Lawyer&Mom Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 Found out today that someone I’ve known for years, who is on my Christmas card list, was caught molesting a pre-teen. I’m shocked. I know these things happen, they’ve happened in my own extended family, but I’m still shocked. This person is charming, attractive, successful, very involved with their family. Never, ever would have guessed. Just gut-punched stunned. 28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 1 minute ago, Lawyer&Mom said: Found out today that someone I’ve known for years, who is on my Christmas card list, was caught molesting a pre-teen. I’m shocked. I know these things happen, they’ve happened in my own extended family, but I’m still shocked. This person is charming, attractive, successful, very involved with their family. Never, ever would have guessed. Just gut-punched stunned. Sorry it hit close to home for you. My ex is serving 90 years for such things. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 I’m so sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookbard Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 I'm so sorry. We had something similar happen a month ago - as in knowing someone. I had to just sit with a friend and talk it all out from beginning to end, for my brain to comprehend. And then after that I haven't wanted or needed to talk about it ever again. 1 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted November 23, 2023 Author Share Posted November 23, 2023 17 minutes ago, Ottakee said: Sorry it hit close to home for you. My ex is serving 90 years for such things. I thought of you. I know you had no idea. Thank you again for sharing your story. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 That would be incredibly shocking. I'm sorry. And @Ottakee - hugs to you. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 I am so sorry. It is shocking. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 I know there’s the whole trust your gut thing but the people in the situations I know of never triggered any kind of gut reaction for me. I guess that’s why historically there’s a lot of denial and disbelief. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 3 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said: I know there’s the whole trust your gut thing but the people in the situations I know of never triggered any kind of gut reaction for me. I guess that’s why historically there’s a lot of denial and disbelief. I had a gut feeling about the man I worked with. I did not think ‘rapist’ but I thought something was off so I googled him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted November 23, 2023 Share Posted November 23, 2023 I read something important once about this, and I really wish I could give the citation. The gist was that the ways we know someone is being deceptive rely on them feeling uncomfortable lying. Most people are uncomfortable being untruthful, so most of the time they show that in some small way and we pick up on it. Truly horrible people don't feel uncomfortable lying. They're good at it. They don't care, and are not uncomfortable. So we don't get the same radar ping. I think the book i read was right. No, we can't usually detect true deceivers. I can't decide if that makes these situations better or worse. (If anyone knows where I read this, please tell me! I would like to look into it more.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted November 23, 2023 Author Share Posted November 23, 2023 I guess the gut test has good sensitivity, but bad specificity. If you get flagged you probably are bad, but not all bad people get flagged. It’s better than nothing I guess? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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