A home for their hearts Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 She has been asking me if Santa is real since before Christmas. I can tell she really wants to believe it but she is afraid it isn't true. Then when we went home for Christmas her 12 year old cousin told her that her parent said that Santa wasn't real. She keeps asking me about it and I keep telling her I'll talk to her about it later. Is there any easy way to break it to her without killing her spirit. I'm afraid it's going to just break her heart. Are there any good books out there on the story of santa? HELP!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 We've taught our boys (3 and 5) that Santa isn't real, but that it's a fun make-believe that people do. But we're also teaching them that some kids think he's real, and that it's not their job to correct other children. It's tough. We've had some awkward moments when strangers (the dental hygenist and the grocery clerk, for example) ask my ds5 what he asked 'Santa' to bring him for Christmas. He just politely but, um, not discreetly tells them that he knows Santa isn't real. Ugh. It's a tough decision. Hopefully someone will have some advice on how to talk to your dd. Sorry I'm no help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 My dd (12) says "she misses believing in Santa". :grouphug: Next time she brings it up, ask *her*: What do you think? Let the conversation go towards the fact that "Santa" is a fun, playful thing some parents do with their kids. But that the excitement and anticipation of Christmas doesn't have to disappear just because she's too old for the game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in KY Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 (edited) We told ours the true story about Saint Nicholas and how the legend was made from that. Even the idea of Christmas stockings supposedly came from the real dude, who several times threw some money in a stocking in through the window of a poor family to help pay their daughters' dowries. I don't recall the exact story, but even in some parts of Asia *to this day* girls are sold into slavery because the family doesn't have enough money for dowries. To my understanding, Saint Nicholas was the real deal. He helped a lot of people by generously giving his wealth to rescue folks from dire circumstances. He did it as discreetly and as secretly as possible, but he was discovered by one particular family he assisted. The spirit of Saint Nicholas is as real as any magical part of Christmas you'd want to experience. The true story is much lovelier than the legend, me thinks. ETA: I remember my own father asking me, "Do you *want* Santa to be real? He can be for as long as you want to keep his spirit in your heart." Hope that helps a little. Susan Edited January 9, 2009 by Susan in KY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mari Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 We told ours the true story about Saint Nicholas and how the legend was made from that. Even the idea of Christmas stockings supposedly came from the real dude, who several times threw some money in a stocking in through the window of a poor family to help pay their daughters' dowries. I don't recall the exact story, but even in some parts of Asia *to this day* girls are sold into slavery because the family doesn't have enough money for dowries. To my understanding, Saint Nicholas was the real deal. He helped a lot of people by generously giving his wealth to rescue folks from dire circumstances. He did it as discreetly and as secretly as possible, but he was discovered by one particular family he assisted. The spirit of Saint Nicholas is as real as any magical part of Christmas you'd want to experience. The true story is much lovelier than the legend, me thinks. ETA: I remember my own father asking me, "Do you *want* Santa to be real? He can be for as long as you want to keep his spirit in your heart." Hope that helps a little. Susan :iagree: Your dad was wise, too. :) This is pretty much the appoach we take on it. But we also add in lots of what we believe the true meaning of Christmas to be. Santa is not the main character in our story, Jesus is. If you are a believer, focus on that first which will lead in nicely to the St. Nicholas story. Everything else falls into place after that. Oh, be prepared to address the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy, too. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zelda Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 From a friend's blog: Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps. "DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. "Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. "Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.' "Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus? VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished. Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trivium Academy Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 When I have to explain it, I will tell dd8 that Santa embodies the Christmas Spirit which originated from Jesus' birth and then we'll learn all we can about St. Nicholas. http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=38 It'll be interesting to read other responses! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jami Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 From a friend's blog: Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps. "DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. "Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. "Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.' "Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus? VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished. Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. I was watching Antiques Roadshow over the holidays and the great-grandson (I think) of Virginia O'Hanlon was on it with the actual letter and newspaper clipping. Very neat! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yes,_Virginia,_There_is_a_Santa_Claus http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/roadshow/archive/199704A43.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Nicholas: The Boy Who Became Santa video at Amazon.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 My dd (12) says "she misses believing in Santa". So do I. So do my kids. I miss my kids believing in Santa, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Most kids are toughter than you would imagine. When I broke the news to 9 & 12 yr olds this year they took it very matter of factly but the 9 year old said in a very solemn voice that she really thought we should tell the 16 yr. old. That is so funny because she was the one child that did not take it well at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 ETA: I remember my own father asking me, "Do you *want* Santa to be real? He can be for as long as you want to keep his spirit in your heart." This is perfect. In the sequel to the Little House series, the series about the Rose years, in the book In the Land of the Big Red Apple, Rose asks her mama (Laura Ingalls Wilder) if Santa is real. And, oh my, it's just a great chapter in the book -- they discuss the spirit of Christmas, and lots more. Here's a bit, after they discussed that God is different from Santa Claus: "If Santa Claus is a spirit," Rose piped up, "how does he bring the presents?" "Well, when you were a little girl you were too young to make gifts for Papa and me at Christmas. And you were too young to understand about the spirit of Christmas. So, Santa Claus came and filled your stocking on Christmas Eve. "Now that you are so grown up, he doesn't have to teach you the spirit of Christmas. He knows you understand and you will show the spirit of Christmas for him. Now, when you are generous at Christmastime, you are the spirit of Santa Claus. Do you understand that?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 My mom always told us if we didn't believe in Santa Claus then he wouldn't bring us any presents! :D My ds started asking and I told him the same thing. He is old enough and smart enough to know the truth (kids generally do figure it out on their own when they're old enough) but he likes playing along and we let it go at that because it is fun for us too! And my mom still signs "from Santa" on our Christmas gifts! Not everything needs to be a deep, philosophical conversation. Just have fun with it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 My mom always told us if we didn't believe in Santa Claus then he wouldn't bring us any presents! :D My ds started asking and I told him the same thing. He is old enough and smart enough to know the truth (kids generally do figure it out on their own when they're old enough) but he likes playing along and we let it go at that because it is fun for us too! And my mom still signs "from Santa" on our Christmas gifts! Not everything needs to be a deep, philosophical conversation. Just have fun with it! :iagree: Yup, you don't believe, he doesn't come :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 My dd (12) says "she misses believing in Santa". :grouphug: Next time she brings it up, ask *her*: What do you think? A number of years ago our ds's were 8 and 5 they asked about Santa. Dh and I responded with, "What do you think?" Their response: "I think it's really you because Santa has the same wrapping paper you do." :tongue_smilie: BTW, we never marked who gifts were from--they just assumed the gifts were from Santa. Cinder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Hood Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 How does saying this sound, "Well, if you don't believe in Santa, I guess he won't be bringing you any gifts." and just leave it at that? There is a lot of doubt going on here and I can't believe I said that, but that put their hearts at ease. But I know they really know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ekarl2 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 From a friend's blog: Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps. "DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. "Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. "Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.' "Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus? Thank you, Zelda! I was planning on bringing up, "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus," but you beat me to it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 We've taught our boys (3 and 5) that Santa isn't real, but that it's a fun make-believe that people do. But we're also teaching them that some kids think he's real, and that it's not their job to correct other children. It's tough. We've had some awkward moments when strangers (the dental hygenist and the grocery clerk, for example) ask my ds5 what he asked 'Santa' to bring him for Christmas. He just politely but, um, not discreetly tells them that he knows Santa isn't real. Ugh. It's a tough decision. Hopefully someone will have some advice on how to talk to your dd. Sorry I'm no help. We did the same thing with our six children (now ages 11 - 19). My kids always knew that Santa was a "lovey game" that some people played with their kids, and that they were to pretend along with everyone else. For us it worked very well. Good luck. Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I would just encourage you to be straightforward and completely honest at this point. I remember my own mom prolonging my belief in Santa when I was questioning her around age 9-10, by saying things like, "He's real as long as you believe he is," or things like that. I also picked up from her demeanor that she was disappointed in the fact that I was questioning it, which made me feel guilty. I know that she meant well, and meant to keep me from disappointment, but her actions actually did quite the opposite when I finally learned the truth. If I were in your shoes, I would try to be upbeat, and try to convey that you are letting her in on a special secret. You could read her a book about the real St. Nicholas, and explain that you and her father have been acting like St. Nicholas, to bring her and her siblings joy at Christmas time. If you want to continue this with your younger children, you might want to invite your oldest to help you, and help keep the secret, to give her younger siblings a happy Christmas too. Or, I'm all for abandoning it altogether if you're comfortable with that. ;) Whatever you decide, I think it's important to be honest and direct now that she is questioning. I know that it sounds silly to many people, but this was a big deal to me as a child. I wish that my mom had been honest once I started questioning. I defended the existence of Santa to many at my school, "because my Mom told me it's true!!" That's not a good position to put a child in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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