Where did your kids meet their close friends?

[Eos]

On 9/30/2022 at 12:36 AM, Not_a_Number said:

Kids aren't always the best predictors of what they'll need later in life. 

I would disagree.  My 23, 26, and 33 year olds' individual needs are pretty much exactly the same as they were in childhood, just expressed with more maturity.  

[J-rap]

I and my children met our first friends in our neighborhood.  My best friend when I was 4-7 was a girl two houses down.  Four of my children's best friends lived on our block.  Another met his first best friend in Sunday School around that age, and he also lived nearby.

As my kids got older, it did get trickier when they started homeschooling, but I think it was more than that.  They were also kind of picky -- I mean, not in an arrogant way, but they just didn't connect with a lot of kids.  My own thought is that they're all mildly NT.  I don't think they felt left out ~ they were very involved in extracurricular activities that they loved, pretty outgoing, and they had each other and we did a lot as a family.  Once they were in 7th/8th grade and throughout high school, they all made at least a few good friends either within the homeschool community but also through extracurricular activities. 

I will say that none of them had a best friend as they got older, just friends they enjoyed being with.  That was really new to me because I always had a best friend or two that I did and shared everything with.   That didn't seem to matter to them.  They seemed pretty content.

 

[Not_a_Number]

7 hours ago, Eos said:

I would disagree.  My 23, 26, and 33 year olds' individual needs are pretty much exactly the same as they were in childhood, just expressed with more maturity.  

It’s not true for me. I didn’t much care for friends as a little kid and that’s no longer true.

[wendyroo]

9 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

It’s not true for me. I didn’t much care for friends as a little kid and that’s no longer true.

Do you think not having friends as a child made it significantly harder for you to make friends as an adult?

[Not_a_Number]

26 minutes ago, wendyroo said:

Do you think not having friends as a child made it significantly harder for you to make friends as an adult?

Yes.

[Xahm]

My kids' best friends are each other. They really, truly get along and support each other the vast majority of the time. It makes it a little tricky, though, because they often don't push themselves to expand their circle. They all have kids they consider friends and kids they are relatively friendly with, but I don't like it when we go to a playground meet up and they just play with each other. Last year we had one meetup we went to over and over and they finally started to initiate activity with certain other kids, but those kids moved on to other activities and the meet up fell apart.

They do also have a little group they play with Minecraft with online that includes a close real life friend. I'm not really worried, but I do kind of wish they would befriend the children of the moms I click with.

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Xahm said:

My kids' best friends are each other. They really, truly get along and support each other the vast majority of the time. It makes it a little tricky, though, because they often don't push themselves to expand their circle. They all have kids they consider friends and kids they are relatively friendly with, but I don't like it when we go to a playground meet up and they just play with each other. Last year we had one meetup we went to over and over and they finally started to initiate activity with certain other kids, but those kids moved on to other activities and the meet up fell apart.

They do also have a little group they play with Minecraft with online that includes a close real life friend. I'm not really worried, but I do kind of wish they would befriend the children of the moms I click with.

How frequently do they see the kids at these meetups? I know that for my older girl, she needed a certain frequency to get closer. (My younger kid, on the other hand, is still talking about how she misses her friend she met ONCE on our road trip and has written her a letter. Their different levels of social motivation were really obvious from when they were teeny babies. It's really fascinating.) 

[Xahm]

6 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

How frequently do they see the kids at these meetups? I know that for my older girl, she needed a certain frequency to get closer. (My younger kid, on the other hand, is still talking about how she misses her friend she met ONCE on our road trip and has written her a letter. Their different levels of social motivation were really obvious from when they were teeny babies. It's really fascinating.) 

Most things are weekly or every 2 weeks. When they participate in something where they see each other every day for a week or so and then follow up with weekly meetings, this seems to help the most. My oldest will be switching to a Girls BSA troop soon (from coed cubs) and I'm really optimistic it will be great for her. Lots of time together, working towards a common goal, helping each other to individual goals, and seeing each other regularly, including trips together. She needs a close female friend or three.

[Momof4sweetkids]

32 minutes ago, Xahm said:

My kids' best friends are each other. They really, truly get along and support each other the vast majority of the time. It makes it a little tricky, though, because they often don't push themselves to expand their circle. They all have kids they consider friends and kids they are relatively friendly with, but I don't like it when we go to a playground meet up and they just play with each other. Last year we had one meetup we went to over and over and they finally started to initiate activity with certain other kids, but those kids moved on to other activities and the meet up fell apart.

They do also have a little group they play with Minecraft with online that includes a close real life friend. I'm not really worried, but I do kind of wish they would befriend the children of the moms I click with.

I think that's awesome. My sister and I are best friends now but we hated each other growing up. I hope I can foster a friendship between my kids like yours have ❤️

[Clarita]

2 hours ago, Xahm said:

My kids' best friends are each other. They really, truly get along and support each other the vast majority of the time. It makes it a little tricky, though, because they often don't push themselves to expand their circle. They all have kids they consider friends and kids they are relatively friendly with, but I don't like it when we go to a playground meet up and they just play with each other. Last year we had one meetup we went to over and over and they finally started to initiate activity with certain other kids, but those kids moved on to other activities and the meet up fell apart.

They do also have a little group they play with Minecraft with online that includes a close real life friend. I'm not really worried, but I do kind of wish they would befriend the children of the moms I click with.

That's my kids, too. I find that I have to find some activities for them to do separately so they will hang out with more than each other. (Sometimes they act a bit exclusive and I don't like them treating others that way.) Finding separate things for them to do is hard as well because they are close in age so, often they are in the same level. 

[Not_a_Number]

2 hours ago, Xahm said:

Most things are weekly or every 2 weeks. When they participate in something where they see each other every day for a week or so and then follow up with weekly meetings, this seems to help the most. My oldest will be switching to a Girls BSA troop soon (from coed cubs) and I'm really optimistic it will be great for her. Lots of time together, working towards a common goal, helping each other to individual goals, and seeing each other regularly, including trips together. She needs a close female friend or three.

Yeah, weekly never quite worked for us. The kids wouldn't get tight enough. We could do weekly after there was a base (although a week of dailly meetings wouldn't be enough), but not otherwise. 

[Xahm]

2 hours ago, Clarita said:

That's my kids, too. I find that I have to find some activities for them to do separately so they will hang out with more than each other. (Sometimes they act a bit exclusive and I don't like them treating others that way.) Finding separate things for them to do is hard as well because they are close in age so, often they are in the same level. 

Yep! My older two are 17 months apart and people assume they are twins since they are the same size. They have different strengths, so in some areas they are almost equal skill-wise, while others there's quite a difference. Cubs has been good because they are separated by grades, but my oldest's den just had never clicked with her. The second has some good acquaintances that I'm going will grow closer over the years. The third has two buddies there.

[Xahm]

2 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

Yeah, weekly never quite worked for us. The kids wouldn't get tight enough. We could do weekly after there was a base (although a week of dailly meetings wouldn't be enough), but not otherwise. 

Thirty hours in one week then weekly after that seems to be enough to get my kids to realize "this is my friend I should greet and spend time with" and that's what I'm shooting for sometimes.

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Xahm said:

Thirty hours in one week then weekly after that seems to be enough to get my kids to realize "this is my friend I should greet and spend time with" and that's what I'm shooting for sometimes.

Thirty hours is a lot!!! That would probably do it for us, too. 

[Xahm]

17 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Thirty hours is a lot!!! That would probably do it for us, too. 

Camps are great for that! As long as their camp buddy is fun. Thirty hours is a long time if they don't hit it off.

[goldenecho]

So, all of my kids are now in school (and some of them always were) so school is one of those places, but apart from that:

My middle child's best friend for years was a  neighbor who lived three houses down from us.
A couple of my youngest child's closest friends we meat at the park and I just got info and went from there. 
Another of my youngest's closest friends he met at co-op. 
All of my oldest's closest friends (who he is still in touch with even though he graduated), he met in school.   Some of my youngest's best friends were from school too. My middle has had trouble making friends at school.

Edited October 18, 2022 by goldenecho

[shawthorne44]

Through AHG (a girl scout alternative).    

K-level (Pathfinders) it was just DD and another girl and the meetings were really playdates with a small activity.    DD was good friends with her, but the mom was a flake.

Early Elementary (Tenderhearts) there were more kids, one of the kids had a September birthday party and invited all the girls at that level.  They also homeschooled and the mom was interested in helping her daughter start friendships.  Our girls played nicely together so we started a playdate that happened every week there wasn't a meeting.  That has been going on for ... 7? years.   Just recently we added another mom and her two girls.  

Fortunately the mom and I became best friends.  We joke that the girls *better* get along because us moms are *going* to have *our* playdate.  
 

I think those playdates were key.  DD has had other friends but without sustained time together it is hard to keep up the friendship.   She'd also had a friend in the neighborhood, but he moved to live with his mom.  
 

Edited October 19, 2022 by shawthorne44

[alysee]

My kids met most of their first set of friends from activities and a few from a homeschool group they were in. We moved across the country and now live in a neighborhood and with covid preventing us from most of the activities since we lived here my kids friends are from the neighborhood. 

Growing up my friends all came from my neighborhood so I am loving seeing the kids get to have friends so close and so readily available. It helps me since I am an introvert and I would rather tell them to go outside with their friends than to have to plan and organize a special date and time for a playdate. 

[Momof4sweetkids]

13 hours ago, shawthorne44 said:

Through AHG (a girl scout alternative).    

K-level (Pathfinders) it was just DD and another girl and the meetings were really playdates with a small activity.    DD was good friends with her, but the mom was a flake.

Early Elementary (Tenderhearts) there were more kids, one of the kids had a September birthday party and invited all the girls at that level.  They also homeschooled and the mom was interested in helping her daughter start friendships.  Our girls played nicely together so we started a playdate that happened every week there wasn't a meeting.  That has been going on for ... 7? years.   Just recently we added another mom and her two girls.  

Fortunately the mom and I became best friends.  We joke that the girls *better* get along because us moms are *going* to have *our* playdate.  
 

I think those playdates were key.  DD has had other friends but without sustained time together it is hard to keep up the friendship.   She'd also had a friend in the neighborhood, but he moved to live with his mom.  
 

I forgot about AHG. I'll have to see if there's one nearby!

[shawthorne44]

13 hours ago, Momof3sweetgirls said:

I forgot about AHG. I'll have to see if there's one nearby!

We love it.   I was really into Girl Scouts as a kid.   AHG is what Girl Scouts used to be with a bit of Bible thrown in.  

One of the things our troop does is Family Camping.    At least one parent must attend on campouts. It meant that she got to go camping at K-level, when she still wanted to be in the family tent at night.  But she could play and do stuff with the girls during the day.   Now she is older a big tent is put up and all the girls in her level 'sleep' in it.  

We love our troop, but they aren't all created equal.  I heard horror stories of a nearby one from people that just joined ours.   But then one of my girl scout leaders stole our money.  

 

Edited October 20, 2022 by shawthorne44

[theelfqueen]

My Oldest son -- never homeschooled -- made his best friend in Boy Scouts. They did not attend the same high school. They have been in one another's weddings and are still quite close, many years later.

My Middle child -- homeschooled for high school -- made friends at Scouts and gaming. Had a close friend from elementary school for many years but they drifted apart.

My youngest -- homeschooled Middle and High School -- best friends are from D&D, starting in a group at the public library, some homeschooled, some public schooled. And from his blacksmithing group.

[ScoutTN]

On 10/19/2022 at 8:14 PM, Momof3sweetgirls said:

I forgot about AHG. I'll have to see if there's one nearby!

My homeschooled senior has lovely friends from AHG. She’s been in since 3rd grade. Our PiPa unit is 15 girls and so fun!