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I've seen a lot of high school relationships that are more serious than many adult relationships. But the way I see it, the teen years are when they are exploring their sexuality and experimenting with life. I'd prefer them to explore these things with people they care about and have a relationship with, than with strangers they just met. Who has posted about relationships with strangers??? What are you talking about?? Whether you are a teen or a young adult, the fundamental idea of dating is to get to know a person and decide if you want a relationship with them. Whether a person's goal is to find a potential spouse or to "experiment with life", that is what dating is for. Some here would rather their children wait for maturity and educational goals to be achieved before the search for a life-long partner begins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JWSJ Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I think kids who date in the usual manner through high school start to think that these immature relationships are the equivalent of adult relationships. I understand what you're saying, but it's been my experience that in many cases - these immature relationships are the equivalent of adult relationships. I cite the divorce rate as evidence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I understand what you're saying, but it's been my experience that in many cases - these immature relationships are the equivalent of adult relationships. I cite the divorce rate as evidence. Exactly. I think part of the divorce rate problem is people have been practicing immature relationships. Why not wait until one is mature enough to have a mature relationship? Until then, practice being a good friend and leave the physical stuff for later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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