Emma Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Please, someone tell me what to do with this child!! My middle son, almost 10, will be a 4th grader in the fall. He is bright, especially with math, but he hates every curriculum I've ever purchased. He didn't like workbooks, he didn't like Sonlight, he's hated every minute of K12. I don't know what elese to do with this chidl!:confused: He absolutely hates to read.... the list goes on and on.... So now I'm planning his curriculum for next yr. Do I go the easy route, and just use Abeka? Should I try for something engaging? Something exciting? Something to "just get through it"? HHHHEEEELLLLLPPPPPP! THe only thing I know I"m using is Teaching Textbooks for his math. Everything else is a nightmare! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Does he hate listening to things being read aloud? If he enjoys (or at least doesn't hate) this then I suspect that his reading is not as automatic as it needs to be, making reading a chore. You can make any curriculum a whole lot more pain-free if you everything possible orally. If he was filling in *all* of the K12 worksheets (or even just a lot of them) it's no wonder he hated it. You can buzz through K12 stuff orally (except the composition assignments, obviously) and still get a ton out of the curriculum. If he hates reading, I would read everything aloud to him except literature assignments and free reading. This idea can be applied to any curriculum, K12 is just an example that I am familiar with. But again, I would really investigate the reading issue. He can actually test above grade level in reading but actually have a problem with fluency or tracking that makes reading torture. Also, has he seen a developmental optometrist? Sometimes kids who hate reading actually have vision problems that can be remediated with vision therapy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wee Pip Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 My daughter is like this, although she is only 8 (2nd/3rd grade ish). It's just her personality. I tried to make lessons "fun", I tried to make things hands-on, I tried everything under the sun for her. I finally realized that this is *just her*, and everything is going to be a battle. So I picked the curriculum that *I* felt the most comfortable with, what I liked the best. Then I strapped on my battle gear, and dove into it. There were some battles, and some days battles still emerge, but it's gotten a lot better. At first, there was much sending to her room and stern talkings-to with Daddy, and removing privileges (i.e., much weeping and gnashing of teeth), but it HAS gotten better since I've stood my ground. My attitude now is "learning doesn't have to be fun" LOL. I cringe every time I hear the whole "love of learning" crap-o-lah (my apologies to those that strive for and achieve this!). The odd thing is, I think the love of learning has crept in, in limited amounts, LOL. The truth is, she ABSOLUTELY MUST learn these skills in order to enjoy them eventually, so that's my goal. And sometimes I think she enjoys things that she doesn't want to admit to;) I also noticed that if *I* believed in the books I was using to teach, then it was much easier for *me* to stand my ground, and was therefore accepted a little better. When I doubted the material or was at all apprehensive about a curric, then it was much easier for me to see dd's fits and think "she's right, it is dumb, and maybe I shouldn't make her do this". So that's my advice - pick what you like best and stand your ground. If you've already tried oodles of curric, just go back and pick what you liked best from everything you've tried. There is a point there where you just have to tell yourself - enough is enough, I've tried a wide range of products and now its time to choose. At least that's what I told myself last year, and I'm glad I did! There were still a ton more products I could've tried! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emma Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 Kai, I honestly haven't thought about having his vision checked. I know he reads silently fine. I have the workbooks to prove it, but his oral reading isn't up to snuff. Thanks for your advice! Sarah, This is my child! Perhaps they are twins and we just didn't know it! How are you liking BJU? I've looked at their stuff for quite a while and it looks good, more interesting and engaging than Abeka, certainly. You are so right. My dh has said numerous times that I just need to pick something and use it, regardless of how much HE dislikes it. He dislikes brushing his teeth, but that's not an option in this house...:D It's just hard to let go of that "homeschooling ideal" of precious children sitting around the kitchen table attentively listening to mom teach and read, and enjoying it. Thanks for the advice!~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyAberlin Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Cozy Grammar might be fun. It is on video. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cillakat Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Please, someone tell me what to do with this child!! My middle son, almost 10, will be a 4th grader in the fall. So what's going on with him. Knowing that my curriculum, school hating kid is ADHD, dyslexic and *severely* disgraphic makes all the difference in how I approach school....what I expect in terms of writing output and sitting still....the way we approach school time (frequent systematic reward system in place....) the book _How To Get Your Child Off the Refrigerator and Onto Learning_ has fabulous ideas for turning necessary evils into games. I do some of it....though really nearly everything we do should be a game and somehow kinesthetic. The discrepancy between the reality (some really hateful stuff like writing and intensive phonics to deal with dyslexia) and the optimal (games, active, auditory) is dealt with by the reward system. I hate it but it works when NOTHING else does. She gets a a rubberband (the cheap colorful ponytail holders) for each *two minutes* that she's working with cheer and her best effort. She's able to trade them in for rewards of her choice.....in the rewards there is a tiered structure. Without the rewards system in place, it's ugly. Really really ugly. Katherine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 We got a book about testing learning styles and found out that I was not approaching teaching my 5yo in the way he needs me to. We have been slowly switching over to things that match his personality/learning style better, and he is finally enjoying it and actually asking to do school in his free time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iammommy Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I've tried everything. Last year he said he hated K12 (cyber charter school) so we are doing homeschooling. Last year he said he wanted to do more projects, now that we're doing them he says he hates them. I've tried everything. And I've come to the conclusion that I'm just going to do the curricula that I think will be best. He's just going to have to cope. It's impossible to please a child who "hates everything". He denies that he hates school , and maybe that's the wrong word. His whole attitude is "let's just get this over with."...no enthusiasm, no fun, no real interest. He puts his time in and then he's done. I wish us both luck, and hope someday thigns will change. Nan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConnieB Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Have you asked him what type of curriculum he might want? Sounds like you've tried enough that he might be able to tell you I hated this I liked this. Or is it just his personality to dislike everything. I've started giving my kids the Rainbow Resource catalog (about the size of a NYC phone book!) and telling them to make a list of a few items in each subject that appeals to them. I make NO promises that they'll get what they want, but their lists give me a real sense of what they want to be doing. We all have very different personalities so while reading a zillion historical novels would have me in seventh heaven, I have one daughter who almost comes to tears when I even LOOK at that section in the library. So she reads her dry boring-to-me fact books, and the other kids and I dive into the novels. I have another kid who couldn't possibly write a full page by hand on even his most passionate hobby, but put him in front of a keyboard and I have to tell him that the teacher (me) only has so many hours a night to read his assignment and to bring it to a conclusion and print it out soon. Did your child attend public school? Because an off the top of my head thought while I read about him was "Here's a kid who got seriously turned off learning and hasn't found his way back yet". Not all kids will ever love learning, but from listening to other families, I know that I am VERY fortunate to have children who are pretty hungry to learn, so even the subjects they don't like they at least don't fight me on. We keep those lessons short, but daily, so they plug along but we stop before they get frustrated. There are also lots of online sites that will talk about learning style, so you may want to wander through some of those and see if you don't recognize your son in there somewhere, and then check to see if you are teaching in a way that is compatible to his style. It's very hard for me to do that because obviously I have my own style too, but I spent time with the child with the most divergent learning style explaining the whys and hows, so that now when I start getting off their track, they let me know and I/we can work on getting back. Of course, my kids are a couple years older than your son, but he ought to be old enough to help you remember! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I agree that not every dc is going to find school fun. My dd would love it if I just let her pick topics and study her own way (unschooling). Unfortunately, that would lead to neither a good education nor a good character. (in our house, in our viewpoint) I also strongly agree with the suggestion to check his learning style. There's a free assessment at http://www.educate.com that helped me. I thought dd was much more auditory than she was, and after that assessment I changed a lot of our things to suit her better. And yes, the BJU stuff works well for us too. It has the visual that appeals to a visual learner and is so essential for retention. It's straightforward to teach, and it's quite solided. As an added bonus, they have dvd's and are going online for classes. This means your 10 yo, who likely would love to do some things independently, could through the online classes. Another thing to consider that hasn't been said yet is to get him outside more and exercising more. I mean a LOT more. When my dd is outside 2+ hours a day running around, she has a lot more energy and vavoom to give... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Might be a combo of finding programs that are a better fit, along with changing up the way you do school. I agree wholeheartedly with getting vision and reading checked to make sure you're not dealing with a "hidden disability" there. I also had to have *repeated* talks with our school-hating son (every year, several times a year, all the way up until about 7th-8th grade!) that this was his "work" in the same way dad went to work; that school is not an option; that if he really disliked the particular program we could discuss it and consider a change -- but that in the end, he just needs to do school whether he likes it or not -- and to has to do it WITHOUT complaining. I needed to make a bit of an attitude change, too. After years of homeschooling, I realized I'd had an unrealistic expectation that our boys would LOVE school -- because *I* have always loved to learn and love to read. Once I admitted to myself that neither boy is very interested in school and let go of that expectation (plus finding programs that were a much better "fit" for the younger son with learning issues -- plus having those repeated talks!), things have run more smoothly here. Maturity also helps; along about 8th grade the boys began realizing that: * school was required * I was trying to include subjects and activities of interest to them * the other school options (charter or public school) were MUCH LESS appealing to them. (LOL) Eventually (gee, it only took 7-8 years! :tongue_smilie:) we seem to have ironed out the worst of the bumps in the road here. Hope that will much more quickly be the case for you! BEST of luck in determining what will help make learning more joyful in your family! Warmest regards, Lori D. Ideas for Curriculum - Writing both boys *hated* writing, but in 4th grade really enjoyed Wordsmith Apprentice, and later on, Jump In - Math Singapore Primary Math is great for kids who excel in math and it really teaches math thinking; Singapore (and Math-U-See) don't require too much in a lesson, if long worksheets drive your son nuts. Do math facts orally or with an electronic handheld unit (Flashmaster) or with computer software (Number Munchers, Quarter Mile, Math Blasters) rather than written if the writing is what he hates. - Grammar Do it for just 10 minutes a day, 3 days a week. Maybe try something more hands-on, less workbook oriented, such as Winston Basic for grammar instruction, and Editor in Chief or Take Five Minutes: A History Fact a Day for Editing for grammar mechanic practice. - Spelling Practice outloud rather than written (if writing is what he hates); do it as "Toss It" -- you (or a sibling) say the word clearly by syllables and spell it out loud and then toss him a beanbag or beanie toy; then he says/spells the word aloud to you and tosses it back. Ideas for Changing Up How You School: Writing - if he hates writing (that's our younger son), do grammar and other topics orally or on a whiteboard Get the Energy/Hormones Out of Him with Physicality - short "bursts" of learning (15-20 minutes) followed by a short break - lots of opportunities for physical release: * start the day with a long walk, run, bike ride * in the short breaks, have him jump rope, bounce on a trampoline, bounce up and down the hall on a big bouncy ball, dance/jump around to upbeat music turned on loud, etc. * run, skip, scooter, or rollerskate to the corner and back several times Reading - if he hates reading solo, schedule it within the school day and do it together "popcorn" style ("You read a page, I read a page) - if he hates read alouds, let him build with Legos, work with clay, or use a "fidget toy" while you read; make the read alouds part of a fun family together time at night with popcorn and snuggled up under blankets; or read in shorter bursts while he is a captive audience -- during breakfast and lunch; or read in unusual places -- outside; up in a tree or treehouse; in a big refrigerator box; under a table covered with a blanket for a tent Be Sure to Include FUN or variety - make one day a week (example: Friday afternoons) a fun day: * educational games * family field trips * educational videos * enjoy science kits * make and eat food from a different culture * include 20-30 minutes of fun educational computer software several times a week, which also gives you time to work one-on-one with siblings (see list below) Do Something of Interest to Him to Get "Buy In" for the rest of Schoolwork Take time weekly to get away from regular textbooks, workbooks etc., and work on a big project of interest to him, whether related to a current school subject (history hands-on, science project, artwork, etc.) or whether it's a topic of special personal interest to him (cartooning, writing a comic strip or helping him write a fantasy/sci-fi story, playing around on electronic piano keyboard or with a computer graphics program, building a giant Legos or Knex creation to enter into your local county fair, etc. etc.) EDUCATIONAL SOFTWARE LANGUAGE ARTS - Super Solvers Spellbound (spelling) -- The Learning Company - Word Munchers (reading/vowel sounds) - Word Blaster (reading/vocabulary) -- Davidson - Schoolhouse Rock: Grammar (grammar) MATH - Mighty Math series (various math topics) -- EduMark - Math Blaster series - Number Munchers (math facts) - Schoolhouse Rock: Math (math facts) GENERAL - Cluefinder series (several school subjects) HISTORY/GEOGRAPHY - Amazon Trail (history/geography) -- Light Dog; Merriam/Webster - Oregon Trail (history/geography) -- The Learning Company - I Love USA (geography) -- DK SCIENCE - The Incredible Machine series -- Sierra - The New Way Things Work -- DK LOGIC - Super Solvers: Mission: THINK -- The Learning Company - Operation Neptune -- The Learning Company - Logical Journey of the Zoombinis -- The Learning Company Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Yes, if there is a vision problem, the whiteness of books would be painful. Also the "glare" from white workbook pages can make doing workbooks or worksheets painful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susie in MS Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Have you tried Heart of Dakota? It is very engaging. You could read the read-alouds to him. I think the engaging stories could build his desire to read on his own. http://www.heartofdakota.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Well, I have no answers.:) Only ideas. Every time I've thought I've figured anything out on this hsing journey, I realize I don't have a clue. (just where my head may be at today.) At any rate, does he really hate everything (or do you mean every curriculum you have tried?) Perhaps you can try a different approach for a bit, even if it's just to give you both a break. What interests him? There must be something.....You could use that as a jumping off point and either do unit studies or just learn as much as you can about it. I'll give you an example from my house (since we are somewhat in the same or at least a similiar boat). Ds started to get interested in the Middle Ages, so I started to read more non fiction and fiction from that time. When we were at the library I saw a dvd on the Crusades. I took it out and it turned out to be "a making of" another video series on the Crusades which we happened to own and I had completely forgotten about. Ds watched the first video. After, he went out and played Crusader (ie. wanted to fight any all in the family with swords, have duels, etc.) Um, okay, but not great.:glare: So then he wanted to see #2. I talked to him about what we could do afterward and same thing as after #1. Well, then we get to #3 so I said, "You can only watch #3 and 4 if you do a project relating to this. You can......do a diorama. ds, "No!" "You can do a lapbook." Ds, "Huh? No. I don't want to." "You can write a story about the crusades." Finally, I hit on, "You can make a game about the Crusades." "yes!!!" I let him watch the rest of the series. He made his game, which was pretty awesome. He definitely learned a lot. Not only about the Crusades, but also about logic, math and more. My point is , maybe, just maybe, you could lighten up, loosen up for a bit and let him figure out what excites him again. Then, don't let that go. Push him to do something with it. Make a movie, a game, a book, a blog,. Oh also, ds (with none of my impetus) made a rock museum today. Awesome. None of this would've been on my curriculum, but why not, he's learning, he's excited, and I can still get the other stuff in now and then. I think with time, I'll be able to do more. I would second or third the reading/vision issues. I'm just starting to investigate that here. Understandably, that could make one not enjoy learning, if it is such a struggle. Best of luck to you, Wooly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I tried to make things enjoyable for my younger stepkid, until I realized that what he didn't like was schoolwork. So I chose a program that was pedagogically defensible -- a program I could believe in, even if it wasn't sparking a love of learning -- and told him that he just had to lump it. Actually, I think I said something more like, "I know you hate this, and I hate making you do something you hate, but it's a stellar program and you'll certainly be a better person for forcing yourself through it. So just take deep breaths and cram through, and then we'll have lunch." But, in his case, he had already been tested for vision problems (and other stuff), so I knew it wasn't anything physical. His attitude eventually improved, especially after he went back to public school. He told us that he realized homeschooling was considerably more fun, more efficient. He said the stuff I made him do, though he didn't like it, was actually worth his time in that it made him think and grow and learn. That every kid runs eagerly to the dining room table when the school bell dings -- that's one of the myths of homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emma Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 Wow! I'm sitting here, typing, with tears in my eyes for all the wonderful responses everyone has taken the time to write. I'm really looking forward to trying many of the suggestions, websites, and curriculum that everyone suggested. Thanks for taking so much time to try to help me and my son. He truly is a blessing, a miracle baby, but schooling him is like pulling teeth from a chicken! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 You have gotten many great responses so I won't repeat the wonderful advice already given. My ds was completely not interested in school, but he was very compliant. I really wanted him to love school and all that. Eventually he found one subject he loved, and it changed his outlook on school and got him excited and it made a world of difference for him, but he was 16 when that happened. His big advice to me about homeschooling his sisters is that school doesn't have to be fun. The material shouldn't be a waste of their time, but they have to learn the stuff. He said it was way too easy for him to get me all worried and unsure about what I was doing which would get him out of his work. Not that he did it on purpose ;) it was just a bonus for him. “I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.†Albert Einstein Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in VA Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 My daughter is like this, although she is only 8 (2nd/3rd grade ish). It's just her personality. I tried to make lessons "fun", I tried to make things hands-on, I tried everything under the sun for her. I finally realized that this is *just her*, and everything is going to be a battle. So I picked the curriculum that *I* felt the most comfortable with, what I liked the best. Then I strapped on my battle gear, and dove into it. There were some battles, and some days battles still emerge, but it's gotten a lot better. At first, there was much sending to her room and stern talkings-to with Daddy, and removing privileges (i.e., much weeping and gnashing of teeth), but it HAS gotten better since I've stood my ground. My attitude now is "learning doesn't have to be fun" LOL. I cringe every time I hear the whole "love of learning" crap-o-lah (my apologies to those that strive for and achieve this!). The odd thing is, I think the love of learning has crept in, in limited amounts, LOL. The truth is, she ABSOLUTELY MUST learn these skills in order to enjoy them eventually, so that's my goal. And sometimes I think she enjoys things that she doesn't want to admit to;) I also noticed that if *I* believed in the books I was using to teach, then it was much easier for *me* to stand my ground, and was therefore accepted a little better. When I doubted the material or was at all apprehensive about a curric, then it was much easier for me to see dd's fits and think "she's right, it is dumb, and maybe I shouldn't make her do this". So that's my advice - pick what you like best and stand your ground. If you've already tried oodles of curric, just go back and pick what you liked best from everything you've tried. There is a point there where you just have to tell yourself - enough is enough, I've tried a wide range of products and now its time to choose. At least that's what I told myself last year, and I'm glad I did! There were still a ton more products I could've tried! Yep - I could have written this post. I came to the same point. I tried to take her preferences into account and then I just decided. I showed no mercy. I showed no wavering. I demanded respect and told her it was her job to do her work well and without complaining. And amazingly - she's starting to like things. It drove me nuts because she's definately my most gifted child so having her buck me at every turn drove me nuts. So if you know he's not struggling with learning issues, just pick something, stick with it and let him know it's non-negotiable. Good luck... Heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Sherry Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Emma, You've already had so many helpful replies, but as far as I can tell , this book by Cathy Duffy has not been mentioned. It has been so helpful for me. "100 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum : Choosing the Right Curriculum and Approach for Your Child's Learning Style" http://cathyduffyreviews.com/books-for-sale/100-top-picks-homeschool.htm http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=31387&event=ESRCN&item_code=&product_redirect=1&Ntk=keywords&Ntt=100%20Top%20Picks%20for%20Homeschool%20Curriculum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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