I need some encouragement. How do you redistribute chores?

[Jane]

Ugh. It's such an overwhelming task to create a new chore system with responsibilities redistributed across my growing children. I know it will take us a few weeks to get down the new system and to train in new chores. I need some encouragement. How do you handle this task in your home? I know we will be more efficient when it's completed, it just feels so overwhelming right now. Currently our chores are not even written down so the task of simply writing them out rather than keeping them in our heads feels monumental yet necessary. Plus, I'll need photos of chores for the non-readers. (I lost my old photos two moves ago from when my older children were non-readers.)

 

Any tips or encouragement on revaming a chore system so responsibilities are more evenly distributed to include younger growing children?

[Julie in CA]

I searched and found my post about what's worked the best in our home. I'm copying it for you, in case it can be of any use.

 

I have 5 kids, so we have 5 "zones". They are:

 

KP-responsible for loading/unloading the dishwasher during the day, taking out the kitchen trash, clearing & wiping counters (daily jobs) and once per week cleaning/wiping appliances.

 

Floors-responsible for sweeping/vacuuming every day (includes picking up whatever is on the floor in their way!), once a week mopping and searching for & cleaning any carpet spots/stains.

 

Bathrooms-responsible for tidying up the bathroom every day including making sure there's tp, and once a week actually cleaning sinks, counters, mirrors, toilet, emptying trash, cleaning the tub/shower.

 

Laundry-collects the laundry from all the hampers every morning, starts washers (yes, I have two), switches loads when necessary, folds laundry when it's all done (if there's a lot, then the laundry helper only has to "deal out" the laundry while we all fold). Theoretically, the laundry helper is also supposed to clean the laundry room every two weeks or so, but in reality they pretty much never do it unless I specifically tell them to do so.

 

Outside/car-water any plants that need it, sweep porches/patio, feed pets, clean the car, help out with any yard work that needs to be done.

 

The dinner clean-up is in a separate category. The kitchen helper is responsible for doing the dishes after dinner, and all the rest of the kids are supposed to clear the table, put away food, wipe counters, etc. I admit that I still struggle with getting the kids to comply with the dinner clean-up routine. They really want to relax after dinner, but so do I, and my dh decided that I win on this one. I do the cooking, the kids do the cleaning after dinner. Period. The problem is that we still have kids who resist daily, and have to be reminded *every time*. I guess we'll just have to keep on sticking to our guns, but I wish this part was easier.

 

We switch the zones on the first of every month, and for the first few days I have trouble remembering who's who, but the kids help me remember.

 

As far as reminding about each job, I made a list of bathroom jobs, put it in a page protector, and hung it in the bathroom, a list of kitchen responsibilities and hung it in the kitchen, etc. I don't remind each kid of each job, I just check to see who's laundry helper if I can see the laundry is getting backed up, and remind them {ahem!} to do the job. Because of the lists, no one can say they didn't know what to do, and I don't have to keep track of each job.

 

We've been doing this for...oh, about 5 years now, and when the kids first started I had to help the younger ones a lot. Now, they pretty much are all capable of doing every part of each job, so theoretically I just have to remind them once in a while if I see they're getting behind.

[Maisy]

We then wrote the chores on one end of the stick with a Sharpie and put them all (chore-side down) in a decorated can. I think this was a Family Fun idea. You can color code the sticks to coordinate with a certain age group, ability level, house zone, day of the week, or whatever. We just draw sticks to decide who does what (we had waaay too much fighting with our past routines). You can put the sticks back in the can afterward for the next day or create a "discard" pile for the week.

 

I have a sheet-protected chart on the fridge where they check off when they do a chore so they can earn chore money (no, I don't pay for made beds, clean rooms, put-away laundry or brushed teeth--that's just part of being in our family. :001_smile:

[Sarah CB]

I found Managers of their Chores by the Maxwells very helpful with this.

 

I adapted their system a little to fit our family.

 

We have different chore times scheduled during the day. Morning, lunch time, and after school. Dinner is a separate category and we don't bother with cards for it.

 

Every morning I pull out my binder and everyone takes their cards (or just reads them). Each child gets one card for each chore time. So, on Monday morning (for example), dd (13) makes sure the garbage and recycling is out on the curb, ds (8) cleans all the sinks and counters in all the bathrooms, and ds (6) puts fresh towels in the bathrooms and makes sure the toilet paper is stocked.

 

At lunch they would all have another card and after school there would be another one. I've tried to keep it so that most chores take about 5 or 10 minutes during each chore time. Some chores take a little longer (like cleaning all the sinks and counters) and some take less time (like folding a load of laundry).

 

It was a big task to sit down and list all the things that need to get done in the house, their frequency, and who was capable of what. But, the nice thing is that things run pretty smoothly now and everything that is listed on those cards actually gets done when it's supposed to be done.

 

I still struggle with anything that doesn't happen on a weekly or daily basis (who knew that you could clean under the toaster oven??) but at least the regular housekeeping is being kept up.

[FlockOfSillies]

It's in Excel. I can forward it to you if you like.

[myfunnybunch]

A chore system seemed really overwhelming when I first started. So I went for simple: On a piece of scratch paper, I made a list of chores that need to be done. I didn't bother with self-care items like "Brush teeth" or "Make bed" because those are simply things we do every morning. I made a table in MS Word with names across the top, days along the side, then I filled in the blanks with chores from the chore list.

 

When I added my youngest (4) to our chore chart, I just added a column to the right, popped his name on top and redistributed chores. It took me fifteen minutes, then another ten later because I realized I'd goofed. The littlest can't read, so we read it to him.

 

Start simple. Your chore system should be straightforward, not a separate chore in itself. Once you get whatever system works best for you running smoothly, it will make such a difference. It's worth a little befuddlement and experimentation at first to find out what will work best for your family. :)

 

Cat

[Colleen]

Fwiw, I don't think developing a system, writing down chores, assigning tasks, etc is even necessary in the first place. All of that strikes me as far more complicated than need be. When something needs to be done, I ask someone to do it. It's that simple. Really. Over time, the recurring tasks become fairly obvious and I seldom have to point them out.

 

Example: I expect someone to vacuum the mud room every morning before breakfast (when they come in from working) and every evening before dinner. The majority of the time, it's get done with no prodding on my part. When it's overlooked, I say to whomever happens to be in close range, "You guys forgot to vacuum the mud room." At which point, the job gets done. No creating "chore charts". (The very thought of such a thing strikes me as so forced, and such a ridiculous waste of energy on my part.) No griping about who did it last, yada yada yada.

 

My boys know that there are times when they might do more or less than someone else. That's life. I feel no need to evenly distribute the work. The bottom line is that work needs done and it gets done and the more complicated we choose to make it, the more burdensome it'll be. Don't make the simple stuff in life harder than it needs to be.:)

[Snickerdoodle]

Fwiw, I don't think developing a system, writing down chores, assigning tasks, etc is even necessary in the first place. <snip> The bottom line is that work needs done and it gets done.

 

 

I agree. My mom did it this way and she kept excellent house and I'll do it this way too.

[wide eyes & laughter]

Fwiw, I don't think developing a system, writing down chores, assigning tasks, etc is even necessary in the first place. All of that strikes me as far more complicated than need be. When something needs to be done, I ask someone to do it. It's that simple. Really. Over time, the recurring tasks become fairly obvious and I seldom have to point them out.

 

Example: I expect someone to vacuum the mud room every morning before breakfast (when they come in from working) and every evening before dinner. The majority of the time, it's get done with no prodding on my part. When it's overlooked, I say to whomever happens to be in close range, "You guys forgot to vacuum the mud room." At which point, the job gets done. No creating "chore charts". (The very thought of such a thing strikes me as so forced, and such a ridiculous waste of energy on my part.) No griping about who did it last, yada yada yada.

 

My boys know that there are times when they might do more or less than someone else. That's life. I feel no need to evenly distribute the work. The bottom line is that work needs done and it gets done and the more complicated we choose to make it, the more burdensome it'll be. Don't make the simple stuff in life harder than it needs to be.:)

 

I agree. My mom did it this way and she kept excellent house and I'll do it this way too.

 

 

I love the concept of this - and have tried it. *My* mom didn't do it this way and, in fact, I don't know anyone who has done it your way. But in my mind, my long term goal re: household chores has always been to train my kids to look around and see what needs to be done.

 

Others have told me it is not realistic (concrete enough) to expect young children to be able to do this on their own. They have told me it is necessary to train them in chores *first* then, as they get older, they will become trainable as to looking around and *seeing* what needs to be done & they'll be able to do it.

 

Does this make sense to you? Agree/disagree? Did you start out dispensing chores and training as to *how to* and graduate into the way you do things now? Please enlighten....

 

Thanks!!

Cheryl

[Jane]

As far as reminding about each job, I made a list of bathroom jobs, put it in a page protector, and hung it in the bathroom, a list of kitchen responsibilities and hung it in the kitchen, etc. I don't remind each kid of each job, I just check to see who's laundry helper if I can see the laundry is getting backed up, and remind them {ahem!} to do the job. Because of the lists, no one can say they didn't know what to do, and I don't have to keep track of each job.

 

Thanks. I think this is what I need (page protected list of responsibilities) because we use the zone method too.

 

Your children are so much tighter in age than mine, at what age did you begin rotating those chore zones? Currently, I assign zones according to age and ability.

[Hillary in KS]

PariSarah had a great system for doing this, but it's been a long time. I'm sorry I don't remember the specifics.

 

She sort of had a list of all the chores that needed to be done to keep the household running. She and her dh would do some and check them off. She trained her son to do the same. It worked very well for them, but you'd have to ask her for specifics.

 

I think that when they're little, they need to be taught how to do the chores. What you mean by "clean the playroom floor" and what they mean by "clean the playroom floor" may be very different. So when children are small, you teach them how to do the jobs.

 

What *we* do is have several times during the day where we tidy up. The boys just look around, see what sorts of things need to be done, and then do them.

 

We also have different chores that have to be done on certain days. (Tuesday is trash day. Monday is wash day. etc.)

 

The one thing I'm careful of is not to overburden my eldest. He's capable of doing more, so he does more. But it would not be fair to let the littles skate and not do anything because big brother will eventually do it for them. I don't want to punish the achiever, here. ;)

[Jane]

I found Managers of their Chores by the Maxwells very helpful with this.

 

I adapted their system a little to fit our family.

 

<snip>

 

It was a big task to sit down and list all the things that need to get done in the house, their frequency, and who was capable of what. But, the nice thing is that things run pretty smoothly now and everything that is listed on those cards actually gets done when it's supposed to be done.

 

Thanks for the encouragement and great explanation. I've read Managers of their Chores and like the idea of everything in writing simply because I'm changing expectations and verbal expectations can be difficult to keep track of.

[Jane]

The one thing I'm careful of is not to overburden my eldest. He's capable of doing more, so he does more. But it would not be fair to let the littles skate and not do anything because big brother will eventually do it for them. I don't want to punish the achiever, here. ;)

 

LOL! I so hear you! This is part of why I'm re-distributing the chores. I want my younger ones to start stepping up to the plate more and freeing up my older achievers. :)

[Sarah CB]

Thanks for the encouragement and great explanation. I've read Managers of their Chores and like the idea of everything in writing simply because I'm changing expectations and verbal expectations can be difficult to keep track of.

 

My kids love this system. Before, it felt like they were never "released" from chores. I felt like I was continually asking them to do things. Now they know that chore time is defined - it has a beginning and an end and then they're FREE! And it's not overwhelming for them either because I've portioned everything out in small bites. My younger kids (8, 6, and 3) feel much better about their tasks now - it's not so overwhelming for them. And my older dd (13) doesn't feel like she's always doing chores. And yet, more work is getting done :)

 

Sarah

[Julie in CA]

Your children are so much tighter in age than mine, at what age did you begin rotating those chore zones? Currently, I assign zones according to age and ability.

 

I don't assign zones according to age and ability, everyone takes their month-long turn with each zone. I just roam around and help the youngest with the parts they can't do well on their own. That way the job gets done, but they're working alongside me and learn what to do.

 

I think I started this about 5 years ago, so my kids were about:

5 1/2, 7 1/2, 9 1/2, 11, and 12 1/2.

 

The page-protector lists for each zone were the key in the beginning.

Now they all are capable of completely doing every aspect of every job, but my job is to supervise (and nag) since they have the ability but still don't have the ambition. :001_huh:

[FlockOfSillies]

...but many of us, unlike you, do not possess the Mary Poppins gene. In my own case, my mother thought she was doing me a favor by going light on the chores with me. Sure, I could figure out how to clean a toilet; but I only had to do chores when she got tired and overwhelmed and basically whined at me to do them.

 

The lack of daily discipline in doing household chores as a child and teen continues to hinder me to this day. My house is never as clean as my dh or I would like it to be. At its best, it's "almost clean". And now I find myself in the unenviable position that some moms are in when they try to teach their kids grammar or algebra: I stank at this when I was a kid, and now I have to teach it??? (I'm sure you're immune to this problem as well.)

 

Some of us are list-makers; some of us just have kids who like lists to check off and say, "Now can I play with my friends?" Both my kids and I got tired of me answering that question with a "Hmmm, lemme think if there's anything else that needs doing..." I'm sure I'm blowing your mind with the notion that such a conversation would even take place.

 

My point is, it's completely unhelpful for you and other Born Organized types to float in on these threads with, "I just don't get what's so difficult. Just do it. It's simple." It doesn't provide any constructive help. Rather, it's just rubbing our noses in our failures. You might as well say, "Gawd, what's wrong with you stupid people? You're so incompetent!"

 

How can I explain it better? Imagine you've posted one of your "unhappy marriage" threads and I come in and say, "I don't get it. Dh and I get along great. I just don't understand why some women can't be perfectly happy just like me." Would that be helpful of me, or would I just be singing songs to a heavy heart?

 

It's like buying an algebra curriculum that bills itself as "open and go" and finding the following inside:

 

Step 1: Teach your child proofs.

Step 2: Teach your child the commutative property of addition.

etc.

[jamnkats]

Ugh. It's such an overwhelming task to create a new chore system with responsibilities redistributed across my growing children. I know it will take us a few weeks to get down the new system and to train in new chores. I need some encouragement. How do you handle this task in your home? I know we will be more efficient when it's completed, it just feels so overwhelming right now. Currently our chores are not even written down so the task of simply writing them out rather than keeping them in our heads feels monumental yet necessary. Plus, I'll need photos of chores for the non-readers. (I lost my old photos two moves ago from when my older children were non-readers.)

 

Any tips or encouragement on revaming a chore system so responsibilities are more evenly distributed to include younger growing children?

 

I ask the kids how they want to help and that is how we come up with "assigned" chores. Also, I will daily ask for specific things (can you get the laundry off the line, can you do those dishes, etc.). Oh, and when things get overwhelming I make a list and give them some notice. This weekend I kept telling them that I needed to make a list of stuff that needed to get done and would like some help doing it. Yesterday am I made the list and when the kids woke (and ate and took care of the puppy), we attacked the list together.

Edited March 3, 2009 by jamnkats

[Colleen]

Others have told me it is not realistic (concrete enough) to expect young children to be able to do this on their own. They have told me it is necessary to train them in chores *first* then, as they get older, they will become trainable as to looking around and *seeing* what needs to be done & they'll be able to do it.

 

Does this make sense to you? Agree/disagree? Did you start out dispensing chores and training as to *how to* and graduate into the way you do things now?

 

No, I never did provide much training as far as chores are concerned. I just assume they can figure out how to vacuum, dust, etc. and if I notice they don't do it well, I tell/show them how to do a better job. I should note, though, that I don't require my guys to do a ton of household chores. Once in a blue moon my older two wash the dishes, for example, but it isn't important to me that they do that regularly. Some people believe if we don't train children to do all the various and sundry household work, they'll be at a disadvantage when faced with those tasks in adulthood. I don't agree. If they live in a clean, orderly home, are expected to contribute in general to the running of that household, and are of average intelligence, they'll be capable of caring for their own home in the same manner if they so choose. (In my opinion and experience.)

[Colleen]

I'm sorry my post offended you.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

If they live in a clean, orderly home, are expected to contribute in general to the running of that household, and are of average intelligence, they'll be capable of caring for their own home in the same manner if they so choose. (In my opinion and experience.)

 

My experience doesn't bear this out. My mom and dad both grew up in the type of home you describe, yet had a very hard time keeping up with the housework. I also have a very hard time in my home. I, and most others who ask for housekeeping help on here, can't just do it--it's not that simple.

[Colleen]

My experience doesn't bear this out.

 

Yes, opinions and experiences differ.

 

I, and most others who ask for housekeeping help on here, can't just do it--it's not that simple.

 

I understand that. Really!:) Sometimes there is an assumption that chore charts, assigning chores, etc are necessary and, without fail, helpful. I find less is more in this area of life, thus my two pennies.

[amyinva]

I started using the Motivated Moms planner at the beginning of this year. I love it. Somehow, the thought of making a master list of all chores felt overwhelming, and this is a cheap way to get it (mostly) done for you. I have to add a few things, but mostly rooms, not what I do in each room. It even reminds me to clip little ones' nails, etc.

 

Every week I take out my Motivated Moms list and I split the jobs up among the children and myself, and make to-do lists for each of us. I make weekly chore lists for the teens, so they can fit them into their week as they see fit, and I make daily lists for myself and the youngers. I add the extra rooms at this point, so if it says dust living room, I add dust family room as well. If it says vacuum main floor but not the basement, I add vacuum basement to another kid's list. This has been working really well for us.

 

I occasionally train my kids to do a chore if it is clear that they are not being thorough or don't know how. If they don't do as good a job as I would but are clearly trying, I let it go. I would rather reward the effort and not make them feel bad by re-doing it (when it will be re-done the next week anyway, most likely). If they are being slack, I show them and have them re-do it. If it is a new job, I teach them step by step or have an older kids help the first time or two.

 

Our to-do lists have morning chores (make bed, straighten room type stuff), school, and afternoon chores (the bigger stuff like vacuuming, etc). What I do not add to the lists but is just routine is the after dinner stuff. The 6 and 9yo do dinner dishes and cleanup (I will help occasionally, and I always wash pots and pans as I cook if I am able). Teens can decide when to do their work, but I give them a list for the week and if it does not get done I get to add a super ugly chore like scrubbing the sofa with the upholstery attachment on the carpet cleaner or cleaning baseboards. In addition to their chore list from Motivated Moms stuff, oldest DD does all laundry (I do the ironing) and oldest DS does all yardwork and outdoor stuff, including cleaning cars.

 

:) Amy

[Stacy in NJ]

How to re-distribute chores? Well, do any of your children earn more than $250k? Because they should do 39.6% of the chores.:D

[wide eyes & laughter]

How to re-distribute chores? Well, do any of your children earn more than $250k? Because they should do 39.6% of the chores.:D

 

:lol: ... but don't go getting this post deleted now:lol:

[wide eyes & laughter]

 

No, I never did provide much training as far as chores are concerned. I just assume they can figure out how to vacuum, dust, etc. and if I notice they don't do it well, I tell/show them how to do a better job. I should note, though, that I don't require my guys to do a ton of household chores. Once in a blue moon my older two wash the dishes, for example, but it isn't important to me that they do that regularly. Some people believe if we don't train children to do all the various and sundry household work, they'll be at a disadvantage when faced with those tasks in adulthood. I don't agree. If they live in a clean, orderly home, are expected to contribute in general to the running of that household, and are of average intelligence, they'll be capable of caring for their own home in the same manner if they so choose. (In my opinion and experience.)

 

Otoh, I grew up in an immaculate household by parents who both worked full-time and db and I were at school all day & we were involved in extra-curricular sports almost year 'round. Hardly home to mess the place up. So, the once per week cleaning worked back then but does not work for me now. My upbringing may be the reason I don't like a disorderly home, but to effect consistent change is definitely a challenge for me; and training my children to have a respectable work ethic is a definite concern. I have reason to believe (perhaps according to my genes :tongue_smilie:) that this won't just "happen" for me/mine.

 

Tuning in to ideas :bigear:

[PinkInTheBlue]

I understand that. Really!:) Sometimes there is an assumption that chore charts, assigning chores, etc are necessary and, without fail, helpful. I find less is more in this area of life, thus my two pennies.

 

Colleen, I appreciate you saying this. I understand your first response better now. You and I communicate differently and even though I don't respond I'm occasionally put-off by your responses. We voice our thoughts in different ways so this post helps remind me that you don't necessarily mean it the way I read it. Thank you :)

 

House cleaning wasn't natural for me. It took several years after moving out on my own to "figure it out". My mother was a natural while I was growing up and didn't see the need to teach me a method or plan of action. I'm trying to help my guys with this by teaching areas right now.

 

A bit like someone mentioned before of dividing chores into zones but we work on one zone for a couple of months or so before moving to the next one. In other words right now their zone is kitchen. Meal preparation, meal making, sweeping, mopping, dish washing, etc I guess you could say it's a difference between spiral math or problem targeted. I guess later I'll rotate in a different way.